Remembering the Years (I)
Watching American Pie was almost too much fun. Teenagers all over the world have such similar basic needs, but in different ways and under very different circumstances.
I personally think that the United States pie and Chinese pie is very different: the Americans only when they have to, only the filling wrapped in the head, often the content of the mouth-watering whole so that you can easily find it; China around the pie is not surprisingly, the essence of the convergence of the special subtle. I often think that the many differences in culture can be seen from small places, not too far away from each other.
I think my sexual awakening came at the age of six when I was first transferred from the Yukon class at Wide World to a kindergarten in the city. At that time, I was especially simple and began to realize that men and women were different, and I was motivated to study it more closely.
Don’t get me wrong, my aesthetic tendencies at the time were particularly aesthetic, and I looked at girls like they were paintings.
Just a few days after arriving at kindergarten, the class flower of the older class conquered me in music class, as beautiful as a flower, singing voice like a hundred spirits. After class, I took a break, shy face up, “you look really good, you sing really good.” Straight to the heart, a little bit of falsehoods no.
The little girl froze for less than two seconds and then said, “Yuck! Stinking hooligan.”
Since then, I have been devastated, and I feel dirty when I see a pretty girl. After arriving in the United States, I found that girls of all sizes cared especially about this kind of praise and thanked me. nd, I don’t know how to be ashamed, no wonder there are so many hooligans in the United States.
To the third grade before, two years nothing, just joined the ranks of a few bad boys, specializing in people boys and girls a piece of time to play coaxing, such as a piece of people jumping ribbons when yelling, nonsense. Later somehow actually degenerate, a few people automatically disintegrate, also began to special girlish with people jumping ribbons, jumping is not bad.
Third grade was a turning point, and I began to have a further awakening. When I was a kid, I loved to watch TV, sitting there without blinking, always harassing a neighbor who had a 9-inch black-and-white TV set, which made them very annoyed. My mother could not see past, bite the bullet and borrowed a few hundred dollars to set a 12-inch black and white television, as a result, my father and my mother found that some translations are very unserious, and a few even cheated the relevant departments of the censorship, appearing in some of the footage is not conducive to oral hygiene. Whenever this happened, they tried their best to divert my attention.
I accidentally caught a man and a woman making out on the screen, and I had a full view of them. It was very strange. It was as if a certain part of my body was inflated, and it was a kind of floating feeling that was hard to describe. At that time, I didn’t know how to check myself, but it was the first time that I had a direct physical reaction to external stimuli, so I felt a strong sense of guilt, and at the same time I began to pay attention to the good-looking female classmates in elementary school.
There was a 5th grader, and I was frustrated when I couldn’t see her at the end of the school day. One night, I was with the alley under the street lamp cool, a small gangster mysteriously told me that who is essentially a broken shoe. I then head on a big circle, blood a force to the head, can not restrain the want to pump the rotten mouth of the girl, or did not dare, in the way of a certain age gap.
All in all, in elementary school, I was still growing well, eating well, having a good body, and being energetic. The first year I entered junior high school was okay, in the end, I was still in the Young Pioneers, under the care of the organization, I had no worries, moral, intellectual and physical all-round development.
After the summer vacation, I felt something was wrong. As if overnight, a number of the male students in the class had sprung up with soft beards and proud mustaches. A few buddies began to often full of bad grin, talking about some boring topics, occasionally glancing at the female students. I was particularly anxious, I do not know what the bad boys are talking about, do not quite understand, but also particularly afraid of being isolated by the organization.
After school, I went straight to the Xinhua Bookstore, I forget which counter, men and women who are about to get married often hang around there. Other people of all colors will be considered unhealthy if they go there for nothing, so I can only take a roundabout way to encircle the tactics. Good in a midterm review material bookshelf near there, I first pretended to flick through the “math problems 100 solutions” or something, a face of good learning. Once no one, three and two steps straight to the subject, randomly take a book title to make people blush heartbeat on the retreat to the “love of learning good children” counter, hanging sheep’s head to sell dog meat. It is still not convenient, people come and go.
However, I was able to grow in knowledge and often answered difficult questions during class for male students who were ahead of me in terms of physical development. I began to be labeled a “professor” and known as “extra yellow”, not ashamed, but secretly complacent, with a sadly diminishing sense of shame.
The great enrichment of my mind could not hide the basic fact that my physical development was very late, and I slowly moved from the bottom three rows to the top three rows, even though my eyes were very good. I began to have a split personality, on the one hand, I still actively participate in every discussion group in the wild, crazy jokes on the ignorant and know-nothing master, on the other hand, I every day singles and doubles bar fierce practice, want to grow up the mood has never been so urgent. As it turns out, the endocrine schedule in question has little to do with external environmental factors.
But I began to take a great interest in my tablemate, who had always been the only female I thought I’d ever met who could match the extremely good male students in mathematical logic (in college, I modified this Lish slightly by adding one), liked to wear a pair of soccer cleats, liked to play basketball, and had large, very expressive eyes.
For a while, I hated the end of school because it meant I wouldn’t see her for the whole day. In class, we whispered as if we had a lot to say, and we hit it off. I teased her from time to time: “When I have money, I’ll treat you to dinner at a restaurant, that’s what adults do.” She was so happy.
Occasionally, when I’m thieving and bold, I ask a few rogue questions about the research on how women are different from men.
She blushed, seemingly laughing, dead not say, to force the urgent, said: “you play hooligan again, I sue the teacher to go.” I had to give up.
I’ve always regarded the time we both spent at the same table as my first love, the purest and most platonic of my short life up to the present. Trying to suppress myself from thinking about it, especially when letting loose. Added to that, she was the only female deskmate I never got into a physical altercation with, good riddance.
Beginning in my junior year, my further research and exploration of the topic of sexuality went completely underground, and my abandonment of my hopes for the official channels of education represented by my school and my parents was facilitated by two things.
The first thing that happened was the “New Year’s card” incident. New Year’s Day, the table and I was not willing to lag behind, but also a symbolic exchange of cards, I incidentally put my limited number of childhood photos a small photo album to her, she incidentally gave me a small book to encourage me to study well, every day up. The bad thing is that we both coincidentally used “dear” as a prefix on the card, in fact, just want to show that the two desks are unusual, but there is no cat and mouse.
One night, I was with my brother for a remorse chess quarrel, my mother special serious called me to the inner room, a go in shocked me, my father put on the posture of interrogation of the prisoner (he interrogated the prisoner I have seen) sitting there, the table with the card child, I was not careful, actually put it on the tea , self-inflicted trap. That night my father even interrogation with education, busy all night, and occasionally there are one or two vivid case, thoroughly and effectively to combat the seeds of danger that have just begun to germinate.
After a short time, the students secretly expect the chapter of “Physiological Hygiene” will start, we have high expectations, because the teacher of this class is a middle-aged female teacher from the Northeast, in the students of the respected, and dared to conflict with the leadership of the school.
The day finally arrived, the classroom was surprisingly silent, the teacher instructed down, male students can go to the playground free, this chapter of self-study, female students with the teacher a piece of the audio-visual classroom to watch a piece of sub. In other words, the classmates self-generated, depending on personal enlightenment, female students by the way to see the late about special technical guidance, no comment.
Nowadays, high schools in the United States have started to debate whether or not to place Condom retail machines on their campuses, and quite a few of them have already done so. It’s not subtle! Just like ya culture, extraordinarily vulgar and depraved!
Finally, the middle school years passed without incident. When I started high school, the time had finally come, and it came with a vengeance. That is still just on the sophomore year of high school (I know I’m a late bloomer), one day a dream, and a no identity of the slutty woman narrowly met, the brain suddenly only a string, become extremely rogue and aggressive. A hot current went down my spine, and I shivered with joy like an electric current. I awoke suddenly, the pleasure feeling returning with some slight panic and overwhelm. It’s funny, I’ve been a “professor” for so many years, and this is the first time I’ve ever known what a physical phenomenon is that I’ve talked about countless times with my peers.
It was a milestone, and from then on, my aesthetic tendencies became less and less until they were negligible. Age is increasing, began to talk less, Yaner bad. In my hometown, which has been conservative since ancient times, high school students falling in love or turning tricks is equated with being uneducated, and people being careful with flowers. Our grade a large group of excess energy, every day in the school playground or the city stadium kick ball, play hard to kick. We are considered both good and evil a group of people, in the eyes of parents and teachers is a good boy, but often for the competition for sports venues and some inexplicable things with inexplicable people hard to pinch, always as if the special anger, special energy nowhere to make.
Liberal arts class has a dancing girl, temperament is not like shandong big girl, unique, is most of our group of people in the dream lover, a trip, unfortunately, was a social number of hooligans into the palace, the bastard several times to find the door, coercion, bitterness. This greatly inspired our manly instincts of pity, stepped forward, did the flower protector, the results of the hooligans have been plotting revenge.
One afternoon, before the evening study hall, is playing soccer, there are spies to report: “bad, big hooligans with a small team to come!” Forty, fifty hairy guys are not afraid of tigers, each drop a waste of table legs (dedicated to kicking the field) and run to the place of the accident.
In front of the school, two or three dozen bad seeds special funny uniform in black suit, covered or holding a triangle scraper, or holding a large screwdriver, look cold. In Wang Shuo “animal ferocious” seems to have mentioned, the big gangsters are actually afraid of the green skin, do not respect the rules of the road, often play life, this is true. We think of the back of the classroom in the pearly rain of female students, anger from the heart, evil to the gall side, a shout, a piece of pounced on. Formal hooligans quickly sneak, to retreat, put down a few harsh words, trying to strategically retreat.
The ancients said that it is better to pursue the poor and the courageous than to learn the name of the king, and a well-known person in recent times even taught us to beat up the dogs in the water. The guys were relentless in their pursuit. At the forefront is a basketball, sprinting, shot put triple professional athlete, usually talk to the dancers voice suddenly dropped two octaves. There is a congenital not quite enough buddies, although the dancers are also loyal to the dancers, but the quality does not allow, running in the last, perhaps thinking of the back of the several pairs of girls concerned about the eyes, he turned to the tactics of ballistic missiles, hand carry a large slab of bricks, bitter hatred, gritted teeth: “I fuck your grandma, messing with the head of the old man to come!” Brick with the mouth out, a person should be sound boom fell to the ground, shot and wounded.
It was a misadventure, the triple professional athlete was admitted to the hospital for three weeks, the dancers visited every now and then, the athlete did not dare to act rashly after all, and the result was a disappointing and surprisingly serious deviation from romanticism.
I had quietly set my sights on a couple of girls in my class and school area. On Thursday afternoons after school, I stayed in the classroom, resisting the girls on duty who swept the floor into a dusty mess, just to get a glimpse of whoever it was. She was wearing a blue dress, and when I squinted, she was bending over, and I almost fainted on the spot. That was my first close physical observation, the environmental conditions are relatively harsh, do not dare to see more, but engraved in my mind, the stimulus is strong.
Once again, I witnessed something I shouldn’t have seen in my school of enlightenment, the New China Bookstore. One Sunday, I stepped into the bookstore and came to the literature counter (yes, I’m not mistaken, at that time I naively thought that Chinese chess, calligraphy and painting were easy to attract girls), inadvertently dropped out of a serious-looking photography book, casually flipped through the pages, and was shocked to find that there were a number of small photographs consisting of a large page, vividly expressed in visual art, a foreign woman from a large sweater to the entire physical process of naked. It was fashionable to dress for the army, and I was wearing a large pair of army pants, which effectively hid my shock at seeing a completely naked woman. Even so, it was still up and raw.
That afternoon, I lingered in the bookstore, scurrying up and down the large circle centered on the children’s photo book. Since leaving the country, I’ve found that Western books and magazines on the subject are so ubiquitous and so slim that they apparently don’t understand that readers have to be hungry first.
Things are deteriorating little by little, I am getting more and more degraded, more and more helpless, in the talented academic excellence under the mask, restless. I have to say that I was not without opportunities, once a young woman of literature came to me and gave me a pile of hazy poetry manuscripts, I looked at the first two lines of the first page of the silly, chased after people to return the pile of paper, eagerly confessed that they are not good at literature, you’ve come to the wrong person, I can recommend a literary great, I have definitely not even begun to look at your work. I can’t imagine how disappointed teachers and parents would have been, how people would have treated me, if I had fallen in love early, I could only take a fragile avoidance attitude.
But this can not stop me from the spirit of continuous degradation, I began to often can not sleep at night, with the bed pancakes; I began to ride a bicycle in the summer time to follow the women running all over the street, counting on a careless eye; I am very childish in the street when the beautiful young woman cool running around, people are laughing: this child how to always grow up.
┅┅
When I was almost irredeemable, I duly moved on to college, where I had several more unsuccessful flings. My buddies outright rebuked me for being flamboyant, and it was rare for me to maintain positive attention on a girl for more than a month.
I think the main reason is something else. For one thing, I always gave girls the impression that I was particularly insecure, somehow. Not to the extent that one girl, who later became my “sister”, pointed out to me that I had to be strict with myself. I don’t know how this impression was created, but I was a smooth talker and never cheated on my wife.
To put it bluntly, I didn’t know what master bating was until I graduated from university, and I was too embarrassed to ask people for fear of dishonoring the title of “expert”. Secondly, I was deeply affected by the remnants of tradition, always afraid that after having a substantial relationship with someone (my definition of relationship at that time was more than a hug), I would have to marry them immediately after graduation, and when I talk about male-female relationship, I would associate it with the talk of marriage. For this reason, I even scared off an avant-garde girl.
Good in the university life is rich, a go to Beijing to busy Asian Games, after a while, began to manage the national politics, policy guidelines, go to sea to make money, run a student association to cheat money, mixed into the student union to assist in eating and drinking, the examination of the chicken A has, to name a few. Five years a sleep, there is no danger, can be brought over.
After entering the social kaleidoscope, the symptoms in question, heal without medical treatment.
They say that trees are naturally straight. Over the years, I haven’t grown crooked, and I would expect most trees to be straight, legally speaking. Well, I found out that I was wrong. Since I was in high school, there have been quite a few people who have a sense of justice and never look at their degenerate counterparts in the eye. They grew up without a speck of dirt, grew up, got married, had children, worked hard, and were graceful and strong.
This community is very hopeful.
(to be continued)