The heat of a July day, and Dad’s desire soaring as a result, in a space as small as a can, I was stuck in an indistinguishable crossroads between left and right, tempted to pass out on it, when the pleasure in my lower abdomen came back in a slow stream, and the flesh, disgruntled from picking up a client a few hours before, was given the comfort of scratching here, because making love felt like a presence to me, unlike picking up a client in general, and that was intercourse to me rather than Making love, the brain-filled, middle-aged man, moving in the same direction a thousand times, pulling down his pants pocket, ripping off the condom that held his sword, and replacing it with another. Rude guests would squeeze my hand like a torturer, feeling triumphant, though I never felt anything. On the contrary, some of them were very elegant, seemingly a “I’m a good man” gesture, wanting to inhale any trace of a woman’s scent, and I was touched by it, but every time I finished defecating and pressed the flush, I always felt that I would not be able to lick the white of the toilet bowl when I looked at the halo on the white of the toilet bowl.
I looked at my mother across the street, my mother and I have a very similar face, I remember the first time my father saw us together, he was as lost in thought, but a straight first pawed my mother’s breasts, and that was the first time he turned a blind eye to me. But my mother’s flesh is different from mine, maybe it’s the perfume, I’ve always felt that my mother has a kind of indescribable sense of bewitching, like a peach in a thousand flowers, there is a kind of tightly wrapped in the man, only as a mother to have a sense of security, the man in his body to obtain is the pleasure of the Idiots Paschal, it is a kind of fatherhood will be killed in a man’s inner, voluntarily act as a breastfeeding baby skin to skin contact, I don’t know how my mother was how to go about seeing the father, but I know very well that the father is for him the unfulfilled desire for a son.
At the moment of penetration, my mother was already exhausted and collapsed beside the two of them, finishing her unfinished dream. Dad was in my temple, continuing to offer his food, the animal smell lingered on his arm, and dad greedily explored the craziness inside the armpit. For me, sex was different from sex because he wasn’t “him”, he wasn’t a man, he was “Daddy”, and I was “Daughter”, and the relationship between the roles was like when you go out to dinner with anyone, it’s not the same as Daddy’s dinner, and every sensation in the meal is like being under the blanket on a winter’s day, and you can’t even feel it. Every sensation in the meal is like a winter blanket, and the pulling up and down of Daddy’s long whip will inevitably bring up a burst of feelings on the wall of flesh, a “Daddy’s flavor” different from that of other men.
The rising of the orgasm made the air in the small room even more filled, so strong that every molecule swelled up and nearly broke open, and the constant gushing of liquid finally broke through all the defenses and leaked out of my mouth, and Dad’s after my orgasm, fast as if it were from a weekend night variety show, for a while in fact, but I felt that look of impatience in the absence of a feeling of time passing by without feeling it It passed…
The sound of the electric fan’s rotor was a resting place in the exhausting atmosphere that filled the room, and the two men lying on the soaked sheets had been transformed from humans to a lump of incapacitated flesh, and as I watched them, complete with animal amenity and movement to death by the light of the moon, I immediately threw away the thought, fearing that I, too, was in a state of mold, and purposely refrained from looking in the mirror as I flushed, letting the flow through wash over the façade of the human being that I was, and taking the real me breathing.
The view out the iron gate was actually not unpleasant, but I went out without my clothes on to look at the stars and felt that all the beauty in the world was in me, and for everything else, it was just decorations on the Christmas tree. It was cold…I went back and put on a jacket.
Lately I’ve found that looking at past journals is very interesting, though just childishly acceptable words and phrases, like this one: I finished going out with my heart today, but the big dog I met on the way was scary, so I hope I don’t meet it next time I go out.
And this: Lin Shaowei scared me again today, I hate him so much, I hope he’ll be nicer to me next time or I won’t be good friends with him anymore.
Strangely enough, the important things were not recorded instead. When my father died, I couldn’t write for a week, he was not a good father, and I can even say so, he was never a father in my mind, but a gambler, although my mother was very much like a gambler when she played mah-jongg, but the feeling was different, I always felt that a father should be like a father, and a gambler seemed like a father who was not a father. In any case, I was plagued by this thought that week and could never write anything.
Until one day, my mother took me out to eat for the first time, she has never done so, always drop some money, teach me to solve outside, that day is a winter night, my mother seems to be not very skillful in the street with me in the crowd swinging to and fro, I only wondered that she is most familiar with their own place, as if on the contrary, it is the most incapable of passing one after another, and never found satisfactory, and finally just watched her all the way to point to McDonald’s, to eat her previous least favorite burger, in front of the counter, the friendly counter lady let my mother overwhelmed, not knowing what to say. McDonald’s, to eat her previous least favorite burger, in front of the counter, the friendly counter lady let my mother at a loss for words, do not know what to say, which for me, but in the natural and no more, I directly ordered a cheese Manfred Bao, my mother looked at me in surprise, I know that because when I was a child I hated to eat is the cheese, from here the atmosphere is not right, my mother has always been in the I ate the cheese, lettuce, meat slices of the burger sticky I ignored her, enjoying the juicy flavor of the burger, and when I was about to eat my fries, I noticed that my mother had the ketchup, and when I reached for it, I didn’t pay attention and pulled it out of my hand, knocking over my mother’s Coke on the table, and pouring it on top of her, and she was shocked, and slapped me on the face. She then slapped me and dragged me out of the room, not caring whether she collected the money or not, and the feast ended on such an unhappy note, but I don’t know why, but this was the first time, and maybe the last time, that I felt like she was my mother.
The next day in class, but the rain fell non-stop, last night because of the labor of turning over the clouds, no strength to pay attention to any word, the teacher on the mouth foaming, the stage did not have a stick field, although he is my father, and had to be sorry for him. I in the beginning of the pick up, and did not expect to know people will come, one day … is the first warm summer strike, I saw a familiar, thin figure inside, obscene ask mother has no young teeth, mother pointed to my room, I habitually lie back on the bed, ready to meet another shuttle, did not expect him to come in, hated shrunk back, I recognized It was the teacher, without saying a word, I put my arms around him, I understand the teacher’s desire, it is impossible to ebb the sea, I want it to keep lapping at me until every heel of my nerves into another world. My legs surrounded the warrior with the gun like ivy, shaking a ceaseless pace, expecting a double dance of hot columns, a dusky tango, a snake’s eyes, cunning toes, crushing the sensible pawns one by one, making the true face of the marshal visible, the marshal’s conquests were rough, blowing up every inch of the enemy’s land, leaving red marks of blood…
The teacher was a frequent visitor after that, and I suspect that he did not play with any girls, and that he felt no guilt at all about having sex with little girls, and that this room of lewdness was the outlet for his dreams. After the weather turned cooler, we also played all over the school because of the lessons, I found that the roof of the school would push one’s faculties to the limit, imagining that the whole school was down there gave me a thrill of being spied on, and the reverie of the toilet made me interested in the smell of urine, and it was only at this point that I found the toilet to be adorable, with alabaster sprinkled with gold, and like a cat I unfurled my tongue and made an affectionate gesture to the cat’s stick like yellow making intimate gestures as if we were kindred spirits.
Maybe it’s a long strike, the teacher realizes his stupidity and hooks up with the mother, not realizing that it’s a hit and miss, the two mating under the moon, with the blessing of the class, but unfortunately they don’t know it’s a dirty deal.
And so the three were a bed, both slaves, subjected to a constant whipping of moss in the misty haze of midnight, draining their bodies of every touch before plunging them into the infinite, deathly, silence of the air.
You can pay attention to take a look at this class I’m teaching, there are a few are really aware of this kind of loneliness like appetite, constantly devouring, constantly tearing, constantly screaming, and ultimately escaping from nothing more than the satisfaction of the heart, fulfillment is not satisfied, I hope there is an answer.
There is no substitute for the end of the answer, I dreamt of someone to share it with me, it was Yayi who actually sat next door, she was far away from me in my dream but the error of vision brought us very close, we held hands a hundred feet away with an unfathomable chasm in between, and it was only when we got to the promised land that we jumped together, and flew, and I felt that she was just as happy as I was.
Thinking about it, I tugged her back, she didn’t want to, and anyway, I knew her dad was as authoritarian with her as he was with the bird, and one day her dad would tear the bird apart, I thought…
I’m sure he looked horny when I told Dad about the plan, but turned his back on me and didn’t say a word out loud, and the next day, Bird was going to be released, and around that corner, the struggles of the snared couldn’t escape the cravings of the beast. And so it was that she spent the first week of her formative years in our home, enjoying roller coaster-like entertainment at the loss of all other stimuli, and on the occasion of the second week of her release, the lifting of the of her soul, I had learned that she was a lover of the flesh, with the only difference being that she looked at her father in a different way than I did, and it was only one day at dinner that I learned that he was her father, and not a Lover. This was confusing to me, I had thought Dad recognized her as his second lover, but he treated her as if he had three concubines, which was a family, but not a place for me.
This day before I left the house I realized that Yayi was being used as a production role, the teacher and Yayi seemed to be the real lovers, I thought about it all the way, I heard that Yayi’s father was looking for her, and I wondered if this pair of eloped men and women would really be able to stay together for a long time.
The flowers that surrounded the grass were gorgeous in a way I’d never seen before, and the bookstore, which I hadn’t visited before, seemed to sway. The relaxed atmosphere, a nature to those who understand it, a secret garden behind the door to those who can’t comprehend it, wandering the streets for years, never imagining that one day I would hear their inner words, murmuring in my mind. Stood for a long time at a store doll, sobbing in a way I couldn’t comprehend at all, for the life I once had.
I came home to find a mass of dead pork on the ground, rolling blood muggy wet flowers that should be blooming, the three passed away like dung, only the baby in the belly was torn away, I looked at a century as long as that, suddenly remembered my diary, took a full embrace of flowers, walked towards the door to look for my love…
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