Preface.
Feelings, I guess. Yesterday, I brought up a story on the internet that has been buried in my heart for many years, and it touched my heartstrings. I didn’t want to talk about this past, but maybe I want to leave some witnesses for my own life, or reluctantly describe the story – not long, but a permanent pain.
The science fiction love story that I had planned to write has been put aside in favor of a real-life experience, with the author as the protagonist. At this moment, I was in a very complicated state of mind, with tears dripping in my eyes, but they could not fall… Closing my eyes and meditating, I felt my heart raining down, probably the tears of a man who does not show up lightly…?
I hope this story gives you some ideas, no matter how vague – it’s a hard dream to fulfill, and being a dream builder can’t remedy it. I wish I could use the power of the Internet to let her read this article. How is she doing?
I just want to know that and send my best wishes…
I would like to dedicate this story to her. This is her story, the girl I loved so much… All names and places mentioned in this story are fictionalized to protect the privacy of the people involved, so please do not seek further proof…
origin
Twelve years. I’ve never been able to forget it.
Last night, dreamed of her again, the playful girl with the sweet smile. It was as if it were real. I am approaching 30 years old, but my career is not going anywhere. Even though I chose the hottest field, information technology, the sheer number of people working in it really puts a lot of pressure on me as an undergraduate. The unemployment rate is fluctuating, the financial crisis is on the horizon, and my salary is getting thinner and thinner. Sometimes I think about how hard it is to work, but it’s all for the sake of the rice. If you want to keep your back straight, you have to be ambitious.
Most of our former classmates, colleagues, and workmates have started their own families and have children. Regardless of the reunion or dinner party, it is simply a parent-child park tour – babies crying, children playing – we, the single ‘aristocrats’, are not accompanied by a dry smile, or hold the children under the age of one to play. The feeling of ‘loneliness’ was not expressed in our mouths, but it was abundant, like a river flowing downhill.
Of course, naturally, some of my friends have vowed not to marry, not to marry for life, but some are very strict; and when it comes to love, there are many people who abandon their children and surrender, and open the gates of the city. When I attended his wedding, I couldn’t help but ‘question’ his ‘loyalty’ to the word ‘unmarried’ – and he just laughed and didn’t answer.
Can’t you stop it? Love…
Let it be – it’s the principle I’m following right now, and it’s the last ray of hope. I wonder if it’s because I’m not a big enough target or a big enough man that Eros’s arrows don’t seem to reach me at all?
The moon goddess’s red rope of marriage is also followed by a lack of length?
Thinking left and right, I really cannot understand this philosophy.
I’ve always defied fate, and touching love has forced me to believe!
When it comes to my relationship history, it’s all about small setbacks. By ‘minor setbacks’, I mean the early beginnings of a relationship that ended before it even started, that didn’t even need to be exposed to the sun, that went out before it was served, and that I was sentenced to leave the game as soon as I got a strike. Come to think of it… There was no technical foul, no hitting, so why did you ‘wave your sleeve gently and not take a cloud with you’?
Xu Zhimo and Lu Xiaoman’s tragic romantic love born of literature, I do not dare to ask for; I only wish to have a like-minded, soulful and good girl to accompany me for a long time. A person can meet a good couple that can be forever, it is said that not more than five times – with heavenly benefit, geographical advantage, people look at the right flavor, a beat. It’s not easy.
She, I guess, was the first time? …
Karma – one of the past tense
When we think of the Family Village, we all imagine it as a narrow, congested, wooden or brick bungalow, where voices are heard and neighbors have a strong sense of human connection. This is very rare in the general neighborhoods of Greater Taipei – either they don’t talk to each other, or they don’t talk to each other at all, and you don’t even know the names of the people on the other side of the wall, which is surprisingly cold and detached…
That’s right. I grew up in a family village with only eight or nine families, but they took care of each other, helped each other, and knew each other very well, regardless of their fathers’ or grandchildren’s generations. I even know how many cats and dogs they have in their homes. There was no need to ring the doorbell to find a neighbor; if you called out from this end, you would be heard at the end of the alley.
My father spent the best years of his life in the military, and was killed in battle and retreated to Taiwan before he married a local girl in his middle age. Being a son of a Veteran, I am of course proud of this – at least my father’s contribution to our country is evidenced by his blood and sweat to write history! He deserves my respect.
Though the village is small, the residents around us don’t reject us ‘foreigners’.
There was no distinction between local and foreigners. They were always chased around by adults, either because they hadn’t finished their homework or because they had gotten into a little trouble – a broken window, a child from a certain family being bullied, and so on…
As far as I can remember, from the time I was old enough to understand, I knew how to play as soon as I opened my eyes. Naturally, I had to take care of my schoolwork, but I couldn’t neglect the word “play”. When I was in the third grade of elementary school, I met a naughty boy named Fang Zhenxing (a pseudonym) when I was wandering in the alley near my home in the afternoon when I didn’t have school. We hit it off right away, and we played right up until the sunset…
Who knew? More than four years later, it was because of him that I met her… in the first grade of our high school.
I grew up as a person who was not very good at expressing my feelings, only knowing the ‘hygienic burial method’ – digging deep, pouring down, earth, and then stepping on it a few more times to make sure it was stable; very sensitive to the surroundings, but timid to speak my mind. Scared? I should be. I don’t know others, and others can’t know me. Although I am faithful to my friends, I have very few of them.
I think we all have defenses against strangers. I make friends easily, and it’s hard for me to say no to people. But with girls, I… I… I…
She is the girl who really left the richest shadow in my heart. Laughing, shy, happy, , I use my pupils as lenses and my eyes as negatives – as long as she appears, I will greedily photograph her and carefully seal the back cover, making every picture precious. Even if she doesn’t understand what I’m trying to do, I’m satisfied when I see her.
Silly, isn’t it? Yeah, that’s me – a no-frills, innocent boy.
She is not the first girl I have fallen in love with, but enough to make me haunt my dreams for a lifetime, and I would like to do so. No complaints, no regrets.
Let’s talk about my first love, or should I say my first crush, the first ‘her’, the standard one that doesn’t end…. The taste of youthfulness.
In elementary school, I had a crush on a girl in my class, who was recognized as a lovely girl. For her, I was a strong, honor-conscious person who began to make great progress in my schoolwork, and even my teachers were shocked when my grades shot up to the top four from the middle to the top. I sometimes involuntarily help the girl busy, intentionally attract her attention.
Trouble is, it’s rumored that she’s got a crush on another cute kid in her class who’s very good at his homework and was voted class rep. It’s hard not to think of them as a couple! If you look in the mirror, you don’t look too bad… Grit your teeth, and try…
As a result, I became the vice-president of the class, the discipline unit, the academic unit, the health unit and other class officers. I had a good friendship with him and often ran to his house to do homework together – once the girl was mentioned, the two of them became ‘imaginary enemies’, often openly using their homework and other performance as a means of separating them.
As for the female student, due to the rumors, both of them refused to admit that they liked each other, and treated him as an ordinary classmate. However, until I graduated from elementary school, I still thought they were a good couple, even though I didn’t really like them
In fact, my classmates could tell that I liked her very much, and they even ‘intentionally’ helped me to ‘create’ an opportunity to be alone with her (I think it’s a ‘frame-up’, right?). For a poster contest, I was the student of art and led a group of students who were assigned by the teacher to assist me, and she was among them. As we worked hard, paper flew, scissors danced, and chaos ensued
I’m doing…
“Amon, there’s not enough paste, I want to go up and get it, is that okay?” Student A asked.
Of course it’s good.
The classroom was upstairs, and with a shoo, he flashed one of the men with his fitness.
“Hok Yee, I want to go to the restroom…” Girls, of course, are allowed to do so!
Another person disappears.
Four or five people in a row took the excuse to go upstairs, and the place was suddenly deserted… A cold feeling came over me, and I looked around… It was a great situation, but why was it just me and her?
“Uh, I left something in the classroom, so I’ll be leaving for a while…” I tried to find an excuse to get out of the room – Oh my God..!
Only a few steps up the stairs, she cried out, “This is too much, why did you all run away?”
When she protested, the whole gang was called down by me. It was only then that I realized that all the ‘nice’ students were hiding in the stairwell, secretly watching the ‘show’ between her and me.
I whispered to a female student who had just sat down, “What are you and the others trying to do?
“So innocent.
The girl just laughed. .
Even though the other students were ‘shouting hot’, the handsome couple was still in a state of limbo, and the plot was confusing; after graduation, they didn’t contact each other again.
The person who kept in communication with her, instead, was me.
Since junior high school, he has sent her Christmas cards every year, in addition to writing to her from time to time, and he has never stopped.
It lasted until a year and a half ago when she told me she was getting married to her boyfriend… I wrote at the end of the letter, ‘Remember to send me the wedding invitation…’ and offered my heartfelt and distant blessings.
As a result, the letter was dropped into oblivion, and the Christmas card was not answered… not to mention the wedding invitation… over ten years of friendship… but it was not worth the price of a joyful invitation… foolish! I blamed myself. Can a fool be transformed into a superman?
Who says fools are powerful? Attach a few more question marks to it.
The essence remains the same. I didn’t understand it then – and now, I still don’t.
As soon as I met the second ‘her’, I was still a fool…
Karma – Past Progressive Tense II
‘I am a cloud in the sky, occasionally projected in the center of your waves…’
The cloud, shifting, trying to reach out and grab it, empty.
She drifted closer, into my life – even if it was a projection, the girl I couldn’t forget.
I am more than thirteen years old, miserable green youth road. People are not frivolous in vain, the romantic feelings described in the book ‘Weiyang Ge’, but I have not personally realized. Really, I have a dream, at least at that time there is – a period of old age can be savored again and again experience, whether it is passionate, sentimental, as long as the walk through.
Picking up every step left behind track marks, a fallen leaf, or even, nostalgic little boy.
The pressure of homework in junior high school was much heavier than in elementary school, and the bag on my shoulder often made my right shoulder red and sore. Textbooks and reference books are all over the place. Star National Middle School closed the narrow door, want to see the Church of Austria enrollment, you have to wait in a long queue to draw lots, which is a strange phenomenon in Taiwan at that time. Fortunately for my father, he did not insist that I had to go to this type of school, so I started my three-year career at a junior high school in the school district.
Fang Zhenxing, who has become my best friend and sworn enemy, also went to the same national secondary school as me. I was in the front class and he was in the back class. It’s not fashionable. Promotion was paramount! At the end of elementary school, I got a nasal problem and had to go to the doctor for a long time, which dragged me down physically. The doctor told me that I was not allowed to go out in the sun, and I was not allowed to do outdoor physical activities such as basketball in the sun. This ban separated me from the rest of the class…
My classmates used to whisper to me when I became a special person – how can there be such a ‘privileged person’?
I was exempted from court meetings, sick in gym class, studying, and only had one real friend left to revitalize me, and he understood my frustration. It’s just a matter of having a different kind of playmate, isn’t it? We’ll continue to play.
In the second semester of the first semester, my condition improved and I started to do some activities before dusk. Slowly, I began to play more strenuous sports – dodgeball, running, and baseball – but I didn’t dare to go too far.
Due to my father’s strict requirements, at this time I prioritized my schoolwork and could not ‘play’. Once the coursework is done, it is always a good idea to look for my worship handle to report to work. Play to play, the results are maintained at a good level, did not suffer too much.
One Saturday afternoon, as usual, I asked some friends to play soccer. After the hala and greetings, it was time to come…
Zhenxing suddenly and mysteriously pulled me to the wall and lowered the volume of his voice, saying: “Ah Meng, a new family has moved into the neighboring lane of this alley, and I noticed that there is a girl who is quite pretty. Why don’t we go and take a look together? …” with a curious look on his face, urging me on.
The alley was not more than 30 meters to the right of our meeting place. A moving truck was parked at the entrance of the alley, and two or three workers were busy lifting and unloading the furniture, drenched in sweat. The building had not long been completed and stood next to the alley. It was quite a delicate building, but the price of the house was not cheap.
“Oh? Someone’s moving in so soon?” I was interested – I had nothing to do anyway. “Let’s go and have a look…”
The other players yelled, “Oh, I heard you! We heard you! We’re going too!”
How can we not? If we don’t, there will be a revolt.
Four or five large and small carrot heads ran towards the dark brown wall brick building, thieving. Taking cover, four or five pairs of eyes peered inside.
“It’s the first floor. Isn’t it expensive?” Revitalize asked me.
“If you can afford this place, your family should be in good shape oh.” I carefully survey the enemy.
We all had a great time discussing what you had to say and what I had to say.
“Hey… be quiet! The girl is coming out…” he said, stopping another man’s big mouth.
Several lines of eyes revealed the target, and yes, the heroine made her appearance, and the eyes of five curious babies lit up!
She wasn’t too tall, but her overall appearance was very well proportioned – short hair, green willow eyebrows, large, articulate, watery eyes, straight nose, small red lips, clear white skin…. If she smiled, she would be very sweet.
She was helping to relocate the lighter items.
Well, revitalization is really what it says on the tin.
The perfect first impression.
He elbowed me in the face, “What’s wrong with you? I’m asking you, Mona, what do you think? If I go after her…”
“You do have a vision! But revitalization, you still know nothing about her, how can you chase after her?
“In truth, I’m moved.
“Tch, you’re not as good as me at that! I have a lot of friends, and even if it takes more time, I’ll always ask around.” He patted me on the shoulder.
“Haha! Count on you!” I smile back at him.
The girl on the other side of the street is looking, looking, looking… Wow! She’s really looking this way! Oh, no! We’ve lost the plot! She started walking towards us
“The situation is not right!” Zhenxing, as our highest leader, was in charge of everything, “Hurry up and run!” The boys ran wildly.
A couple of people ran about 20 or 30 meters out of harm’s way. The girl and another longer female Sin stood at the mouth of the alley, looking at us, the two sides facing each other from a distance.
“Boss, this is…” one of the playmates spoke up, out of breath.
He was very calm, “Don’t be afraid, they won’t come over…, we haven’t done anything bad.”
After a few minutes, they probably thought we were harmless and the two figures disappeared.
“See! I told you it’s fine…” Revitalization is really…
We boys spent the day laughing and joking, and since then, there has been more than one topic of conversation – her, Simu Xinyi.
“Hey, Zhen Zhen, it’s been more than a week… Didn’t you make a big promise? What have you found out?” Tired of playing, I sat on the pavement with the dodgeball in my arms and looked up.
He shrugged his arms, “She’s only been here a short time, I’m afraid there aren’t many people who know her, are there? Take your time.”
It made sense, and I couldn’t press the issue any further. Otherwise, he’ll wonder why I’m in a bigger hurry than he is.
The remaining light of the setting sun is pouring over the earth. The boy who first realized the taste of love and sorrow, longed to know her with hope.
Is she, an exclamation point, or a stop sign? …
Karmic Birth-Past Tense III
After another week, she probably wants to familiarize herself with her home surroundings and comes out from time to time to walk around and buy things. This was a great blessing for me who wanted to see her more often!
If only I could know her name… It seems that I really don’t know enough.
It was another Saturday, and Zhenxing and I were playing dodgeball with a group of companions, and the battle was heating up when the girl came over. We were playing not 30 meters from her house, and the noise was as immersive as if we were watching in person.
“Boss, it’s her again…” one of the young playmates realized, requesting instructions.
Pause for movement – the ladies have priority through the battle zone, and Revitalize orders everyone to spread out to the second flank.
She was wearing a lightweight white dress, the length of which was… well… just right! To use a modern term, it’s called a ‘hot girl’!
Can you imagine my face at that moment? Like a fly stuck to flypaper – my ears were red and burning. With her new school uniform folded in her hands, she gently wiggled her waist and slowly crossed the commanding platform of five boys, all of whom were silent and in awe.
The pretty girl seemed to be very interested in this kind of ‘military parade’ and smiled all the way – as expected, she looked like a freshly plucked cherry with dew on it, so why was my heart swooning? I didn’t need to be told to ‘look to the right’, but I did it in a military manner – even the rookie recruits who had just joined the army didn’t behave like this!
Elementary school nature textbook did not say – the same pole attracts, opposites repel each other. I didn’t believe in it in 6th grade and tried it out with a magnet for half a day before I agreed with this theory. Assuming that I was the N pole, the attraction of her S pole was too strong, wasn’t it?
She’s a long way away, and my focus is still fixed on the girl who’s drifting away. A scent still lingers in the air.
“Amon! Amon! Come back to your soul!” Revitalization waved her arms, her palms covering the direction my heart flew in.
Our side woke up in a big dream, “Huh? Revitalization, what is it?”
“How do you look at a girl like that? Aren’t you afraid she’ll be embarrassed?”
“I…” I like her. You manage me.
He scanned around, “Huh, what has fallen on the ground? It’s white…” He bent down to pick it up, and it was at his feet.
Zhenxing flipped it over to see that it was a plastic name tag for a student at the National Elementary School!
By the way, she had just transferred to the XX National Elementary School across the street; looking at her movements, she should have gone to embroider name tags.
I moved my head over to her, and they both read together, “Fifth year class 3 – Xie ~ Miyuzu ~ (pseudonym).”
Well, if you print six name tags one after another, you have to remember them…
“Uh…, is it hard to believe that it would be… hers?” I pointed at the girl in white, who was about to walk to the other end, nearly halfway there.
“Revitalize! You hurry up and chase her back!” I yelled. He was much faster on his feet than I was.
He rushed out in a panic, running and jumping, “Hey~! Miss! You dropped your stuff~!”
What’s with the ‘Miss’? Don’t doubt it, we are trying to ‘simplify the name’ for the sake of ‘simplicity’ – all female compatriots, no matter how old or young, big or small, are ‘honored’ as ‘Miss’. It’s not a good idea, but it won’t get you stared at.
Zhen Zhen rushed to her, “You, your name tag…, give it back, give it back!”
“Thank you! I’m sure someone must have dropped it by accident…” she took it with a sinister smile, nodded her head my way and smiled again.
Zhen Zhen watched Misuzu disappear, a smile on her lips.
Six months later, we revisited the incident and came to an important conclusion – that she may have done it on purpose.
Our analysis is like this: First, she often appears. And as soon as we gathered at the court and started playing, she came soon after. Secondly, she dropped nothing but name tags, and she picked the spot next to my feet and Zhen Zhen’s feet. If she had dropped something like a handkerchief, it would have been understandable, but if she had dropped an important name tag, it wouldn’t have made sense, would it?
In this way, the formality of ‘asking for your name’ was saved, this little girl is really witty. She’s so clever. She’s so suggestive without leaving a trace.
How could I have thought of that in the first place?
Thank you, Mabel. I remember it very well.
Half a month passed and we had a tacit understanding with her that existed, extremely subtle. In addition to her occasional ‘visits’ to Zhenxing and me, the clothes are still very hot. Zhenxing felt more and more unpleasant, and began to actively fight back.
Whenever Misuzu passed by to gaze at the two of us, he glared back angrily, “What are you looking at? I’ve never seen it!”
She crowed sweetly, “Who’s looking at you?” With a toss of her head, the wonderful eyes cut back and positioned themselves on my face.
I wasn’t good enough to boldly salute, so I just let her ‘see her full’.
As soon as Misuzu left, I advised Revitalize, “She’s a girl, you don’t have to be so mean to her.”
“She’s pretty, but what she’s wearing makes me uncomfortable.” Zhenxing confessed. “Besides, every time she walks by, she stares at us as if she’s playing a trick on us.”
Yeah? A wave of heat went through my ears.
From then on, he and Misuzu were on a roll, and he even gave her nicknames. Since the Taiwanese pronunciation of ‘Misuzu’ was similar to ‘rice milk’, he saw her and shouted, “‘Rice milk’, my favorite drink! I love to drink ‘rice milk’! I want to drink ‘rice milk’!” (Please repeat in Taiwanese.) The girl ignored him accordingly, but still looked at me.
Gradually, I became more and more confused – what was she thinking? It was hard to understand.
Her family’s situation is slowly becoming clearer. Her mother owns an import-export trading company in the family home and is well off. She has an older sister and a beloved white Pekingese.
Oh, Revitalization is indeed a mastermind. He even climbed over the wall into the fire escape behind her room to gather information about the enemy, scaring the girl so much that she wanted to call the police – that’s too much!
The confrontation between the two of them has turned into a white-hot one. During the Chinese New Year, I lobbied for half a day and foamed at the mouth, but Zhenxing still insisted on shooting her legs with a skyrocket while she was on the move, and did not listen to me at all. Fortunately, she was not hurt. For this reason, he was scolded by her family, and I almost fell out with him.
Caught in the middle between Zhenxing and Misuzu, I had a hard time deciding which side to help – on one side was my partner, and on the other was the girl I secretly loved, so how could I just sit back and watch her get bullied?
I finally interfered, and when sometimes Akira helped Misuzu, he laughed and asked, “Hey, Amon, what country are you from?”
I don’t know.
Karmic Birth-Past Tense IV
I passed by your door the other day, and you were carrying a bucket of water and splashing it out. When you splashed water on my shoes, the pedestrians laughed and laughed! You didn’t say anything to me, but just looked at me with narrowed eyes…”
Misuzu looked at me as if I were a circus star. I always thought she was just teasing me and Zhenxing. After all, we were the most infamous ‘monkeys’ in the neighborhood – feared by children, disliked by adults, and chased by puppies.
Hmmm, I’ve fallen into unrequited love again? My unpleasant experience in elementary school has given me the preconceived notion of ‘once bitten, ten years in fear of the grass rope’. How much does a junior high school student know about the true meaning of love?
Shaking my head, ignorance aside, anticipation and indecision eat away at my mind from time to time.
Love? I hope someone can teach me.
“Meng, that Xie Meiling is always staring at us, do you want to get back at us?” Zhenxing asked me squarely.
Retaliation? “What do you want to do?” I really admired him, the ghost ideas were exceptional.
“It’s simple, let’s harass her instead! Take her looking at our share and slowly ask for it back!”
“Huh? Would that… be too unethical?” I was a bit worried. Although I was extremely willing…
Her room was located right next to an alleyway, so she probably couldn’t hear the sounds of traffic. The first step of his plan was to ‘lure her out of her hole’ – to move our group’s base of play to the alley next to her house so that she would be accustomed to our voices first…
We made an appointment to execute this Sunday afternoon.
Of course, when I show up, I will definitely slap the dodgeball, and the special sound of ‘thud, thud, thud’ means that I am coming. The first time the battle plan was used, she really poked her jade head out of the window of her boudoir to watch us play around, looking very interested.
Zhen Zhen walked up to me and squeezed his eyebrows, and I knew what he wanted to say──’The plan worked!
‘ I responded by pouting my lips, ‘I saw it! Keep going…’
Oh, my God! How long did we play, and how long did Misuzu snuggle up by the window and watch, and what did she have in mind?
Next, a few days. Step 2, ‘Contact War’ – Invite a couple of friends to team up for a game of grounders and pretend to ‘accidentally’ hit the ball into the yard of her house. Then, ring her doorbell and yell, “Sorry! Our ball fell into your yard, can you pick it up?
Please open the door!”
Repeat this a few more times and you won’t have to worry about seeing her.
Heh heh! Nasty enough! My nemesis’ ‘good’ idea.
I don’t know if you’ve heard of ‘grounders’? We can’t afford to buy a bat and glove, so this is ‘poor man’s baseball’. The bases are drawn on the asphalt with bricks or chalk, and the ball is swung with the palm of the finger as a bat to hit the orange softball rolled on the ground by the pitcher. An orthodox game of offense and defense for pitchers and batters. Fingers are often scraped and scratched on the ground, depending on the skill of the pitcher.
I’m a pretty good pitcher, and while I can’t get a complete shutout, I’m at least responsible for a low number of runs. However, in order to match the task, I switched to a slow pitch route.
I swept my eyes to my left-as expected, she appeared, looking at me with a smile.
The first ball was out of bounds! It flew into the Phoenix Residence. That’s right on the money!
The first baseman ran three steps to the doorbell, grinning and ringing the electric bell to call for the ball.
The one who opened the door was a woman in her thirties, quite concerned about dressing up. I think it’s Misuzu’s mom.
“I’m sorry, I dropped the ball at your house, can I come in and pick it up?” Exactly as scripted.
“Next time be careful!” The woman scolded softly.
The little boy slipped in and out, “Thank you!”
The race is back on.
Ten minutes later, the catcher, Fang Zhenxing, called me again. I nodded and winked at the batters – we all knew what was going on…
The doorbell rang again and this time a very young girl answered the door. It’s her sister. There’s no mistaking it.
“What happened again? Did the ball fall in?” She asked the first baseman who rang the bell.
He bowed and smiled and said, “Yes!”
“Really… Come in!” I really envied that boy.
Five minutes later, the third goal was scored in the girl’s goal, and it was time for someone else to open the door, wasn’t it? The boys waited in anticipation
Uh-huh? She’s not at the window anymore?
The iron door opened and Misuzu stepped out, softball in hand, smiling wryly and saying, “Did you guys do that on purpose? How can anyone hit three balls in a row and fly into my house?”
She gave me a look, “Dream builder, what the hell are you up to oh?”
I hurriedly waved my hands and denied it, “No, it’s not! It was just an accident.”
She tossed the ball to me, “Next time you guys call in, let’s see if I’ll help you pick it up? My dog loves to play with the ball…” Misuzu turned her jade skull and the door closed with a bang.
I was so scared my tongue came out, she guessed our ploy, never underestimate her.
Wait, how does she know my name? Maybe because she’s been listening to the conversations between Revitalize and me for a while now, so she’s memorized our names. That’s a good thing!
Zhen Zhen looked at me warningly-don’t go through with the plan! Well, it’s on to the real game, and a bunch of boys are playing hard and fast.
As Misuzu watched the game with her elbow in her sweet spot, I was so distracted by her that I couldn’t concentrate on my pitching. When she smiled, I threw a strike; when she sighed, I threw a bad ball…
As a result… our team was defeated..! It’s a disaster!
This plan didn’t work. After a thorough review, Zhenxing came up with a third plan – “Disruptive Warfare”.
Every afternoon, when she came home from school, the two of them would wander up and down the alleyway in front of her house, chatting…
As soon as she… heard us, she poked her head out and stared at me, making my face red and green with embarrassment.
It was clearly meant for her to keep an eye on us, and it became the guiding principle of guerrilla warfare in the future.
Misuzu, too, appeared in front of Zhenxing and me more and more frequently, gazing at us for longer periods of time. We looked back, three pairs of eyes flickering back and forth – those who were watching didn’t know what was going on and thought we were playing some kind of game!
Now that I think about it, it is indeed a game. The emotional world of a young child, pure, without heart.
Her beautiful eyes, emitting a radiant light, either sad or happy, affected my mood every day. However, I really can’t show my love to her, eloquence is a big obstacle; besides, she is so beautiful, it’s really a ‘small student afraid’ yo! Seeing her makes me want to find a hole in the ground, so I don’t dare to take any further action.
The first semester of the state year was just squandered.
Zhenxing and I went to the second year of secondary school. He was not interested in studying and was very relaxed; but I was poorly organized into a class for further studies – the target was Jian X Middle School, which was the first choice of the Northern League! My family expects a lot from me. As the eldest son, I have to be a role model!
Classes are getting heavier by the day, but revitalization and my partying goes on as usual, and entertainment is still needed. An excuse to have fun. I pushed myself hard to get into the top three in the class, and the teachers’ ‘loving eyes’ gradually shifted to me – thinking that there was ‘something’ about this kid.
My competitive spirit got the better of me, and I had to fight with the best students in my class for the top spots. My ranking hovered around the top three, causing my name to spread among the teachers and teachers – ‘There’s a dream builder in Year 2, Class 5, who seems to be able to get into a good school’…
I had to put a lot of work on my shoulders. However, I did not stop going to Misuzu’s house regularly to conduct ‘harassment wars’. At the end of the school day, I would purposely take the alley to see if she was back, humming a song as I did so, hoping that she would show up and look at me a little more.
My youth, my years, the girl I loved – Misuzu.
Karmic Birth-Past Tense V
‘If you were the morning dew, I would be the grass; if you were the smoke, I would be the breeze. All day long, I will nestle with you, and then I will know – how sweet it will be when I accompany you and keep you…”
Kokusaiji now. Misuzu’s ‘resistance’ to our actions became a ‘habit’. Even when the revitalization and I led a group of children to play in the empty alley next to my house, she still did not mind taking a detour, but had to walk to the entrance of the alley to take a few more glances before pacing away with a smile on her face. Like a colorful butterfly. As soon as she appeared, everyone paused in their work and gave her a salute to send her away.
Her outfits are still hot and eye-catching, and she seems to relish showing off her beauty and her strengths.
If I don’t get a few glances from her in a day, seriously, I feel all wrong.
It didn’t take long for my mother to realize that there was such a girl, and she even knew her name. This would be too much for the paper to hold.
Her family seems to have noticed my presence.
Her home, because she runs a company, the doors are open during work hours, and sometimes they are left open when it’s hot. This became a perfect opportunity for Revitalize and I to ‘spy’. Misuzu’s moves in the living room were often the information we hunted for.
She was a good girl, helped out around the house, went to the grocery store, and was very gentle-unless you got on her nerves. Thank goodness she got to see a lot of her because of her love of housework and helping her mother with her errands.
As I mentioned before, her family was well off, and according to the revitalization of the secret, after learning from many sources – her pocket money on a Friday was already about one thousand dollars. It seems nothing now, but from the point of view of more than ten years ago, it is not uncommon for an elementary school girl to have so much money.
And after the evening?
One evening at 7 p.m., as was my custom, I passed by her house playing dodgeball. As usual, she drew the curtains, opened the window, and stared at me with her head outstretched. Huh, no, one, two, three?
Three people? She’s on the far right, and the remaining two are?
It’s Misuzu’s sister and mom? I was secretly surprised, ”It’s outrageous, isn’t it? The whole family is here to see them? The more I thought about it, the more I felt uneasy, so I picked up my pace and marched across the ‘Commander’s Terrace’ at a brisk pace…
I could faintly hear sweet whispers and laughter, which must have been either ‘judging’ me or laughing at me for being such a fool – a wild child out at seven o’clock at night.
Get it straight, I came out here to see you!
Even Misuzu’s family is in the war, so it’s going to be a tough battle.
One day, I was practicing dodgeball in an alleyway to build up my arm strength when two of my playmates threw the ball next to me. The girl showed up out of nowhere and actually stopped. The strange thing was that she didn’t talk to me, but to my friends instead. Misuzu asked about the neighborhood, the revitalization, etc., but she didn’t talk to me, but occasionally glanced at me.
Jealous for the first time in my life, I threw the ball with more force by turn, and the sound of the round ball hitting the wall was frighteningly loud. ”Bang! Bang! …’, the sound was so loud that the ashes of the walls shook – just to interrupt her conversation with them.
After Misuzu left, one of my friends asked me, “Mon, why did you throw the ball so hard just now? It’s scary!”
I laughed, “Who taught her to ignore me?”
The heart of a young girl is a needle in the bottom of the sea, so you can’t feel it and you can’t tell the difference. It’s a pain in the ass…
The first year of Kokusai ended in ‘looking at each other’ and ‘private fights’.
The shadow of the Joint Examination officially loomed over the windy third year of the country. Fang Zhenxing is still taking it easy, and I’m really happy for him. We kids who couldn’t refuse the JEE, each one of us became a roasted duck on the shelf – we were first coated with barbecue sauce, stuffed with ingredients every day, and cooked for a year…over a gentle fire. It was a miserable life!
The only good news is that Misuzu is enrolled in the same junior high school that Revitalize and I are attending. Now we had a lot of boring things to do – for example, I waited for her to leave for school many times, and since we were walking the same route anyway, I followed her, slowing down as she walked, slowing down as I walked, and speeding up as she walked. We had a great time. Unfortunately, she still hasn’t talked to me.
It was the third year of the National Education Program, and there was not much time for fun. All the non-important classes were transferred to the main subjects – Chinese, English, Mathematics, Science, and Chemistry – which made me dizzy, but in order to strive for good grades, I had to endure it with all my might. The last thing I could think of was Misuzu.
Since the girl turned out to be my schoolmate, well, I’ll spell it out for her!
I could only try my best to hold on to the top spot in the class, then the top spot in the whole grade, and then the school essay contest… I just wanted to prove to Misuzu that I was not an ordinary boy! I just wanted to prove to Misuzu that I wasn’t an ordinary boy!
When I went up to the stage to receive the award, I couldn’t see her amidst the applause. Class 1.2…?
Where’s Misuzu? Are you happy for me? More than half of my efforts are for you!
At that time, the junior high school I attended was co-educational, but with separate classes. The girls’ classrooms for the first and second grades were on the fifth floor, and the third-grade promotion class was on the fourth floor – in the middle of the school building, separated by a distant atrium. The third grade class was for girls, while the fourth and fifth grade classes were for boys. The two sides were so clearly separated that even though they were located next door to each other, the boys were not allowed to step out of line, or they would be scolded.
The corridor of the girls’ classroom on the fifth floor was jokingly called the ‘cliff of hope’, and there were often girls looking down at the boys’ classroom, but the distance was too long and the effect was limited. When I got out of class, I also looked up to the fifth floor – was Misuzu standing by the red fence?
When I felt lonely, I used to walk under the overpass, lean against the guardrail, and stare at the constant flow of traffic. One time, I was leaning against the fence, thinking about her. Misuzu came over to me and actually leaned against the railing, not twenty centimeters away from me. She gave me a deep look, winked and smiled, then swung her body around and floated away with the wind in a puff of smoke.
“Hey! Mi-… Mi-suzu…!” Trying to call out to her, the girl had already turned into a black dot.
I’m going to go crazy if I don’t!
Pretty girls are the center of attention wherever they go. Misuzu is no exception. After she enrolled in school, how many heroes and heroines wanted to pursue her? The number of those who have fallen under her skirt is even greater! A girl knows how to get a boy to notice her.
One of my National High School classmates, who lives in the same family village, told me that Misuzu would unobtrusively straighten her skirt or tousle the tips of her hair when she saw male classmates passing by; however, what my classmates find most disconcerting is the arrogance unique to beautiful women, and the fact that the hot girl dresses up unchanged. It also makes her a target for people’s attention.
The red face is tired of oh!
“Would it? Dwang (schoolmate’s name, pseudonym), she doesn’t look like this when she sees me.”
I said to my schoolmate.
“Meng, revitalization has told me about you and her. I saw it too. Given how popular she is, you don’t stand much of a chance…” Dewang smiled lightly.
Oh…, is that so? I couldn’t help but be apprehensive.
It was another Sunday when Revitalize and I met at our usual spot to play ball.
“Hey, Amon, tell you something.” Revitalization smiled a little wryly.
“What again?” I wondered. When he smiled like that, nothing good ever came out of it.
“Misuzu Hsieh came to see me yesterday while you were away.”
“Yeah? Looking for you?” What now?
“Uh~!” He said seriously, “She asked me about you. How you are as a person, how your schoolwork is going, and so on… and so on.”
“Why didn’t she just ask me?” Really don’t get it.
“You have to ask your friend next to you to be sure!” Zhenxing laughed and gave me a nudge, “I’m telling the truth! Don’t worry, when I say you’re a good person and your homework is good, I’m definitely not saying anything bad about you.”
“Revitalization, thanks!” I was very grateful to him.
Misuzu bothered to ask about revitalizing these things, but has refused to talk to me face-to-face and openly.
She’s such an enigmatic girl. Catlike and mysterious and hard to understand.
It’s better to finish talking about sad things early…
Karmic Destruction-Past Perfect & Present Tense
‘Gently, I will leave you, please wipe away the tears from the corners of your eyes. Not at this time, I don’t know when, but I think it will be around winter…”
In the advanced classes, the academic load is so heavy that it is not uncommon for the class to go to the ninth or tenth class at night. Especially in the second half of the third year, even on Saturdays and Sundays, it was compulsory for the whole class to stay at school until after nine o’clock at night. There was no time to breathe, and the chances of seeing Misuzu were relatively few.
My thoughts of her never waned.
The school assembles one class of girls and two classes of boys in a large classroom, where the three tutors take turns to strictly supervise their work and study progress. It was stipulated that they had to finish reviewing the chapters of certain subjects today, and when the time was up, they would immediately hand out test papers to check the results.
Week after week, endless rounds of filler.
On the upper right corner of the blackboard, there was a big two-digit number – 84, the number of days until the July exams. During the break after class, I heard my classmates talk about how one of my classmates had fallen in love with a girl from the next class, and his grades had deteriorated a lot. After being pressed to find out the reason, the teacher reprimanded him and ordered him to stop seeing her.
I know it’s overkill, but I can’t criticize it. All I could think of at the moment was that I couldn’t let my parents and teachers down; and Misuzu, she must have noticed my recent performance, right? My name has been on the bulletin boards a lot, and I’ve done well on the math test, the Chinese language test, and so on, not losing out to any of the gifted and talented students. I’m sure I’ve done my best, so I hope I haven’t let her down.
It’s nine-thirty when I detour to the front of her house after school. The closed curtains in her room reflect the dim light, interspersed with the blaring of the TV.
‘She’s still watching TV, huh…?’ I wanted to call out to her, but I was afraid of causing a commotion with her family. So I gathered up my feelings of loneliness and returned home with tired feet.
The white streetlight stretched my silhouette so long and deep, who understands the bitter love of a junior high school boy? Misuzu, what do you think of me? …
Three months. No amount of preparation is enough. The pages of the book are almost torn out…
Then the graduation ceremony took place, and outside of sentimentality and nervousness, there was no element of joy.
The day before the exam, I went into a state of full preparation, instead of reading. I turned on the TV and watched the ‘Jones Cup’ basketball game to loosen my nerves after a year of tension. I didn’t dare go to Misuzu, and she didn’t come up to me again.
She, by any chance, has a boyfriend? No, I don’t want that. Now, I can’t look back, I can’t think about it. Tomorrow, for the first time in my life, will be the battle of destinies – the North High School Joint Entrance Examination – the main battleground for high achievers from all over the world to compete against each other.
The next two days, I felt that I did not do too badly in the exam. After checking my answers with those published by the Association for Remedial Education, I discussed with my teacher and realized that I should be able to sit in second place and have no problem.
As for the examination of five specialties, then simply did not read the book again. Just after the examination, the high school started to look for the revitalization of them to play around.
Misuzu saw that I was out ‘hanging out’ again, and she attended on time. It was like old times, back to the old ‘wide-eyed’ – good-natured, funny days.
On the day the JEE results were released, I was at home with my parents waiting for a call from the school. The result slip would be sent to the school first and the list would be posted later. At around ten o’clock, the phone rang and it was the class advisor.
“Hey, is that the dream builder?”
“Yes, I am. Teacher, the report card arrived didn’t it?”
“Right! You got into first choice! The grades were quite a bit higher than what we predicted! Come to school first and get your report card!”
As soon as the phone hung up, I reported the news to my parents, who were overjoyed, and my mother cried with joy. My father comforted my mother and asked me to go to school quickly.
I changed into my uniform and ran to school. On the way, I met Fang Zhenxing, “Meng, how did you do? Did you pass?”
“It’s on! It’s the first volunteer Jianzhong.” I couldn’t hide my excitement.
“Great! By the looks of you, you’re going to school too, right?”
“Let’s go together!” …
I received my report card from my tutor – a total of 636 points (out of a possible 700 points), of which 184 points (out of a maximum of 200 points) were for Chinese Language. I found it hard to believe.
I wondered if it could be Misuzu secretly praying for me.
The school bought a large string of firecrackers to celebrate the huge increase in the number of students who had applied for the top three choices in the JEE. Among them, the one who was most surprised by the teachers was me – I was not expected to get into the top one, but I actually did.
Misuzu, I did it. I wish you were right next to me.
In the afternoon, Zhenxing and I were standing on the street corner talking. Unexpectedly, Misuzu approached me with a smile and stopped right next to me, as if she wanted to say something.
Seeing this, Zhen Zhen rubbed his nose and excused himself: “I have something to do, Mon. You guys just…”
“Hey, hey! Zhen Zhen, why do you say you’re leaving… Hey! …” He didn’t listen, he’s really … going to get me in trouble.
I turned back around with a goofy smile, “Something wrong? Misuzu.” As far as I could remember, she had never spoken to me on her own accord, just two people.
“I heard that the JEE has been released, right?” The tone was sweet.
“Yeah.” My face was so hot. It must have been ridiculous to look dumbfounded.
“So… how did you do? Where did you get in?”
“Oh! I scored six hundred and thirty-six points and went to Jianzhong.”
“Wow! That’s awesome! It’s not easy!”
I wanted to say, “It’s all because of you.
“Then you have to work harder from now on!”
“Grace! Thank you! I will.” I released a smile.
She chatted with me for a few more minutes before waving her hand goodbye. She looked back at me a few times.
Little did I know that this would be the only conversation she would ever have with me.
Revitalization walked back after a while, “Finished speaking? Hello! Meng, what are you doing? Won’t you say a few more words?”
“Whenever she looks at me, I stutter and go blank… how can I say anything?” I replied helplessly. “I…
I got into high school. But it was the most painful three years of my life.
We’re less than halfway through the first semester of senior year.
One day, my father gathered the whole family and announced that the land in the family village would be taken back by the original landowner for the construction of new houses, and that eight or nine of our families would have to move out.
“Dad, doesn’t the government own the land?”
“No, the land is leased by the government from the landlord. The landowner insists on taking it back, and there is nothing I can do about it.”
It was martial law back then. What about marches or self-help? If it were now, I would have fought that landlord to the end!
The move was final and irreversible. I said goodbye to my old friends one by one – especially revitalization, which took the longest time.
“What about Misuzu’s end? What are you going to say?” Revitalize asked.
“I don’t know. It doesn’t seem like she’s very interested in me… and there are so many people after her…”
“Don’t you like her a lot?”
“She…, yes…. But I…” I stammered.
“Can’t you at least go say something?”
“┅┅。”┅
The night before the move, I lingered in front of her house. Misuzu still poked her head out and smiled at me as I stared at her.
Goodbye. Two words so easy. I can’t say it.
I waved my hand at her and smiled. Before she could respond, I turned on my heel and walked away.
I hate to say goodbye. I’m sure I’ll see her again.
Unfortunately, it was not to be.
I have wandered back to her neighborhood after school many times, but no movement. I suspected that she had moved out, but I had no one to ask. I was even more afraid to ask about revitalization.
Disappointed, I gave up exploring the action.
During my three years of high school, I became withdrawn. Didn’t like to talk to people. …
If, at that moment, I really mustered up the courage to shout ‘I love you’, would she be moved?
If, for example, I tell my feelings for her, will she accept them?
If, I had taken good hold of her, I would be living happily now.
If… There are so many ifs…
If there were no ifs in the world, would it really save all the sighs and sorrows?
If…
You’re the most inaccessible note in my life.
Gorgeous beat rhymes with melody
Let me make you a five-line colorful dress.
Your tones accompany the harmonies
Dance to the Mystic Mysteries
To hold you and listen to you.
No more endgame.
rest (music)
love affair
draw (a cart or a bow)
tears
Postscript.
Three days before Mother s Day, I once again returned to the scene of the story at that time. Misuzu s home was no longer inhabited, the iron windows were badly etched, and the wooden sign for rent was bent in the middle and tilted against the wall. ‘The face of the people do not know where to go, peach blossoms still smile spring breeze’. Looking for traces of the past, I walked along the road lane where I used to play in my junior high school days, the scenery remained the same, but the personnel was completely different.
Walking down the main street towards the National Junior High School building, I was surprised to see a photocopying business with the same name as my childhood friend’s house. An employee cleaned the parts of the photocopier with a jet gun and went back inside.
I pushed open the door, “May I ask if your boss here is named Fang Zhenxing?”
“Yeah! He coincidentally went out to deliver the chart and will be back in ten minutes.”
That’s great! I was making small talk with the gentleman and waiting for the revitalization to come back to the office.
A dark brown passenger van pulls up in front of the door. A man with a slightly overweight body walked in. It was indeed him, although his face was a bit rounded, but his features and the aura were revitalized.
“Are you…?” I hadn’t changed much, and he still couldn’t recognize me.
Fourteen years.
“I’m the dream builder! Have you forgotten me?”
“Ah! Right!” The two of them laughed at each other and shook hands in greeting.
He’s been busy these days, but I took the opportunity to ask him about his current situation. The family business he inherited is not doing as well as it used to due to the downturn in the construction industry.
“What happened to Misuzu?”
“She married long ago! She’s doing well. She moved away eight years ago.”
No wonder. Couldn’t find her.
I do not want to disturb the revitalization too much, we left each other’s phone numbers and promised to catch up again when we have time.
On the way back, stepping on the ground of the past, I murmured in my heart: ‘Misuzu, it’s good to hear that you are happy and joyful…’. I’m really satisfied…’
I was not the one who accompanied her…
The night, I noticed then, was so dark. It was endless.
Misuzu, I invite you to come and dream tonight.