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Chapter 3: Untying Your Love (1) – When Love Spreads Online
‘Love is the character that jumps
Love is a black screen.
Love is the fast fingers on the keyboard
Love is a constant love that lasts from day to day.
We’re on an endless web.
lit. spit out silk and form a cocoon
Weaving and refining the elements of love
Even if I can’t touch you
I still hear the heartbeat.
Tells what I believe
love and truth
’
Considering how much time I spend on the Internet, it’s pretty amazing for a girl! Spending more than five to six hours a day in chat rooms on a few regular websites is, frankly, just ‘nailing it’!
For the record, someone’s been spreading the ‘male dinosaur, female frog’ theory on the Internet – the faster you type, the sicker you get! That’s very insulting! I don’t look like a frog, toad, or toadstool; on the contrary, I’m a classically beautiful woman.
What? The worse it gets, the worse it gets? Don’t doubt it. No guy who’s ever met me in person has ever asked a friend to leave a message on B.B.CALL – fire, burglary, family emergency, etc. – and then taken the opportunity to leave! They just sit there until the end of the party, and they can’t get out of there!
In fact, the Internet is just a virtual world made up of tens of millions of computers connected to each other. I don’t quite understand why I stayed here for three or four years. Now, people are considered to be a small success, own a small forum, become everyone’s respect for the moderator it!
I like the feeling of the chat room, although we do not know each other, with a spirit of adventure, come here to find new friends – as Columbus found the new continent, so surprising to me.
I love to make friends, and I’m willing to listen to my first-time friends and join them in ‘Hala’.
It’s a pleasure, an experience, isn’t it?
Some people have told me – ‘Internet and real life should be separated’, ‘If an online friend comes into your life, it’s called a “friend”‘. Yes, people feel the same way. There are no taboos in the chat room, and as long as there is no abuse, bad language, or personal attacks, I can have a great time talking to him/her and say ‘hi’ or ‘bye-bye’ in style.
I think I can handle any kind of person I meet – no matter if he/she is a gossip, a bore, a narcissist, a closeted person, or just looking for trouble, I’ll take him/her at his/her word. With a few years of online experience, I can tell a lot about a person’s online personality by the tone of his/her voice.
Of course, a lot of people have multiple personalities on the Internet. Usually, they can’t pop up a few words in a long time, or they blush fiercely when they see others. But when they go online, they immediately become ‘like a living dragon’!
, some are long-winded and bitter about current events; others are so funny and witty that you’d be mad to have a conversation with him. I’ve run into too many of them.
You asked me if I believe in ‘online dating’. Let’s put it this way. Let me tell you first – what does ‘cybersex’ mean?
Fate, everything is fate. Think about it, as I just said, millions of computers are connected by the Internet, and many people are not only learning new knowledge and searching for information on the Internet, but also looking for friends. Internet dating is usually unintentional and casual. Have you ever had a cappuccino?
Coffee? You have to pick through the thick layer of milk foam to get to the inner layer of flavor.
We haven’t met, how do we know if they’re round? Flat? Triangular? Is he reliable? It’s a question that varies from person to person. I care a lot about feelings, his typing speed, habits, tone of voice, diction – and more importantly, the desire to make friends. Nothing compares. At least, it doesn’t matter if you’ve met him.
Follow the feeling. That’s the kind of girl I am.
There is no standard or reason for feeling, and it’s a toss-up between grabbing and not grabbing. Whether or not I want to like a certain Internet user is naturally up to me to decide.
God knows what’s going on. The boy who gave me this feeling was a special case of Tsubaki’s ‘mindlessness’.
Codenamed ‘Nie Feng’, he really comes and goes like the wind. This nickname looks familiar, doesn’t it? It’s the name of the hero of the famous Hong Kong comic book ‘Fung Wan’! You’re asking me if he’s cooler than ‘Nie Feng’? I’m sorry, but I’ll keep it a secret!
Since there’s a ‘Nie Feng’, I guess I knew there would be an ‘evenly matched’ heroine Lo!
It just so happens that my code name in the chat room is ‘Kong Ci’ (my brother is also a ‘Fengyun’ fan, otherwise, how do you think I got my pronoun?) And then..! And then… the following story unfolded…
The night is not over, the love is not over.
About a year ago, I was wandering around as an ‘internet warrior’, frequenting chat rooms of all sizes. After searching and comparing, I decided to frequent a few sites regularly – one of them, ‘CICQ Chatroom’, was the stage for this online love song.
I finally found a place like ‘home’, CICQ chat rooms give me a warm feeling – netizens care about each other, cheer each other up, from the smallest thing, such as family matters, quarrels with boyfriends and girlfriends, or looking at classmates who are not in good mood; to the big things, such as world affairs, world peace, and the universe, we can talk about them and exchange opinions.
Little arguments, however, are inevitable. What chat room doesn’t have its share of arguments?
That day, my mood is quite happy, open the computer will be excited to ‘sneak’ on the CICQ chat room. Oddly enough, there weren’t many people there. Plus, the political topics they talked about did not interest me much, so I just watched from the wall and dove into the water, typing a few ‘．’ from time to time. It means ‘I’m still alive’, I haven’t hung up yet, I’m just falling asleep. Good habit.
[Confucius]:┅┅┅┅
Not being able to get a word in edgewise is a real bore. I thought to myself, “It’s not a good idea to waste any more time, if there are no new faces in here in five minutes, I’ll declare ‘get out of here'”.
Nieh Feng: Hi! Hello, everyone…
I was looking forward to it, but finally I saw a netizen with a ‘decent’ name. I took the initiative to say hello to him.
Kong Chi: Nie Feng, An An ah ~~ ^^^
Nie Feng: Hello…
Huh? Is this the end of our conversation? NieFeng ignored me and ran off to find another girl friend. What an attitude!
How can there be such a person? I don’t know who you are. We’ll see. I know a lot of people on the net, you’re not the least of them!
I dismissed it as a daredevil, then looked back – the boys were constantly talking about political issues, and nothing more was going to change that! I shrugged my shoulders and got off the line.
I can’t figure out if Nie Feng and I are destined to have a ‘bad karma’ for seven lifetimes. Ever since I bumped into him, I’ve been meeting him almost every afternoon. As we met more often, we used to have only three conversations and no more than five words each time, but Mr. Nieh Feng, who had a big brain, finally noticed the difference in my codename… (After almost a month… Oh my god!) Nie Feng: Gee, am I right? I’ve only been on CICQ for a short time, and I’ve met a ‘Kung Chi’? She looks like a girl…@@
Hey, you’ve been watching for more than 20 days, are you blind? You can call yourself ‘Nie Feng’, but I can’t call myself ‘Kong Ci’?
Kong Chi: Is it against the law for me to take this code name?
NieFeng: Of course not, I just wanted to make sure. By the way, are you really a girl or not?
[Kong Chi]: Uh, yeah! Are you afraid I’m an impostor? I can’t give you proof now! ^_^
Nie Feng: Alright, I’ll trust you for once. Kong Ci, do you know the origin of my name?
Kong Ci]: Of course I know. Nie Feng is the name of the main character in the Hong Kong comic book ‘Fung Wan’, and ‘Kong Chi’ is the heroine of the book.
Nie Feng: So we’re a natural pair!
Kong Chi: Thick! Your card’s about right! Who wants to be paired with you? Your cheeks are so thick, you can even keep them in place when a tanker rolls over them! ^O^
Nie Feng: Hahahahahaha…
The online Nie Feng is a kind and cheerful person, except that his ‘no-nonsense’ style is a bit too much for me to stomach.
Khunji: How can you laugh after being scolded… I’ve lost to you… ~_~
Nieh Feng: To be scolded by my lovely sister, that’s exactly what I want. People will be very envious of me…
[Confucius]:┅┅┅┅
I was speechless. I wondered if Nie Feng’s face had been smelted in a furnace at over 1,050 degrees Celsius. It’s surprisingly hard~… It’s quite interesting!
Nie Feng: Why aren’t you talking? Are you still there? ~O_O~
Kung Tsi]: I’m ~ in ~! I’m just in shock… ^^
Nie Feng: I’m still a student, studying at a college in the south and living in the north. What about you?
[Kong Chi]: Me? I just graduated from XX Business College, and I’m currently staying at home, waiting for a job to come to me.
Nie Feng: So he’s a hobo…@@@
[Kong Chi]: What the hell! It’s called ‘selective unemployment’, okay? Calling someone a ‘hobo’~, that’s awful! (=\_/=) (Do you look angry?) Nie Feng: I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I’m sorry, I’m sorry! ~><~I’m sorry.
Kong Ci]: Considering your sincerity, I’ll accept your apology! ^O^ [Nie Feng]: Phew! It’s good that you’re willing to forgive me! Thank you!
Hmph, ‘bullying’ me on the first encounter! Of course I have to return the favor.
Kong Ci: Forgive me – then you will be punished to say ‘I’m sorry’ 300 times whenever you come across me in the future!
Nie Feng: Simple! It’s just ‘copy’, ‘duplicate’, cut and paste!
[Konji]: Is that so?
The two of us talked for more than an hour in the chat room. I realized that Nie Feng was a talkative and funny person, and was quite good as a friend.
Is there a future for this friendship? I wouldn’t dare hope for that, and I don’t have the heart to think about it much.
I believe that no matter what kind of feelings are accumulated, piled up, fermented, and then sublimated in dribs and drabs. When you look back by chance, you realize that it has grown as tall as a tree! No need to operate too ‘hard’, feelings are fragile, be careful to put it gently.
Hold in the palm of your hand, it will slip; too much care, actively fertilize but pull up the seedling to grow. I would rather cultivate an acre of heartland, will love deep plowing, when the patrol, but not spoil the new shoots.
Love in a greenhouse is often unable to withstand small winds and small rains, or even big waves. When we are faced with the choice between ‘love’ and ‘bread’, it is often easy to throw our relationship into an intractable cycle – just like ‘the chicken gives birth to the egg and the egg gives birth to the chicken’.
The question is: ‘Love begets bread’? Or is it ‘love that springs from bread’? Cupid’s arrow unites the souls of men and women who are hungry for love, but it also shoots a sharp blade that cuts every lonely body – where is the food?
The food of love, the driving force that invigorates love. How can you fall in love on an empty stomach? After Sima Xiangru and Zhuo Wenjun expressed their love for each other, Xiangru still had to sell his calligraphy and paintings; Wenjun still had to sell wine. This was the case in ancient times, and modern people are of course willing to give up for ‘bread’.
Reality, that’s the very reality of it.
In contrast, ‘online dating’ is much simpler and more concise – no need to pay too much cost, with a phone line, data machine or a dedicated Internet line, with an ‘imaginary’ beautiful image of text or voice to talk to each other. Ignoring his or her true colors, the main thing is to ‘make friends’ and ‘make love’.
I can’t see you, you can’t touch me, I don’t have any pressure or responsibility.
Netizens only exist online. If I like you, it will definitely be because of your verbal charm and personality, not your appearance.
Internet love’ can not be measured by the factor of appearance, I regard it as a ‘platonic’ type of ‘spiritual love’. A kind of spiritual fit and resonance, the level is far stronger than the so-called ‘fast-food romance’, ‘one-night stand’ and so on the ridiculous love variant.
In my quiet time, I often think about two questions – ‘what am I looking for online’? Have I lost my way? Most of the time, I surf the Internet for leisure, to kill time, or to make a few friends with whom I can talk. For me, the Internet is not a stimulant or a narcotic, it only serves the function of a ‘medium’ – it makes me feel as if I were at home in a huge virtual world.
I’m not against ‘online dating’, let alone seeking it with all my heart. If you are too adventurous, you are called an Internet ‘dinosaur’, and there are many kinds of them; using fake photos to defraud others of their feelings or money is especially undesirable, and is a serious violation of Internet ‘morals’ and ‘ethics’.
Just, does love stretch along the net? What I want is ‘true love’.
From my online conversations with my online friends, I slowly listen to their heart, share their sorrows, and participate in their joys – and I gradually realize whether what they say is true or not. How vast is the Internet? Isn’t it great that you can get a response to your feelings with just a few keystrokes?
What I still don’t understand is─Nie Feng’s thoughts. Does he only see me as a friend?
I’m sure I am.
As our encounters increased, the topics of our conversations with him varied from life’s trivialities, his progress in school, interesting school stories, and the strange people I met in the chat room… The speed of my finger tapping on the keys never slowed down. After observing him quietly for a while, I realized that Nieh Feng was, as I thought, so innocent, kind, sensitive, but a bit childish and rash.
A complex mix of personalities. Oh yeah, and his adorable ‘no-nonsense’ thinking.
Gradually the two of them feel each other’s temperament, I think I can officially leave the pure ‘netizens’
After the stage, I was assured that I would tell him my home phone and CALL number. Nie Feng likewise dutifully gave me his relevant information.
[Nie Feng]: Ci, you just leave me a string of phone numbers like that, aren’t you afraid that I’ll wake you up in the middle of the night to name names? ^_^
Kong Ci]: Yes! Feng, if you have the guts, why don’t you give it a try? I’ll wait for you to go to bed and use the auto-dialing function at one hour intervals, so you won’t be lonely all night… [Nieh Feng]: Wow, you’re so mean! I don’t dare call you anymore.
Kong Ci: Who cares if you call! If you don’t want to call, forget it~\_/ [Nie Feng]: Don’t be angry, Ci. I’ll call you when I can, I’d love to hear your voice. ^^
Kong Chi: That’s more like it. Wind, I hope you’ll keep your promise and do what you said you would do!
Nie Feng: Yes! I am here to obey the order!
Wind is quite busy with his studies, so if he doesn’t have time to surf the net, it’s hard to find him in person. Anyway, I just need to make sure that this person is still alive and well.
Half a month later, he finally called, and it was B.B.CAL-L! I stared at the numbers on the small screen of the machine in disbelief – who the hell was calling me? My head began to search for the symbolism of the numbers! It seems to be the wind!
The first call, of course, was a test. The purpose was to find out if I was disguised by a boy. It was a ‘no-warning’ situation. The wind thought it was playing ‘air-raid drills’, didn’t it?
I walked out of the room, picked up the phone next to the door, and called him in the south, “Is Mr. Nie Feng there?”
“I am. May I ask who you are?” Hmm? This man’s voice is so ‘sensual’.
Luckily it was the wind. If it had been a boring man, he would have been finished!
“Hello! I’m Kong Ci who used to fight with you in the CICQ chat room!”
He said in surprise: “Kong Ci is ~ you ~ oh~! How are you? It’s been a while since I talked to you.”
“I’ll count on you to know how to be polite ~looks~.” I deliberately dragged out my voice, “What made you think of calling me on the C-ALL machine?” Actually asking him─’What hole in the ground have you been hiding in for a while?
Can’t even see anyone!’
Wind’s tone was slightly weak: “I’ve been working on a report recently, and the midterm exams just ended. I remembered that I haven’t talked to you for a long time, so I’m afraid you’ll miss me!”
“Stinky! Just sticking it in your face! What do people want from you?”
He grinned, “As expected, you’re more ‘cha-bei-bei’ in person than you are online.”
“Nie Feng! Don’t ruin my image, okay? I’m very ‘virtuous and gentle’!” I protested sternly.
“Who taught you to be so fierce? However, your voice is quite magnetic, kind of like the singer Lin Liangle from eight hundred years earlier.”
I said, “Why don’t you just say that my voice is like the singer Billie (Wang Xue’e)? You don’t think I’m ‘whiny’ enough, do you?” Wind doesn’t know much about the ‘art’ of complimenting a girl.
“They say – ‘beautiful women don’t usually have beautiful voices’, so…” he attempted to reverse the situation, trying to ‘argue’ his way out of the situation.
I beamed, “Hey~, Nie Feng, you had to take a big~ turn~ to say something nice about me?
“It’s messy, it’s insincere, it’s…”
Windy replied: “I don’t want to see you unhappy!”
“Hahahahaha…” I laughed out loud, “I’m happy that you remember me!
How can you be angry?”
He saw my tone return to relaxed, “So you were tricking me? I was tricked.”
“What a dumb Nerf! ~”I laughed even harder.
We chatted again about the personal events of the past few days, about our state of mind – insignificant, perhaps. For me, however, counting the past with the wind was like walking along the beach, kicking the pure white sand and picking up memories washed up from the sea of time. Holding it in the palm of my hand, I stared at its shimmering light, which vaguely reflected the afterglow of the setting sun.
Yee-haw, zero burden. I love it. Mindlessness – there’s nothing like crossing a phone line or an internet connection to calm my mind.
The wind is a good listener. When I have a problem with my online friend, he knows how to comfort me, stand by me, and take the heat for me; when I am sad, he is willing to put down his work and listen to me cry; when I am happy, he can also laugh and celebrate with me.
I don’t want much. Isn’t that what it’s all about, my friend?
The friendship between Wind and I grew steadily and unknowingly. As soon as we picked up the phone, we talked to each other as if we were best friends, and the naughty steps of ‘love’ came closer and closer without us even realizing it.
This is probably the standard pattern of online dating – and when you find out, you are already in a deep, deep hole, in which it is difficult to extricate themselves.
He’s also fun. Sometimes he’d said in his e-mail that he’d be busy and wouldn’t be calling today. Often, as soon as I close my e-mail, his hello call arrives, ringing off the hook.
“Aren’t you busy?” I asked Wind incredulously as I picked up the phone and blinked.
The boy was dumbfounded: “Did you? Did I say that? I don’t remember… Anyway, now that we’re done, let’s keep talking…”
His adorable ‘confused’ nature often cracks me up.
After a month or so, I was tasked with organizing a big CICQ chat room event, and gathered a lot of close friends to the boardwalk for a ‘get-together’. I was so blessed that I thought, “Why don’t we invite Windy to join us?
“Hello? It’s Ci! There’s something I want to tell you, Wind.”
“Ci, what’s so important?”
I said excitedly, “We’re going to have an ‘Internet gathering’ in the chat room, and I’m going to organize it! The time is this Saturday morning at 11:30, in the boardwalk XX Western restaurant. Do you want to come?”
“Eh, I’ll try to give it a shot.” He’s quite the hoot.
I informed him of the address of the meal, the way to get a ride, and all the other details, “Then please make sure you’re there on time to attend!”
Wind agreed ‘in principle’ and simply said, “Eh! …”
Nodding is for nodding. I reminded Feng again in the chat room on Friday. But by the time the boys flew north from the south and arrived at the promised location, our big dinner had already ended, and Wind was left with a blank look on his face. I also missed out on the chance to see Nieh Feng in the flesh, which was a great pity!
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I won’t dare next time!” He made a special ‘solemn’ call to apologize.
Things have happened, this big lady can not bear to be too harsh: “Do not have a next time is good.
We’ll have another chance later. So… how come you’re late?”
Windy snorted and said, “Uh, on Friday night, I played too much video games and slept too late to catch the next day’s Taiwan bus. So…” The volume of the voice and the level of embarrassment went in reverse, and I couldn’t hear him clearly.
“Oh~, I know. It’s all because computer games are so much fun that they make you forget when it’s time to go to bed, right?” How else could I answer?
Falling into the ocean and drowning, he seemed to hold on to a piece of driftwood and immediately answered, “That’s a good point! That’s the way it is! You really know me, Ci.”
I let out a bitter laugh: “Yes, you’re welcome.” I really wanted to ‘knock him on the head’ hard!
Chapter 3: Untying Your Love (2) – When Love Spreads Online
This spring break, he came back from the south, and he couldn’t help but call me and ‘kowtow’ to me, which has evolved into a habit for him. Seriously, it feels weird not hearing him yakking in my ear for a day!
When he called, he would usually tell me where he was, what he was doing, who he was with… or he would just ask me to talk to him. It was as if I was his ‘guardian’ and he had to report everything to me, and he was very afraid of being forgotten by the world.
I’m the world, right?
I got a new cell phone, and when I got it, I was happy to give him my phone number – finally, I was free from the possibility of being bugged by my mom. Thankfully, she didn’t know that Fung was my ‘boyfriend’…
You know what? My mother has the supernatural ability to tell when a call is from the wind by the time of day and the number of times it rings. This kind of ‘special ability’ is really scary. So, having a cell phone is a great blessing for me!
So, my way of communicating with the wind has finally caught up with the times and entered the stage of ‘secrecy and espionage’.
Early one morning, I opened my eyes from a beautiful dream, and before my mind was fully awake, my cell phone inexplicably rang. Huh? Who would be looking for me at this hour? It couldn’t be the wind, could it?
“Hello? Who’s calling, please?” I pressed the answer button.
“Excuse me, is this the XXX Lounge? I’m looking for my husband XXX. Your name is Nana, right? Did he die drunk at your place? Did he…” The woman’s voice was ‘furious’, as if she had to cut her husband into pieces and kill him by a thousand cuts.
I calmly cut off her barrage, “Miss, you dialed the wrong number! This is not a lounge.”
“Huh? Not oh?” She paused, “I really misread it! Sorry. Sorry.
Miss, it’s noisy!”
Communication aborted. Put down your cell phone. Yay? How could my phone number be similar to a certain hotel ‘publicist’ lady? That flirtatious husband’s life is probably about to be in jeopardy.
It was almost noon when Wind called to greet me. I then told him the original story of the ‘strange encounter’ I had encountered early in the morning.
“Hahaha…” He laughed with tears in his eyes, “You’ve actually become a lounge princess, huh? Wow…”
I ‘flattened’ my lips and said in a threatening tone, “It’s just an oopsy incident with a wrong number, is it worth being so happy? Kaze~”
“Uh…, just thought it would be a bit of fun.” Wind smiled wryly, “How about this. To make you feel more balanced, then if I call you from now on, why don’t I just say, ‘I’m looking for a wife’?
Okay.”
I frowned: “Come on, do me a favor and get it right! When did I agree to be your wife?
You’re crazy again, don’t!”
“How else should I tell it? You say.” He was ‘naughty’ enough.
“Call me by my name. You won’t oh?” I’ll play with you to the end.
Windy played like a child, “I don’t want to! I want to call you my wife!”
“Forget it! Whatever you want. Fung, you can call me whatever you like…” I really can’t help it.
After spring break, the boys went back to the south for classes. After a few days of boredom, I waited for Hou Feng, sighing inwardly, “When will you come again?”
Nie Feng: Hello, everyone!
Damn you, you didn’t show up until now! Do you know I’m waiting for you?
Kong Chi: Hubby, you’re back?
[Nie Feng]: Ci, are you really calling me ‘husband’? ^^
Kong Chi: Hey, isn’t that what you want me to call you?
[Nie Feng]: Oh, seeing you type out the word ‘husband’, doubly affectionate, my dear good wife.
Kong Chi: Hubby, you’re so sweet!
Nie Feng: Wife, we have to care for each other in order to make progress in our relationship! Khun kaew]: I can’t… I can’t go on… ^^^
Originally, it was just a small joke, but I didn’t expect that the wind and I started to call each other ‘husband and wife’; what’s more ‘troublesome’ is that human beings have a bad habit, that is, ‘habit becomes nature! After calling me ‘husband’ for a long time, I really felt like a ‘husband’ to Wind.
Is it an illusion? Or is it a falsehood?
Once I went into a CICQ chat room and accidentally bumped into him conversing with another girl, and what’s worse, he seemed to be making out! A surge of ‘jealousy’ came over me… I kept quiet and greeted him as usual. But it was so uncomfortable that I didn’t want to say anything about it, and it stayed in my heart.
Why did you have to tell him? Because I will never admit to being ‘jealous’.
Our cycle of calling each other has evolved to a regular daily basis, or else we use ICQ or find a space in a C-ICQ chat room where we can talk to each other individually. It’s a blessing to be able to talk to him without worry.
I think I’m mature and rational enough to face the ‘unbearable lightness of life’ honestly. Therefore, I never fight with him, and even if he speaks out of turn, pisses me off, or even makes me cry, I don’t ‘turn the other cheek’.
How much rationality should there be in love? In my opinion, the conversations I have with my online friends are half-truths and half-false, unless they trust me a lot – and online love is the ultimate in trust.
Of course, it’s also the highest ‘range’ of tolerance. It’s no different from ordinary love! Isn’t that what love is all about?
Windy, sometimes it’s hard to understand him. Difficult to understand…
Nieh Feng: Honey, I’m busy with my semester report…
[Konji]: Are you sure we should keep talking?
Nie Feng]: I can multi-task with one mind, no problem!
As I was typing on the keyboard, suddenly…
[Nieh Feng]: Don’t you disturb me! …
Hey. – Hey! You’re the one who wants to play ICQ while typing reports. Tell me to keep quiet? What’s wrong with you?
[Konchi]: OK! If you don’t argue, don’t argue! Just finish your report! I’ll go offline then.
I got angry and didn’t want to pay attention to him. The wind’s ‘head case’ was probably not wound up tight again.
Nieh Feng: Wow! Honey, wait a minute, you’ve got it all wrong…
Hmph! It’s too late! One click of the mouse and I’m offline. Leaving the wind in a ‘clean slate’
Good air.
Whew! Weird husband.
Three or four days later, we met in the chat room…
Nie Feng: Honey, I’m sorry! I chose the wrong speech and made you unhappy. /Khun kaew: Hubby, you’re so…@@@
I really didn’t want to pay any attention to him. Within a few words, I shrugged it off and moved on, leaving him to reflect on his thoughts.
Afterwards, Wind kept apologizing for the incident. He also said that he has been face to face, decided to take the brambles, plus head hanging coconut, feet on the ‘health trail’, from the south ‘three steps, one knee, nine steps, one kowtow’ all the way back to Taipei to pay homage.
Khun Ja: Uh… Husband, do you think you’ve joined the ‘Mazu’ tour?
Nie Feng: I only ask that you forgive me… ~~@@~~
Khunji: Let’s see how sincere you are… ^^^
I don’t have a heart, I don’t remember overnight grudges, the past is over. The anger is also slowly fading and forgetting.
Don’t bother getting angry.
A month or so later, I was chatting with the boys on the phone and talking up a storm. There was a phone interruption on the other end of the wind.
“I’ll call you back later.”
I nodded, “Yeah.”
Hanging up the phone, he stopped calling all day. Sensitive as I am, I felt something was wrong. I hope I’m being paranoid.
The next day, his call arrived on time as usual, and I picked up the receiver.
“Wife, I have something I want to say to you…” Wind apparently stammered.
I’m not an idiot, so I could tell: “Are you hiding something from me? Tell me!”
“Yesterday, the phone call that interrupted our conversation was from some girl. She and I used to be a couple, and then, we didn’t get together because both parents were against it. I still keep in touch with her. Let’s just say, deep down, I can’t get her out of my mind…” He tried to make the story as simple as possible.
These words were more painful to me than a sharp needle. I don’t know what to do when the man I love tells me how much he thinks of another girl – except that my head swells, my ears ring, and my heart aches.
How could sand get into my eyes? Two lines of tears slid down my cheeks – No, I can’t cry! But I can’t help it
“And? …” I could hardly speak, my hands were shaking so badly.
He continued, “I still have her picture in my wallet and I can’t throw it away, so I keep in touch with her. After all, she was my favorite…. After I broke up with her, I was depressed for a while. She was the first girl who made me cry…”
What about me? Why did I shed tears for you? Did you feel it? Wind..!
“Then..! Then you go back to her! Why are you ignoring me?” Alas, the vinegar bucket was kicked over by me. I was quite agitated.
“Honey, don’t cry!” He urgently advised me.
I was furious: “Feng, please don’t call me your wife! I’m not lucky enough…”
“Ts… I… There’s no way I’m going to seek that love again. I have you, don’t I?” He finally spat out a decent ‘human’ sentence.
I sighed: “Yeah?” Doubt, insecurity.
I may not be the one for you. But I’d rather be the one for you right now.
I ended the call hastily. Closing the door behind me, tired and sad, I fell back onto the bed and glanced at his picture on the table – he was wearing a seemingly innocent smile. I buried my face in the pillow in anger, and as my tears began to flow, I couldn’t help but cry my eyes out…
I was like a midnight ghost scurrying around the internet, circling around and around, and I was surprised to come back to that ‘sad place’.
[Kung-chi]:…
Hey, I’ve been going through the online listings, and there’s a name that looks familiar! Cute Yaya… [Cute Yaya]: Cee, why are you up here at this hour?
Haha, Ya caught me!
Her nights have always been more beautiful than my days.
Konjac: I’m in a bad mood… and I’m really mad at some guy! I’d like to talk to someone.
[Cute Yaya]: Isn’t it the ‘Nerd Wind’? My precious godbrother?
Xiaoya is my online friend, pals, mentor and post-switching sister, and she’s as close as you can get – almost as close as you can get. She’s the right person to talk to about anything ‘depressing’.
The important thing is that she knows Wind and his personality. Xiaoya and he met in another chat room, and as they talked, Feng found out that she was a junior high school student in China – so Feng became Xiaoya’s godbrother.
[Kongci]: Just ~ is ~ he ~!
[Lovely Yaya]: Every time you mention him, you either laugh or cry.
[Kong Ci]: This time it’s a crying shame!
[Cute Yaya]: What do you think of him?
Kung Tsi: He’s a good talker! I like him very much. It’s just that he gives me a strange feeling of uncertainty, and I’m afraid…
[Cute Yaya]: Ugh, come on! What did he say today that upset you? ~@@
[Khunji]: He still had her in his heart… and the wind cried for her…
[Cute Yaya]: So that’s how it is. How can a boy talk about his old feelings in front of a girl who likes him? He even said, ‘I think about old feelings’!
That’s what I’m talking about! Where do you think I stand? Are you trying to make me angry with her? \I don’t know.
[Lovely Yaya]: ‘Nerdy wind’ is a bit too frank, isn’t it? Ci, stop being angry. He’s just like that! At least he remembered to ask you about your favorite kind of flower on the eve of your birthday and ordered a bouquet of elegant white lilies from the florist to send you, so that’s kind of thoughtful of him! Especially since he’s a poor student with no income, it’s rare that he’s willing to give so much even before we officially meet.
[Konchi]: Yes, although the flowers were not a great surprise, he at least knew how to be romantic…. Huh? Ya, are you putting in a good word for Wind?
[Cute Yaya]: Uh, I’m just talking about things! Don’t get me wrong, but we started to talk about Wind’s behavior and words from beginning to end.
Kung Tsi: Forget it, anger doesn’t help much. After discussing this with you, I’m a lot less angry.
[Lovely Yaya]: That’s right. If you don’t learn how to keep one eye open and one eye closed, and stretch one leg and close one leg, there will be no love in the world.
Kong Chi: You’re an expert on love, aren’t you?
[Lovely Yaya]: Love square program = [(Blindness + Endurance + Tolerance + Compassion + Trust) Time and money spent together] / Age. After deriving the multivariate program, double integration is done using the perceptions of both men and women and the influence of the surrounding environment as the coordinate axes ~ [Konchy]: I’m confused…@@@
[Lovely Yaya]: This was written by a netizen who studied math. If you think about it, it makes sense. In short, love is two words – complicated!
[Kong Chi]: Well, it’s complicated indeed.
[Cute Yaya]: Right, didn’t you invite me to your place for a barbecue on the day before the Dragon Boat Festival next month? You can ask him to go with you! In addition to getting a glimpse of him, we can also observe and understand the thoughts of ‘Nerd Wind’.
Kong Chi: That’s fine! Then I’ll ask a few more people, and the scene won’t look awkward. Ya, you’re so smart!
[Cute Yaya]: Well, don’t praise me yet. We’ll see what happens when the time comes!
Confidential agreement was reached and my mind was finally a little more grounded. I know I should do something, can I have a light love? Will it be a luxury?
I thought of a good follow up statement and asked him to make sure he visited my house for a barbecue that day. I even ‘dragged’ out a whole bunch of my online friends’ screen names as a shield, so I couldn’t alert the boys.
He agreed very quickly, much to my surprise.
“Hubby, you can’t forget your promise with me again!” I admonished again and again, not to ‘let him off the hook’ so easily.
The boy smiled a bit bitterly: “That net gathering was only late once, and you were blacklisted for eternity?”
“Not so much!” I pouted my lips, “Let’s see how you do this time! Clumsy hubby.”
The wind increased its tone, “Okay! I’ll come with my god-sister Sayaka! The one who lied to you is a puppy. Is that okay?”
Well, it’s done. I then went through the list of names, and estimated the number of attendees to be around eight to ten.
I waited and waited for the promised day.
Who knew that the weather was not kind to me, and that it must be against me on purpose? One day the sun was shining, the next day it was pouring with rain – I stretched my neck and looked at the building across the street, and wow! It was all so hazy and beautiful!
What a bad day for a barbecue. LOL~!
I shook my head and sighed so often as I looked at the pot of marinated meat slices in the retreating ice that I drowned my interest in even buying a grill and charcoal!
What made me even more nervous was how far the wind was from the photo. Would he be a ‘big, majestic’ dinosaur? When he saw the real me, did he fall in love at first sight? Or…?
The more I think about it, the more I panic. I shrugged it off, let’s talk about it when we meet. Don’t fantasize too much. ‘Ding-dong-dong…’ I heard the doorbell! I heard the doorbell and immediately rushed out of the living room to open the door.
As soon as the door opens, I see a male and a female fallen chicken smiling towards me.
I said in surprise, “Oh my god! Saya? Don’t you have an umbrella?”
The wretched ‘Cute Yaya’ shook her head and raised a large ‘eight million’ umbrella in her right hand, looking ‘bruised and battered’ with an even more tearful expression.
I switched sides again: “Huh? So you’re Nieh Feng? Are you like this too?”
I looked at his rain gear and it didn’t seem to be getting much use.
Fung smiled a ‘miserable’ smile, a look of resignation and sorrow… the same look as in the photo…
“Come on in! Come in quick! You two are the first to arrive.” I greeted the two men as they entered the house.
I asked Feng and Xiaoya with concern: “You can’t keep wearing wet clothes, you’ll catch a cold.
I’ll go find clothes for you to change into.”
Mommy happened to walk out of the kitchen and they immediately got up to greet my mom.
“Mom, I want to take dry clothes for Ya to wear; but what about Wind him?”
Mom smiled and said, “I’ll go to your brother’s room and borrow a few pieces, he’s not home.”
I left my brother’s clothes and pants with Wind, gave my own precious clothes to Ya to change into, prepared a towel so that they could dry off from the rain, and dried their wet clothes by dehydrating them slowly… I was a host, so I couldn’t let our guests starve and freeze. As a host, I couldn’t let our guests starve and freeze, could I?
The rain still couldn’t stop the ‘resilient’ netizen spirit of the netizens, who showed up at my doorstep one after another in twos and threes, sporadically.
Once the nine had arrived, they greeted each other and briefly introduced themselves.
When everything was in place, I took a good look at Wind’s appearance – a gentlemanly, somewhat ‘kuai-go’
, the features are sort of decent, and it looks pretty smooth. Luckily it’s not a Tyrannosaurus Rex.
Uh, what should I tell him? I’ll be shy in front of so many people… After a while, I managed to muster up the courage to try to get something out.
“Windy, do you feel sick anywhere?” The taller me looked flatly into the boys’ eyes. My face is a little hot.
Instead, the wind was not as sardonic as it had been on the phone, “Eh, I’m fine. Honey, thanks.”
You’re welcome.
I won’t take the next sentence…. That look in his eyes as he gazed deeply into mine forced me to wonder what to do! I scowled and started counting my toes.
It’s better not to ask him. Who will save~ save~ me…?
Xiaoya gave me a helping hand and called out, “Ci, it’s raining so hard outside, why don’t we grill the meat on the balcony instead?” She was my savior!
Other netizens all raised their hands and agreed: “This is a good suggestion! But I don’t think I’ve prepared any barbecue utensils or charcoal!”
“Hehehehe, Ci she has a deficiency in duty oh! These are things that the conveners should have opened up beforehand, so it’s not too late to make up for it, right?” Sayaka smiles strangely and stares at me.
I was embarrassed: “It was an oversight on my part! I apologize. I’ll go out and buy it! But I’ll need a helper.”
Who knows, they all shouted, “Find Nieh Fung!” （”They did it on purpose!)
‘Nerdy Wind’ was truly ‘the man of the hour’. He accompanied me to the convenience store to buy a barbecue grill, atomic charcoal, and a simple stove. We didn’t dare to say a word for fear of ruining the special feeling we had when we were together.
The barbecue was held on the balcony as scheduled, rain or shine. The long and narrow aisle was immediately surrounded by smoke, and the aroma of meat and charcoal ash wafted in all directions. A group of gluttonous people, not caring about their image, started the battle of meat and BBQ.
Windy was nice enough to sneak in and grab some extra ‘goodies’ for me to put on my plate.
Xiaoya coaxed, “Godbrother, you’re so biased!”
The wind for the sake of the overall situation, but also for the god-sister service on behalf of some.
“Everyone, don’t be polite and eat as much as you can. I’ve prepared a lot of ingredients, and I’ll bake them until your hands go limp.” My words were quite ‘host-like’.
Turning his head, the wind gave me another skewer of meat. I smiled and accepted his thoughts, and although I didn’t eat it, my heart was already warm.
No matter how hard it rains, all don’t care.
Chapter 3: Untying Your Love (3) – When Love Spreads Online
Being on-call help in the barbecue area was not easy. Windy and I were busy going back and forth, serving meat and barbecue sauce, and we didn’t have much food to eat. Seeing everyone happy made all the work worthwhile.
“Honey, they won’t be able to finish their food for a while, so how about we take a little break?
“He scowled at me with a funny facial expression.
I’m a bit tired too: “Sure, go to my room and surf the net. See if there’s anyone in the chat room. We’ll be able to gather live reports and make them drool all over the place…”
I guided him into my ‘boudoir’. In order to avoid suspicion, I had to leave the door open – to prove that he and I wouldn’t do anything ‘bad’ in private while everyone wasn’t looking.
The boy sat at his computer desk, keeping me company, took out his cigarette case, took out a light cigarette, lit it, and smoked it leisurely, gulping it down.
I went straight online to the chat room and caught a few people who lived too far away or were unable to make it. He typed and I recounted the scene – who ate how much, who got blackened with soot, how good the BBQ was…, to the protests of those who couldn’t even fly over – who told you not to come? It’s not like I can put the barbecue on the screen for you to taste!
An hour and a half later, Saya also slipped into my room: “Sorry to bother you. Hey…”
“Yeah? Gan, Ci, why are you guys on the internet? You’re too addicted to the Internet.” She asked us with a ‘skeptical’ attitude.
I gave Ya a blank look, “Ya, what else do you think we should do?”
“No, no! I thought I was going to turn into a light bulb.” The girl laughed groggily.
I don’t think… she’s thinking about it, is she?
As soon as Sayaka joined us, the three of us talked about the internet, our troubles, and a whole lot of nonsense that didn’t make sense. The sound of Xiaoya and I laughing probably drowned out the sound of the noise outside.
Ya suddenly thought of something, “Wow, there’s something I forgot! I’ll leave it!”
The boy looked around, “Honey, is there a hidden place I can borrow to change back into my clothes? I don’t want to go out…”
“That side should be fine.” I pointed to the space behind the door, “Please, make do with what you’ve got!
”
He had no choice: “Okay… You can’t peek!” He picked up the dry clothes.
I blushed slightly, “Wind, who wants to see you! Why don’t you go change now? Lazy bastard!” With a toss of my head, I continued to look at the screen image.
He’s a real piece of work, and he’s back to his old self in two or three tries… Maybe we should lend him a pay phone booth?
A short while later, he walked back to me and returned my oldest brother’s clothes to me.
Ya came in through the doorway and thankfully I didn’t have to listen to her screams.
“Wow! Time is going by so fast! It’s going to be eight o’clock!” Wind looked at his watch, “There’s something pending at home, I have to go back first!”
Xiaoya looked into the wind: “Godbrother, I want to change in Ci’s room. Can you go out for a while?”
“It’s easier to change in the bathroom.” He said while giving her a ‘wink’ – ‘He wants to spend more time with me, so you’d better come back slowly’.
How could she comply? “I don’t want to!”
The ‘stupid wind’ simply said: “Then let’s ‘scissors, rock, paper’, three rounds to determine the winner – I lose, I avoid; you lose, you go out to change.”
The only thing to blame was Ya’s poor ‘boxing luck’, losing three punches in a row.
Of course, the girl who knew what she was doing looked resigned: “Okay, okay! Since you are my godbrother, I’ll go…” Holding on to the dress she was wearing.
Xiaoya winked at the wind and immediately took a quick step out of both of our sight, and closed the door behind her. The meaning is too obvious, right? Did she lose on purpose?
The room fell violently silent. Feeling a little bit tired, I made myself comfortable on the bed and let out a big deep breath.
He sat quietly next to me and I didn’t notice.
“Windy, what do you think of the webinar?” I asked with a smile.
The boy returned in an appreciative tone, “Well, everyone had a good time and it was quite a success!”
“Hee hee, that’s good.” I inclined my head, only to realize how close we were.
The wind looks at me silently, his body slowly pressing down. I examine his face, his heart, his passion in a clear light.
What does he want? Is it…?
“You…? Feng… you…?” I tried to sit up.
The wind shook his head and reached out to ruffle and smooth my hair. Lightly close both eyes, lips, as if to ask for a long sought after love, slowly approaching.
My first reaction was, of course, nervousness! After all, it was the first time a boy had the guts to do such a thing to me. There was an internal struggle, but there was only a split second to think – accept? Resist, and slap the wind in the face?
I… Was he worth my first kiss? He…, standing in front of me, was not just a symbol on the Internet – he was warm, sentient, emotional, and capable of shedding tears for a person who was truly in love with him. I knew all about Feng’s personality, his temperament, when he would smile or when he would frown.
I do. If, for a brief moment, the contact of four lips can transform my love for him into an actual expression of intent that is not limited to text-stacked appearances, then why not?
Closing my eyes, I curled my lips lightly and welcomed the wind openly.
Softly, softly, a breeze from the meadow, blowing, making the green and the flowers dance with it. The heartbeat became so loud, his, mine, the blackness in front of my eyes made me clear. Yes, his gentleness gave me light, the heat only seen between lovers.
Lying still and flat, I am powerless to gather thoughts, all sucked dry by that love of the wind. Time, like a still pool of water, does not linger in my mind. The feeling of a kiss, unchanging. Warmth was delivered from his lips and I withdrew my defenses.
Hopefully, I’m doing this right.
Outside the door came Xiaoya’s call: “Ci, Godbrother~! May I come in?
“I’m sorry,” she said, knocking politely on the door.
Wind instantly jumped out of the way and quickly sat back down next to me, making a silly face as if nothing had happened.
I took a moment to catch my breath and responded in a serious manner, “Ya, please come in!”
“Thanks for the clothes, Ci. Gan, we should go!” The girl reminded him, “Even if you’re reluctant to leave, you still have to go. Let’s go! I don’t care if you don’t make it in time!” She set the folded clothes down on the bed.
The boy got up, “Eh, understood! Then… wife, I’ll definitely come to see you again!”
I turned around to see Wind’s newly purchased cigarettes still left on my desk, what a careless thing to do.
“Hey~! Old ~gong~! Your cigarettes!” I held up the cigarette case and lighter and delivered them to him. (It was the ‘anniversary’ of the day I actually said the word ‘husband’ out of my mouth. That’s something I should celebrate with him and ask him for a gift.)
Wind touched his nose and smiled coyly, “Ah, wife, thank you for your great kindness!”
Xiaoya took both of his hands and walked towards the front door. As the host, he wanted to see the guests downstairs, holding the car with them and waving goodbye.
The nasty rain stopped, and I eyed the figure of Wind and Xiaoya sharing the locomotive. They shrunk a little; Wind’s place in my heart enlarged and aggravated a little.
Time always slips through our fingers, and we, who rely on phone calls and ICQ contacts, always look forward to the next time we meet. A month later, Wind was on summer vacation. Being a student is a blessing, and I am happy too.
“I’ll be back tomorrow. Right on Saturday.” He said happily.
I felt excited: “I just heard you say that you did well in the final exam, so I’ll congratulate you first!
Husband.”
“Thanks! The first thing I want to do when I get home is visit you, dear wife.
“And he’s not blushing.
I laughed back at him, “Why don’t you stay home and be a good boy, and come here? Aren’t you afraid of being scolded by your mom?”
“My parents know about you, they won’t nag or anything…” said Feng Zhen with certainty.
I immediately responded, “Wait a minute! Mr. and Mrs. Kapoor know that we are…”
“It’s a boyfriend and girlfriend who are dating through the internet!” He emphasized this point in particular.
“In that case… I can’t even welcome you if you want to come! Waiting for you~!” I said happily.
But would it be too much for Windy’s mommy? Did I seem to have stolen her son? When… the boys returned to Taipei, they had just unpacked their bags and hurriedly came to my house.
“Sir? You’re so sweaty…” I opened the door and saw that Fung had water dripping from his forehead because he was riding his bicycle in the hot sun.
I told him to sit down in the living room first, turned on the air conditioner, opened the refrigerator to get him a drink, and wiped away his sweat with a Kleenex.
Of course I felt sorry for him, “Ouch, you look like you just got out of the water, honey. Why do you pick the dullest time to go out at 2 or 3 in the afternoon? Watch out for heat stroke.”
“Never mind! The south is much hotter than Taipei. I’m used to it.” He thinks he’s Superman.
However, the tough-talking man still grabbed his drink and sucked on it. How facetious.
Wind himself said that, and I was too embarrassed to go on, except to make the heat from his body dissipate as early as possible.
He took my hand, “Well, I’m not hot anymore. What were you just working on in your room?”
I didn’t pull my hand back, “I was surfing the net, looking for some information I need for work.”
“Let me look with you for a piece!” The boy pulled me up, “I promise I won’t get in your way or interrupt.”
As soon as I entered the room, I focused on surfing the Internet and chatting with others. The wind didn’t say a word, accompanied me quietly, put his right arm around my waist, and occasionally gave me a ‘Mona Lisa’ smile; sometimes it looked like a silly grin – I was probably blinded.
I shut down Internet Explorer and the datacenter and stretched my limbs in a relaxed manner, “Yay? It’s six o’clock? It’s time for me to help cook dinner.”
“Wife…, I think…, have you thought carefully about our future?” He suddenly said something that surprised me.
I was a bit confused: “Honey, isn’t it good that we’re doing this now? Why do we have to think so far ahead?”
Bum Bum Breeze’ was adamant: “I hope that things will blossom between us. Because I’m not too young…”
“Blossom?” I started to ‘act unintelligible’ as well, “What does that mean?”
The boy timidly said, “I want to marry you, let’s get married in two years.”
The twenty-six year old wind actually spoke the familiar advertisement words from his mouth, and I’m not even twenty-three years old yet!
“You’re not kidding, are you?” My heart was beating hard, “You’ve known me for less than a year! What’s more, I’m so young and have so many things I want to do, I can’t just give up…”
He stammered back, “But… I… I want to settle down…”
“I’m sorry, let me think about it…” I didn’t want to hurt him directly.
Wind nodded, “It is time to respect your opinion. I’ll wait for your reply…” interrupting the conversation for the moment.
It was hard to say yes to him. I sent Windy home on the pretext that I was busy with my household chores – there was no guarantee that we wouldn’t get into an argument if we continued.
Alas~, so begins my nightmare.
Whenever ‘Nerdy Breeze’ picked up the phone or met in a chat room, no matter how much he had talked about it before, the boy never forgot to bring up the topic of marriage – ‘wanting to marry me’. Even the letters he sent were filled with ‘Iloveyou’, but also ‘Marry me’…
However, I really don’t want to touch on this issue yet. The wind did not seem to recognize the limits of my insistence, and kept asking me what I wanted to do–would I agree to become a real “Kong Ci” at a later date?
I feel so tired, weary and distracted. I don’t want to get married early, and for a modern, new, new woman, ‘marriage’ isn’t the thing that interests me most. I still want to enjoy the short period of my youth! Who wants to be a ‘yellow face’ so soon?
Nie Feng: Honey, why are you avoiding answering everything I ask you?
Kung Tsi: How do you want me to answer you?
Nie Feng: Are you angry?
Kong Ci: I was chatting well, but when it comes to my life, I naturally have to think about it more!
Nie Feng: Are you running away from my love for you?
Konchi: I’m not running away! I told you, I don’t want to get married so early. Besides, we’ve only met twice, what about the future? If there is friction and unhappiness between us, we may fall out before we even come to the door to propose marriage!
Nie Feng: Honey, I’m not that kind of person…
Kong Chi]: We know each other almost through the net, we can embellish and have plenty of room for imagination; however, the harsh reality will gradually make us see each other clearly, our real selves, which are far more inscrutable and intolerable than our online selves. Are you ready to accept that kind of me?
Nie Feng: This… I…
Konchi: Not sure, are you? Likewise, neither can I. I need more time to analyze your nature. Marriage is a lifelong endeavor, and I can’t just make a flippant statement that will determine my happiness for the rest of my life. I don’t want to talk about it anymore!
Nieh Feng: It’s my fault. I’ve made you angry again…/_\
Kong Chi]: You’re like this every time! My temper is not so good, when I talk to you, when I keep quiet, it means I am already restraining my emotions that are about to explode; it’s the same on the internet. Like now, I am not angry. However, you keep…@@@
Nieh Feng: Honey, don’t…
[Khun kaew]: My mood has been completely ruined by you..! I really wanted to cry… [Nie Feng]: Don’t cry…, Chyi… @@@
Kong Ci]: Maybe I should have a big fight with you. Fighting is not a good way to communicate, even if you end up in a fight, with your personality, you will first admit your faults and take all the blame, but the solution to the problem is still not found. What’s the point of arguing? You have changed a lot for me, and I am grateful. I often ask myself if I’m right for you. There’s no answer. I can’t find it. [Nieh Feng]: You’re thinking too much, honey. It’s not that serious
[Kung Tsi]: Besides, marriage is not a matter of two people, but a fusion of two families.
What will you do if I don’t get along with your family?
Nie Feng: Then we’ll move out…
[Konchi]: Do you want to have a blessed wedding? I hope so. If it’s not blessed, you’ll be blamed and criticized by your family and relatives, so how will you stand up in the family? How can I live with myself?
Nie Feng]: I don’t care what others think!
Kong Chi: That’s good. Let’s say we do get married and move out to start our own business. May I ask you, my husband, if you will have to work twice as hard to pay off the mortgage, raise money for living expenses and so on. In addition to working hard to make money, you will not only lose your energy, but you will also neglect me, and the marriage will deteriorate. I don’t want you to move away from your nearest and dearest or hurt yourself just because of me!
Nie Feng: I have nothing to say…
[Kong Chi]: Married life is not just enough to talk about, it must bear considerable pressure and responsibility. I love you and don’t want you to become a slave to marriage before you’re ready. None of us should be bound by it too soon. It’s not easy to keep a family together, even if it’s just the two of us.
[Nie Feng]: Ugh… I’d rather you didn’t think so… Is it that serious? …As long as I’m good to you, that’s all that matters.
[Konchi]: Oh, my God! You don’t even know what I’m talking about! ～After talking for a long time, our ideas don’t converge and we can’t agree on anything. I’m getting annoyed, not just lately.
And so it went on, with him circling the ‘marriage’ issue, and me patiently listening and ‘negotiating’ the business issue – ‘I’m not getting married now’! The wind was adamant, leaving no room for backtracking and no thought for my situation.
Headache, tricky, painful… I had to ask for help from my military advisor and my network of friends, and the first thing I did was to look up ‘Lovely Yaya’, and the phone was dialed right away.
“Ci~? What’s the big ‘mischief’ going on again? You’re not supposed to be with anyone~” Aya asked, splitting her hairs without waiting for me to say anything.
I sighed, “Who else but my husband?”
“Godbrother ‘Nerdwind’ oh? I know, I know, I know. What did he do to offend you this time?”
I then revealed all of his never-ending ‘forced marriage’ actions over many days.
Sayaka was dumbfounded for a long time: “Ah~! Wow, what kind of person proposes in such a stupid way? My godbrother is too much.”
“No matter how I politely refuse, persuade, he can not listen to.” I rested my hand on my chin and gave a distressed expression: “I want to break up with him. I want to break up with him and be done with it.”
She thought for a moment, “You’ve already wagered quite deep feelings down on ‘Dull Head Wind’, breaking up hastily might not be very proper. You have discussed it carefully with him, right? Ci.”
“It didn’t work.” My tone was tinged with frustration, “He then changed his mind and said he could wait for me, that he didn’t care if he waited for two or three years…”
Xiaoya said, “Yes!” “So how do you want to deal with the marriage problem?”
I answered back decisively, “It will be at least seven years before I plan to get married. Is Windy willing to wait that long? Will there be any unpredictable variables in between? More importantly, I don’t like the feeling of being bound and tied down, and I can’t accept Wind’s idea of tying me down with the ‘marriage’ noose. Do men and women who love each other have to spend their lives together in the form of marriage?”
“I respect your opinion, Cee. If you don’t agree with your godbrother’s approach and attitude – then it would be best for you and him to take some time apart, to ease the tension, to buy some time to think, and maybe he or you can come up with a better perspective. Of course, if you’re determined to say ‘bye-bye’ to him, I’ll support you.”
I nodded, “Let me think about it again…. Thank you for your advice, Ya.”
Hanging up the mic back up, I went on to talk to a few other users who had much the same opinion as ‘Lovely Ya Ya’. I’ll have to make a final decision.
That night, the wind called again. I was determined to say what needed to be said at once.
Wind sensed I wasn’t quite right, “What’s wrong with you? Honey?”
“Can we cool down the boiling emotions for a while? I want to be alone…” I said as politely as I could.
The boy’s tone was slightly sad: “Honey, you’re not going to ignore me, are you? Why?
Why? Why ~what~?”
To this day, he still doesn’t know why. Is this a man’s prerogative? Or is it ignorance?
“After all this time, I think we need to consider from the beginning why we got together in the first place. Besides, the romance between the two of us makes me feel burdened. I’m burned out.”
A low, sobbing sound came from the other end of the receiver. Is it possible that Feng…?
“I understand. I can accept your decision, I just want you to know that… I’m having a very hard time…” The boy’s words came out nasally.
He was crying. But forced himself to be calm.
I don’t know if this is a good choice, but so far, there’s no other way…”
“Okay~, but I’m still waiting for you and won’t give up on you. See you again~” maybe he couldn’t control his emotions and was eager to end the conversation.
“See you ~again~.” The saddest goodbye ever.
There’s no way he’s going to stop calling. He’s not a man who gets discouraged easily, even when he does fall out of love.
I continued to live without him. Summer vacations, his birthday, he was alone.
I probably don’t love him any more than he loves me. And yet, there will be disenchantment. I cry, for that unforgettable love affair.
I don’t want oppressive love, I’d rather be free to fly solo. Fly. Ankles shouldn’t be wrapped around thin ropes.
The wind occasionally called to check on me and hinted that I should come back to him.
. I always look the other way, make a false move, and get off the subject quickly.
“Ci, can’t we meet again?” The boy murmured bitterly, “I’ve cried several times over your escapades, can you hear the sound of my chest being torn alive?”
I was quiet for a moment, “I’m sorry, I’m not available for the next two weeks, some other time.”
“Well~,” he exhaled deeply, “I can’t force you to do what you decide, Ci.
Please remember, I’m very patient.”
Our relationship stays chaotic, coupled and involved. In the blink of an eye, the Mid-Autumn Festival was approaching.
One day, the phone in the room suddenly rang loudly.
“Ci? How about we go to the Westgate hiking area and watch a movie?” It’s been a long time since Xiaoya asked me to join her on a ‘pressurized’ trip. Listening to her, she sounded extraordinarily excited.
I replied happily, “Yes, yes! When?”
“How about the Mid-Autumn Festival?” She said, “There’s a movie – ‘The Sixth Sense’.
, starring Bruce Willie, and the reviews look good. Interested?”
“It’s like a horror movie yay~.” I was grossed out inside.
“It doesn’t matter! Just find a boy to keep you company.” Xiaoya had an idea: “That’s right! My godbrother will be in Taipei that day, why don’t you ask him to be your escort?”
I ran my hand over the bangs in front of my forehead, ”You want to find Nie Feng out? Never mind, it’s up to you! I don’t have a problem with it…”
“I’ll liaise with Godbrother, he’ll pick you up at your house.” She thought for a moment, “There’s a show at the State Guest Theater at 12:35 p.m. Why don’t we just book a meeting at 12:00 p.m. at the front entrance of the theater? Is that agreeable? Ci.”
Did Ya attempt to create a ‘comeback’ for Wind? I have no way of finding out. Watching a movie is not a bad thing, so naturally I agreed to do it.
The wind and I met for the third time at the Mid-Autumn Festival.
At 9:30 a.m., the visitor’s bell at the front door downstairs interrupted me from chatting on the Internet. I went out to the balcony and looked down the alleyway-ahh? Nie Feng was already standing there, waving at me!
“Why are you here so early?” I led him to the living room to rest, amazed at his ‘punctuality’.
“Heh! I was so excited to see you that I couldn’t sleep, so I left early.” His excuse sucks!
I stifled my laughter, “Windy, your cheekiness is still the same. I’m in a chat room chatting with an internet friend, can’t I release it later?”
“Okay, no problem. I’ve been waiting for you for so long, I don’t care if I have to wait a little longer.”
He sat and watched me surf the net. Once he waited, it was an hour. Heh heh.
As soon as I left my house, the boy asked, “Ci, do you know how to get to Ximending?” He mentioned several street names.
Ask me? This girl is a super roadie, she doesn’t know everything. He doesn’t dare to take the shortcut I memorized. Isn’t that like asking in vain?
He gave me a ride on his motorcycle. I was under the impression that it wasn’t too far! In the end, it took me a whole hour to get to my destination…
“The weather’s nice. Still, it’s only eleven-thirty, so it’s still early.” Parking his motorcycle, he glanced down at his watch.
I was skeptical: “Windy, you’re riding an unfamiliar route?”
The boy grimaced mischievously, “Crap! You caught me out. I just want to make the most of every moment I have with you.”
“Tch,~” my lady blinked, and it wasn’t good enough to whack him in the street, “Not next time!”
Xiao Ya Ren had not yet arrived, so Wind suggested going for coffee. Within a few sips, my cell phone rang. It’s Xiaoya, she’s waiting for us at the designated place!
The atmosphere of ‘The Sixth Sense’ was eerie and subdued, and I gripped the armrests of my seat firmly with both hands, fearing that something strange would fly out from the big screen and scare me. There was a scene where the little boy opened his eyes and saw the bedroom full of various ghosts that took me by surprise!
“Ah~~~!” The tense silence that filled the audience was completely cut through by my ‘out of breath shriek’.
“Shhh~!” Stopping boos immediately appeared around them.
This is embarrassing.
Feng grabbed my hand and whispered reassuringly to me: “It’s all a lie, don’t be afraid…”
“How could I be afraid~” I bravado back to him.
“It’s a good thing you didn’t jump on me. Last time I went with a group of friends to see the second episode of ‘Scream Out Loud’, and after the movie was over, we walked out of the screening room together, and I intentionally tapped another girl on the shoulder, and she was so shocked that she hugged me on the spot…”
“Are you scaring that girl? Or are you just too chicken?” I glanced at him, my mouth laughing.
The show is over. The three of them hadn’t eaten lunch yet, but it was early anyway, so of course they went shopping together to hang out and eat something to ‘keep the shock’ at bay.
“I stayed up late the night before and wanted to get back to catching up on my sleep. I want to leave first.” Xiaoya stared at Wind, “Godbrother, Ci will be in your care Luo, don’t bully her!”
As soon as Ya left, Wind pulled me back to continue drinking that ‘unfinished’ coffee.
He sat directly across from me, letting the heat and flavor of the cup evaporate, his eyes never shifted from my cheeks. I was ashamed by the wind, I did not know where to set my eyes, so I pretended not to care, and often looked out the window, to more or less dissolve some of the anxiety in my heart.
“Tzu, your eyes are so beautiful. They are like the stars that twinkle in the darkness of the sea in early fall, a combination of mystery and poignancy. I wish I could see a copy of me in your pupils…” His tone was so gentle.
Is that so? I look in the mirror every day and I don’t feel like this? Is it possible that Fung reads a lot of Joan of Arc novels?
We chatted for an hour or so and I remembered that I had a date with a friend in the evening.
“I’ll drive you.” I can’t say no to his kindness.
When I got off the bus, I walked in front of him. Out of nowhere, he said, “Cee, come here a minute! You can come a little closer.”
“What is it?” I wondered.
He beckoned again, “Just come over here.”
“No!” So the wind wants to hug me. It’s on the street! So many people are watching.
I kept saying ‘don’t’ along the way as the two of them walked one behind the other. Unsuspecting passersby gave curious glances.
He made sure I was safely inside my friend’s house before riding back. As soon as the boy arrived home, he called me to remind me not to stay too late and to come home early to be a good boy…. What could I say? Only ‘Yes! That’s all I could say.
He and I were back to our old ways – we’d tell each other where we were when there was something going on.
I suppose his persistence is what I cherish most.
The school year is about to start, and after he returned to the south, he still calls at least once a day to check in on me in the morning. My mom, who has a sharp ear, knows when the phone rings that my ‘he’ is back, and even when I’m busy, she’ll leave a message for me, slowly identifying herself with the boy who calls so often.
“Honey, during the time I lost you, I was depressed, depressed, and I missed you. My mother advised me: ‘What’s so good about that girl who went to a normal business college?
It’s not as good as you compared to your education. You will find a better…'” Wind said of the internal struggle he had experienced a while ago, “I keep my promises and always wait for you with open arms.”
My mind went blank and my heart throbbed, “Does your mother hold a stigma against me? Does it seem to imply that I’m not good enough for you Ro? Do you think so?” I had planned to return to him soon. What am I going to do with this?
I… My tears dripped down, so salty and bitter. The whole person suddenly fell from the clouds to the bottom, always wanting to grab something to lean on, there was none. A vertical free fall.
“My mom never meant that! Honey, she was just trying to comfort me!” He panicked and rushed to explain half-heartedly.
I was silent until the wind hung back the microphone in remorse.
Every time Feng goes back to Taipei, he always brings five or six phone cards with him so that he can communicate with me, and he is always nagged by his mom; and I, in order to talk to him, once set a record of 40,000 to 50,000 yuan in monthly call charges.
Do I not love him? Can’t I match the wind? What am I paying for?
I cry, I cry for the wind’s foolishness, for my helplessness; I grieve, I grieve for the wind’s slowness, for my evasiveness.
I don’t want to run anymore. It’s exhausting to run away. Can I ask for more in the face of the wind?
After a week. The wind’s familiar cheerful voice once again came from my ears: “How are you feeling today? Dear wife?”
“When will you learn to be serious?” I purposely undermined him, “I’ve thought long and hard about us…”
The boy tensed up: “How was it? Honey, are you…?”
“This girl has decided to give you another chance.” I smiled and said, “Don’t mess it up, honey!”
“Great! Finally, you’re back in my arms!” He cried out, “Wife!
I ~love~ you!”
I laughed heartily at the sound of it. Was it happy? Was it touching? I can’t say.
Anyway, just don’t be another false start!
God bless…
End of Chapter 3