She’s three years older than me.
I met her by chance. At that time, she was still a student, studying English as a postgraduate in a university, while I was working in a company. One of my senior brothers in the company, a husband and wife, and she were both from the same hometown and classmates.
At the beginning of the year, a ghost to the company to discuss technical issues, and a few of my English level is really not complimentary, so thought to ask her to the company to help translate.
That was the first time I saw her, and I wasn’t amazed, I just thought she was nice and pretty. I was too preoccupied with the Ghostbusters to pay much attention to her.
I didn’t see her again for the next six months, and the days passed in an uneventful, tense manner.
One day after the triumphant return of Hong Kong, I went out of town because of a project with the Ghostbusters, and with me there was that senior brother of mine.
While we were away, my sister-in-law was alone at home and lonely, so I asked her to stay with us. Sometimes, when my brother called home to talk about his feelings, we bachelors were so jealous that we raised our voices. When she answered the phone, and I was shouting “I LOVE YOU!” (in fact, it was always the gweilo who shouted the loudest), my brother gave me a sinister smile and handed me the microphone, but I didn’t know what was going on, and I continued to shout…
Since then, this story has been widely circulated in the company, and I naturally became the object of ridicule. And my brother and his wife seem to be interested in being my cupid, every time he called home (since then I was absolutely quiet), at the end, always half-serious, half-jokingly asked me: “You do not say a few words? She’s there.” He also asked me seriously about this, but at that time, when I heard her name, my head was big, how can I think about that.
It was nearly mid-August when we returned, and she had already gone back to her hometown because school was out for the summer. Our boss gave us a week’s vacation because the mission went well and our travel time was not short. Naturally, my elder brother and his family were ready to go back to their hometown to visit their parents, and before they left, they specifically invited me to go with them (their hometown is also a famous tourist city).
I don’t know whether it was because of my inexplicable pride or something else, but I didn’t agree to go with him and only said that I would go in a few days when I was free. So he left me his home phone number and went back.
After a few days of muddling around at home, I felt a lot better. So I went out and had a wild time with my friends.
There are still three days left in the vacation, and an iron friend said to go out of town to play for two days. Suddenly, my buddy asked me if I wanted to hitchhike to his relative’s side to play, I casually asked where it was, but it was actually the hometown of my brother! I thought of my brother’s invitation and said yes. I called him right away and told him that I would leave at noon and arrive at about 4 or 5 o’clock. He told me the exact address and said he would wait for me to go out for dinner.
All the way to the pouring rain, the car to the local has been nearly seven o’clock, to the brother call, but has been unanswered. I had no choice but to sacrifice to the gods of the five organs first. After eating and dialing the phone, still no one, so decided to follow his buddies to his relatives home for a night, the night of natural cups to and fro, drunkenness.
The next day woke up with a hangover and a splitting headache. I remembered that I had forgotten to contact my brother last night, so I dialed the phone and immediately got a scolding from my brother. It turned out that my brother and his wife had been up almost all night worrying about me, and almost went to the police. She was said to have been at my brother’s house since the afternoon and didn’t go back until the evening.
All I could do was apologize, and only when I promised to treat everyone to dinner tonight did Elder Brother let me off the hook. So he beat his horse and galloped to it.
Meeting with the senior brother and wife, the senior sister-in-law and not a little nagging, but their own blame, but also have to bow down willingly as a child cow.
The next step is naturally to find her, to her door only to remember that he got up in the morning face not washed, mouth not rinsed, it is not good-looking. While the teacher’s wife went in to call her, urgent five fingers as a comb, chewing gum as toothpaste, as for all the smell of alcohol, that can not be helped.
When Yao saw the two of them come out, he immediately turned his back and put his hands in his pockets in a dashing manner. Only when he felt them approaching did he turn around.
The day was August 16, 1997 AD.
It was the first time I saw her so closely. Surplus makeup, wearing a red and white t-shirt and shorts, very well-behaved and youthful.
“Hello.” A soft, sweet voice, enough to wrap around a beam in March.
In retrospect, the first thing I was attracted to was her voice, and I’ve always liked girls with soft, sweet voices.
Dinner was rightfully my treat, and Elder Brother’s brother came to take advantage of the situation, damn it!
After the meal, we found a small teahouse near the river, and in the cool breeze blowing in from the river, we engaged in a great deal of conversation. I didn’t understand much of their local dialect, so I took the opportunity to light a cigarette and watch her carefully…
The next day in the car on the way back, my brother asked me how I was and I smiled and didn’t say anything.
Seeing her again was half a month later, when she came back from opening school. It was also a heavy rain that day, and the road became a pool of water. My senior brother called me, saying she was back and asked me to come over, so I carried a big bag of grapes and waded into the river.
When I arrived at my elder brother’s house, the electricity was cut off due to the storm. We ate grapes around a candle, but she seemed to be very cold, and I felt very bored. I also felt very bored. It so happened that there was another guest at my brother’s house, so I left unhappily.
After that, I had the idea of giving up and did not take the initiative to contact her. On the contrary, my senior brothers and colleagues were very enthusiastic and often encouraged me to take the initiative to ask her out, but I just laughed it off.
Suddenly one day, my elder brother said that she would go to the field research, leaving tomorrow, invited me to his home for dinner in the evening, to see her off. I am not a thief, and secondly, my elder brother invited me to eat, so I was glad to go to the appointment.
The atmosphere at dinner that day was more natural, with everyone talking and laughing. After the meal, we all went to the mall to buy some items for her. I don’t know whether the senior couple intentionally or unintentionally, shopping in the shopping on the shadow of people disappeared, so I was left to accompany her to buy a lot of things in a big bag, to the payment, I courtesy (natural?) I politely (naturally?) paid out money to pay, but she was in a hurry, had to pay for herself, a small face scarlet, very cute.
Turning to eleven, but accidentally placed to her back to the news, it turned out that she was out of town after a serious illness, so she came back early.
I rushed to my brother’s house and opened the door to her, but she was even thinner, and I felt sorry for her. She greeted me casually, as if she knew I was coming.
This night she insisted on staying back at school, so I volunteered to act as escort, but she didn’t say no.
She and I rode our bikes slowly toward the school.
The night of early fall is very pleasant, romantic, cool wind slowly blowing face to face, like a lover’s gentle hand. The roadside has begun to have some fallen leaves, the wheel over the place, issued a rustling sound, from time to time can also smell the faint fragrance of osmanthus. There are not many pedestrians on the road, only the dim street lamps to the empty street painted a piece of black, a piece of yellow.
We rambled and chatted about my job, her schooling, her feelings about being out of town.
Approaching school, we returned to the hustle and bustle of life. I was about to say goodbye to her downstairs in the girls’ dormitory when she said she would buy me a drink as a thank you. Of course I bowed and waited for her downstairs.
It had been three years since I left the campus, and I looked around me in amazement at everything that was both familiar and unfamiliar. Laughing students running past me after their evening study, a crowded convenience store in the neighborhood, couples snuggling in corners and whispering, new students honestly carrying thermos bottles and whispering and laughing as they went to the water boiler to collect water…
She came down, changing into a high-waisted denim shirt with a white body suit underneath, youthful.
I asked for a Coke and she asked for a bottle of yogurt. She said she would never dare to drink coffee or coke at night, otherwise she would not sleep well. I laughed at her for acting like a child, and she asked, “What’s wrong with acting like a child?”
The next day I tried to strike while the iron was hot and asked her out for the evening, but she said she had a class in the evening.
Classes in the evening? I’m confused.
Our city has just completed a large-scale environmental improvement project, so that the two rivers flowing through the city and along the banks of the river have been refreshed, forming a new cityscape, and at the confluence of the two rivers will also be held a lantern festival to celebrate. On a Sunday, my brother and his wife invited me to go with them, and of course, her.
It was a beautiful day and the sun was warm. Walking along the river in the sunshine, a fine sweat appeared on my forehead.
We walked along the river for more than an hour, we are a little tired, we suggest to find a place to rest, but she made a fuss to go to ride what “along the river sightseeing car”, so we are again to ride the spirit of the sightseeing car. When the elder brother two mouths in the car drowsy, she is a person smiling and looking around. I can’t help but smile when I see it.
The next day she asked her to watch a movie again, she ate and laughed back: “I have to read a book on Monday, and I can’t watch a movie until Saturday.”
No movies on Mondays? I’m even more confused.
Because of the two unsuccessful initiatives, coupled with the “11” cousin’s wedding, so I did not take the initiative to contact her before the holiday.
On the first night of my vacation, I was concentrating on commanding Liu, Guan, and Zhang to attack Jingzhou with all their might, when my pager vibrated wildly at my waist in an inopportune moment, shaking me half to death and nearly killing Changshan Zhao Zilong.
Where is this call from? With my mind still full of the grueling battle and bewilderment at the long list of numbers, what the hell, go back there.
It’s her.
“Something wrong?”
“There’s not much going on. I had a ride today, so I’m going home. Talk to you.”
“┅┅”
“┅┅”
“When will you be back?”
“In a couple days. I’ll stay with my dad and mom.”
“Then… page me when you come back.”
“Uh-huh.”
The cousin’s wedding was a hoot and a joyous occasion.
From the first day of work after the holidays, I eagerly awaited that feeling of being half-assed.
It was dark by the time I got to school and neither of us had had dinner yet, she said she wanted noodles so she picked a small noodle shop near the school. She ate svelte and smiled as she watched me wind down a bit.
She’s facing graduation next year, and she says she’s already made a connection to teach at a university in the suburbs (she taught English at a university in her hometown after graduating from college, and then went on to graduate school. In other words, even though she started working three years earlier than me, she has never left the campus). I was surprised and suggested that she apply to some foreign companies, but she stubbornly refused.
“Still like life in the ivory tower.” She said with a smile.
So made plans with her to go to that suburban college on Sunday.
I had a great battle with Cao Cao the night before, and although I had killed Cao Cao’s army, I had overslept. Even though I rode my bike as fast as I could to catch up with the cars, by the time I got to school, it was nearly noon. As soon as I saw her coming down, I hastily apologized in a rush.
But she didn’t get angry and asked me gently, “Have you eaten?”
I wasn’t sure if she was asking about breakfast or lunch, but I shook my head since I hadn’t eaten any of them anyway.
“Wait for me for a moment.”
A moment later, she came down with two bowls in one hand.
“Let’s go. I’ll treat you to the student cafeteria.” She said with a smile.
I tried to help her with the bowl, but she gave me her other hand: “Wash your hands first!” There was some hand sanitizer in her tiny palm.
It was the first time I’d really touched her hand, and it was cool and soft.
That university is away from the city and it’s a great environment.
Returning from the suburbs in high spirits, we went to a small sitting area in the park that was separated from her school by a wall. It was a beautiful day and the park was crowded. Both of us were probably a bit tired, and when we sat down, neither of us said anything and rested in silence. Under the warm sun, I flipped through the day’s newspaper, while she took out two apples from her backpack and peeled them carefully.
I reveled in the picturesque scene and silently experienced the warmth.
After I strongly and several times asked her to do so, she finally agreed that I would come to school and have evening study with her.
After three years I sat in the school classroom again, look around the students buried in hard reading, looking back to the year I, a touch of emotion from the heart.
She was beside me, concentrating on her thesis, and I came over to look at it, full of English words that immediately knocked me out of Chapter 13, so I had to be honest and read my TCP/IP.
According to her rules, we had to see ten-thirty every day before we could leave. From nine-thirty onwards, I looked at my watch every five minutes on average, and when I looked at my watch for the twelfth time, the bell finally rang for the end of class.
I let out a long breath of relief and was about to smoke a cigarette comfortably when she gave me a sideways glance, scaring me so much that I hurriedly put the cigarette I had put to my mouth back into the box.
Walking side by side in the middle of the night in the campus, she kept laughing at me just in the classroom looking around, as if sitting on pins and needles, I have no way to distinguish, so I have to take care of it, digging out some jokes, making her giggle and bend over.
I was so focused on making her laugh that I didn’t notice that we were already in the middle of the main road. Suddenly the car behind me a long roar, I instinctively holding her hand flashed to the side of the road. The car passed, but I did not let go of her hand, gently holding. She didn’t refuse, just hung her head down and didn’t say a word.
I took her hand and continued to stroll around the campus, the two of us speechless and silent for a moment. Feeling a little awkward, I once again exercised my great humor, finally making her hold her tongue and almost laughing until she lost her breath.
That night I had a dream, and by accident, I became the top scholar admired by millions.
My English was so poor that she, as an English teacher, couldn’t stand it any longer and found a set of beginner’s English tutorials from somewhere and supervised them herself, so I started “learning from the past” from the ABCDs every night.
My father was surprised that I went out every night on time, and I called it “English cram school.” It wasn’t long before the teacher was not only teaching, but also taking care of the dinner.
She was a strict teacher in the classroom, putting a few big crosses on my “papers” every time I made a cheap mistake. But when I left the classroom, she became a little birdie. She was so thin that when she left the classroom, she would always get chills and I couldn’t help but hold her in my arms to shield her from the cool night air.
I can’t remember what month it was when I kissed her. Although I have tried hard to recall, I finally can’t remember. I always wondered why I remembered the day I first met her so clearly, but forgot about the many important moments for lovers that followed.
Her lips were soft and wet.
Kissing has become a daily “must” for us in the days to come. She loved to be kissed, and every time I kissed her, her eyes were always closed and she looked mesmerized.
She is also more and more sticky, the school regulations dormitory lights out at eleven o’clock, eleven-thirty closed, and my compound is also eleven-thirty locked. Every day to eleven o’clock I told her to go back, she always play tricks, do not let me go, pouting: “stay another ten minutes!” Ten minutes later, another ten minutes, so every time we are in the warden holding the lock of the door under the watchful eye, and then I went through the long darkness of the night sped away.
The gate of the compound is required to pay a fee to call open, I had suggested whether it is possible to do a monthly pass, but the gatekeeper laughed deadpan.
According to the “highest instruction”, I must call my home phone number on her pager every day when I get home to report that I am safe. But once somehow I forgot to do so, and when I remembered, it was nearly one in the morning before I hurriedly paged her. The next day at school, she red-eyed and counted me, it turned out that she was so nervous that she had not slept until she received my pager, and was almost ready to wake up the warden down to make a phone call.
Looking at the poor girl, I swore to myself that I would never fail her in this life.
Our relationship grew stronger with time, finally coming to the most romantic moment for lovers. We crossed the thunderbolt and completed the mingling of spirit and flesh.
I started thinking about bringing her home to meet my parents and she was too timid to go. Finally one day I decided to go ahead and do it.
In the morning, I told my mother that I had a visitor at noon, and she smiled knowingly and nodded. I came to the school and told her that I had informed the family and that my mother had already gone on a shopping spree at the food market before she had no choice but to come home with me honestly.
The parents liked their son’s girlfriend no matter what, not to mention that she was already a very good girl. Her mother, on the other hand, seemed to be a bit overzealous, and made her feel constrained. Luckily, her parents were very easy-going, and since she and her sister both studied English, they naturally had something in common to talk about, and slowly, everyone got along.
Maybe I wasn’t blessed with this beauty, maybe God was jealous of our sweetness. There was a shadow between us that wouldn’t go away.
It was November 17th (strangely enough, I don’t know why I remember it). I was in the classroom as usual, struggling with my studies, and she was always next to me, looking distracted, as if she had something to tell me, but wanted to say something. I didn’t ask her, if she wanted to tell me, she would. I think so.
Finally, she couldn’t help herself and nudged me.
“What?”
“Mom called today. Said my brother called home yesterday and he’s asking someone to help me get a visa to the U.S. and asked for my opinion…”
Her brother is in the United States and her sister is in Switzerland, both of whom have started families there. Her sister has also given birth to a girl who is a citizen of both the United States and Switzerland.
“Yes? …” I just felt as if my head had been hit hard by a heavy object and my mind went blank for a full five minutes before I could slowly clear my thoughts.
I recalled what my elder brother said to me before: “She used to want to go abroad very much. After graduating from college, she applied twice, but was rejected, and then she decided to enroll in graduate school.”
For once I had finally accomplished a feat like no other in my life like a fictional man, even though it was so sad and poignant.
“Then… you go. It’s quite an opportunity.” I never thought I would be so noble and strong.
After saying this I felt wrong, there is a feeling of PH value less than seven in the nasal cavity. I stood up in a hurry and with a last ditch effort smiled at her and said, “Recess, I’m going out for a smoke.”
It’s so cold outside, I can feel the early winter wind burrowing through my collar and cuffs, scraping my bones.
As I stomped out my third cigarette butt, she came out, carrying all of our textbooks.
I suddenly had the feeling that maybe this was the last time I would be here. So I deliberately rummaged through my bag, “I think I left a book behind.”
I went back into the classroom and pretended to rummage up and down the seats for a while, but scrutinized the whole room.
She was cowering in the cold wind, and I walked over to her and put my arm around her, looking back deeply at the entire school building.
Neither of us spoke, walking in silence.
“What’s the matter with you? I didn’t say I was going. Besides, it’s not always possible…” She shook my arm.
“Go if you can. Hasn’t this been your hope for years?”
“I didn’t mean…”
“I want to go back. I’m a little tired from work today…” I said as I pulled my copy of TCP/IP out of my bag.
“I want to read this book again tonight, I need it for work tomorrow…” I turned around, not wanting her to see my tears.
“No! I won’t let you go!” Instead, she mourned and wept first.
“I’m really tired and I want to go home.” I could barely stop my tears from raging.
“I’m not going. We’ll call mom now…” she hugged me tightly, sobbing uncontrollably, despite the astonished looks projected around her.
I took a deep breath and leaned back. While her emotions surged, my mind was unusually calm.
“Let everything be as it is. What isn’t mine isn’t mine after all. If it doesn’t work out, it’s our fate; if it does work out, it’s better to let her go. If I leave her behind reluctantly, I can’t afford a lifetime of her regrets and my self-doubt.”
To this day, I still think I was right. If I went back in time and had to face it again, I would still do it.
“I won’t let you go back, not if you leave.” Her tears still hung on her cheeks.
“No…” I wasn’t sure if I meant what I said.
“I’m going back with you.”
“That’s impossible! My mom would have knocked you out with a big broom.”
“Hell no! Where does she not want her grandchildren?” I don’t know if that’s a threat or a trick.
I was told there was a strong cold wave moving south that night, and I spent the night tossing and turning as if I were in a freezing cellar.
The next day I came to school as promised and neither of us mentioned yesterday as if it had never happened.
On November 20th, her birthday, I bought the first bouquet of flowers in my life. On that night, I had the idea of living with her.
One of my college buddies got married and was assigned a bachelor’s dorm room that he didn’t live in, piled high with cardboard boxes of an array of appliances he had purchased. I then borrowed the house.
Taking advantage of one of our days off, we then went to clean our room.
There was really only one room, and the washroom and bathroom were shared. But for us, it was good enough. So the cardboard box containing the TV set was covered with a plastic sheet, and then a mirror was put on it, which became her “dressing table”; the cardboard box of the refrigerator and washing machine was disassembled and spread on the floor, which became a mattress, and then a brown mattress, mattress, and bed sheet were spread on it, which made it a sturdy and comfortable bed. This is our “home”, a home that belongs only to the two of us.
Her only homework at the time was to finish her thesis, so she didn’t need to rush back to school early in the morning on time. I ate boxed lunch at work at lunchtime, and she usually went back to school to eat. After work, if she had something to do, I would go back to my parents’ house to eat, otherwise we would eat out together and wander around the streets. Although it is cold and windy outside, but we do not feel, as long as the two together, will feel warm in the heart.
Sometimes we would buy something back and fix it ourselves with our humble equipment. Neither of us knew how to do it, but it was a delicious meal. After the meal she writes her paper and I lie in bed and read. A cozy home under the warm light.
Usually on weekends and days off, we spend time at home. Sometimes we even stay in bed all day, chatting about everything, and there is always something to talk about. So much so, that we tend to end up with a lot more bags of fast food in our garbage bags on weekends.
On weekends when the weather is nice, we also go out for a stroll. Watch a good movie, have a nice dinner, and enjoy the sweetness of a two-person world.
I even took her to my university to reminisce about my last days as a student. I told her many stories of excitement and frustration, showed her the swimming pool where I used to train so hard, and stood under the dormitory building and told her that this was the dormitory where I had lived for four years… a time that would remain etched in my memory.
People in this life there must be some things are hard to forget. In fact, these things are not necessarily thrilling, or what a sensational, just some of life’s inconspicuous trivialities, perhaps a moment, but enough to make a person unforgettable.
One: After washing up, I lay on the bed and read a book. Girls always have more things to do, she sometimes lazy, even some girls do not want to do the necessary cleaning just want to get into the bed as soon as possible, and I often have to supervise her.
On this day, I saw that she was already rubbing her skin cream in the mirror, so I reminded her, “Are you done?”
She was in a good mood, and with a smug look on her face, she looked into the mirror and wiped her face while wiggling her ass and said, “It’s done.
All washed.”
The look, the gesture, the cuteness.
bis: I usually do not eat breakfast, at most drink a cup of coffee. Because 8:30 to work, so I will be my pager alarm clock set at 7:45, this morning was another strange alarm ringing woke up, look at the watch, only 7:30!
“What for? Want me to help?” I asked in a daze.
“No, you can sleep a little longer. It’s not good not to eat in the morning, I’ll cook two eggs…”
Why is it that goodness is always short-lived? Happiness always fails to last? Maybe the only thing that is beautiful is transience, and moments are blissful.
Approaching the New Year.
New Year’s Day 1998 seemed particularly cold.
New Year’s Day was two days away, and I had agreed to stay at my parents’ house for the night, but I unexpectedly received a pager from her saying that she was waiting for me at school and that I should pick her up.
I arrived at the school and she and one of her best friends who she didn’t talk to were discussing something, but when they saw me coming, they stopped the conversation. My friend smiled and excused herself and we left the school to go back to our homes.
We lay in bed, neither of us talking. I expected something to happen, but didn t think about it.
But what’s coming is coming.
“If I’m going to America, you don’t mean to come with me?”
I was silent for a long time.
“It’s finally done. Is it?”
She nodded slowly.
“When are you leaving? Did you get the airfare?”
She shook her head and didn’t say anything.
“Is that what you were discussing with your classmates earlier?”
“Uh-huh. She said she wanted to get married before she left…”
“No need.” I coldly interrupted her: “You go ahead, I don’t want to go. After getting married, you have to get divorced again, tired?”
There were no words all night. I don’t know if she slept, but I stayed up all night anyway.
She paged me the next day and I didn’t respond.
On the last day of 1997, the company was closed for vacation at noon. I was sitting around at my parents’ house and finally couldn’t resist looking for her at school.
She’s already booked a flight from Beijing to Los Angeles via Shanghai on January 7th.
“I talked to my brother on the phone yesterday and he said to come early if you want to come, the other school starts on January 9th. So…”
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
“No need.” She lowered her head and shook it: “I paged you yesterday and you didn’t answer.”
“Yeah?” I looked up at the overcast sky: “I didn’t get it, maybe the battery died.”
“I went for a health check today, but the immunization station said not today and told me to go back after the new year.”
“Oh?”
“I’m going to go home tomorrow.”
“Uh-huh.”
It’s easy to strain your eyes when you stare at one place for a long time, and I rubbed my slightly sore eyes.
“Want me to walk you back?”
She looked up at me and hung her head again, “I don’t think so. I have to go, my father and mother will be in a bad mood, you will be angry.”
“Okay then.” I stomped my almost numb feet hard: “My mom invited you to my house for dinner tonight, it’s kind of like they’re giving you a farewell party.”
I lit a cigarette and took a hard drag.
“Don’t be like this!” She grabbed my hand: “As long as two people want to be together, there’s always a way.”
I smiled bitterly.
We went to see the 1998 New Year’s Eve movie, “A Party of Two” together. It was a comedy movie, but I couldn’t laugh at all.
Her parents were shocked that she was traveling so far away, but kindly they immediately and sincerely congratulated her. Of course they wanted me to go with her, but they knew my personality so well. So they didn’t say anything but wished us “Happy New Year!”
We went back to our house, turned off the lights and lay in bed, quietly waiting for the New Year’s bells to ring.
I don’t remember who started it. I think it was me. We were looking back at the time when we met and fell in love, just like I am now. Only there were two of us then, and now, it’s just me against the Computer.
We talked almost all night, and didn’t drift off to sleep for a while until it was already light.
I was suddenly awakened by a nightmare and was in a profuse sweat.
The first day of 1998 was surprisingly nice.
I walked her to the station.
While waiting outside the station, I solemnly wrote my home phone number and my pager number in her address book.
After sending her away, I went back to my parents’ home alone. My parents had gone home to visit my grandmother, and I was left alone. I had no sleep, but I couldn’t bear the loneliness, so I asked my best friend to come over and drink with me.
I told him about her leaving. He didn’t say anything, just patted me on the shoulder. We sat quietly in front of each other, and poured the nerve- numbing wine into our bellies one by one. I don’t know how much we drank, but finally both of us fell asleep senseless.
Wine is turned into tears of love.
January 3rd.
She came back. I waited for her at the station.
“I’m back and I’m never leaving again.” Her eyes were red and she had obviously cried in the car.
I smiled bitterly and didn’t say anything, only hoping to hear it again at some later date if I ever saw her again.
There is no turning back on one’s path, even if one knows sometimes that the road ahead is full of thorns, one has to go on with one’s head. Whether it is a man or a woman.
That night, I accompanied her to some of her family and friends’ homes to say goodbye, and listened to many, many words of congratulations and blessings, and my emotions were as low as they could go.
That night, I finally could no longer suppress my loss and pain, could no longer feign indifference and indifference, and my last line of defense completely collapsed.
I cried, for the first time in my adult life, in front of people.
A man’s tears are quite different from a woman’s. A woman weeps knowing that because of her tears she has a chance to come to the end she desires; whereas a man, on the other hand, weeps in despair because he knows he will never have another chance.
Therefore, a man would rather bleed than shed tears because he doesn’t want to give up.
January 4th.
We went together to recognize the tickets, and I kept my head down and sat on the sidelines, refusing to see everything about her departure.
We traveled between the major shopping malls, buying all kinds of things she would need when she arrived in the United States. I responded to her inquiries with indifference, humming an off-key song in a low voice. I walked down the winter street with my coat open, not sure if I was trying to let the winter wind calm me down a bit, or if I was trying to let the physical pain dull the mental despair.
While eating lunch, I finally couldn’t control my bad mood and said something vicious that was definitely not from my heart. It stung her so hard that her face turned pale.
“You go.” Her tone was cold as ice.
I didn’t know how to explain, though I regretted it as soon as the words were out of my mouth We sat in silence against each other, neither one of us touching the lunch on the table.
At the station, she waited for the bus to go back to school to organize her belongings from school. The wind was strong and she couldn’t help but get a few chills. She naturally tried to hide in my arms, but suddenly stopped, looked up at me forlornly, and turned to lean against the back of a tree.
For a moment I felt the hot blood welling up in my heart as I stepped behind her, stretched my arms out and gathered her tightly in my arms as I felt a cold droplet of water fall on the back of my hand.
This was the first time I came to her dormitory. The first thing I saw when I entered the door was a bouquet of flowers in a glass vase on the windowsill, the very same bouquet I had given her on her birthday, but the flowers had already given up.
January 5th.
To be on the safe side, she decided to arrive in Beijing a day early to take a flight, because the teacher’s ticket purchased, is the earliest flight on January 6, that is to say, our time together has less than thirty hours in total.
I vividly remember every minute and every second of those twenty hours or so that we spent together.
It was a very calm day, cherishing our last day together and pressing on with everything at the end.
We went back to my parents’ house. There we left our only photo together. She is in the photo, with a gracious smile.
In the evening, a final dinner with her best friend. By chance, her friend mentioned that she kind of looked like Akame Rika from Tokyo Love Story. From then on, I fell in love with that beautiful, persistent girl who later went to Los Angeles.
After the meal and a calm goodbye to our friends, we returned home to make our final preparations.
We packed all our bags, recognized our passports and air tickets once again, and set our alarm clocks. We silently waited for the final moment of separation to come.
I couldn’t bear to let such precious time pass in sleep, but I couldn’t bear to let her tire herself out. I waited quietly for her to fall asleep, then got up and looked at her intently, calling her name softly, kissing her forehead, her eyes…
I watched the minutes tick by, trying desperately to hold on to it, but it slipped through my fingers without a second’s notice…
It’s hard to live at this time when I’m going to go, with tears in my eyes. The wind and rain are blowing at the top of the building, and the wind and rain are blowing at the top of the building, and the grass is leaving the people’s words.
January 6, 1998.
Airport, in front of the security gate. I finally lost the love of my life.
Later, I heard a song, the song sings: “watch you leave me, I understand that you have your reasons, you look back at me with a smile, I waved my hand in pain, tears in the heart.”
At noon the next day, I received a phone call from the airport in Shanghai, from which she would be departing.
“I’m leaving.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Then… bye-bye.”
“Bye. Have a safe trip.”
That night, I was once again very drunk. But then I heard from a friend that I had actually only had one beer.
The sadness has been broken, there is no reason for drunkenness before the first tears.
I left that company shortly thereafter.
Everyone has his or her own heaven and earth, maybe not the best, but really belongs to him or her. That’s why some people devote their whole life to finding this piece of heaven and earth, just like Sanmao back then.
Ever since she left, clear nights have been my favorite. Whenever I encounter a night like that, when it’s late at night, I always like to look at the starry night sky alone and quietly think about her. Maybe she’s basking in the glorious California sunshine. But no matter what, we are facing the same sky and seeing the same starlight.
Earlier this year, I traveled to a famous seaside city in the north. Every evening, I would come to the beach alone. Facing the winter sea breeze, looking at the boundless sea, thinking about her across the ocean.
This is probably the closest I’ll ever get to her! She, on the other side of the sea.
If I could fly across this sea, I could see you. Can I fly? No. So, I can’t see you.
If I could turn back time, I could see you. Can time be turned back? No. So I still can’t see you. If you pour out the water of the whole pool, you can’t quench the fire of my love for you, can you pour out all the water of the whole pool? Yes. So, yes, I love you…
11/19/993:23AM