My mom tried to find my dad several times in various ways, but she couldn’t find him every time. Therefore, in order to support my brother and me, my mom, who didn’t have any skills, found a job in a factory that didn’t pay much money, and she had to go out at 6:00 a.m. in the morning to the factory in a nearby big city, and then she had to do handicrafts at night to make up for the family’s expenses, which was really hard. Therefore, I would help my mom to do the homework after I finished writing it and chat with her in the meantime.
I was in my second year of junior high school, and my brother was two years older than me. He had already graduated from junior high school, but he couldn’t get into school because he didn’t study, and he wasn’t working or studying at the moment.
Because my mom never had time to discipline my brother, he started to change after he started junior high school, often not being home for three days, just riding a motorcycle with a bunch of bad friends and fooling around, and he even stopped reading and learned to smoke and drink.
A brother like this is so much different than the brother he used to be. My brother used to help with crafts at night too, and he didn’t wander off, and he loved talking to us, but none of that happens anymore ……
Mom also taught my brother a lesson many times in the beginning, but my brother still remained that way, so mom finally just gave up on him and just warned him not to mess around outside, and my brother simply answered yes every time, so I also believe that my mom still hasn’t completely given up on my brother.
And my brother never talks back when he’s scolded by my mom, so I believe, like my mom, that my brother is just a bit more wild in his adolescence right now, and that he’ll be fine after he grows up and becomes a soldier ……
Mom, however, did not expect, I did not expect, such a brother, even waiting for my mother to stay at the factory to work overtime is not at home the day of the middle of the night raped me ……
In fact, earlier we should probably be so, because my mother and I should have long been to find my brother has a bad desire for me, several times I bathe when obviously the door is closed and locked, but my brother will hit the open door and ran in and said to go to the bathroom, but also said that I did not lock the door, every time I hold the body squatting on the ground screaming he only rushed to leave…. …But my mom said that my brother didn’t do it on purpose, so I had to think that my brother didn’t do it on purpose, but I also let my brother do it on purpose. ……
That day my mom called home and said that there was a shipment from the factory that was rushing out early tomorrow morning, so she wouldn’t be coming home today. I was going to tell my brother the same thing, so I waited for him to come home, but he didn’t even come home, so I had to go to my room to sleep first.
In the middle of the night that night, I woke up halfway through my sleep because the bed had been shaking slightly. And the first thing I saw when I woke up was my brother’s face.
My brother looked at me in surprise, and I just looked at him with sleepy eyes because I hadn’t gotten the message yet.
Then it suddenly occurred to me how my brother was in my room in the middle of the night, with his body framed and pressed against mine, making me startled, and with a sense of alarm I rushed to speak, “What are you going to do—“
But I couldn’t finish my sentence, my brother just rushed to cover my mouth and kept warning me very fiercely, “If you make a noise, I’ll hit you!”
At that time I was really panicked, thinking that my brother might be trying to violate me, and was about to think of a way to warn my mom, who was sleeping in the next room, to come to my rescue, when it occurred to me that my mom was away tonight because she was working overtime at the factory, and that it was now just me and my brother in the house ……
I kept looking at my brother in fear and also pushed him with both my hands, never believing that he would do such a thing to me. My brother also kept looking at me nervously and kept saying things like telling me not to fight back.
That’s when I smelled it and realized that my brother looked like he had been drinking and his speech smelled like alcohol, which is why I thought he was like that because he was drunk.
I kept nodding to my brother and stopped pushing him with both hands to show that I wasn’t going to resist, and only then did my brother move his hand over my mouth with a little reassurance.
“Brother …… are you drunk?”
But my brother didn’t answer, he just nervously called my name and kept telling me, “Don’t resist, my brother really likes you and wants to try having sex with you ……”
After he finished coaxing me a few more times, he started pulling my pajama pants with his hands and down.
I anxiously asked my brother to stop again, and began to fight back again with my hands and move my feet around, and my brother actually swung his fist and hit me in the face, making me scream in pain and cry out in fear.
I kept crying and begging him to stop, and it took a few more hits before my brother stopped hitting me and cursed at me, “I’ll hit you again if you resist!”
By that time I didn’t dare to fight back anymore, I just couldn’t believe at all that my brother would actually hit me, plus I felt so much pain from my face that I just kept crying and protecting my face with my hands.
All I remember is that I kept covering my face and crying, and my brother kept nervously warning me to stop resisting, and then he started to undo the buttons on my pajamas.
When my clothes were undone, I just felt a chill on my chest, and my brother touched my bra and pushed it away roughly. Then I started to resist again, because I was still a junior high school student, I had a lot of beautiful imaginations about sex, and I only wanted to have sex with the boys I liked, I didn’t want to be raped, and I didn’t want to have my first time taken away from me like this, and it was taken away from me by my own brother. ……
I screamed and pushed him again with both hands and tried to hit him, but my brother was stronger than me, and he really started hitting me after I resisted again, and even harder than earlier, leaving me completely dazed, and feeling my mouth break and bleed, so I could only cry and lie back on the bed again with my hands on my face, begging him not to do that.
My brother started swearing and cursed me a lot, but I couldn’t hear him clearly and just kept crying. Then I felt my brother touching my breasts, roughly squeezing them with his hands and rubbing them, but I just felt a lot of pain. Then I felt my brother sucking with his mouth and biting with his teeth, it really hurt, but I still didn’t dare to resist, I just felt that my mouth was full of the taste of blood, and the place that was broken was hurting.
My brother finally started to take off my pajama pants, and at that point I knew I was about to be raped, but I couldn’t do anything about it and didn’t dare to do anything, so I just kept crying and begging my mom to come home quickly and save me.
After my pajama pants and panties were removed, I started crying again and begging my brother to stop, but he didn’t even answer me, he just wrenched my legs apart and flexed them upward, and then it felt like he immediately pressed down on me, and it felt like something hot and hard was pressed against me where I was peeing ……
I just realized with a jolt that my brother was about to violate me, and was desperately asking him to stop, when he suddenly whimpered and pushed his body forward, and the hot, hard thing plunged into me.
It doesn’t really hurt, it’s like being scratched, but I still know I’ve been violated and have felt him thrusting all the way in.
Feeling my brother’s one stay inside my ass made me cry even more intensely and just kept thinking that I wasn’t a virgin anymore and that I was actually being raped by my brother.
My brother gasped in contentment and then began to bob his body, and I more or less felt his root pumping inside me the whole time.
Sex was not comfortable at all, and there was even less pleasure to speak of, especially when I was raped, I just kept feeling a slight hot pain, and no other pleasure at all. Sometimes my brother would grab my breasts with his hands, and of course I still only felt pain.
Then after I don’t know how long, my brother whimpered as his body didn’t move, and only the one that stayed inside me kept pumping slightly.
At that point I didn’t realize that my brother had ejaculated inside me, and I didn’t know it until he pulled that one out in satisfaction and rested on top of me.
I had been crying off and on, feeling sore and weird down there, and scared of getting pregnant, but my brother was ignoring me, not saying half a word, as if he was asleep.
After a little more time, making sure my brother was asleep I pushed him away and slowly got up from the bed, feeling something cool keep coming out of the base of my thighs. I knew what it was, but still all I could do was cry and walk into the bathroom.
At that time, I saw my swollen face from the glass in the restroom, with blood still in the corner of my mouth. I was crying miserably especially when I saw the sticky liquid coming out from the root of my thighs and running all the way down my thighs, and I was even more afraid that I might get pregnant.
I kept rinsing with water and felt as if I couldn’t get it clean no matter how I washed it, as if I had become dirty, and started to hate my brother and wanted to kill myself even more.
Suddenly the toilet door was opened and I saw my brother about to walk in and I just screamed and grabbed the scissors inside the toilet to stab him, trying to protect myself.
And my brother just got on his knees and kept apologizing to me, saying that he didn’t mean to hurt me, that he was drunk, and he also kept saying that he liked me enough to want to be like that with me.
I completely ignored it and just kept threatening to kill him if he didn’t get out, and then my brother stalled me for a few more minutes before he finally left.
I immediately locked the door and also brought everything I could to block the doorway to make sure he wouldn’t suddenly run in again. Of course I didn’t dare to leave the restroom for fear that he would hurt me again if I left.
In this way, I rinsed my bottom with water again until the morning, crying as I rinsed, and it was not easy for me to hear my mother come home, so I was relieved to go to the toilet, only to find that my brother was no longer at home, and cried and told my mother that I was raped by my brother last night ……
Mom was also crying all the time not believing that this would happen to me. She took me to the hospital immediately because she was afraid that I would get pregnant. It was only because the doctor could see that I had been sexually abused, and because I was only a minor in the second year of junior high school, the doctor insisted that we tell the truth and called the police.
I was going to tell the police that my brother raped me, but my mom went ahead and said that I was raped in the middle of the night by a burglar who broke in and raped me, leaving me in complete disbelief.
When the police asked me, my mother has also been sad with me nodding, begging me to answer her words, and after that has also been apologizing to me that after all, my brother is a boy, is the bloodline of the family, I have to endure …… also because of this incident, I and my mother is not so close, and even after high school can work part-time on their own like to go out to live. Because I really feel that after being raped by my brother and betrayed by my mother like this, I suddenly feel that I no longer stay in that home is also meaningless.
Then my brother only came home once when he was still living with my mom in the third grade of our middle school, but he was beaten with a broomstick by my mom in tears, scolding him all the time for why he would do such a thing to me, and that’s all it took for him not to come back again.
I didn’t want to see him at all, just locked myself in my room and started crying again ……
Because seeing him at the time really brought back that memory of being raped, with the pain of being betrayed by my mom ……
That’s how I stayed away from boyfriends altogether after I got out of the community, had no love for men at all, and just worked seriously to affirm myself in that way.
Even to this day, when I think back to that night, I still feel a pain in my heart, a good pain…