Preface.
I would like to thank my friends for the many responses to the author’s unproductive work. I am deeply honored to have so many kind-hearted people offer their opinions and views on the emotional world of a small person. I have kept all of them in a file and kept them in my heart.
In this article, the narrative is another paragraph, thirty years of the piece of the claws. Either sighing or snorting, happy and sad. In any case, in line with the original intention of writing this text – the content is silly, plain, containing shallow sadness. Virgo big boy, should not have this much ridiculous feelings, right?
As with the last story, I hope to bring you some feeling, and that’s enough for me. It’s not an amazing piece of writing, I just want to share it with you and grow with you. Nothing else matters… at least, that’s how I feel.
The past is all too clear, should I cry? Should I laugh? Leave it to your dreams…
I would like to dedicate this story to the men and women who have failed in their search for love… This is your story… All names and places mentioned in this story are fictionalized to protect the privacy of the people involved… Please do not ask for further proof…
Girls, girls
As Dust – Initial
I’m sure you’ve all heard a little parable.
There was a circle with a corner missing. It couldn’t roll fast enough, couldn’t jump high enough, and was constantly mocked by passing birds and insects. One day, it couldn’t stand it any longer – it vowed to find the corner that would fill the gap. And so, the circle went on a long journey in search of it.
It’s not going well. It’s either falling into a hole or getting stuck in a gap in the rocks, and it’s slowing down. Undaunted, the circle sometimes finds a corner that another circle has left behind – unfortunately, it’s either too big or too small.
The only thing that comforts it is the scent of flowers and birds along the road and the white clouds floating in the sky.
It’s hard to always touch a corner that matches. But the piece of horn made a comment.
“I’m not any round corner! I’ve been this way for a long time, and I don’t need to match anything to be happy. I got used to being independent a long time ago and don’t really want to be your horn.”
Round thought about it, quite a bit. It gives up and starts again.
After ten days, it saw a section of horn by the side of the road. Round excitedly climbed over, the two together, actually meet Xianglian, seamless!
The horn is very willing to work with the circle. It became agile. The circle rolls and rolls, bounces and jumps, so fast that it can’t stop. It can no longer savor the scent of the small flowers growing in the corner or look up to admire the dancing butterflies.
The circle hit the pile of rocks before braking. Unable to help himself, he sighed as the corner he was looking for fell to the ground.
“Horns, you know? It’s just not easy being a full circle.”
It understood and smiled.
The circle slowly rolled away, choosing to continue life with one corner missing. …
Everyone wants to be born perfect, a circle of 360 degrees. How many people are lucky enough to be so fortunate?
Retreating, I search for a circle in love. Hard to find search belongs to my piece of the right corner. Not like the above fable in the master can have a mutual love affair, I rolled a small injury constantly, and even stuck in the quagmire also do not know.
I asked myself not to be as spontaneous as the circle I just mentioned.
The corner that fits perfectly, can you stand and wander in the darkness of the lamp? …
How do you know there’s someone who wants to love you, who looks forward to you day and night?
Everything is just like adu-stinthewind…
Love is really great, but also as weak as dust. When you are clinging to the relationship between no reason and no love, a gust of wind will make your thoughts and longings blown down to the abyss.
Disillusionment, the beginning of growth. Presumably?
There were a lot of girls walking by, and naturally, there was no shortage of desirable objects that made me want to pursue them.
But, the unpleasant ‘lessons’ of the past always keep me from forgetting to take them, and consequently, to stand still and stay put.
I have also tried ‘Mission Impossible’, and it is a matter of course that I fell on the road of love and got a bruise on my face. The scabs that formed after the pain were not very beautiful, but a bloodstained scar.
Paying my love, my intention, but never callin her heart.
Kind responses? Very few. It’s not like an aboriginal hunting boomerang – what’s the point of throwing it and getting it back?
I continued to pay until she…
Bitter smile. No way.
More than once, I have cursed myself for being stupid. When I was someone’s love counselor, I talked a good game – once I was in the field, it was a different story!
‘What is “love” in this world? The words ‘to ask what is “love” in this world, and to teach one to live and die in love’ fully express the ‘how can one be embarrassed’ of the word ‘love’.
It is useless to ask anyone. Love, it’s just hard to understand. There is no solution.
My story began in high school…
Girls, girls
Like Dust – The Wind Rises
High school, the three most helpless years. Blank.
I was able to enter my first choice school, but the surroundings made me even more miserable. All boys; no friends – enemies, rivals as far as the eye can see. There was not a trace of coziness; competition and comparison were written all over the faces of my classmates.
The nation’s high school capital. So what? None of which I want. Clubs? Relationships? Academics?
I failed all three of my required classes. As an introvert, I closed myself off – reticent, seldom conversing with my classmates, quiet, and redundant. If people don’t bother me, I don’t bother them.
In my freshman year of high school, there was a student in my class who didn’t like the fact that I wasn’t active enough, and not only did he find trouble in everything, but he also made sarcastic remarks from time to time – ridiculing me for not being able to make a good living in the future.
I just listened and ignored him. As time went by, the student still did not give up and even insulted my family. This time, I was so angry that I finally retorted. He became furious, and when I turned my head to prepare for class, he threw a ball-point pen at the back of my neck, breaking the skin and making it bleed on the spot.
I didn’t say a word and I didn’t fight back. From then on, I would never look at him in the face, or pay any attention to any of his words in the future.
It was on the eve of his senior year that he offered to shake my hand. It was too late.
Three years in high school, looking at the playground a yellow desert. The wind moves, wiping the blue sky with gray and yellow; the sand dances, slipping and drifting into the classroom, the pages of the books, and the poop that I just intend to enjoy.
Today’s Jianzhong is no longer a spectacle to behold. The green oval sports field and the memories of the smoke and dust waves are only a speck on the exterior wall of the school building.
The reputation of the desert camel, the iron gray jacket, the undefeated black shirts of the nighttime football team, one by one, they have been transformed into black-and-white photographs in the souvenir book. Flip through them, close them up, and keep them in your possession.
Even though you come from a ‘famous school’, it’s nothing more than that, right? The empty through a red chamber dream. Wasted called the Red Chamber talented son.
Much love should laugh at me.
I wanted to leap into the sky like the ancients, but I lacked a pair of strong wings… At the beginning of July that year, the Joint Entrance Examination (JEE) had just ended, and I was quite frustrated that I had not performed well. When I received my result slip, I was reluctant to open it. Based on the scores, I thought I would end up in a private university department. Should I re-take the exam? I didn’t want to!
I struggled for a few days. After many discussions with my friends and parents, I decided to pursue a career in information technology – just to make a living in the future.
Seriously, I’m far more interested in liberal arts than science or engineering. Reading in the second group, there’s nothing to pick from at all.
Learning information? I felt terrified, profound, cold sweaty, and a deer in the headlights.
When I was in high school, I learned a little bit about computers – a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit. In those days, the Apple II computer was the mainstream high-end product! I even had to memorize the BASIC program writing for the electrical concepts quiz. I couldn’t conceptualize anything, let alone theories or practical operations.
A decision of a lifetime. That is how I got to the point of no return as an information professional.
I filled out my volunteer card, sent it to the JUPAS, and waited for it to be distributed, one after another. As expected, I was admitted to a private university’s information technology department. It’s a good thing it’s located in the inner-city area, otherwise I’d probably have to go to cram school.
I had my first taste of group military education during the weeks-long intensive training at Taichung’s Chenggongling Junior College.
The rigorous and boring military life was really unaccustomed to the freedom-loving big boys like me, who were restricted everywhere. In addition, as a lazy person with poor motor skills, I was often called upon by my squad leader and platoon leader to go out on duty and perform physical exercises, which made me dizzy and exhausted… The conclusion was that I couldn’t afford to be a great soldier defending my country and my family.
Since many male first-year university freshmen will come to Taichung for training, freshman girls have virtually earned a month or so of summer vacation (boys, envious, right?). I’m a student at this university. At the university I attended, registration and training for freshmen were held at the main campus. The main campus is far away from the outskirts of Taipei, so even if you take a bus, you have to pay for three sections of the ticket and travel for 50-60 minutes (when there is no traffic jam). It’s a real pain in the ass.
Just put on the college uniform, can not say what special feeling, another journey of life.
I wonder how wide the world behind the narrow door of the university will be once it is opened?
Speaking of the university’s alma mater, the urban area is located in the downtown area, and the transportation is extremely convenient. However, the campus has no fences, only four buildings, barely squeezed into the volleyball court, basketball court, leaving only a small parking lot.
There are no dreams of sprawling campuses and coconut walkways, no birdsong and poetry.
It was like a cram school for arts and sciences. After graduation, I talked to some of my classmates and all of them felt the same way.
The class system in university is very loose, and the only useful class cadre is the class representative, who is responsible for collecting assignments, announcing important matters, and attending class meetings, which is a hard job. Some students could not see each other once a week, so they earned the nicknames of ‘Skipping Class King’, ‘ShuiKun Brother’ (ShuiKun means ‘Mixed’), ‘Mixed Immortal The name is ‘Mixed Immortal’. Even if people in, the heart is not in – common, dozing in class, class a worm, both ancient and modern.
However, my alma mater maintains a ‘fine’ tradition for this purpose – the roll-call system.
Instead of the teacher ‘naming’ the students in the classroom, the Academic Affairs Office has a staff that patrols the classrooms during class time, quietly standing at the back door and counting the heads through the glass.
Only the internship class can’t call the roll. But there are some people who are not afraid – you can call their names, but I’ll skip my classes.
This is the so-called democratic and liberal culture of universities.
The first day of school, remember, happened to be a Monday. The first class was a practicum in Introduction to Computers.
The classroom with a capacity of 40 to 50 students is filled with students coming to class, asking questions and picking out seats.
I voluntarily chose a soft swivel chair on the left side of the first row facing the whiteboard, and sat down to examine the machine in front of me – an IBM 5550 Chinese computer. It was very new.
Is this the ‘tool’ that you will rely on for your livelihood in the future? It seemed both ‘cold’ and strange.
Where’s the power supply? How do I turn it on and make it move? I don’t even know yet.
It’s the mechanical, computerized idiots who have to learn how to use it.
A girl came up to me, and since all the good strategic positions behind me were taken by the students who had arrived first, it seemed that there was no other choice. I hadn’t had any contact with the opposite sex for over two years, so what if she really asked me out?
“Excuse me, is this seat taken?” The girl asked me with a sweet smile.
My face went a little red and my ears burned, “No, no! Have a seat!”
As a result, as soon as she graciously took her seat, another boy, quite handsome, appeared next to her who had arrived later in the day. He didn’t even ask and just sat down. I nodded and smiled politely at both of them.
The boy and the girl became a couple soon afterward, and it was supposed to be destiny.
Originally, the university volunteered to fill in the second group, distribution of enrollment only to be surprised to realize that they are actually affiliated with the business school. Therefore, when I looked up the class schedules of my classmates and seniors, many business electives such as accounting, economics, and statistics were listed as compulsory subjects. Many of my classmates were reluctant to take them, so I had to take the attitude of ‘if it’s here, then it’s safe’ and put up with it a little longer.
In the Information Technology Department, of course, it’s normal to have fewer girls. The number of female students in my class was quite high compared to the past – 14 out of the 60 students in the class. Especially since the male students had just come down from the Successful Ridge training program, they were in a state of ‘sows’ (sorry, no disrespect to the girls) confusion, so…
It’s a good idea to be close to the water! Isn’t it the time and space background for the creation of class pairs? As they see each other, they go from playing around to getting to know each other, and their relationship grows from day to day and from one moment to the next. Besides, the girls in the class were of a very high standard, and the boys certainly didn’t want to go out of their way – so seven or eight pairs of class pairs were formed one after another over the course of four years.
Some of the matches were made in private, so I can say that they were very secretive. When I realized it, I was as surprised as if I had won the first prize in a lottery. In the short span of four years in college, I have seen a lot of men and women in college – the joys and sorrows, the breakups and reunions, and the list goes on.
It is often said that the student’s love is the most colorless and purposeful, just like a piece of snow-white shell. No matter how the waves beat and erode, it is the most unforgettable memory. You want to lock it into the deepest thought of the remnants of the suitcase, can not be done.
Pure love is the most beautiful, mixed with fantasies, radiating a strange clear light. Not to mention a young girl; even a boy will have a longing, an indescribable feeling, embracing it into a dream.
As for me, I met a girl too, in the same class. She, that’s what I’ve been holding on to for four years now, strange fate.
Girls, girls
dusty
First year university courses are all mandatory, adding up to a total of twenty-three credits, so there is a lot of pressure; relatively speaking, there are also many opportunities for classmates to meet each other. The male students’ eyes were wide open, as if they were searchlights scanning in all directions.
What are they looking for? It’s best to ask the person in question.
Oh, yeah? You want to take ‘love’ for credit? Oh, Bingo!
Why is that? Well, it’s time!
It was my first time in English class. The students took their seats according to the seating plan that they had filled out during registration, and as usual, I was in the first row. Before the teacher arrived, I took note of the people sitting around me and made eye contact… hmm? There was a girl in the first row by the door who looked a bit… how should I put it? She had a lonely, pensive look in her eyes, sitting alone in a spot no one liked to pick. While the other students were laughing and joking, there was not a trace of glitter on her face – the splendor of a happy girl.
The girl had short hair, a thin melon face, a little thin. Slightly stubborn lips tightened.
Eyes slightly tilted forward, I wonder where her thoughts are drifting?
Girls who study science and engineering like to have short hair? I don’t understand. There are about a dozen female students in the class, and only three or four of them have long hair. The girls say it’s all about ‘mood’, whether it’s ‘long hair for you’ or ‘short hair because you cut it’.
Uh, still don’t get it.
She’s really special, and she’s very similar to my personality. It aroused my curiosity to talk to her – how secretive is such a girl? What kind of heart does she have? It’s a different feeling, and I really want to ask her about it.
As the bell rang for the end of class and the class substitute gave the password, students slept, flashed, and chatted.
Instead, she remained motionless, looking down at her book with no intention of climbing into conversation with her classmates.
Here’s your chance.
I walked up to the girl, gently, fearing that I would make her run away in terror. She was so focused on her book that she didn’t even notice the ‘enemy’ approaching.
“Hi there!” I opened my mouth, trying to look as nice as possible.
She was startled, “Huh? You…? Is something wrong?”
“What are you reading? So attentive.”
“Oh! It’s an English novel – ‘Pride and Prejudice’. Why, what’s the point of asking someone about it?” The girl wondered.
“My name is Tsuchimikado, and I’m in this class just like you. You don’t seem to be very talkative, so I came over to check on you. Maybe there’s something going on with you that I can help with.”
She doesn’t show a smile and is cool, “My name is Jiang, Minnie, and I live in Taichung. It’s nice to meet you, I guess there’s nothing I can trouble you with, right?”
I almost lost my footing when she said that-as if I was too nosy? Or just a guy trying to pick me up?
“No is fine. I was just saying hello, no offense.” God, she was so wary of people.
“Um, like this? It’s almost time for class, why don’t you go back to your seat first?” She blinked and looked at me.
I was embarrassed, “Oh, okay, okay! I’ll be right back.” Quickly accelerating my pace, I hurriedly stole back to my seat.
A few simple conversations and a vague idea that the girl didn’t seem very trusting. Is a boy’s intuition accurate or not? Who knows? Oh…
At the beginning of my freshman year, a lot of computer terminology fell down – CPU, BIOS, hard disk, floppy disk, main memory, algorithms, and the textbooks were all in the original language, which was very difficult to understand. Often I couldn’t understand whether I was reading English or learning information, and I often looked at a page of the book and saw more words than I had ever seen, which made me feel very frustrated.
But this is the path I’ve chosen, and there’s no turning back. I’m not going to change departments, it’s too uneconomical.
What should we do? We can only take the Department of Information Technology as the Faculty of Arts and Letters, right? If you look at it for a long time, you will get used to it; if you touch it more often, you will gradually become familiar with it.
First, I asked my classmates to buy a 286BabyAT – the first computer in my life, the standard ‘China’ brand (at that time, the Chinese shopping mall was still alive). From the basic DOS learning, one by one, one by one, English mother of pearl, diligently practicing a finger of magic. Not to mention the slow speed, often press the wrong command. Fortunately, at least not wrong format or delete… command.
There are quite a few people with my kind of trouble, and so is Minnie.
After my first midterm exam, I did poorly in my major subject. For a computer layman, it was a forehead-slapper.
Since Minnie received her test papers, her expression was always cloudy, perhaps her marks were not too good. In class, she was listless, often glancing out the window.
At the end of that class period, I paced beside her again. “What’s wrong? Minnie. Why are you so out of it?”
“Dream builder, how did you do on the test?”
“It’s so-so! Seventy-something points. Electricity overview is really mind-numbing to read.”
“That’s a lot better than me. People are only in their thirties.”
“Huh? No way! You look like you’re working hard!”
“At first, I was studying in the second category, but I didn’t like to memorize history and geography, and I thought that computers would be developed in the future, which should be quite new and interesting. So I applied for the Department of Information Technology. But in fact, once I started the class, I realized that it was so boring and dull! I went back and tried to read for half a day, but I still couldn’t understand it.” She finally spoke.
I thought it was strange, “What subject are you interested in? Minnie?”
“English. I used my summer vacation time to tutor on the side for quite a while before you guys started school, and I’m still doing that too.”
I smile, “Then you really picked the wrong department. Why don’t you consider changing departments?”
“It’s just too tiring to have to take exams to change departments, not to mention the fact that the English department is far away from the main campus.” She was quite frank, “I’m not really in good enough shape to make it worth it.”
“So.” I shrugged my shoulders, “It’s not like you don’t want to change departments, it’s going to be tough later, no lie.”
Her eyes rolled, “It’s better this way! Since your grades are good, if I have any questions about computers or homework in the future… can I ask you?”
“Yes, of course I’ll help you as much as I can. However, I’m not very strong, so if there’s something I can’t explain clearly, you can be more understanding.” My old habit of being ‘old-fashioned’ is back again.
I don’t know how to turn down a request, and my mind is full of medieval ‘knightly’ antiquity.
Help as much as you can.
I kept a very friendly attitude with my classmates, never joining in all kinds of small circles, not to mention not wanting to be in the front of anything. I followed the same style as in high school and just wanted to study hard. People who know my personality won’t force me to change anything. If there is something to ask for, within the scope of my ability, I will do my best to help.
To hell with chivalry. It’s the same today. You ask for my help, I’ll do it; when it’s done, I disappear without a hint. It’s as if I’d never existed.
Self-recognition is still considered to be a ‘righteous’ person. After all, most friendships between men are held together by these two words. Promise, must be done; otherwise, do not agree – my personal behavior style is so so.
Of course, it’s fine to socialize with people of the same sex. However, if you are to follow these rules with a girl, you will really be a bad person.
And so it was that a four-year ‘partnership’ between Mandy and me was established. She tutored middle school students; I became her tutor.
The beginning of the story…
Girls, girls
dusty
In order to prevent being questioned by Minnie at any time, I have to work harder, and I don’t want to easily wave the white flag and surrender. In order to prove myself as a ‘man’, I have to show some sincerity and proof. Sometimes I think, why do I have to be so tough?
If you make a promise, you have to keep it. I am slowly watering the consequences of too many promises. At the time, I thought the garden would be full of green grass – but as I have found out, the result is a trellis of bitter melons. The gardener, who had worked so hard, stood under a sea of huge gourds, and realized that cause and effect could be incompatible with one another. Even if you grow gourds, you will get gourds.
The girl really disliked computer class. Not only did she skip class occasionally, she read her favorite English literature in class, and when she had nothing else to do, she was able to teach her ABCs and conversation to the late Sage Chougong, whereas I, on the other hand, had a very hard life! I had to keep my eyes open for anything the teacher said – I was afraid that if she asked me if I didn’t know… I would lose my credibility, as well as my face and reputation.
For someone who has no concept of information, the saying ‘everything is difficult at the beginning’ is quite apt. Let’s take a simple question: What is the difference between DiskAccessTime, MemoryAccessTime and Instructio-nAccessTime?
Is it basic enough? The terminology of computer science…
If you’re a computer whiz, you’ll be grinning from ear to ear… DreamBuilder, why are you asking such a stupid question? The above quiz was a real challenge for me as a freshman! You need to understand what is Disk, Memory, Instructi-on, and then gradually clarify the concept of AccessTime.
Look left, look right, look up, look down, but a few words in English, but the learning is not small yo.
Never mind, I’m not teaching Electricity Concepts, so I won’t badger you readers.
See? It’s called science. Complete, repeatable tests with the same data. Who knows, which cell phone boasts ‘technology always comes from humanity’?
If technology had a human face, those who read information would not have to work so hard.
Every week, when Minnie did not understand something about the lessons, she would point it out relentlessly until my mouth was dry and I was speechless. Sometimes, if two sessions of explanation were not enough, she would come back after dinner. She was very motivated and did not want to be a cow or sheep to be slaughtered.
I don’t know how much she can absorb either. The only thing I wish to do is to do my best, to know everything, to know everything, to know everything, to know everything, to know everything, to know everything, to know everything, to know everything, to know everything, to know everything. …
In fact, she is not expecting too much from the computer science program, not much at all – all she wants is to be AllPassed – which is the wish of all university students in the Republic of China! Looking at her scores from the last two exams, how far can I help her? I’m not sure.
“If you do well on the exam, it’s because you worked hard; if you’re unlucky enough to be ‘pawned’, you can blame me…”
Although the sense of responsibility is revered, these kinds of statements more or less also let Minnie a little bit of relief.
At the beginning of the winter vacation, Minnie went back to Taichung to be with her family. It was almost New Year’s Eve before the scores for each subject were released, so I was ‘obliged’ to return to school to check the final scores on her behalf.
I was fortunate to pass all of my scores, and my subject rank was considered to be within the top eight in my class.
Take a closer look at Minnie’s future. In the final exam of the first semester of her freshman year, she flew over the edge of passing with a low altitude in the subject of photoelectricity generalization; together with her usual grades and midterm scores, she passed the exam in a thrilling manner with seven twists and turns!
I leaned against the wall and breathed out, almost ‘out of my mind’ – more nervous than judging my own life or death. There’s an explanation. I must have lost a lot of cells.
In other subjects, like accounting, she passed just fine; but in linear algebra, she was still a bit short and had to retake the course. Moreover, the ‘blocking’ system makes it necessary to pass some of the compulsory subjects before she can take the relevant compulsory and elective courses. It can be imagined that even linear algebra will be included in her after-school ‘tutoring service’ program in the future.
I’m not very good at that subject either. I’ll just have to ‘refer’ her to someone else who can teach her.
Later that night, she called my house to ask how the results were.
“Congratulations, I passed Electricity Concepts…” I gave out my scores one by one, “but unfortunately, I didn’t pass Linear Generation…”
Minnie was still happy, “It’s okay! Linear Algebra didn’t ‘get in the way’ of other important courses. Meng, think of a way to help me make up for it!”
“Okay! I’ll ask someone to teach you…” I couldn’t stand the sight of a girl pouting.
You want to say no? No, I can’t…
I’ve talked and paid and managed to get one of my students who is strong enough in this area to make an exception for the next semester. She has nothing to be upset about.
The check has been issued to Minnie, and then again, it can’t bounce.
The summer girl still looks like a lazy kitten the next semester, not paying much attention to her classmates or the talk of the town. The only thing that has changed is that she was invited by a former friend to join an off-campus Christian church, was baptized, and was reborn.
She loved the feeling of community, of being cared for, of being needed. She hears the voice of God, and is willing to be a shepherd’s sheep.
Minnie’s classroom desk was also changed to the New Testament. She was saved, but I was still in dire straits…
Help me! God!
The students that I had asked and pleaded with finally made the girl’s linear algebra score improve slightly, but the rest was up to Minnie’s own ‘development’ and plasticity. I took a backseat as a tutor and tried my best to prevent her grades in E-Concept and Linear Algebra from going downhill again.
“Mon, I have ‘small house meetings’ in the evenings, and there’s not much free time for a couple of days as the church’s choir parishioners are trying to find people to join them. Tell you what, I’ll find you next week if I have any questions I don’t understand.” Mandy said with a smile at the exit of the school building.
“Uh-huh! Of course it’s okay.” I secretly gasped, “Have a good party.”
“Thanks! Bye!” She waved and slowly stepped out of my sight.
I held up my glasses and looked down at the heavy Lineage textbook, ‘Good thing too, she’s not closing herself off like she did last semester…’
With no more classes, I turned around and walked out of the school building in the direction of home. …
After failing the Joint Entrance Examination (JEE) of the University of Hong Kong, I paid more attention to my studies than before. I always declined to participate in class activities unless they were of great importance. I don’t talk much, and I’m one of those strange types who intimidate people when they speak.
For example, on Women’s Day in freshman year, it was March 8th. The male members of the class show their supreme respect for their female classmates – at least one rose for each beautiful woman. The cost is shared equally among the boys, fair, just and open. It’s a nice gesture!
But there were girls on the podium arguing over who had received the most flowers, making a lot of noise and laughing. To top it all off, they were right in front of my seat, which was a bit unladylike… As I watched these dainty girls pass by, I was struck by a feeling and suddenly sighed with a sigh of relief: “It’s true that there are more than enough flowers to go around, but not enough women…”.
Yeah! How could I have blurted that out? Alertness displayed.
It so happened that a male student named Lin paced in front of me, and as soon as he heard this, he lost his voice on the spot and kept pointing and laughing at me.
‘Could I have said the wrong thing?’ I looked left and right for any unpleasant, sharp female glances.
Thankfully, no. Cold sweat ran down his spine. The boys around us were still snickering. Uh, it’s too late…
For the first time in their lives, the absolutely respectable female classmates probably received a blessing on March 8, and they couldn’t stop talking and discussing about it. It went on all day.
Another boy came up to me and whispered to me, “Mona, I agree more and more with what you just said…” He smiled with his teeth.
This habit of making strange statements out of nowhere is not something I enjoy. I have always been careful with my words and behavior towards Minnie, and I am afraid of offending her.
It is quite similar to the saying ‘accompanying a king is like accompanying a tiger’.
Do you really have to suffer so much for liking someone?
@Girls, girls
Like dust.
In their sophomore year, information technology students are under pressure to learn a ‘programming language’. Programming language is the process of converting the idea of solving a problem into a standardized format and expression that can be recognized and executed by a computer.
In my current job, it’s hard to escape the fate of program writing. We are generally known as ‘Software Engineers’ (Software Engineer), who develop software in specific programming languages for a variety of industries. To be clear, the term ‘Programmer’ is probably more in line with this type of person – and it’s a less popular job title.
Think about it, the BASIC (Pei Kei Language) that we learned in freshman year is still half-familiar, but in the second year, we have to strengthen the learning of a new programming language, together with some important courses (such as ‘data structure’, ‘commercial programming language’, etc.) – all the students The students were all looking pale and yellow, crying out that they couldn’t take it anymore.
Not to mention Minnie. These subjects require a hard foundation, plus the need to write programs, and her rejection is deepening.
The girl also inquired beforehand about which class lecturer’s marks were more loosely marked, and she picked the class that was easy to pass.
The languages used in the aforementioned courses, such as Assembly, Pascal, and COBOL, have different syntaxes and application areas. Assembly language is purely a set of symbols to replace the basic instructions of the computer, which is a low-order language with the highest degree of difficulty; the latter two are high-order languages – Pascal language uses a vocabulary that is considered to be a simple English single word; and COBOL is similar to the English language statements that we speak, which is long and difficult to memorize, and is strung together as if it were a passenger train passing through the caves – and I fell asleep counting it. I can’t stand it.
What to do? The girl smiled mysteriously.
“Meng, then please do me a favor, for the more difficult procedures, just be a good person and write an extra copy for me…”
‘By the way’? Higher level programming languages can do this, combinatorial languages can’t help.
Mandy laughed again, “It’s okay, I’ll find someone else to write the combination language. Please do.”
Seeing that she looks so pitiful, it seems too cruel not to say yes.
I nodded, “Good! Dare I disagree? Just let me know when you need my assistance, it’s absolutely obligatory.”
“Uh-huh! Of course. I can do the simpler questions on my own, but… can you teach me?” She gave a ‘pleading’ look.
The soft-hearted me would not let her down and carried it all.
After that, once a program assignment came up that was fairly easy, I made sure to take her through it slowly explaining the steps and teaching her how to write an uncomplicated exercise.
When it came to large-scale assignments, I had to help her write them myself. I remember one time when I was about to finish writing a large RM-COBOL trading program that was due the next day, Mandy’s phone call came out of the blue.
“Hey, Mon? I don’t know how to do that assignment, even though you explained it to me this morning! It’s almost nine o’clock at night! What do you think I should do?” She sounded so anxious that she was on the verge of crying.
“Don’t panic, don’t panic!” I said calmly, “I’m almost done writing and getting another version for you too, no problem.”
“Really?” She smiled happily, “I’ll just buy you dinner tomorrow!”
“No need! It’s just a small favor.” I thanked him politely.
Putting down the phone, I rushed back to the computer to finish piecing together my program first. Compile into an execution file, run the test material assigned by the teacher. Passed, everything was error-free, I breathed a sigh of relief.
Next, deal with Minnie.
Do you think it’s too complicated to change the version of the program? Here’s what we did – first, we changed the names of the program’s variables one by one; second, we changed the order of the function modules, and the function names to new ones. It’s like building a modified car.
What a computer program can accomplish is just the IPO law – Input (Inp-ut), Process (Process), Output (Output). Everyone’s output is the same, but it is the process of processing that counts. The main performance of the program is that you dispose of the skillful or not.
I struggled with the keyboard, replacing variables, moving program codes, breaking up program ‘jigsaw puzzles’ and assembling them… I didn’t have time to turn my head. After making sure that her homework was finished, I looked up at the clock on my desk again and saw that it was already 12:40 at night…
She went to bed early. It’s not convenient to report on the progress of the work.
The next day, I brought the program list and the disk to Minnie, and saw her smiling with satisfaction – it was worth all the hard work.
Since then, the girl had been testing my ‘crisis management’ skills, and I was often called upon to type a written report, to finish a program, to solve a problem… Every week or two, I was challenged by a different challenge, and it was really exciting.
I’ve also helped her find rental information, accompanied her in her apartment search, been her mover and shipper, and all sorts of other things.
At that time, there was a famous classmate who also liked Minnie, and he often helped her with things. Only, after that boy changed schools, he stopped contacting the girl.
Sometimes, my support was also extended to girls from outside the department, and as usual, they were also COBOL. I always adhered to a few principles – teach carefully, don’t take payment, don’t knock people down, and don’t pester people after I’ve done a favor. I didn’t get into any trouble, and I got out in one piece.
Sophomore year is finally over. My junior year, there are still a lot of unknowns waiting for me.
Computer organization, probably one of the professional connotations that all information people have to take, some love it, some hate it. Minnie and I are clearly the latter. And impossible to avoid.
I went into this course with a ‘come from behind’ chest. The girls, with their personalities, resisted.
We learned about IBM Mainframe 370, and just hearing about it, it’s scary!
“It’s so hard to learn! I can’t even understand it!” Minnie said to me with interest.
“It’s almost exam time, what are you going to do?” I asked with concern.
“This subject, I don’t miss it!” She pouted, “I wish I could just pawn it and forget about it!”
“It’s not good to be one!” I enlightened her, “You still have several required subjects to retake.
Do you want to read for five years?”
There are still quite a few subjects that can’t save Minnie. There’s nothing I can do about the ones she’s not interested in.
“I’ve done the math and can graduate on time. I can take some subjects over the summer.” The girl looked on.
I said helplessly, “You wouldn’t even want to struggle a little bit even though you’ve made such a decision, would you?”
In the end, she took my advice – when it’s done, it’s done, and the scores aren’t too ugly.
However, there is one thing that I have never been able to let go of.
One morning, I entered the classroom as usual and picked my seat. The girl had just found her seat and sat down, so I walked over to her to say hello.
“Amon, please don’t do that in the future.” She responded coldly, “If you do, people will misunderstand that there’s something between the two of us. I don’t want that.”
Is that right? I hung my head and was silent for a moment.
“I’m sorry…” I apologized. Disheveled, I stepped back into the seat and sat down.
That day, Minnie didn’t say another word to me and she left on her own.
Why does Minnie think this way? Has she heard any rumors? I haven’t heard anything, have I? Even if we were together… nothing happened.
That’s weird. So, what do I count as? Just a classmate?
Her heart is so hard to understand. When I was needed, the girl’s tone was kind and friendly; at this point, it was horribly like a total stranger.
Did I bring her serious trouble? To this day, I still don’t understand.
A mist. It can’t be dissolved…
Girls, girls
as if dust had settled
It’s the third year of college, and the more forward-thinking male students are beginning to plan their post-graduation paths – graduate school, overseas study, or serving their country in the military. Girls don’t have many choices either – if they don’t want to go on with their studies, they’ll naturally go straight into the workplace and compete with others.
The heavy workload of the class didn’t put me in much of a mood to think; Minnie was also very busy. Even when they bumped into each other in class, they exchanged glances at most and didn’t say anything. Besides, she was helping to renew all the unfinished credits from the past, and that was exhausting enough.
“Amon, aren’t you always with Minnie?” A classmate asked me kindly.
I smiled lightly, “No, not really. Minnie and I are just normal friends. She’s been very busy lately, and many of her classes aren’t with her classmates. So naturally, our chances of seeing her have decreased.”
He didn’t pursue it any further if he understood.
So… after graduation, should I go abroad? Or should I go to graduate school? It’s hard to decide… In the past three years, there have been many changes in the class’s relationship matching game. Most of them were already known during the freshman year. Like the couple I mentioned in the ‘Beginnings’ section, they were already in love in their freshman year – it was as intense as a thunderbolt in the sky. The woman, Dan, was shy, childish and very attractive; the boy, Zhi, was handsome and a good basketball player. No matter how you look at it, he and she are a perfect match.
I’ve been helping that girl out a bit – she’s a classmate and her ‘classmate’s wife’, so I’ve got to be there for her! You have to be a little more supportive. When she starts to pout and whine, not only her boyfriend, Xiaozhi, can’t stop her, even I, the ‘outsider’, can’t stand it.
The rest of the female students are often won over by the boys in their class. In some cases, the girl’s escort changed every few months, but it was still a boy from the same class. As I watched the inexplicable changes, I couldn’t figure out what the philosophy or the mystery was.
Minnie, I was still in the same place, soaring in a blue sky that was beyond my reach… My grades were around the top three in the class, and my efforts were worthwhile. But the emotional emptiness, the dry well… I walked with a deep sense of sadness as I watched the couple passing by and the single person passing by.
I tilted my head to the side and deliberately looked away. In the midst of the traffic, my emotions were crushed by the tides of the wheels, sending… dust, grains of tears that were out of order. They flew silently and settled in silence.
The time of the third year of college slips away in a hurry. In the blink of an eye, the fourth year of college life mercilessly covers the arrival.
What’s the future? I couldn’t decide. My classmates started to prepare for their future by taking TOEFL, GRE, or the subjects they needed to take for graduate school. I couldn’t afford to procrastinate, so I took a leap of faith and reviewed my four years of studies to enter the competition for graduate school.
Last semester, I only took nine credits, and I put all my effort into applying for graduate school. The average admission rate of Taiwan’s information research institutes is only 3% to 5%, while the university entrance exam is still 40% to 60%! It’s hard as hell to get in.
It wasn’t long before I got another call from Mandy.
“Hey, Mon?” She smiled in her words, “It’s me, Minnie.”
I answered back, “Haven’t heard from you in a while. How have you been?”
“I’m in the middle of retaking my old required courses and I’m busy as hell!” She crowed sweetly, “Remember ‘Computer Organization’? I’m taking it with my younger siblings, and the textbook assigned to me is the same as the one you’ll be using for the graduate school exams.”
“Oh? Really?” I nodded. “What do you mean…?”
“The final exam is coming up, next Monday. Please do me a favor…” she sounded a bit vague, “I don’t understand the textbook, and I’m afraid I’ll be… I just hope that once I get to the next semester, I can graduate with you…”
Very serious indeed. She clearly doesn’t like information, and you’re forcing her to study for five years? I wouldn’t want to do that either.
“Mandy, go ahead. How can I help you?”
“You promise?” She was very happy.
“You know, I’m not one to see death.” I couldn’t bear to see her flounder, “When will I come to you?”
“What days are your classes scheduled?”
“Tuesday and Wednesday.” I said. “You?”
“Then… for two days, Thursday and Friday, you can come to my place and teach me.” She smiled, “I’m counting on you! I can teach you English when I’m free.”
“Good! It’s a deal.”
I’m used to being a firefighter, so it’s no surprise that I took on the girl’s mission. Saving a life is better than building a seven-floor pagoda.
Early that Thursday morning, as promised, I went to her rental place to teach her what she was having trouble with. I didn’t realize that she didn’t understand a lot of the key points in almost every chapter. I had to take my time to clarify the concepts for her, instead of pushing her or forcing her to do so – it was a matter of urgency; Minnie’s ability to finish the course on time depended on this subject.
I patiently and carefully went through each page step by step, while she took notes and emphasized the key points. I also pointed out the parts that were most likely to be the professor’s questions, and asked Minnie to pay special attention to them. At lunchtime, she cooked me some noodles to help me with my dry mouth. At least I was able to taste her cooking, so it was not a wasted trip.
Two days of badgering in a row had finally brought her a bit of confidence.
When I left her place, I nodded my head, “Minnie, you’ll pass if you read another two days. Go for it!”
“Trouble. By the way, I promised that I would teach you to read English. I should fulfill my promise…”
“Don’t think so much first. This is a very important section, so don’t pawn it off.” I warned again, a little too cockily.
“I’ll work hard!” She waved, “And be careful on your finals!”
I turned around to say goodbye, and she smiled…
On my last winter vacation from college, I rushed to school with the cold to see the girl’s grades. She was taking the same Organizational Studies… as her 3A siblings, and she was looking for the famous character, la!
“Jiang Xiaomin…, 67 points…” She passed the test! Minnie’s wish was fulfilled.
I went back through her other scores in all directions and they all passed low. Once she makes up her mind, she can do it all.
Minnie is really strong.
The Pre-Officer (Reserve Officer) exam came first. I applied for the general officer course because I didn’t have time to prepare for the special officer course. I spent a week studying for the exam, taking quizzes, Chinese literature, the Three Principles of the People, history and geography, and studying archaeology. The preparatory study for the graduate school was put aside.
How effective is it? I don’t know. Once I took the test, I realized that the questions were very delicate and more than 40% of them were not read. After the test, I didn’t think anything other than I was upset.
There are only two months left before the graduate school exams in April and May. I put my energy back into preparing for graduate school, and I was a little too ambitious in selecting only national universities for the application form.
One day when I came back from school, there was a notice of the results of the prefectural exam on my desk. I opened it and saw that I had been admitted to the Step Row. Uh, wouldn’t it be better if I didn’t get in? I’ve only been reading for a week. If I didn’t apply for the special officer exam, did I lose out on a better opportunity?
Let’s hope for the Institute.
April came, because the universities, colleges and universities of research institutes are independent enrollment, the war of the South and the North started. From the North-Taiwan University, Tsinghua University, Jiaotong University, Central University, has been examined to the Chiayi CKSU, sweat and blood struggle, with a few percent of the top players to pen and sweat.
After one round of exams, only the University of Transportation and Communications notified me of the second oral exam, and the rest is all gone. Well, if there’s no hope, I’ll just pack up and go work as an infantry platoon leader.
In the middle of May, I was informed that I was listed in the twelfth place for admission by the Research Institute of Jiaotong University. And there were professors who were concerned about whether I could get in or not. I was worried.
In the afternoon of the same day, the assistant lady from the department office of Jiao Tong University called me to tell me, “Dream Builder, congratulations on your acceptance. Please apply tomorrow.”
I laughed and laughed happily… with a little bit of sadness…
“Mandy, we’re taking graduation photos next week… will you be there?” I received a call from Mandy.
“Definitely. It’s time to make memories when we finally graduate! Isn’t it? There’s a poster on the school bulletin board made by the departmental society congratulating you on getting into Jiao Tong University, it’s pretty great!” She said playfully.
“Just lucky.” I said lightly.
“Yeah? Good enough to graduate first? And get to represent the whole department on stage at graduation to receive a certificate?” Mandy teased.
“You know everything?”
“If you don’t want people to know, you have to do something. You can’t hide it from me…” her tone suddenly changed, “Amon, I want to ask you a serious question, and you have to answer me honestly.”
“Yeah. Go ahead.”
The girl took a deep breath, “Are you after me?”
She asked just now, four years.
Yes? This problem… I was stunned on the spot.
“No, no! How dare I?” Only then did I react. I shook my head and hands together, afraid to admit it.
“That’s good, because we don’t fit together…” She cited a number of reasons – age, ideas, personality, thoughts… the list goes on and on. It just doesn’t fit.
I don’t say a word. What she says is accepted in its entirety. What else?
“Um… Do you think I’m using you?”
“Of course I don’t think so.” I replied dryly.
“But, I guess, a little bit…” she finally smiled cheerfully, “I’m relieved if you don’t think so…”
As soon as I put the receiver down, I slumped in my chair like a deflated ball.
Is this the end? ….
At the time of the graduation photo shoot, each student wore a rented bachelor’s degree uniform and cap, pulling it there and holding it here, afraid of distortion and wrinkles, wanting to leave a perfect memento of their student life.
“Class 4B gather for the group photo!” The class president gave the order.
Minnie arrived in the nick of time, as usual, and she hurriedly straightened her baccalaureate coat and ran toward me.
“Amon, come and help me see what’s not working.”
I looked forward and back, “Yes, it’s beautiful!”
“But this bachelor’s cap isn’t too stable. I’m afraid it’ll fall off during the photo shoot, and I’d like to fix it up with a bobby pin, which I can’t see, so could you please fix it, please?”
I carefully pinned her hairpin for her, securely. She just stood beside me and wouldn’t go away.
It was the last thing I did for her. And the only time I ever ‘took a picture’ with her.
She didn’t show up for the graduation ceremony either.
After graduation, I tried various ways to contact her. Letters, phone calls, always no one could be found, no reply. Minnie never attended the reunion.
It’s over, isn’t it? Isn’t it?
The answer?
Contemplating the empty moon, it represents my heart.
The dust of love, floating and drifting with the air, when settled, in water, in flowers, in mirrors. Or it may be bonded, or brushed away, or quietly passed away.
Don’t laugh at the suffering of the world’s infatuation, in vain, the sorrow of the mortal world is truly hurt.
Completed on May 30, 1988