(i)
Seven years ago, on July 9, I had just finished the college entrance examination. When I came out from the examination center, I felt unprecedentedly empty in the crowded crowd. After years of intense preparation for an exam, it ended like a dream in a haze. All the people dispersed, the dormitory of the more anxious began to burn books, examination papers and notes, the corridor was a mess.
I looked at the cloudy gray sky and did nothing. I guess something had to be done, and this weightless-like ease made me very unsure of myself. A buddy knocked on my door to ask to go play soccer, which I didn’t think was what I wanted to do right now. I pulled open the door to the boys’ dormitory, which we had kicked so many holes in with our soccer balls, and slipped ghost-like into the dusk. I wandered around the empty campus, a nationally renowned high school that covered a lot of ground. I just dragged my shoes chugging and scraping the ground as I wandered slowly, hoping something would happen to justify my existence other than exams. I bumped into Xia Rong as I passed the small building crawling with dense green vine-like plants. There was no reason for me to run into her there. She used to be my classmate in elementary school, but then she went to a lowly middle school, and because of her family’s difficult circumstances, she was apprenticed to a factory after graduating from junior high school. She was pretty and flirtatious from a young age, I didn’t understand how an elementary school girl could be as proficient in matters between men and women as she was at such a young age, I finally attributed it to her talent. Before that, I was completely a hairy peach that had not grown awake, my daily passion was the games that children and teenagers like, and for the occasional desire for girls, it was a very pure and innocent thought, with the idea staying only above the breasts. That day Xia Rong to school is to visit her is also my elementary school classmates, and will have been and my classmates to the university of Liu Chang. Liu Chang is a female genius, always ranked first or second in grades, she and I are often proposed by the teacher as a role model for the students. Her presence invariably gave me a lot of pressure. Every day into the classroom, you can see that she is always a serious tense a light face sitting in the first row buried in the study. My vanity does not allow me to be worse than her, so I can only restrain my own playful nature, with their own small smarts and her comparable. Sometimes, I really hate her. I secretly behind the back to give her a nickname: small hen. Probably because she was born small and delicate people and very proud of the reason, this call immediately popular in the boys’ dormitory. Xia Rong saw me, or I saw Xia Rong, each other are very surprised. I found her more and more hair fall pretty, dressed up also very fashionable, short skirt tightly wrapped her plump slim body, two white legs straight and clear. Walking in the street, I’m afraid I can hardly recognize her. After the college entrance exams, the idle and bored me for the first time noticed some characteristics of women. Her overly flexible eyes were also sizing me up, and then she smiled and shouted at me, Handsome Luo, and asked me if I was free to accompany her to find Liu Chang. I was worried that I had nothing to do, so I obediently followed this pretty little female worker. The little hen probably went to take a bath and was not in the dormitory. The rest of the time was naturally a program for Xia Rong, the little female worker and me.
We went to a movie theater, felt our way in in the pitch dark, sat down and discovered that we turned out to be in couples’ seats, that is, without anything separating the two seats. All the parts of my body had grown to a sizeable size by then, and it wasn’t as if the person who was stuck up and crammed in with me was anything serious, so learning to be bad in such a situation is a very easy thing to do. I started out fairly honestly, pretending to watch the movie seriously. Xia Rong sidled up against me, gently applying her soft breasts to my hot torso. Only two thin layers of clothing separated each other. In the gap between the fibers and fibers, my skin still accurately captured her smooth and elastic breasts. I was still gazing at the screen with pseudo-seriousness, actually completely unaware of what was playing, all my senses scrutinizing the woman beside me, purely physically. Then put half of the film suddenly and inexplicably spent, the camera clear again, a man and a woman are having sex on the bed, the man forcefully pumping, the woman moaned exuberantly, the time lasted several minutes, they changed to another position to continue. I suddenly realized that this was the essence and substance of the movie, and that the previous and subsequent episodes were nothing but a false trick to hide the truth. After eighteen years of living, for the first time in my life I had become somewhat intelligent. If my little brother wasn’t hard at a time like this, it only proved that I wasn’t a man. There was nothing to hesitate about, with a ready-made slut by my side, I was excited to start my first fuck. Xia Rong couldn’t wait, and with no one to the left or right in the pitch black, she nimbly climbed sideways onto my lap, face to face, so that her pubic genitals and my masculine genitals formed an excitingly appropriate angle. We finished our intercourse safely and smoothly in the darkness of a public place movie theater, and I suspect there are probably quite a few other men and women in our situation. With the understanding and support of the movie theater staff, we all enjoyed full pleasure. Later, when Xia Rong and I walked out of the movie theater as if nothing had happened, keeping a small distance from each other, pairs of young men and women flashed out from the depths of the darkness with the same expression, all of us smiling and being friendly with each other because of this common secret.
Walking down the street at first light, Xia Rong reached out to take my hand, and I quickly dodged out of the way, telling her I was still a middle school student and was afraid my acquaintances would see me. She scornfully bristled, and I had already planned to be unassuming and courteous to my sexual partner. So I just smiled and apologized. When I got to the point where I was only a relatively safe distance from her house, I said goodbye to her. I walked down the road alone whistling with some uncontrollable glee, thinking that I had finally done something more decent. Love of women and disdain for them rose together at that moment. This similar emotion happened many times later, and when I got those things I had longed for, I stood before the fact, enjoying them while being disappointed. It was late when I returned, and I scaled the iron gate and slipped into my dormitory, and slept that night as soundly as I had ever slept before.
(ii)
I was numb when I got my enrollment letter from U of L. It was to be expected, if even someone like me had to fall through the cracks, then there should be far fewer people who could get into the university. I entered the institution of higher learning with almost no emotion, and when I reported for duty I looked around at my smiling, flabbergasted, stupidly adorable classmates, and I simply laughed out loud at the thought that they’d be learning to be bad in a serious way in the future.
Once a man learns a skill, his hands get itchy. Not to mention that it’s a quick thing to do in the end. But I didn’t go for the little lady laborer, Xia Rong, who I despised from the bottom of my bones. Though I have to thank her for working with me in the first place. My female classmates were uniformly simple to a fault again, and I didn’t want to get myself into trouble. I seemed to be past the age of thinking about girls, and how on earth this emotional zone had been jumped over was a bit confusing to me. If I hadn’t run into Xia Rong on the day I finished the college entrance exams, I would still be a pure-hearted teenager. About I am not good at smiling, gaze and cold and bright, in the pile of hairy peaches look a little different, rumor has it that the girls are very interested in me behind the scenes. Because I was always indifferent to them, they felt even more mysterious. I think it’s funny, but I’m too lazy to pay attention to it.
Despite the fact that there were other hard-working and serious students in my class like the little mother hen, I finally showed my heroic colors and was frankly chronically absent from class. I studied architecture, but often soak in the library to read philosophy books, all know that this is the most useless thing, my over-exuberant thinking brain always love to find things for themselves to think, I do not want to pretend to be deep and lie to deceive themselves to deceive the girl, I am very serious about want to figure out the doorway out. I don’t like not having a position on things. But I’ve found it’s a damn hard thing to do.
The strings can’t be too tight, and I think I should find a partner for entertainment.
That way I hooked up with White.
White is two years older than me and is a very feminine little nurse.
Because and a few buddies out of righteousness to fight with others, hung heavy color, was secretly sent to a hospital near the school. The moment I opened my eyes, I saw Bai’s smile.
White doesn’t have the pretensions of a college girl or the frivolity of a small female laborer. She was always herself. This is my highest praise for people. Xiao Bai’s simple attire and expression were to my liking. She was in fact no more than a middle-aged woman, but she made me feel very comfortable. It’s wonderful to maintain an intimate relationship with a woman like that. In a somewhat lonely life, we feel safe with each other.
Having said that, you should realize that I have fallen in love with Bai, and yes, it is true. Bai’s parents are often out of town and her younger brother is attending college in a foreign country. So we often had the opportunity to make love at her house from the comfort of her home. Because of the deeper feelings for Xiaobai, I make love to her when the heart is very tender and cherish, always want to make her feel the best. Sometimes lying together on the warm and soft big bed, the moonlight reflects the curtains to the snow bright, we are in a trance, as if lying in a dream. Xiaobai pillowed my body, murmuring and whispering, fragrant thick long hair like a snake wrapped around my heart, I buried my head in her dense hair, feel the feeling of loving a woman is very clean.
The consequence of one carelessness was that White was pregnant, and she smiled and told me the news with great ease. I was actually rather flustered, but put on a stoic demeanor to show my woman so I could reassure her. Even though there could only be one outcome, a miscarriage, I had feelings for her so I didn’t want her to be upset about it. I said, I have to be responsible for this life, if you want this child, I will quit school and marry you. If you don’t want it, I’ll go with you to the hospital. Because of these words, Xiaobai completely fell in love with me. I accompanied her to another hospital for surgery. In fact, I am very clear about the effect, I have to admit that women are sometimes very good at cheating, men are sometimes very selfish. After making love, Bai would think of the pile of bloody embryos and call it our child. Then she would cry sadly and say she was sorry for the baby. That’s when I really realized the motherhood of women. This motherhood is sometimes touching and sometimes stupid. I usually tolerantly forced myself to listen to her ridiculous babbling in these situations.
(iii)
In college, the little hen was as good and proud as ever. It is said that there are a lot of guys who are interested in her. But she hasn’t been found to have a crush on anyone yet. She usually keeps to herself, making those hairy peaches greedy for her. There was a time when White went away for further study, and my philosophical problems still plagued me. One night, I hid alone in a remote grove of the campus to be alone and quiet. I sat alone in the moonlight, like a lonely wolf looking at the moon. I had so much confusion about life and survival, and such thinking often proved to be foolish and unhelpful, that my bitterness was actually quite deep. I looked up quite by chance, and violently locked eyes with the bright moon high in the sky. She was like an eye beyond the earthly world, seeing all the way into the depths of my soul. I was struck by a blow, and I was lost in these eyes, which seemed to be both affectionate and unfeeling, transcending time and forgetting myself completely. I seemed to have gained something, and it brightened me up a lot. I can’t tell you what kind of gain I had, but it might be something like Zen enlightenment. My chaotic emotions seemed to have calmed down a bit.
It was during this pleasantly quiet time that I heard someone calling for help.
I ran to the sound of the noise and saw a messy situation, the young hen on her back in the grass, her dress torn into large pieces, her white wobbly breasts, waist and thighs running out of the opening. Not being able to catch up with the fleeing dark figure, I quickly returned to the scene of the crime, and in deference to the little hen’s usual reserve and pride, I wrapped her in my own clothes to show that I hadn’t seen anything. I wonder if she preserved her hymen. She looked like she was stunned, and would just stare blankly at me as I cleaned up the mess, as if the incident had nothing to do with her, and she was just a bystander. This expression instantly evoked a tender emotion in me, and I knew that this could not be publicized, and that if she returned to the dormitory in such an outfit, she would surely get herself into a lot of trouble. Those girls who were jealous of her and the boys who coveted her might have been looking forward to this day for a long time. People’s hearts are a difficult thing to mess with! I told her what I was thinking and she nodded woodenly. So I sent the little hen, wrapped in my clothes, to White’s house under the cover of night.
I unlocked the door with the key White had given me, and once White was gone, the house was cold. I told the little hen to take a bath and went to the cupboard myself to search for White’s clothes. Although the little hen was a bit curious about the place I brought her to, she knowingly kept her mouth shut and honestly did as I told her. White’s home was as plain and gentle as her person, and after stepping out of the bathroom, the little hen regained her intelligence and gradually relaxed her tension in this environment. She noticed the close-up of White on the writing-table, and did not speak. I said if you feel better now, I’ll take you back.
She became alarmed again and shook her head vigorously. For a girl as smooth sailing and spoiled as Little Hen, this should be considered a great stimulus. She was understandably reluctant to go back and face reality right away.
I said it’s okay to stay here, but think about it, I’m not a police uncle, maybe I’m a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
She suddenly smiled, and it was the first time I’d seen her smile at me since Mother Hen and I hit elementary school together. I’m already used to her tense face, this will actually be a little uncomfortable. When she smiles, she has a lot of flavor, it turns out that the little hen is indeed an outstanding girl. Evil thoughts quickly flashed through my mind, and I thought of Xiao Bai again.
It was getting late, so I sent the hens to sleep in the bedroom bed and I took the covers myself and spent the night on the couch in the living room.
Awakened in the morning by the sunlight streaming in through the bay window, I realized that the little hen had disappeared as clean as air. But in the kitchen she had left breakfast for me, and after White had gone I broke down for an early dinner.
Three days later, I was lying on my bed in White’s house dreaming, I like to lie on the bed all day long thinking, I wonder if I can live a simpler life, do not have those complicated and dangerous and at the same time useless thoughts.
The little hen came, and she actually carried a big pile of red and green meat and vegetables and fruits, like a housewife.
It was a bit of a dramatic effect, and as I watched the little hen go about her business, I debated whether or not to shoo her away. As the victim of an accident, it might be a good thing to divert her bad feelings in this way, and after thinking it over, I copped a feel and watched her work in White’s house. It turns out that women are born to do housework, even girls as proud as a little hen are no exception.
Just as Little Hen and I were clinking glasses in front of a sumptuous table, the door opened and White appeared in front of us carrying a travel bag in a windy manner. Seeing the cozy family atmosphere in the room, Xiao Bai smiled hard. All the people do not know what to say, in short, what Xiaobai saw was that I was in her home and a beautiful girl ambiguous dinner together.
The only thing I could say was for White to get a set of dishes and join us for the meal.
The little white thinker was conscious, so sure enough, he took his bowl and ate. The little hen panicked and took a few mouthfuls of food and then hurriedly excused herself. Of course no one dared to keep her, so she fled. It turned out that it was my birthday, and Xiao Bai had specially taken a vacation to come back and reunite with me. Since the age of eighteen, I have a very vague concept of time, almost no birthday, for their own how old is also lazy to pursue. The woman’s heart is fine, so Xiaobai hope to give me a surprise, the result is that I gave her a “surprise”.
White was smart enough not to even ask who the girl at dinner was, and she continued to sleep with me as if nothing was wrong, but when making love, I sensed she was preoccupied.
I have always disliked explanations; if I believed I would not have suspected, and if I did not believe it would be useless to say anything, and would only add to the charge of lying. And I have no legal right or obligation to ask me to explain anything to her, and it is not appropriate to publicize the matter of the little hen, I said nothing.
Xiaobai left again, continued to further study, when she left, she wanted to say something finally did not say.
I looked at her like this and secretly wanted to laugh. Thinking that things like feelings are too much to stand up to scrutiny.
Since that time, my fantasies about women have lightened up a few more notches.
Every time the false emotions lessened, it allowed me to see others and myself more realistically. If I continued to analyze it so rationally, my warmth for Bai would become merely an excuse for a physical need, in fact, just like my relationship with the little female worker back in the day. It’s a good thing that people are vulnerable and lonely and aesthetic, so I wasn’t just holding a female body to vent to when I held Bai.
(iv)
My involvement with the hens did not end there.
Women are the most unprincipled creatures, even a murderer, as long as she is good to her, she may have feelings. And for the so-called life-saving benefactor such things, they are even more exaggerated for him to put a halo, put on the shrine to worship. Maybe women are born with religious tendencies and like to believe in something to the death.
Inevitably, I became an idolized figure in the eyes of the little hen. And people who are as smart as she is used to being stupid tend to be more stupid than normal people ever are. She made a very serious offer of pure friendship with me, and I asked her to explain what she meant by pure friendship and what she meant by impure friendship. She started blushing and shyly didn’t have the heart to say. I realized that the difference between so-called pure and impure is to see if there is any sexual activity, light such as touching and kissing, and serious such as intercourse. If it is just a case of masturbation without actually doing anything, is it considered pure or impure? I’m afraid no one can answer that question. I ignored the hen’s request and left alone.
The little hens are nothing but good to me.
Perhaps it is the red face that has many rights and wrongs. As everyone is approaching the graduation assignment, the little hen meets new troubles.
I didn’t spend too much time at the school, but my keen senses told me that Xu, the forty-something secretary in charge of student allocation and party administration in the department, was a womanizer. He often called female students to his office to talk. Fools like girls honestly report their thoughts on the party chapter of the study of the experience, he likes to smile and squint carefully watch the girls in front of him, to see their eyes, nose, mouth how vividly combined with a variety of vivid and rich expression. He did not dare to do anything blatantly, only occasionally to take advantage of a little, take advantage of any opportunity to affectionately pat the girl’s hand, shoulder, back, but did not dare to touch the place he most wanted to touch. This kind of repression in the annual graduation of students assigned to get vent, he ruthlessly scavenge students, usually disobedient did not send a heavy gift of all were sent to the poor place. And he made out a little bit of walking more girls, if then send more money, guaranteed to be a good unit. Little hen has been excellent results, would have been a stable local guaranteed graduate school, the pro kill a so-and-so school leader’s son and her competition. They have no other excuses, the only reason is that the little hen is a girl, the tutor’s subject requires frequent students to travel alone, so you need a boy to rest assured. This was a reason that did not become a reason, and was brought to the table by them in a dignified manner, so what could the little hen do if she was even better? She has always loved to be shut up in school reading for school, so she was sad to run to Leader Xu to ask for help. At that time, Xu leader’s home happened to be only Xu leader himself, see the little hen crying pearly rain sitting in front of, Xu leader moved compassion. The thing in his crotch was a bit unable to hold back, pointing straight at the little hen. Of course, the internal situation is only known to the Xu leader himself, the little hen was very simple and innocent looking at the Xu leader is not aware of these details. Leader Xu said, “Look at this child crying so sad, quickly sit over so that I can wipe your tears. In order to gain the support and warmth of the leader, even a simple hen realized that this was an opportunity for her. She was like an aggrieved little child who sat down beside Leader Xu with a twitchy voice. Leader Xu took hold of her delicate white hand and took out a tissue to slowly wipe the tears of the little hen. His hand of course did not just touch the little hen’s eyes, but also touched other parts of her face in passing.
Even if the little hen was slow, she knew what this meant, after the last attack in the grove, she was already well aware of the ugliness of men. But the little hen cared too much about this guaranteed place, so she forced herself to hold back her disgust and decided to accept Leader Xu’s legitimate contact. I don’t know if Little Hen had considered the question of whether the relationship between her and Leader Xu was pure or impure at that time. After the initial trial, Leader Xu realized that Little Hen was very obedient. So he decided to keep this good boy in the department. Thanks to his efforts, Little Hen finally got her wish to be admitted to graduate school.
When the matter was decided, the little hen ran to me and wept bitterly, retelling the above episode.
At the time of the break-up dinner, when those silly smile across the threshold of the university of youth uniformly empty desperately drink. Then after drinking enough, crying or cursing, the pursuit of girls did not succeed in crying the name of the girl, by the leader of the Xu shoes on the cursing of the leader of the Xu, cups and plates of wolves buddies in disarray, I see straight to want to laugh. I took a long breath, that is to say, from now on I will no longer be a student identity, I will be like everyone else in society. Scamming or being scammed for specific purposes. I slipped out when it got too noisy and wandered around the U of L campus alone.
I went back to the grove to get a moment of peace under the moonlight. However, I overheard the little hen deep in the meadow being held tightly in Leader Xu’s arms, and I quietly walked away.
I graduated at the same time that White, who had gone through advanced studies, was promoted from nurse to pediatrician. As we celebrated and drank at her home, I looked across the table at this woman and began to make a rational analysis. Because I knew each other so well, I was much less interested in activities like physical contact with her. For soulful things, I realized that the so-called simplicity I used to appreciate was actually more of my own fabrication. My White wasn’t much different from other women. She would show meekness and kindness in most details, but where it mattered, she was always alert and tough. She has always held fast to what she believes is hers. White once proudly recounted to me how she beat out a young nurse with the same credentials and thus rocketed to become Dr. White.
When I listen to it, I feel tedious, and reality is originally very pale white. Since women are all pretty much the same, I don’t think I would hurt White for any other woman. In this way we should logically get married. But my mind is more complex, for the environment is not easy to compromise, I still want a simple and real freedom. I don’t want anything to be a reason to force me to accept a life as numb as everyone else’s. As an initial comfort to my human aesthetic, White doesn’t really understand me, except that she never says so. I could often feel her secretly observing and currying favor with me. I was not such an extreme youth, so I tolerated the scrutiny. White had good reason to do this. Only it did her no good to do so. She should continue to skillfully play the fool, or else in the end of her analysis she would only realize that I had long since lost interest in her. Because I’m lazy and relatively kind, we can still barely maintain this relationship.
(v)
Because of the bad relationship with Xu’s leadership, I was assigned to a bad construction company in the city. Immediately after reporting to the unit, there were a bunch of amazons who cared about me, and when they learned from me that I was still a bachelor, they came to play matchmaker for me.
I had no intention of leaving this place, so I was very easy-going and cooperated with the amahs to go on blind dates. I was very shy in front of the lesbians, often blushing and unable to speak, so the amahs made fun of me, saying that I was a scholar and honest. If Xiaobai knew this kind of appearance of mine, she would think that I am very humorous. My immediate leader, Director Huang, patted me on the shoulder and said, “Young man, do a good job. I nodded my head excitedly, saying that I would follow the example of my old comrades and bravely take on the heavy burden of the revolution without fear of suffering or death. Director Huang found that my ears are very soft more obedient, often satisfied with a smile and assign tasks to me. My legs ran non-stop. I do not want to cheat the leadership trust to take the opportunity to climb up, I do so because I am kind and compassionate. I am very sympathetic to the director of Huang such an old comrade, in order to get promoted and get rich to the conscience of the valve open to the lowest, shameless and life-threatening for more than a decade, to now mix a director is not easy. If the people under him still do not listen, how to reflect his dignity and value as a leader? Then isn’t the price he paid for it too great? Under the domination of the ignorance of creation, we are actually equally humble. As animals like human beings, I think we should share the same sickness. I very often do not like to see others disappointed, so I try to fulfill his psychological needs as a unit leader.
One day he looked at me with a smile and kindness, and I realized that he had a pallor inconsistent with his age. Director Huang, who was only in his early forties, had a lot of gray hair. He said young man, I’ll introduce you to an object, you see the opposite office of the small Zhang how? Xiao Zhang vocational high school graduates by virtue of their parents are the company’s old comrades into this unit, and a lot of little girls like a face painted red white, lips are popular dark red or black. Hair dyed chestnut color, wearing tight short shiny top and the same shiny thin pants. The women of this city are very good at keeping up with the fashion, they always keep in line with the fashion, popular publications, popular giant movies, popular songs, popular fashion can easily manipulate the theme of their lives, if not for dealing with her because of work, I’m afraid that I would have a hard time to distinguish her from a group of similar little girls. In my opinion, they are simply a bunch of clones. I humbly stated that young people should prioritize their work, and of course the matter of romance should be given due consideration. So I agreed to get in touch with the clone Zhang to improve our mutual understanding.
A little story happened before I had a chance to get my hands on a clone sheet.
I had a terrible stomach ache near the end of my shift that day, so I rushed to the hospital to get my medication. As I walked out of the hospital I suddenly remembered that I had left the main power supply on, and several machines might still be idling. In order to avoid the potential for accidents, I still dutifully rode back to my unit. As I pushed open the office door I saw a very erotic scene. Probably he and she didn’t expect someone to show up at this time, so for the sake of pain, he and she were lying naked on the big writing desk where we usually design drawings, and that place was spacious enough for him and her to fuck on it joyfully. And that desk of mine became a place to pile up the clothes of men and women, when Clone Zhang’s pink bra and pink and yellow panties floated exaggeratedly on top of those things. Director Huang’s dry, thin limbs and torso covered Clone Zhang’s full, short, youthful body, and his genitals probably hadn’t had a chance to pull out of Clone Zhang’s vagina yet, and he lifted his head up from her body like a toad and stared blankly at me with his mouth open, which was a surprise to everyone. I subconsciously looked at my watch, I didn’t hold back like I did before, I looked at the image calmly. Usually very dignified Director Huang at the moment embarrassed to be caught on the spot, that feeling must be very cool. I was no longer the obedient and humble junior staff member. I was like a hunter stoically scrutinizing the shrunken pile of prey under my gun. Watching them look at me pleadingly. After five minutes, I backed out and closed the door very carefully.
Since then I have gained spiritual leadership over Director Huang, and he is sure to be terrified wherever I appear.
Before he could find a reason to send me out of the unit, I took it upon myself to go to him and resign.
At his plush desk, I spoke a little truth to him for the first time.
I said there is really no need for you to be afraid, many people have committed adultery with others in spirit or in the flesh just as you have. I won’t belittle you for that reason. But you shouldn’t seduce the young woman in your unit, it’s a risky thing to do, and young women these days are more complicated than you think. She may even go up to the top and sue you after she has accepted your sexual favors and received other substantial benefits, and it would not be cost-effective to have your hard-won position hanging in the balance.
For the sake of my understanding and advice, Director Huang did not let me go immediately after signing the resignation report; he still wanted to hear what I had to say. They were too depressing in officialdom, although they often got pleasure from bossing their subordinates around. He kind of liked to hear me tell the truth, provided of course that we would never meet again.
I said, if you really can’t stay up, you can use public money to go to the hotel to sleep with the lady Well, those women to be assured that the price is much more assured, and they have professional skills, will certainly make you satisfied. As long as the whoring time to pay attention to the general will not get STDs. Director Huang once again looked at me like a toad, my wonderful speech must have fallen into his heart. They are actually very pitiful, because they often count people or be counted, their psychology is usually darker. No one is born an asshole, and things like assholes aren’t worn out slowly, and that’s certainly not going to be a pleasant process.
(vi)
In this way, I hastily pushed myself to the forefront of society, and those laid-off workers like the streets around. The good thing is that when there is no food to eat, you can still go to see Xiaobai, she and the same as before, seriously and I eat and sleep together. I laughed at her for not seeking advancement, why did not you think of getting a richer lover, then you will not be like this now. She just sighed and said there was nothing she could do about it and that she was indeed devoted to me. I continue to laugh at her lack of imagination on the current situation, can’t you see that nowadays no longer loyal things can not beat the power of money? Xiao Bai gave me a look and said not necessarily. Xiaobai’s materialistic desire is not that strong yet, so she is still able to accept my unemployment for the time being.
One day I was hanging out on the street as usual, and a woman in a noble outfit poked her head out of a BMW to greet me. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d ever see Xia Rong, the little working girl from back in the day, again. Although I didn’t recognize any name brands, all her packaging told me that she was a complete name brand woman.
Turns out it’s not too hard to put on what’s called gravitas. As long as there’s enough money in the background. It’s a good thing I’ve pretty much run out of ideas about society and women, so seeing this little slut turn into a female aristocrat doesn’t make me feel so miserable. Love whoever you want, I couldn’t care less.
The noblewoman Xia Rong got out of her car very elegantly, and her appearance drew many stares on the road. She invited me to sit in her home.
Since I had nothing better to do, there was nothing wrong with observing the lives of the rich and receiving a little excitement. I got comfortable in her car and went with her.
She pulled into a small building in an upscale residential neighborhood with a grand home. I don’t know how many people actually lived in the two-story garden house. I didn’t bother to judge whether she had gotten rich or was just a rich woman herself, I guess other people’s business was none of my business. She seems to have fully adapted to this noble and exquisite life, from her every detail, can not be observed before that small female workers frivolous and coarse. People are originally very adaptable animals, otherwise how could they have evolved from apes to the present?
We sat opposite each other in the living room drinking coffee.
Xia Rong asked me how old I was this year. I calculated for a long time and realized that I should be twenty-six.
She then asked me how much I had saved. This I answered clearly without having to do the math that the value was zero.
She laughed with easy superiority, and I felt no embarrassment at all. If such excitement could shame me then I would have given in to all of them a long time ago.
She still had a high sex drive, and she recalled to me the time she and I had fucked a number of years ago.
She said, maybe you don’t believe me, I’ve loved you since elementary school, I didn’t understand at the time exactly how you were different from other boys but there was definitely something different about you. You must have thought I was casual, but you don’t know that I was a virgin before that movie. I used to just play sex games with other guys, nothing serious. If it wasn’t for the fact that you were empty at the time, you wouldn’t have been able to look at me, so I gave myself to you as soon as I had the chance. I was so satisfied that day, even though it hurt a little, that I finally gave myself to the man I wanted to give myself to. I knew I didn’t deserve you and didn’t dare come back to you. I also didn’t know that life was changing. I made a fortune by selling myself over the years, and I was really happy to see you still a poor boy. It turns out that opportunities are never equal. If I want, now I can also laugh at you just like when you laughed at me. I thought you’d be ashamed to see me now, but you’re so thick-skinned that you’re actually happy to be poor. If I give you money, will you play with me? Honestly I still kind of like you.
As she said that she started to undress one by one, I watched her silently without saying a word. When she was completely naked she leaned over to me, climbed up my legs and sat on top of me in the same position as that time. I can give you a hundred thousand dollars if you take me today. She smiled and put her breasts close to my face.
I began to touch her gently, very gently, and it took her by surprise; her breathing became rapid and her face flushed a little. Creation had given her a fine body, which she had exchanged for wealth, the body remained fine, and on the face of it she had lost nothing, and had easily gotten what she wanted.
I gently caressed the body with sorrow. It was as if I saw her mother twenty years ago, cradling the beautiful, innocent baby girl in her arms and conceptualizing her future with the best of intentions. She thought of everything, but the seeds of depravity always grow the fastest. I caressed her high, firm breasts and took her nipples in my mouth and sucked hard. My hands began to glide down her breasts, past her soft, firm, small waist, her flat, sensitive, elastic stomach, and then touched her rounded buttocks, where the lines were beautifully delicate, and my hands were so deft that she was already moaning with excitement, and her body trembled gently as she held me. When my hand explored her most sensitive area, it was already wet.
She was desperately trying to tear at my shirt and pants to make the most direct sexual contact with me.
I unbuckled my belt and pulled that thing she wanted out of my pants and gave it to her. She screamed with excitement as I pounded it one at a time. Her face was one of confused and even weeping pleasure. Such an expression is perhaps the truest human emotion. We had always stood on the edge of life and death, and intercourse allowed us to experience the ultimate pleasure of death.
Satisfied with my performance, she handed me a check after redressing gracefully. The demeanor was full of contempt.
I laughed, pushing her hand away.
It is now my turn to speak.
I said Xia Rong You shouldn t have let me know the truth about that time, my conscience is a little bad. The affair with you back then made me clearly see my hypocrisy and superficiality. Before that I really thought that someone could be a natural bitch. That’s why I didn’t treat you like a human being when I fucked you. I was wrong and I now tell myself I should respect all women. This time I’m fucking you as a friend and I hope you’re fast or I’ll never have peace of mind for the rest of my life. I don’t like to owe anyone anything, so I’ll make up for this time from the previous shortfall to you, and we won’t have anything to do with each other from now on. With her still holding the check up in a daze, I walked out the door.
For some reason I thought of the little hen and wondered if she was sleeping in Leader Xu’s bed at this time. Then I thought of all our dignity and pride being eaten up bit by bit by invisible desires. I still hold on to my lonely thoughts.
I went back to White’s house, where she was quietly waiting for me, knitting a sweater by lamplight.
I said Bai let’s get married. Will you marry a poor boy?
She looked at me in surprise, tears dripping down her face in big drops.
I’m kinda touched. Maybe I was too harsh before and I should learn to appreciate and accept things. I wasn’t forgiving enough about life. I’m glad I’m now able to appreciate the warm side of humanity with equanimity.
Finally and Xiaobai legally lying in our wedding bed, she firmly embraced me, very happy smile: “After so many years, I finally married you.”
That may have been White’s ideal all along. A little woman’s ideal.
What about my ideals? Persistence in mediocrity.
I knew I would, and I went to bed very relieved.