The only solace in this fucking bird of a place is a letter from Rainbow. But her latest letter was so weird that even an idiot could see it.
What the hell is wrong with her? Didn’t even show up for last month’s meeting, saying something about a part-time job not being good enough for a vacation. But in the past, even for the final exams she would still come to visit the prison, there’s no reason why a part-time job wouldn’t even give her a vacation. I don’t blame her, I just want to see her, hear her voice and hold her hand.
I miss her so much.
I haven’t regretted squatting for her for three years. I was kind enough to kill that bastard who tried to rape her, I wanted to castrate him first and then let him bleed to death. I was lucky to meet this judge, who sentenced me to manslaughter, three years in jail, and then I could go out, and if I was lucky, I could even get early parole. Every time I think of this file, the heart is angry, rainbow nothing to go to what birds do not live in the ghost of the place to apply for what the ghost of the job, almost become that dead bastard’s next prey, if not I do not feel at ease, with the boss to ask for a two-hour leave to go around to go there to see her, the consequences would be unimaginable.
I will always remember the way Rainbow hid in the corner of that factory and cried, just for this reason, I chopped that bastard a hundred times can not vent my anger. I don’t know whether to consider that bastard lucky, or I’m lucky, he didn’t directly die in my hands, so that I can use the excuse of manslaughter death of that ghost article, less squatting for several years.
I’ve never regretted anything for Rainbow, the only thing I regret is having to be separated from Rainbow for three years.
Three whole years! I don’t know how I would have endured if she hadn’t come to almost every meeting and written from time to time. But these last few letters from her seem a bit strange, as if her usual smile and cheerfulness had gone into hiding for some reason. As her name suggests, her personality is like a rainbow hanging in the sky, no matter how much unpleasantness there is, after a heavy downpour, the rain will be over, like a rainbow, so that everyone around her can feel that happiness and cheerfulness. This is also the reason why I will love her so much and pay for her without complaint or regret.
But she’s really changed. What’s really bothering her? I’m so worried and there’s nothing I can do to protect her by her side. How can I sleep thinking about it? I’d better get up and write her a letter! I probably won’t be able to sleep again tonight. It’s too damn hot to sleep.
Tonight again can not sleep. With the same room of the gun asked for a grass to ha, so both can not sleep, hiding from the guard’s sneak ha grass, chatting.
A gun is for the horse to rob the supermarket, the result is patrolling through the police caught on the spot. His Ma Zi listen to his words on the spot around the escape, and the result is too obedient, so far escaped without a trace, the loss of wind arrested Ah Bao dry crisply dumped, and climbed into the bed of another Kai Zi.
“Women are a curse! If you believe in one, you’ll be in deep shit.” This has become Gun’s mantra.
Luckily I have a rainbow. Every time I hear Gun repeat one of his women, I can’t help but think of Rainbow in my mind again and again. Tonight, however, Gun’s clichéd stories only made me more irritable, and even the cigarettes that I had given up for Rainbow for several years were smoked again.
“What? What was in your horse’s letter again?” Cannon asked in his usual cynical tone of voice, shaking his cigarette ash.
“Nothing… nothing!” What could I say to Gun? I don’t want to hear his theory that women are a curse again.
“Hmph…” Gun exhaled smoke in my face and said in a jaded tone, “Who are you trying to fool? Don’t forget that we’ve been together all day and I know exactly how many hairs are on your ass.”
“She… she didn’t answer my letter.” After not smoking for a long time, I was surprised to feel a little choked. “Her letters lately have always ended a bit hastily, so it’s obvious that she has something on her mind. As you know, she didn’t show up for the last meeting either. I was worried, so I wrote to ask her about it, but it’s been a week and she hasn’t even replied… before, she wouldn’t be like this…”
“Um…” To my surprise, Gun didn’t pull his usual over-the-top bullshit. He just looked at me with a strange look and didn’t say a word. I didn’t know what else to say. Thus, two men squatting in the same cell, lighting cigarettes in the middle of the night, each lost in their own thoughts.
“Dry! It burned my hand!” I hastily shook off the cigarette butt in my hand and stuck my burnt finger inside my mouth to suck on it. Gun’s contemplation was also interrupted by me, twisting out the cigarette butt in my hand.
“Your Ma-chan is a good woman, don’t let her get away.” How could Gun say such a thing? I wondered if I had heard wrong. But he continued, “You think I’ve always met bad bitches and cheated on them all the time? Ha!
You’re wrong. I’ve met a good woman before who helped me get a proper job and really gave me a little something to want to settle down with. But I was sorry for her. I just couldn’t stop the itchy bones and went back to playing with fire. And she didn’t mind me, meant to wait for me to go out, but…”
Gun looked away. Before turning his head, I seemed to see a sparkle in his eyes. “But she left afterward. I didn’t answer her letters, I didn’t think I was good enough for her. She kept sending letters at first, but after a year, she suddenly went silent. Looking at her letters for a year, I realized that I was so deeply in love with her. On a night like this one, I finally answered the letters, but she only sent back a wedding invitation.”
“I don’t blame her, I really don’t.” Cannon’s voice choked a little, “I only blame myself for not taking good care of this good woman. So don’t you ever let your Rainbow go, ever! You’ll regret it for the rest of your life. Whether she’s too busy to write back, or she’s really with another man… well, count me out, but you mustn’t throw up on her, just keep writing to her as if you know nothing, suspect nothing, and continue to write to her. I’m telling you, she’ll be lonely in there, she may or may not be able to stand it, but don’t blame her. Wait for her, wait for her, she’ll turn back, she’ll wait for you.”
“Cannon…” I really don’t know what to say, maybe it’s the moonlight coming in through the window, but tonight Cannon is really different from the Cannon I know.
“Fuck! Sleepy!” Ah Gun waved his hand to drive away the smell of smoke and lay back on the bunk, “Let’s pretend I didn’t say any of this, if you dare to tell anyone else half a word, believe it or not I’ll chop you to death.”
“Hmm…” I looked out the window at the moon and thought of Rainbow again. “Cannonball?”
“Huh?” Gun mumbled in reply.
“Thanks.” I said sincerely.
Starburst (III) The Rainbow Extra
It’s still hot as a bun in a steamer basket, and by Rainbow’s algorithm, it should be the unending end of summer vacation, right? At least I can confirm one thing, her part-time job is about to end, and whatever temptations she has in Taipei, she has to say bye-bye and let the distance wash it all away. If there’s distance on both sides, then I think I’ll still have a slight advantage, even though I can’t go freely to see the rainbow and he can.
That little brat named Hu.
After talking to Gun that night, I took his advice and bombarded Rainbow with letters one day at a time. God knows how much effort it took me to not show the slightest bit of suspicion and how much paper I had to write. All I wrote was worrying, worrying that her part-time job wasn’t going well, worrying that she wasn’t feeling well, worrying about how she was eating, how she was staying…
It’s not hypocrisy, I’m genuinely worried about all of this, I just didn’t say my biggest fear, which is that she’ll change her mind.
She replied on the third day with a long letter full of apologies. Although she tried her best to hide it, under the study of the two stinkers, Gun and I, it became clear that something fishy was going on, and that she had a temptation. A fellow student of the National Primary School by the name of Hu, Rainbow she had met him at some breakfast place and he had seduced Rainbow by some mean and nasty and shameless means unknown to her. Of course, Rainbow wouldn’t talk about it, but she said he took good care of her and got drunk the night before her first day of work, which made Rainbow lose her mind… what nonsense! Rainbow let a strange man break into our lair, not knowing if he was drunk and did something to her! Fuck, if I catch this bastard, I’ll castrate him without a second thought.
Rainbow didn’t say much to the bastard, the letter was all part-time job stuff and then apologized that she was so tired from work that all she wanted to do was sleep when she got home every day, and she even forgot to open the mailbox, which is why she didn’t answer the letter. I kind of wanted to cry… Rainbow would be so tired that she would forget about me, forget about the letters I would send every three days on time… How could she? She didn’t used to do that. Even during finals in college, she stayed up for days and read my letters, sent a postcard, drew a sleepy smiley face… No! There was no way Rainbow would ignore my letter.
The only explanation is that little brat. Called what the ghost name I do not know, only know that he surnamed Hu, otherwise he will have to suffer, the gun also said that he still has some brothers outside, when necessary to repair repair him is not a problem. This thing can not be blamed on rainbow, I squatted in jail, her mood is already more fragile, encountered the kind of flowery language of the white man, accidentally abducted to go, can not blame her at all. The one who owes it to her is the kind of person who seduces other people’s wives while their husbands are away.
However, I am really worried about Rainbow, will she be deceived by that kind of shameless man and easily destroy the promise between us? I’m in jail, I really can’t do anything about it, other than worrying about it here, I can only use letters and slowly grind it down, hoping to rub that man’s shadow off. But it’s too hard! Maybe he’s holding Rainbow’s hand right now, saying some bullshit to Rainbow that he thinks is so elegant… I can’t stand it anymore… Why do I still have to trust Rainbow by pretending not to know when I’m in the middle of a cuckold’s hat?
I hope Rainbow’s next letter will accidentally reveal that little brat’s name and information. I’ve already pretended to want to get to know this “person who takes good care of Rainbow”, so I don’t know if Rainbow’s next letter will say that. If I find out, I’ll tell Gun’s brother to chop off his leg and see if he can still jump on one foot to steal Rainbow from me!
Dry! The first time someone dares to steal a girl from me, I’ll make sure he dies a horrible death.
Someone is threatening me telling me to stop writing nonsense. I don’t know, what’s wrong with writing the truth? Kenron himself doesn’t care that I’m publicizing his feelings, and I don’t want to be one of those woo-woo/excuse me if I’m threatened. Magnificence. I’m going to keep writing with or without the help of tongyong pinyin!
Starburst (IV) The Rainbow Extra
“Rainbow? Rainbow? What the fuck kind of fucking name is that?!” I could barely contain my anger and took the letter from Rainbow and tore it up with my hands.
“What for? What are you up to?” Gun snatched the letter paper that hadn’t yet become a fragment with one hand and grabbed my shoulder hard with the other, “Calm down, will you, what’s in it for you?”
“Don’t stop me, I’ll tear up the letters and kill this stink… stink…” Suddenly, I realized that I couldn’t even swear at Rainbow. In an instant, I suddenly lost all my strength to be angry, and sat down on the floor in a crumpled state. My nose became sore.
“Ugh…” Gun fished out two cigarettes from the bottom of the bunk and handed one to me.
“Cough… cough…” I looked down and let Gun light my cigarette for me, and took a drag, but choked on the smoke and coughed up tears. Once the tears flowed out of my eyes, it seemed as if they were not going to stop. I smoked the cigarette while letting the tears flow uncontrollably and Gun didn’t look my way, he just picked up the transparent tape and silently glued the letter back together.
“What’s this? Fuck!” It was the only word I could burst out.
Gun didn’t make a sound, he just quietly read the letter, then folded it up and took it back into Rainbow’s usual perfumed envelope. He carefully put the letter into the shoebox where I put Rainbow’s letters, not at all like what he would do if he was used to being a big brother. I didn’t know what to say because of his attitude.
“Ah Aron, it seems like all I’ve been teaching you all these days has been for nothing.” Gun said as he exhaled his smoke.
“Wh… what?” I replied, stuttering a little. In a flash, it was as if what Gun said that night was ringing in my ears again. I was speechless. I could only listen to what he had to say.
“You still don’t get it? I’m telling you, she’ll be lonely, she’ll look for a man, she’ll hesitate to have a relationship with you. But don’t you dare give her a reason to break up.” Following those words was a solid punch that landed hard on my abs. I bent over on the floor unable to straighten up, too sore to know what Gun meant by the punch. “Fuck! Thought you were a smart kid who’d get it after one lecture. I didn’t realize that you’re just as much of an idiot who can’t use his brain as my no-good henchmen. I’ll tell you again, if you let your anger overtake your head, then you’ll be nothing more than a useless mundane hotshot even after a hundred years.”
“I… I…” I was still clutching my aching stomach, bent over on the ground, unable to get up and unable to speak. Gun’s punch was really quite severe, and I was in pain for quite some time before I managed to get up. The pain made me unconsciously forget about the anger I just felt from Shengren. “I’m sorry, Gun.”
“Looks like you’re sobering up a bit, tell me why you’re so agitated.” Gun picks up the cigarette I dropped on the floor and shoves it in my mouth. “What’s up with Rainbow something, what’s going on, don’t you always call her Rainbow? How did she sign her name something Rainbow?”
“She said rainbow in English, which translates to rainbow.” Nicotine seems to have no pain-relieving effect, and it feels as if there is no end to the pain in my stomach, and it hurts so much that I can only speak intermittently. “The day she got into college, I accompanied her on a walk to Freshwater. It rained that day, and after the rain stopped at the beach, we saw a rainbow.
That’s when she told me that the English translation of rainbow is rainbow.”
“That doesn’t make you so angry, does it?” Gun listened to me while aiming to see if the guard’s had come over.
“I said on the spot I didn’t like the name. I like Rainbow.” I don’t know why I said that, except that not talking all the time would make me want to yell and scream and want to tear up that letter one more time. “She laughed at the time and said that I was just so dead set on being so catty about even a name. I just said, I don’t like Rainbow, I like Rainbow, and I’m going to call her Rainbow for the rest of my life, and Rainbow is my name exclusively in this world, and no one else is allowed to call her that.”
Cannon laughed. “I can’t tell you’re still so stubborn and bursting with laughter.”
“Don’t laugh!” I covered my ears in pain. Sure enough, the nicotine only made me hurt more, and now not only was my stomach hurting, but my heart was aching. “She promised me on the spot that she wouldn’t let anyone call her Rainbow, and that Rainbow was for my exclusive use! What about Rainbow? What about the rainbow, she asked? I told her, let it go to some other wild man! She laughed. She ran away laughing and ran to the beach to play in the waves and I hugged her from behind and made her promise me that no one would ever call her Rainbow. She answered me with a kiss: “Okay…”
“And now, she even signed the letter Rainbow…” Cannon helped me with the sentence I couldn’t say.
“Geez! I’m afraid things are getting really big, it seems.”
“What should I do…?” I looked almost helplessly at Gun, who just let the butt of his cigarette burn on his fingers, delaying his answer to my question…
Starburst (V) The Rainbow Extra
After the storm, we all pondered how we were going to clean up. For the first time, I completely set aside the letter writing and concentrated on staying with Gun, listening to his stories from the outside and hearing him talk in detail about the rules and practices of the road. What with all the halls and dark shares, it was the first time I had ever heard of them. There weren’t any women in Cannon’s stories, and I didn’t mention them either. Both people know that this topic is taboo, so why mention it?
The only conclusion to be drawn on any given day is that in such a mood I am not in a position to write a letter anyway.
And I haven’t written a letter in five days. My hands are itching, for I have never had such an experience, and even when I hear a mob story told by Cannon, I can’t help but want to write it to Rainbow as a story. But I know that as soon as I write a letter, I can’t help but question Rainbow about her signature, and it would be bad if I did, because I’m afraid I can’t restrain my temper.
It was this temper that saved Rainbow from that money-grubbing relative. It’s the same temper that kept Rainbow and me apart for three years, allowing that bastard to take advantage of the situation.
I know not to think about Rainbow, but the more I restrain myself, the more I think about her. All I can think of is the past, from the first time I met her to falling in love with her, to taking her away from her relatives’ home, to giving up my future for her, to the time I was in jail for her. It’s like it happened yesterday, it’s too real to be a memory.
And she, as it were, stood beside me, remembering this with me.
Even while hating her so much now, I still can’t imagine how I’m going to live without her. I wanted to use other methods than a cold war, but after all, Gunny and I didn’t know enough about women, and we didn’t know how to resolve this little signing mistake that Rainbow had made, whether intentionally or unintentionally. I secretly wrote a short letter to Rainbow without telling Gunny, like a child who has done something wrong, I didn’t dare to tell mom and dad about it. There was only one sentence in the letter: “Why did you sign your name Rainbow?” I didn’t even sign the letter, I just mailed it secretly. The handwriting was neatly written, so it didn’t reveal any of my moods, did it? I hope so.
Three days later, Rainbow wrote back. The letter reads.
Takashi.
Did I make a serious mistake in my last letter? Otherwise, you wouldn’t have failed to write to me.
I’m sorry, I drank a little bit that day and I don’t know what I wrote, look at my handwriting! My handwriting isn’t that ugly. I must have written it in a trance, so I’m sorry! I really don’t know what I wrote and it made you so angry, so please forgive me! Okay?
I’m going back to the south tomorrow. Next time you write to me, send it to the school! Don’t send it to the wrong place all the time. I have to ask people to forward it to me. With the money I earned from my part-time job, I bought a small refrigerator, so you don’t have to go to 7-11 to buy cold beer! I’ve saved the rest of the money, except for tuition fees, so when you get out, we’ll go out and have a nice dinner, what do you say?
I have to get up early tomorrow, so I won’t say much. I miss you so much. I don’t know how you are doing. I’m sorry, I’m really tired of working this summer, I’m in a trance, I didn’t even write you a letter, give me another chance! I promise that when I get to school, I’ll write you a long, sweet love letter that will make your roommates envious.
By the way, when’s your next meeting? Before Mid-Autumn Festival? What kind of mooncake do you want? I’ll go buy it for you. I promise to deliver it personally, and it won’t be squashed by me like last time. Did you miss me? If it rains, don’t forget to look at the sky, the rainbow is there with you! Come on, give me a good night kiss. I’m going to sleep.
Good night. I love you too.
Love you over the rainbow
That night, I don’t care what Cannon thinks of me, I was kissing that letter paper to sleep. As if the rain had passed, and she seemed to be far away from the boy surnamed Hu, at least her heart returned to me. But if that’s the case, then why is my mood still so uneasy, as if there’s a stone I can’t put down?
I remembered a friend from high school who seems to be in college in Taipei. He’s met Rainbow before, but Rainbow doesn’t know him. Right, let’s ask him for help, send him the key to my room in Taipei, ask him to take a look for me, go in and get something for me while Rainbow is away, and see if he can find out any clues in the meantime. It’s best to get rid of the guy named Hu even, so I don’t have to worry about it again in half a year.
Good! That’s it! I’ll contact him tomorrow.
(End of Part 1)
= The first part just ended as if no one cared except for the parties involved who reacted more violently.
Part 2 has some inside info on Billy that will come out, including the behind-the-scenes truth about his broken leg and all that, but I’ve been busy lately anyway, and it seems like no one’s reading it anyway, so I’m not sure if I’ll write it or not.
CCBilly: If you don’t accept my blackmail, the price will go up. If you want to kill me, please do so earlier.
Write in the front∶The following story is purely fictional, if there is any similarity, it is just a coincidence, please do not have too much association, thank you. The story is written from my own point of view.
= Starburst (VI), Part 2
I didn’t think that one day I would do something like this as a private detective. I do like to read detective novels, every Tuesday night the reasoning goddess detective is also my must-watch movie series, but really play this role, holding the key to break into other people’s residence, I am still the first time.
It started with a friend from high school, Kenron.
In high school, although my grades weren’t the best, I was still considered to be in a star high school, and there were many chances for me to be sent out to participate in activities. I met Jianlong at a study camp in Xitou. He was the kind of bold, big brother type of character, the whole activity his light even overshadowed the team counselor, and he was on the same team was really advantageous, and in the end to win the overall pennant is to be expected. After the event, those who were supposed to take a bus home from Taichung Railway Station were dragged by Jianlong to Taichung City to go crazy, and only took the last bus home at night. I remember being scolded by my family for that.
After that, I corresponded with Jianlong off and on, and after the Joint Entrance Examination, my friends from the Xitou Study Camp went to Alishan for a few days. On the train down the mountain, I sat with Jianlong, and it was then that he told me he was not going to continue his university studies.
“Hey! Ryu, didn’t you say that you should have no problem with National University?” I remember thinking it was his always boring insistence that he didn’t want to get a diploma that kept persuading him.
Jianlong hesitated and told me a long story. His parents divorced a long time ago, and he was the only son. Although his dad grabbed custody, he was too busy making money and left him only a house and some bank deposits that he had spent long ago. Then his dad took a new wife and immigrated to Canada, simply forgetting about him. He didn’t want to ask his dad for money, so he worked and studied to pay for his high school tuition, which made him develop the habit of relying on himself for everything.
“You can get a student loan! The tuition at the national university is okay, so I should be able to afford it.” I thought Kenron was about purely financial issues.
He sighed and told what looked like a story from a Joan of Arc novel. He met a girl, fell madly in love with her, and she was about to be married off to a rich old man by a snobbish relative. He couldn’t bear to take her out of the relative’s house, which he couldn’t call home, but the relative was overwhelmed by years of lost living expenses and held him responsible. With a clear conscience, he sold his house, bought a cheap little apartment in the middle of nowhere in Neihu, and redeemed all the rest of the money for the girl named Rainbow.
“Why did you buy a condo?” And I stupidly asked, “That money should be enough for the two of you to live on, right?”
Jianlong didn’t laugh at my simplicity. After all, at that time, I was accustomed to food and clothing, would not understand this. He just patiently explained that if he didn’t have a place to live in Taipei, the rent alone would crush him, but the point was that he wanted to give Rainbow a stable environment and didn’t want her to have that feeling of being a parasite again. “The house isn’t big, but it’s cozy.” Jianlong said so.
“Well, you can continue to work half-time as well, huh? It should be a lot easier without the burden of rent.” At that time, I was really simple. I was completely sheltered by my mom and dad, so I really didn’t care about the world.
“But it can’t support tuition and living expenses for two people. Rainbow is a smart girl, her grades are much better than mine, her future achievements will definitely surpass mine. She is going to take the Joint Entrance Examination next year, she said she wants to drop out of school to earn money for me to study in college, she said that saving her out is enough, she is already very grateful to me, she is willing to sacrifice for me.” Jianlong said calmly, as if he was telling me someone else’s story, “But I won’t agree to it. I didn’t save her out to get a maid, but because I love her. For love, I can sacrifice everything.”
I didn’t know what to say at the time. I never knew that it was possible to love someone so deeply. After that breakup, Jianlong and I kept writing to each other, and I knew that he had really given up his studies to support Rainbow’s education, and I also knew that Rainbow had really gotten into a public university in the south. It was only after Jianlong went to jail that I lost track of him.
Starburst (VII)
I still think that Jianlong did a stupid thing. But as long as it was about Rainbow, he was just so persistent and remorseless. Who would have thought that not only did he give up his future for Rainbow, but he also killed and ruined his own life for her?
LOL. I was really shocked to see Kenron’s name from the newspaper social board the other day. But come to think of it, if my girlfriend had almost been raped, would I have done the same thing? I think I would have just gone through the legal channels to bring the murderer to justice, and not resorted to such drastic measures. But Jianlong is Jianlong, he always has his own style.
I skipped class when he was sentencing and wanted to go to the courtroom to observe, although I didn’t know enough about the rules of the court to know if I could go in and observe. But I was late, just in time for him to be escorted away from the courthouse. He was accompanied by a girl who couldn’t stop crying and followed him and the bailiff step by step. We only exchanged one word before he got into the car.
“You’re here too.” Kenron said lightly, his head gesturing towards the crying girl, “Take care of Rainbow for me.”
“You take care.” It was then that I realized that the crying girl was Rainbow. But I didn’t say yes to Jianlong because I had no idea how to take care of someone’s girlfriend. After Jianlong’s car drove away, I wanted to go talk to Rainbow, but she put away her tears and walked away looking strong. I didn’t know what to do, how could I fulfill Jianlong’s request when she didn’t even know me?
That’s why when Kenron suddenly sent me a letter a year after he was imprisoned, I felt guilty about agreeing to anything he asked for.
That letter came in the mail on my birthday, a September day with a high fall sun. I spent that birthday alone, not celebrating anything in particular, just wanting to be left alone to think about what I wanted to do with the past, present, and future of my twenty years. And Jianlong’s letter gave me a big problem to help him do some investigative work.
His first letter was very simple, it just said that something seemed to have happened to Rainbow, but she wouldn’t talk to him about it, and he was worried and wanted to bother me to see if she was in any kind of trouble and asked me to help her. I was a bit overwhelmed because this was the busiest time of the year for me in terms of schoolwork, and I had to go and help Jianlong take care of someone else? Despite the guilt, I was a little hesitant to accept. So I wrote a letter politely asking Jianlong if it was really that necessary.
Jianlong asked me to meet him at the detention center when I had my next meeting, and he would explain everything to me face to face.
I’m going! Of course, I wanted to meet this friend I hadn’t seen in a long time. He had lost a bit of weight, and that confidence in his face had faded a lot, and I could see a few wrinkles squeezed out between his eyebrows, too, faintly.
“Rainbow just left, and I rushed her back to school to use her skills. While I was happy to see her and actually didn’t want her to leave so early, I wanted her to see you even less.” Kenron said right off the bat.
“What, you’re that afraid I’m going to steal your girlfriend?” I said with a smirk.
“No, because I want to ask you to investigate her.” Jianlong lowered his voice and said, “I doubt she has another boyfriend, so I want to find someone I trust and she doesn’t know to investigate secretly.”
“Come on? She’s studying in the south and I’m studying in Taipei, so even if what she has is also in the south, what can I do?” I asked in disbelief.
“Well…” Kenron gritted his teeth and told me all his suspicions and evidence, as well as the conclusions he and his roommate had come up with (note: that’s what the first part is about). Then he made his request: “I want you to go to our apartment in Neihu for me, and see if there are any traces in there.”
“This…” At first glance, I wasn’t quite able to accept this fact. I thought the most perfect love I’d ever seen in this world was him and Rainbow, but I never realized that perfect love was still just a dream after all… Strangely enough, I was really thinking about my own disappointment, not about Chien Loong’s affairs.
“Let’s say I beg you.” Jianlong, seeing my hesitation, actually got down on his knees and begged me, leaving me momentarily disoriented.
“Alright! I promise you. You get up first and then we’ll talk.” No matter what, it’s not like I’ve known Jianlong for a day or two, so can I ignore my friend in trouble today? I decided to promise.
“Then I thank you in advance. The door to the apartment is one you can mess around with by ringing someone else’s bell, and there’s always someone else who will open it without even asking. Once inside, there’s a rug in the doorway of my room with a spare set of keys in the compartment. Because I used to work a lot, I often lost my keys, so I didn’t bring them with me and hid them in the doorway. You can get a spare set and remember to put it back. Rainbow will get suspicious when she realizes the keys are missing.” Jianlong didn’t talk nonsense and cut straight to the chase.
“And then what do you want me to go in and find?” Seeing that the parlor time would be over, I didn’t say much.
“See if there’s anything you can find out about the man’s identity and so on. I don’t know what I’m looking for, I was just hoping you could help me gather a little more information on the other guy, I don’t want to fight a battle I’m not sure of. I’ll get Rainbow back.” The look in Jianlong’s eyes seemed to go back to the determination he had when he said that he would definitely get the overall pennant of the study camp.
“Don’t worry, I didn’t read all those detective novels for nothing.” I gave him my word before I left. I thought at the time, just for the sake of these several years of friendship, this matter I contracted. I just didn’t expect that the simple act of detecting would later lead to such a big storm.
Starburst (viii)
Three days later, I went to Neihu and followed the address to Jianlong’s home. There were several rows of identical apartments, which made even someone like me, who thinks he has a sense of direction, a bit confused. Luckily, Jianlong had given me the address details, and since I had practiced my skills of finding people by address when I was doing questionnaire surveys in the past, I was able to figure out which building was the right one. I didn’t have to bother with the front door at all, the residents of this building obviously don’t have good habits, they don’t even close the front door.
Easily went upstairs, and sure enough, I found the key in the carpet’s mezzanine. That mezzanine was really a mezzanine, and I had to go through a lot of trouble to wrench out the dirty, smelly carpet.
Honestly, it was the first time doing something like this as if you were breaking and entering. “It’s something the homeowner invited me to do, not something illegal.” I kept on convincing myself, and only then did I have the courage to stick the key into the lock hole and turn the heavy iron door. After a lifetime of being a good boy, I had thought about taking a risk and doing something illegal, but when it came down to it, in addition to that inexplicable feeling of excitement, there was also a lot of guilt mixed in.
“So much like Lai Tangnuo in the Jadeno detective novels.” As I pushed open the front door, I remembered my favorite detective novel hero. 160-something centimeters, fifty-something kilograms of tiny nothingness, practically indistinguishable from me. Neither of us were good at fighting, we were both the kind of guys who would use our brains to shade. “What would I do if I were Lai Tangnuo?” I thought for a moment, putting on the sterilized rubber gloves I’d gotten from the lab before carefully wiping off the fingerprints left on the door. Suddenly, I was amused at how far I had gotten into the scene, and after closing the door, I laughed out loud in Kenron’s apartment.
“Nuts, how can anyone in Taiwan check fingerprints in that much detail? It’s not like it’s a murder scene.” After all was said and done, I still didn’t pull off my gloves. I noticed that there seemed to be an eerie smell wafting through the apartment, couldn’t tell if it was a scent or some chemical. “Is that an ester smell?” Surprisingly, I remembered the organic experiment and quickly tapped my hand on my head to remind myself of the purpose of the trip. “Take a look around.” I thought.
The furnishings within the house could only be described as just right, nothing too luxurious, but nothing too practical. I had no trouble finding the room belonging to Rainbow, and was surprised to find that it was only a single bed.
Surprised, he looked around to see that Kenron’s room was tucked away in a tiny room next to the bathroom that was as small as a storage room, also with a single bed. “Gosh, how long have they been living together and they’re still sleeping in separate rooms and beds.” I couldn’t help but feel a little guilty for imagining things too wildly. I should have known, according to Jianlong’s personality, he would still keep that separation until he was officially engaged.
“If it were me, I would not be able to do it.” I couldn’t help but sweat.
On Rainbow’s bedside table was a framed photo. I took a closer look and recognized that Jianlong was wearing a Xitou Camp T-shirt, and the one snuggled up next to him must be the younger Rainbow. I had only caught a quick glimpse of Rainbow outside the courtroom that day, and I had never really looked at Rainbow closely until now. I like to guess a person’s personality from photographs, and Rainbow in the photo was smiling happily, the deep swirls at the corners of her mouth showed that she was a girl who smiled a lot, and her thick lips, as if revealing her strong and unconfessed personality. “Only a strong girl like that would be worthy of Jianlong.” That’s what I thought at the time.
But there was something about her eyes that I couldn’t take my eyes off of. Very deep eyes that didn’t seem to go well with her youthful face, and while many might mistake that for stubbornness, I had a feeling that this girl would keep her heart inside and present the shiny side for others to see. She is, perhaps, a very good actress.
Momentarily absorbed in my own thoughts, I suddenly realized that the house was really hot. I quickly shook off my gloves with my sweaty hands, took off my shirt, and tried to turn on the electric fan to blow off some steam. But the trash can next to the fan caught my attention, and that detective novel trash pickup scenario came to mind, and I immediately reached into the trash can to pull out some valuable trash.
Empty. It seems Rainbow had good hygiene habits and didn’t forget to take out the trash before heading south. I often forgot, and when I returned to the dormitory after the vacation, I had to buy insecticide to get rid of the fruit flies and cockroaches. Disappointed, I turned on the fan and lifted up my underwear in front of it, sweating profusely. When my chest felt cooler, I turned around to let the air blow on my back as well. But at that moment, the silver glitter under the base of the fan caught my attention.
Curious, I bent down and pulled what looked like aluminum foil with all my might.
“Oh my God!” I huffed backward, unable to believe my eyes. This couldn’t be real, could it? I checked it over and over several times to make sure I couldn’t be mistaken; after all, I hadn’t really seen this thing a few times. But the big English book on it told me that yes, that was the thing.
The bag of condoms. Torn.
My head spun a few times quickly and I put the bag back under the electric fan. Like a thief who hears the sound of his master coming home, I hurriedly put on my shirt, grabbed all the stuff and garbage I had brought in, and left Jianlong’s house almost as if I were crawling. I rushed back to my motorcycle, which was parked downstairs in front of the door, and sped off like I was running for my life.
Why are you running away? I’m not sure. But I do know one thing: Jianlong has been in prison for a year now, and since there wasn’t a lot of dust or cobwebs on the bag, it was only recently that it was dropped there.
Maybe someone noticed that I said Jianlong and Rainbow’s nest was a small apartment, and someone said it was a bachelor suite. Right.
I don’t know what to say on this matter, but isn’t a bachelor suite with more than one room a small apartment? If the little room that looks like a storage room next to the bathroom is ignored to justify the addition of a single bed, then I have no comment.
Starburst (IX)
“I want to stop.” I wrote this in my journal the night I got back from the Inner Lakes.
Honestly, I don’t know why I continued afterward, because there was a whole month of blankness in my journal after that day. But a month later, I had brought a notebook full of information to visit Jianlong.
Human memory, what a marvelous thing, I really don’t remember at all what happened in the middle of this month that made me continue to be a detective and continue to rummage through Jianlong and Rainbow’s nest like a thief.
Anyway, during this month, I found out too many things that I didn’t even want to know. Looking back at this month’s results today, I really wish I had done what I wrote in my diary and stopped, throwing the hot potato back to Jianlong and letting him find another friend to do the favor.
Because I found out that the person Rainbow was having an affair with was someone I knew, Hu.
According to the notebook that was nearly torn apart by Jianlong, it was in Rainbow’s drawer that I found some computer-printed articles. The contents of the articles were unusually familiar to me, and I couldn’t at first remember where I’d read them, but one day while shamelessly unsealing and flipping through a gaming magazine at Jinshidou, I suddenly comprehended that I’d read them somewhere. On the net. On a Local BBS that I go to almost every day. Written by an Internet user I know.
After that day, the notebook recorded my accumulated discoveries. Rainbow was careful to clean up all the traces, not to mention the things with Jianlong’s stuff, making it sometimes difficult for me to tell which ones were Jianlong’s and which ones were Xiao Hu’s. But I still found some clues, including the handwriting printed on the note paper next to the phone (you can see it by tracing it with a pencil), the phone number memorized in the telephone (thanks to modern technology), the CDs piled up next to the rainbow’s stereo (you can see the man’s dirty handprints clearly through the light), and the man’s dirty socks rummaged out from underneath the bed.
But I never found out anything about the man (I couldn’t check for fingerprints, could I?) until I finally cracked the rainbow-locked cabinet. One of those safe deposit box type turntable number locks; the kind where you turn three times right, two times left, and then right again. I took a stethoscope and listened hard all night to find out the result, 19.52.0. Inside were some of Rainbow’s personal belongings, and in the upper left-hand compartment were Jianlong’s JUPAS acceptance notice, a land value-added tax document from the Inland Revenue Department, a passbook with a few million dollars in it that had been claimed immediately, and an old Rainbow diary.
The diary was from Jianlong, dated from before Jianlong’s joint exams until six months after they moved in here. I don’t know if Jianlong has ever read the diary, but I read it with tears in my eyes for a long time. I don’t want to relay it here because I think it’s Rainbow’s privacy, and I was entrusted by Jianlong to peek at it and that was enough, not wanting others to know what was actually written in it. I can only say that at that time, rainbow not only very grateful to Jianlong, and is really love Jianlong.
The focus is on the stuff in the upper right corner of the cabinet in that compartment. If it wasn’t for those things, I wouldn’t have been sure that the object of that affair was Woo. There was a small graduation book with a double photo of Rainbow and Hu. There were also a few invoices from Fang Neighborhood Restaurant in the compartment, all early in the morning, dated when Jianlong had told me Rainbow had started acting weird. There are a few handwritten notes, the handwriting on them is exactly the same as the handwriting Xiao Hu wrote down during the last BBS netizen gathering when he left his address book.
In recalling all of this today, I have no memory of it. They were all written in my notes, and I just wrote them out as they were recorded. At that time, I was in a messy or lazy mood, so I wrote them all down in a jumbled, disorganized manner in a running account. On the day I went to see Kenroku, I showed him this book directly. Thinking about it now, I still don’t know if I did it right or wrong.
Starburst (XI)
I picked up my diary the night I met Jianlong. On the train back to Taipei, I was still angry about who I was doing this for, and that Jianlong had treated me in that way.
I hatefully lambasted that ungrateful thing in my journal.
Didn’t regret my decision at all, it’s not like I’m the only friend of Jianlong, I don’t have to betray my other friends for him. It’s not that I don’t know how he feels, but I can’t accept him scolding me in that tone and even trying to rough me up. What am I? I spent time running around Neihu for him, did he say a single word of gratitude?
I put down my heavy homework and made a thick book of notes about him, and what kind of attitude did he use with me?
I really didn’t know that for the sake of a woman, Jianlong wanted me to be a grasping rake who betrayed his friends. Rainbow? What kind of magic does that woman have that she can grip Jianlong’s heart so tightly, to death, to death. And God knows why I got involved in this triangle, who am I really inviting? Xiao Hu is my friend, Jianlong is also my friend, and they both fell for the woman Rainbow at the same time.
Forget it. None of this is my business anymore. Now that I’ve fallen out with Jianlong, and Xiao Hu doesn’t even know that I’m involved in this incident, from today onwards, I’m completely out of this triangle, no matter how much Jianlong is jealous, or how much Xiao Hu is pursuing Rainbow, it has nothing to do with me. It’s none of my business. I was too curious and too enthusiastic.
But that Ken Ryu is also hilarious. By taking apart a nice double and single bed and “giving Rainbow back her single life” before going to jail, it’s no wonder Rainbow is really enjoying her single life. If it were me, I would have plastered photos of the two of them all over the place, making it clear that it’s a double bed, and that the two of them are sleeping together, so that even if they want to take advantage of the situation, they will have to struggle with their conscience for a while, and also make Rainbow hesitate.
Hu is much smarter than that. At least he knows how to use birth control. But whether he knew about Jianlong’s existence was an interesting mystery. I took this story as an after-dinner gossip story, thinking at the time that I couldn’t possibly know the next part of the story. I realized later that I was too naive. Because I myself have been dragged into this story and become the fourth corner.
One of the big reasons for not wanting to continue writing is this memory that I’ve been trying to forget. But today, since it’s already a fictionalized story, I don’t think I have any qualms about writing about it… anyway, it’s not real, it’s all my fantasies… If it’s really true, why do I still dream about this nightmare every once in a while?
Sorry, I had a bad track on my hard disk and couldn’t save some files, including the one in (x). I don’t have the energy to review them anymore, so I’ll leave you to it. （The content of (j) is about my visit to Jianlong’s prison.
Starburst (XII)
The way the story continues is always completely unexpected by the people involved.
At the beginning of December, I received a letter from Kenron. I had completely put him behind me, and he brought a letter, a letter of apology, at this time.
I was thinking that time would probably slowly wear away Jianlong’s irrational anger, and he wrote this letter in such a way that I couldn’t refuse his request. Who asked me to be a soft-hearted person by nature? I can change my color and not give in at all under someone’s aggressive pressure, but there is no way I can refuse someone’s gentle pleas. Jianlong probably ate up this weakness of mine and made a request that I couldn’t put off.
So, I took another trip to the Inner Lakes, the weekend before Christmas. I didn’t really know what else I was looking for. The information that Jianlong asked for, I could already provide without a second thought, what with names, addresses, identities, and so on, it wasn’t a problem. And why would I need to make another trip to Neihu? Later on, I wondered if maybe this was a trick that Jianlong had set up.
I had no trouble finding the row of monotonous, boring apartments in Neihu, no trouble opening the door, no trouble getting what Jianlong wanted me to get. I sat in the entry chair and looked through the photo album, searching for the picture of Jianlong and Rainbow on Christmas Eve one year. And without a sound, I suddenly heard the sound of a key opening the door.
“Kaboom” The door opened slowly and a dusty woman walked in, carrying a small backpack. She froze at the sight of me and opened her mouth to scream, but restrained herself for a brief moment.
With a wry smile she turned back and closed the door, leaving her bag at the door, and walked straight to the bathroom to wash off the traces the Taipei City air had left on her face, as if I had never existed.
I finally came back to my senses after being at a loss for words for a moment. Trying to slip out the door, the woman named Rainbow called out to me. “Hey! Leaving without saying hello?” She wiped her face with a towel while walking out of the bathroom.
“Uh…” I really don’t know what to say. How could she be so calm about a stranger breaking in? I really didn’t know what this girl was thinking. But her next words explained her reaction.
“You must be the Xiao Zhao that Jianlong was talking about!” She pulled over the chair I was just sitting on and sat down, “Sit down, at least finish choosing your pictures before you leave.”
“You know me?” I couldn’t help but ask that stupid question. Jianlong, this dead thing, had agreed that everything about me was a secret, but I didn’t think he’d be big enough to tell Rainbow.
“Ha! You ask such funny questions.” Her famous smile appeared on her face and I now knew why men were mesmerized by her. “Here’s the deal, I just came up from the south and I’m so hungry, I won’t twist you to the police station if you buy me a meal.”
“I…” This was the first time I had seen such a girl. But now that she had a pair of straights in her hand and I only had three, I could see that I was going to lose. “Well, it seems that in order for me not to spend the rest of my life in jail, you choose the restaurant.”
When a flicker of pain flashed in her eyes, I knew I’d said the wrong thing. But she quickly responded with her smile, “Let’s go, I’m going to blackmail you to death.” With that, she pushed me out the door, leaving me no room for remorse.
To this day, I still think the bill for the meal should be on Jianlong. He must have set it up.
I went to the south to visit the prison for a few days, and sure enough, no one noticed the omission of posting one (10) at all, and no one cared; no one had a problem with not posting it for a few days. The experiment was really successful.
Anyway, it seems like it doesn’t matter if I post them in order, post them or not, leave them out or not, or how I write them.
So, I’ll just post the odd numbered chapters and then the even numbered chapters, so that’s okay too, right?
It’s really a lute to a cow. Mediocrity. Eat your heart out. Oh, my God!
Starburst (xiii)
As we ate, I kept speculating about what kind of girl Rainbow really was. I knew from the choice of restaurants that she wasn’t a person who was used to taking advantage of people, and she even asked me if I had enough money with me before entering. This is rare perhaps because I’ve met girls who take it for granted that men carry a lot of money on them. She, on the other hand, was not such a woman.
“Hey! What are you thinking?” Rainbow sipped her after-dinner coffee to wake me up from my musings. Between the whole meal she said she was passed out from hunger and saved her words for when she was full. And after the waiter took away her steak, I was still wrestling with the pasta. Another thing I’ve noticed about her: she eats quickly.
“I was wondering if I should call you Rainbow or Rainbow.” I told her half-jokingly as I swallowed my last bite of noodles. After my stomach was filled, I was slowly removing that guilty feeling of being caught with stolen goods and regaining a bit of my usual sense of humor.
“Whatever.” Rainbow said, “You might as well call me Rainbow! That way I’ll think of you as someone on Jianlong’s side, and I won’t get confused.” She took a sip of her coffee and continued, “Tell me, how much did you find out about me to tell Jianlong?”
“I…” Her direct question made me lose my head for a moment. Should I tell the truth? Or make up a lie?
“Don’t be a mother-in-law, okay?” She suddenly got angry, and I thought she was going to slap the table so hard. For a moment, her smile was lost, and I saw the eyes of a person who would live or die with her enemies to protect the nest. It seemed that she had spent the entire meal suppressing her emotions, and I realized that I didn’t seem to have a choice.
“Enough.” I gritted my teeth and decided to tell her the truth. I don’t know why, probably because I’ve never been a good liar.
“Well,” she finished her coffee in one gulp and grabbed mine; looking at my already finished plate she said, “Come on, we’ll talk about it at home. Go get the check. I’ve got all night to extract a confession, so you’d better think about what you’re going to say on the way. I don’t have much patience.”
I silently did as she said. What else could I do? I had a feeling that tonight wasn’t going to be too good for me.
Starburst (xiv)
Carrying a case of cold beer up the stairs, I was glad I wasn’t paying for the drinks. It seemed that Rainbow was either trying to get me drunk or herself.
“You start at the beginning!” Rainbow opened a can of beer each for me and herself, clearly not wanting to talk much.
“I saw you for the first time in front of the court…” I took a sip of cold beer and began this part of my story. Rainbow didn’t make a sound, but just listened to my story in silence, without interrupting or asking questions. But the empty cans of beer in front of her grew larger and larger as I went on.
“Ç…that meeting in October, I met with Jianlong after you left and told him everything. He and I had a big fight and I stopped after that. I didn’t get an apology letter from him until a few days ago.” I don’t know what I was trying to do by being so honest, but I actually showed her all of my cards, not holding back at all. “In a moment of weakness, I promised him again. So you caught me red-handed.”
“Do you want another beer?” I didn’t realize Rainbow’s first question at the end of my story would be this.
“No, thanks. The doctor said it’s best if I don’t drink too much.” I respond to her with a bitter smile and finish my first beer in one gulp.
“I thought you guys who were going to be doctors were all asari and drinkers.” I was ready to be bombarded with Rainbow’s relentless questions, but I didn’t expect her to talk to me about alcohol.
“I’m probably the exception.” I opened another can of beer, “Last one, that’s my bottom line.
Otherwise I’ll have an endless supply of pills again tomorrow.”
“I hate you. You and Kenron are the same.” Rainbow suddenly burst out with this. “Why are they both so honest? Why don’t you know how to keep a little secret to protect yourself? Why tell me everything?”
“Eh?” I had a feeling that alcohol seemed to remove Rainbow’s sturdy disguise. In fact, she was the first girl I’d ever seen who hadn’t gotten drunk after drinking a dozen beers.
“Kenron has told me everything. Including you, and what you told me tonight. It’s exactly the same, and even the set-up wasn’t this perfect.” She took another big gulp of her beer. “That’s why I hate you all.
Why is it that the men I meet either don’t tell me anything or just dump everything on me?”
“Kenron told you?” I asked in surprise.
“Of course,” Rainbow’s box of words opened up and didn’t seem to be about to close, “Otherwise I would have called the police long before I saw you breaking into our home. That’s the way he is, he can’t hide anything in his heart and will tell me anything without reservation. But I hide my heart on the back of my smile and tell him nothing. It’s so unfair to him. It’s so unfair.”
“You’re drunk.” I snatched the beer out of Rainbow’s hand, “If you keep drinking, you’re going to tell me everything I shouldn’t know.” I warned her.
“Give me back my wine! How can I get drunk so easily. And I’ve been holding these words in my heart for a long time, so I’m going to say them all while it’s so hard for me to get drunk. Let me ask you, you should know everything about me and Jianlong, so tell me, do I love him or not? Is that gratitude or love?” Rainbow yelled at me while she was drunk.
“That’s the kind of thing you should be asking yourself, not me.” Rainbow’s situation reminds me of my dad. Dad is the same way every time he drinks too much, just as if he is drunk, so the words that he usually suppresses and dares not say or curse will come out. The truth is drunk people know what they said, although they don mean to admit afterward that they remember what they said.
“If I knew, why would I ask you?” She snatched back her beer and took another big gulp.
“Actually, you know, you just don’t want to face it. You can go look at your old diary, I think you should know the answer to this very well.” I was a little afraid she might drink too much. But again, I couldn’t stop her.
“No! I don’t know!” She opened another can. It was her seventeenth can of the night, so of course she had to withhold a little from the floor. “All I know is that I love Hu, and that’s not supposed to happen. I’m supposed to love Jianlong, and I’m not even supposed to love any of the others.”
“I…” She suddenly looked like she was vomiting a little, so I rushed over to support her. However, she hugged me around the neck. “Jianlong, don’t blame me. I’m really sorry.”
“I… I’m not Jianlong.” I tried to pull her hand away, but she held on tight and refused to let go.
“Ryu, don’t blame me. I really didn’t mean to.” Her lips drifted closer to my face, and a faint scent of hair interspersed with the strong odor of lees came at me. I was a bit overwhelmed. I increased my strength and tried to run away from her.
“Ryu, don’t leave me…” After I managed to break away from her, she covered her face and cried bitterly.
I couldn’t bear it and wanted to go over to comfort her, but I was afraid that she would take me for Jianlong again. At that moment, she did not know where the strength came from, like playing rugby, she pounced on me, and I only felt the back of my head hit something, and my eyes went black, and I fainted.
I’ve made up two even-numbered posts at a time, so I hope this is a bit of a meager help to those who are confused by me.
Like the plot of a third-rate TV show, I covered the back of my aching head and slowly gained some consciousness. Something seemed to be pressing down on my body, making my chest gasp a little. The two cans of 7% alcohol that I drank seemed to come along for the ride at this point. Drowsy and just feeling so hot, I casually ripped off my shirt and hugged the warm pillow on my body, making no attempt to resist the temptation of the week.
“No!” I don’t know how long it was, but only that the sun seemed to be shining in from over the balcony. As if someone had hit me in the chest with a big iron, abruptly I awoke with a start. I realized that I had stripped naked at some point and was lying on the unfamiliar floor. And coming from beside me was what I feared, the deep breathing of a woman.
1. This is a fictionalized story.
2. The characters in it are also fictional, they are just stolen from someone else’s story to use, and will be returned when they are used up.
3. If someone wants to be taken seriously, then I would question their intelligence.
4. Someone should stop being upset and watch serials without having to hold it for the main character in the show.
Starburst (XVI)
“You’re awake, huh? I made a pot of coffee, come have some when you’re more awake.” I said as I leaned against the bathroom doorway. It was still early in the morning, but I had already gone out and done some shopping, made a pot of instant coffee, and my sanity couldn’t be more awake.
“I…” she said, straightening the blanket around her body, her face instantly reddening after realizing she had nothing on. I quite automatically made way for the bathroom door, and she wrapped herself in the blanket, grabbed something haphazardly in the closet, and rushed into the bathroom. I listened to the sound of the water as I sipped my Nestle instant coffee.
Half an hour later, she bit her lower lip and finally resolved to come out of the bathroom. I handed her a cup of coffee and a few pills and said, “You must have a hangover headache, right? Take a few pills and you’ll be fine.”
Her face reddened even more. She ignored the pills and took a sip of her coffee. “Hard to drink.” That was her only comment, but she held up her coffee cup and signaled for me to pour another cup. I complied. And so she had a cup and I had a cup, and we drank the pot of awful coffee down to the last drop.
“Give me a glass of water.” As I rinsed the kettle that had been brought in for coffee, she said her second words this morning.
“It’s your house, help yourself.” I tried to break the awkwardness of the morning with a more lighthearted tone.
“Nasty.” I heard her do it herself. After washing the kettle and turning around, I was confronted with, already, a girl with a smile on her face. What an admiration, a girl who can hide her inner feelings better than I can.
“You don’t take your medicine, huh? Don’t come after me for the headache later. I’m not the one who poured the wine on you, you’re the one who insisted on drinking it.” I made a face.
“Who are you kidding? Where is there a Prana pain asking people to take five pills at once.” She said, she still took all the pills. She laughed and said, “Don’t think I was born yesterday. Are there any left? You don’t need them anyway, so give them all to me.”
I pulled a whole jar of medicine out of my pocket and tossed it to her. She didn’t even look at the label on it before shoving it into one of the bottles and jars on the dresser. “I’ll need it again sooner or later anyway.” She said not caring.
“I’m sorry.” Seeing that she was so open, I didn’t know what to say instead. From my limited vocabulary, I could only come up with those three words.
“Kenron said the same thing the first time.” She sighed, “Why do you and he always keep saying the same thing? Maybe that’s why I’ll get you guys wrong.”
“Me and Kenron?” I wanted to ask that, but it seemed like this wasn’t a good time to ask questions.
“You and Kenron.” She seemed to have heard my question, “The appearance is completely different, one is big and the other is small, but they have a lot in common when they talk.” She didn’t intend for me to interrupt, so she continued on, “I did something wrong last night, didn’t I?”
“No. It was my mistake.” Although I had prepared my mind to talk about this, the words were still a bit awkward even after reciting them several times before saying them. “As a man who can’t restrain his impulses, do you blame it on the woman? Not to mention, I wasn’t even drunk.”
“Huh.” She surprisingly laughed, “Even those words are exactly the same, if I didn’t know Jianlong, I’d really think that you guys colluded. Don’t let your next sentence be ‘Don’t worry, I’ll take responsibility to the end’, or else I’ll arrest Jianlong for complicity in rape.”
“…” I was really speechless. Everything this girl said was beyond my original design. After all, I’d only seen this kind of thing in soap operas, where the heroine is supposed to be weepy and not have much to say. Instead, she dominated the entire conversation.
“Look at you, as if you’re choking on your own awful coffee, you can’t even speak. How about this! I’m hungry, do you mean to accompany me to Fang Neighborhood for a $99 breakfast?” She straightened her clothes while picking up her keys and preparing to lock the door. Can I still say no?
Before leaving the house, she suddenly asked, “Are you sure five birth control pills will be enough? Not enough I can take a few to the restaurant to eat.”
“Enough. A lot of birth control pills in three days is effective.” I can’t believe I remembered the teacher’s voice from class at this point, I guess I’m really a bit of a nervous wreck.
P.S. Please note that taking Oral Contraceptives for three days is a real contraceptive, but it does not prevent other sensory leaks, nor does it guarantee that it will be effective. If you need to take Oral Contraceptives, please do it beforehand, not afterward.
Starburst (XVII)
“See how nervous you are, first time huh?” She said to me after taking a table full of food.
“Eh?” I pretended to concentrate on my food, not wanting to answer the question.
“Pfft!” She laughed so hard all of a sudden that she even spewed out her food, “Seeing as how you’re feeling so guilty, I’ll tell you what, not only are you not the third one after Jianlong and Xiaohu, but you probably don’t even make the top five. In fact, Jianlong isn’t the first either, but maybe even he doesn’t know that.”
“Eh?” Still concentrating on my battle with the food, I pretended I didn’t have time to reply.
“Oh… forget it. I thought medical students were more open about sex! I didn’t realize there were others as closed-minded as you.” She saw that I wasn’t interested in the topic and immediately changed the subject. “This is where I first met Hu.”
“I know.” With food stuffed throughout my mouth, I answered her words.
“You know? Wow, since you saw my diary, you also saw those invoices for the breakfast club reports.”
Rainbow said, “You’re the first person I’ve ever wanted to talk to about this kind of thing, because I don’t have to explain too many things, and you’re pretty clear about it!”
“Don’t treat me like Sherlock Holmes.” I shook my head, “I don’t know everything.”
“Grace. You should know my situation, in fact you probably know it best. I’d love to hear from you, do you have any advice or opinions on my current situation?” Rainbow looked straight into my eyes, clearly not wanting me to avoid the question.
“Do you want the truth or the lie?” I asked.
“Truth. I tell myself enough to myself if I have to lie.” She tossed her hair and took another sip of coffee.
“I think that you are caught between the love of two men and can’t find a balance. You always thought you only loved Jianlong until you reunited with Xiao Hu. And after falling in love with Xiao Hu, you thought that all you had for Jianlong was gratitude, and that you were truly in love with Xiao Hu.” I abandoned the uneatable food left on my plate and grabbed a glass of juice to drink.
“Isn’t that so?” Rainbow said to me as she looked out the window.
“That would be something to ask yourself. If you would just be quiet and listen to your true inner voice.” I said, “I’ve always felt that you’re stuck in a fence surrounded with love and can’t step over it.”
“I don’t get it. During the entire semester, I thought I was far enough away from both Jianlong and Xiaohu to be meditative, I suppose! And what you’re saying now is nothing like the conclusion I’ve come to.” Rainbow said.
“Like I said it’s just my opinion.” I smiled a little, “Of course it’s possible that I’m just plain wrong. But if I’m right, I think you’re deeply in love with both men at the same time.”
“At the same time? I don’t think I’m that fraternal ooooh!” Rainbow hastily hid her uneasiness with a smile.
“It’s two different kinds of love. It’s like you might love steak and you might love a buffet, but you can’t have both at the same meal, you won’t be able to eat them. So today at lunch, you love steak a little more, and tomorrow at lunch, you might want a buffet.” I finished those words in one breath and took a sip of my juice.
“Bummer, the juice here isn’t pure.”
“But I…”
“You did the same thing to Hu and Jianlong today.” I didn’t wait for Rainbow to finish her query before I continued, “Because of the distance, you’ve put away your love for Jianlong, but the fire is still there burning warmly, you just don’t realize it because your heart is burning with a burning torch for Xiao Hu.”
“Someone told me that gratitude is not love…” said Rainbow, hesitating.
“Gratitude is certainly not love,” I went on, “but gratitude fosters love. Do you dare say to-day that you do not love Kenron at all? You love his honesty with you, you love his uncomplaining protection of you, and those are things you can’t deny. I feel that with him, you have a sense of security from being pampered, and you love that feeling.”
“What about Hu?” She was obviously provoked a bit by my words.
“Yet you love being with Hu too. The joy you enjoy with him is something you can’t give up. Even if he would break your heart, but the starting point seems to be for you, in order not to let you embarrassed.” I laughed and said, “If you’re in the middle of a standard soap novel, Hu’s love is Prince Charming-esque, with the dry fire burning brightly, but you’re left with a power you can’t grasp. And Jianlong’s love is like a silent waiting type, like a lighthouse cold far away, but you know will always be there waiting for.”
“So, which one should I choose?” Rainbow asked the question without thinking.
“You’re asking me?” I looked into Rainbow’s eyes, “You should be the only one to know about this kind of thing to make a choice.”
Starburst (XVIII) The Finale
The air froze between the two men, each caught up in their own musings.
I knew what Rainbow was supposed to be thinking, and what I was thinking was that I was already too deep in the middle of the whole thing. Last night’s incident, the little woo details that Chien Loong wanted… there were so many things that I shouldn’t have gotten involved in a long time ago.
“I…” Surprisingly, Rainbow and I spoke at the same time, “You first.” It was the same words.
We smiled at each other and I said, “Lady First.”
“I suppose I want to thank you. It’s the first time someone has helped me make sense of so much, even though some parts of your skewed reasoning are just ridiculous.” Rainbow said with a smile. It was her famous smile again, and I couldn’t help but be distracted by the soup.
“Thanks. Actually I was just guessing, you know best if it’s right or not.” I said.
“Well, then, let’s just keep those words off the record, and you just don’t tell Kenron, okay? Better yet, don’t let him know we met at all.” Rainbow made a request.
“I agree. I don’t really know how to say this if I have to.” I nodded, “So last night…”
“What happened last night? Did something happen? Since we sort of never met, could anything have happened?” This woman’s ability to play dumb is on par with mine, so it doesn’t seem like it would be hard to come to an understanding.
“Also, Jianlong wants me to give Xiao Hu’s full profile, what’s your opinion…?” I asked.
“Whatever. If you feel you have to, then tell Jianlong.” Rainbow said dryly, “Actually, I kind of want to tell Jianlong, but I can’t open my mouth. It wouldn’t be fair to Jianlong. So if you want to help me tell Jianlong, I have no objection, but I may also talk to Xiao Hu about Jianlong.”
“You know I have no choice, must tell Jianlong, just detailed or not.” I didn’t want Rainbow to know that I knew Hu, so I continued, “I also hope that Ryu can compete with your Hu on a more equal opportunity, and not even get confused about what he’s up against.”
“Eh. You do realize that I once signed a letter to Kenroku as Rainbow, right? I told him later that it was a clerical error on my part, and that I was, in fact, hinting to him that I had what he called a ‘wild man’. I didn’t expect the vehemence of his reaction, which made me never dare to mention anything about Xiao Hu again.” Rainbow said slowly, “I think it was because of this incident that I started lying because I didn’t dare to confess to Jianlong.”
“Do you expect me to do for you what you don’t mean to do?” I should have been a little indignant, but was calmly and perfectly able to understand. “I feel as if I’m being used. By you and Kenron.”
“Grace. You do what you think you have to do, I do what I think I have to do, what’s the point of saying who’s being used by who?” Rainbow finished her coffee in one gulp, urged me to drink my juice as well, and then said, “Well, let’s just leave it at that! I’ll pay the bill, I knocked you out yesterday.”
“Okay.” I didn’t want to be polite either. At this point in time, I suddenly had the feeling of making friends with a rainbow, and through the sunlight that filtered in through the window, it was as if I had seen into her heart, and let her see into mine. But I didn’t say anything, just watched quietly as she went to pay the bill, then followed her out the door.
There was already a bit of Sunday morning traffic on the road outside the door, but not too much. The sunlight spread evenly over us, and the two of us stood staring at the entrance to Fangoria without a word, a bit like the wind blowing across an early winter meadow, quiet, serene, yet dry enough that the slightest spark of a star could start a fire of silent chatter.
“Farewell to this!” I said. I didn’t want to be the one to start this prairie fire, no matter where it would happen and who and what it would be between. Leaving before it was too late was probably the best way to prevent it.
“You…” Rainbow suddenly squirmed a little, and at this point, I suddenly realized that she was a very feminine woman, and I wanted to close my eyes and smell the fragrance of this hay. “Could you leave me your number? Maybe we can get in touch again.”
“Is it necessary?” If you don’t want to start a fire, why leave a spark? I replied, “If you really want to contact me, do it through Jianlong. Maybe it’s better that way.”
“Um… will we meet again?” At the time, I thought that would be the last thing I heard Rainbow say, at least for a year and nine months.
“Will do. I’ll be there on the day of Kenroku’s release.” I walked towards my beloved Ritsuko and waved my hand like a rainbow, “See you later.”
“Bye.” I thought I heard Rainbow murmur behind me after I was gone in the dust.
Starburst (Postscript)
During finals, I heard about Xiao Hu’s car accident on the net, shortly after I gave Jianlong Xiao Hu’s basic information. When I went to visit the doctor, I suspected from Xiao Hu that the suspected accidental car accident didn’t seem so innocent. I wrote a letter questioning Jianlong, who told me that it wasn’t his intention, that it was the prison roommate, Gun, who had taken matters into his own hands.
I think I have still started a fire, and it is a fire that will burn for who knows how long, and I don’t know how deeply I will be affected. All I can say is that I am a mortal of many weaknesses and have made many foolish mistakes. And today, I no longer expect the people I have hurt to forgive me, and the purpose of writing this novel is not to dazzle or attempt to win sympathy, but I just want to have an explanation of what I have done, a warning.
Just a quick note to apologize profusely to those affected by the wildfires.
Repost additions.
Just in time for Sunshine to finish posting after all of Starburst (the afterword) has been reposted. I’ll be posting the two authors’ sequels, “The Evening of the Xia” and “The Sky Water Runs Long”, which are sort of the end of the whole story.
One might ask if the story is true or not. Honestly, I’m not sure. Since it’s serialized in the storyboard, it’s good to think of it as a story. It doesn’t make much sense to ask whether things are true or not. Right?
Starburst (Postscript)
Shortly after Hu was discharged from the hospital, I met him by chance at the Guanghua Mall. Snuggled up next to him was, quite literally, Rainbow. Xiao Hu introduced me to his girlfriend, Rainbow (perhaps because I am the most gossipy of mouths, Xiao Hu found it worse not to introduce her to me). Rainbow pretended not to recognize me, and I went along with the act. But at least I know the last development of this story: Xiao Hu and Rainbow were still together at that time.
What about Kenron? I don’t know. I haven’t received any letters from him since the Siu Hu car accident.
This love triangle love story doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.
“Love is extinguished, love is quenched, is the empty heart left to be desired?”
I can’t find a word to describe my feelings except this one. When the heart is dead, there is no point in saying anything more.
To and fro, the more you play on BBS, the more you go back, the distance between people seems to be very close, but the distance is very far. Can be a few letters a day ping to ping to go people, after all, just two opposite walk through the passer-by, once rubbed, will no longer familiar.
Don’t turn against me and have to snicker.
I remember the reply letter in ACE, anonymously asking Chico a question, which Chico also answered in the character folder. And that answer, compared to how I’m feeling right now, is as ironic as can be.
Since I’ve never made any friends at this station, there’s no need to say goodbye, and there’s nothing to say goodbye to.
Those who watch the theater only care about the drama and the excitement, who cares about the pain in the heart of the actors on stage and how they live their lives?
Those who know how to contact me, know. Those who don’t know, leave information they won’t use. Saying goodbye to a station just like that doesn’t seem to be the first time, except it’s the first time I’ve left on my own instead of standing in front of me and pouring it out to me.
But what difference does it make? People come and go. I’ll be forgotten eventually.
The loneliest of crowds.