Trial Marriage (I)
In fact, Tian Xiaoqin is someone I would never have thought of interviewing. We were classmates, and she was the kind of girl who could be described as a truly traditional type, petite, soft and taciturn. She was average-looking and conservative, and apart from a pair of innocent and occasionally melancholic eyes, she left me with little more than an impression.
I remember how few gay men seemed to make her a topic of conversation in college, so much so that after I graduated and went my own way, I never heard anything about her at all.
The other day, an old friend called and said that she wanted to provide me with a woman who had “had a lot of trial marriages” for my interview, and asked me if I wanted to meet her. As a matter of fact, it is not often that a woman of the opposite sex can open her heart to me without reservation, so of course I was eager to meet her. But when I met Tian Xiaoqin, I was still surprised. This was not because the other person was my classmate, Tian Xiaoqin, but because she was really honest and casual, and had no reservations when telling her story. To be honest, I realized for the first time that she was quite eloquent. Her plain, unperturbed words revealed the inner world of a woman who was so delicate, so tender and so open.
I’ve had three men…] Seeing the slightly surprised look I displayed, she realized that I must not be used to this opening self as an old classmate, and she smiled, gently pushing the ashtray on the table towards me.
All along, I have never been overly critical of life. I thought I was such an ordinary woman that my life would pass in such an ordinary way. Deep down inside me, to this day, I still don’t understand what men and women are really about.
Childhood memories are both fond and dull for me, every day is the same. My dad and my mom were both teachers and I was the only daughter. They gave me all their love and a very traditional way of thinking and living.
In the eyes of their generation, life was about eating, working, having children and doing what needed to be done. I didn’t know about men and women until I was twenty years old, really, I didn’t hear about it from anyone else, I didn’t think about it myself, I thought life was supposed to be like that for them.
My life really changed when I was 19 years old, when my father had a car accident… At that time, I had just entered university, and it felt like the sky was falling, I couldn’t imagine what was to come; mom suffered even more than I did, and I was so afraid that she wouldn’t be able to pull through. But she was stronger than I thought, and she had the courage and resilience of a rare Chinese woman (or maybe she did). Mom was the one who sent me to school, our college. But I can’t imagine that sophomore year mom got married again, is a laborer, more than forty years old has not married, people seem quite honest I mean to seem. Seeing that I want to interrupt her work, Tian Xiaoqin raised her hand to stop me. She closed her lips and paused for a minute. The milky yellow light behind her fell on one side of her hair, making her facial expression gentle At that time, I thought so.
There are so many things in this life that you can’t calculate in advance. I was born in the city, but I didn’t know anything about sex until I entered college, and it wasn’t comprehensive, I didn’t know much about it. It made me feel so mysterious and worshipful of men. Funny, isn’t it? But at that time, my mind was really pure, I hoped that there would be boys chasing after me, like the other girls in my class, to find a boy I liked to go on a date to “Lover’s Land”, as everyone called it back then, and boys too, right?
But my view of love is different from theirs, I really didn’t realize that so many girls viewed things between men and women so casually and superficially, and they even talked vividly in their dormitories about being in “lover’s land” with so-and-so boy.
of the grass.
Or going to the boys’ dormitory to have sex. Whenever that happened, I didn’t say a word, and I felt as bad as if I’d been slapped in the face. But now that I think about it, there’s still a vague jealousy inside me, you know I’m not brilliant either, and the boys seem to forget that there’s another Tian Xiaoqin in the class. Don’t deny it. I know what people think of me.
That very summer, the year I finished my sophomore year, which by the way was the summer of 1988, I went home to see my mom. There was a strange man in the house, I couldn’t get used to it, and mom made me call him dad. I couldn’t believe it, that old bastard had raped me… Mom was away for about twenty days for further studies. At first he was very nice to me, but in retrospect, I wonder how I could have been so stupid. In fact, the old man had so many unusual behaviors and looked at me with such urgency, but I didn’t know anything about it. He touched into my room in the middle of the night, and when I woke up he had already stripped me naked. Until then, I was still a little confused… I cried, not just any tears, but my only thought was that I was finished, that my life was over. The old man was probably scared too, so he got down on his knees and spoke kindly to me, even shedding tears, but I can’t remember a word of what he said today, honestly.
I was sick for a few days, probably because I didn’t see much movement, and then the old man raped me once again and I had to move in with a friend. I’ve never really been home once since then. Mom has begged me, maybe some notice, but how I can not open the mouth, my mom hard work, this life, in the end even found a beast, I am afraid she can not stand. The good thing is that she finally divorced that asshole, and my mom is still living alone.
The first semester of my junior year of college I was so low, I actually often recalled that ugly scene. At that time, I was only afraid of men and disappointed, the first two times in my life that kind of thing, did not bring me the slightest pleasure, all in my heart left a hard to eradicate the trauma. It was then that Zhao Zhijian appeared. People are strange, the more you want to avoid a thing, but it just haunts you.
Tian Xiaoqin stopped, reached over and took my cigarettes, popped one out, lit it, and took a long puff. I have to admit, the way she smokes is very in-law and elegant, even a little moving. How come I never gazed at her when I was in college?
“Maybe you’re thinking I haven’t gotten to the point yet, right?” She asked me, in a very calm and natural tone.
“No, I think it’s important.” I said truthfully.
She asked me if I knew Zhao Zhijian, but of course I remembered him. He was a member of the Foreign Language Department and was known as the “Six Gentlemen” along with several other poets in the school. I had read his poems at the time and had met him a few times, but I just didn’t have any deep friendships with him.
Zhao Zhijian is handsome, loves to make long speeches, and has an air of loneliness unique to poets. But to be honest, I’ve never had a good opinion of his poems or his comments. It was more or less unbelievable to me that he had taken a liking to Tian Xiaoqin.
At the time, so many of the girls liked Zhao Zhijian, and I know at least a couple of girls from my grade chased after him, but I heard he didn’t really react. We met at a party, I was sitting alone in the corner, somehow he saw me and came up to ask me to dance. To be honest, I wasn’t interested in those lively scenes at all and was dragged there by my best friend. Zhao Zhijian seemed very confident, and the result was that I never said yes to him, but he sat with me. Until the end of the party he sent me out, I did not say a few words, when we parted, he suddenly grabbed my hand and said: “allow me to chase you?”
I was stunned, I didn’t know what he meant. If it were a different girl, she might have felt happy or excited or something. Zhao Zhijian is so talented, so handsome (I still see it that way), and has a bright future, there is no reason for anyone to reject him, not to mention that I don’t think there is any reason for him to fall in love with me. But at that time, I rejected him without hesitation: “No! It can’t be!”
In addition to the damage done to my heart by that asshole’s rape, I myself am insecure about love between students, and there are many women who have been cheated and toyed with, and how many of them can be truly happy?
I did not expect Zhao Zhijian is to come true, he can be said for me to go to great lengths, at that time, he wrote a lot of poems for me, the girls were so jealous of it may be almost graduation when our things spread. To be honest, Zhao Zhijian is a careful man, he cared for me not only in life, but also in the heart, his thoughtfulness, care as if the big brother to the little sister. And he seems to understand people’s minds, never do things I do not like, and I did not act out of character. How many girls can stand this kind of tenderness marathon?
After graduation, I was assigned to Beijing, he also managed to stay, I was naturally captured by him He always said that he liked my gentle, pure, classical temperament, but I still don’t know if what he said is true or not. I still don’t know whether he was telling the truth or not. Are there really very few women like me? Only I myself know that I actually do not have any benefits, people do not say that I am now evening big money? At least I am so ordinary and vulgar now.
When it comes to trial marriage, the word never existed in my thinking. Zhijian and I lived together and had a decent time. Perhaps only that one year or so in my life can be called happy. His hometown was in the countryside, but he didn’t have any of the so-called rural flavor that we had, and even though we didn’t have a high income at the beginning, we had enough to spend, and we lived a good life.
He gave up the opportunity to go abroad for further study for me, which made me always have a shadow in my heart, besides, when I think of what happened in the summer of my sophomore year, I feel like I owe him something. It should be said that I have always been a woman who is not bad, in life I am meticulous and obedient to Zhijian, almost all the housework I do not let him do, I think I will be a good wife.
He proposed marriage first, mentioned it a few times, and then stopped.
Perhaps in my heart, I had always had a premonition that he and I would not end well; he was the kind of dashing, handsome, almost perfect man that made me often sleep next to him and think it was a dream. He was like a child when he slept, and the scent that emanated from him mesmerized me. Sometimes he would wake up and smile at me as I slowly stroked his body, and then fall back to sleep, a sight that really touched me.
I never told him I wanted a trial marriage, but he understood what I was saying: is it bad for us to be like this? If one day he realizes that I’m not a good wife, or that I’m not right for him, it won’t be too late to regret it. To this day I can’t tell him exactly why I feel this way, but at least subconsciously I have a concern: knowing that he was still in a close relationship with several girls at the time. They were friends, I had no right to interfere, and two of them were close friends of mine. “You mean, the trial marriage was proposed by you.” I interrupted Tian Xiaoqin, noticing that the tape in the recorder had stopped spinning. “You could say that, but at the time I really didn’t think it was a trial marriage. I thought that we’d all live together, and if we did have conflicts, there wouldn’t be any trouble. However, I was really willing to be Zhao Zhijian’s wife.” Tian Xiaoqin’s eyes were mesmerized, and she seemed to have fallen back into her memories. After a long time, she seemed to come back to her senses and asked if I wanted something to drink. I asked for a drink, and when she got up to get a glass from the bar, I realized that her current room was far more luxurious than I had expected.
I noticed that she was drinking a red wine from Italy herself, and she just took a light throaty sip and moistened her nice lips with those dark red liquids (what’s wrong with me today?).
As I said, we had a great time that year or so. But as the days went by, he seemed to be losing patience with me. He was quite strong in that area, and at first he could have me three or four times a night, and then basically once a day. He said that he could find inspiration and passion for life in me. He said he could find inspiration and passion in me, but I was basically passive. Sometimes I would get lost in thought when I made love with him, thinking of the old man lying on top of me. Sometimes I felt that a woman was just for a man to enjoy, and I didn’t get any real pleasure from that.
Then there was a change in Zhijian. I am an attentive woman, and I could feel the slightest change in him. He did it with me less often, sometimes only once every ten days or so. Moreover, his movements were different from before, he often did some strange positions, which was unspeakable, he even pressed me down on the toilet in the bathroom. I told him not to do that, but he wouldn’t listen, instead he would do it more, like he was venting. After being with him, I read some books about sex, and I was worried that he might have a problem, so I advised him to read them. Zhijian did not listen to me at all, but instead asked me to respect his “sexual” interests, saying that this is an important part of married life.
Seriously, from then on I started to feel kind of scared of him, while on the other hand, I was worried that I wasn’t normal. From then on, we started having arguments. It’s just that after every argument, he would always try to coax me and apologize for his impulsiveness. I could tell he was annoyed, but he would never want to hurt me, and he cried a few times over his behavior. Of course, I always forgave him, and I admit that I’ve always felt a sense of dependence on him, and I really didn’t know how to live without him at that point.
If I ever had any joy in my sex life with him, it was after those heated arguments. After we made up he wanted me and was full of tenderness. I felt like he was coming back to me, and he still needed me so fiercely. I did my part as a wife to satisfy him, and it felt so special. I didn’t even realize that the gap between us had grown wider. Or that I didn’t believe he would change.
He was an editor and often traveled on business, and when he came back to Beijing, he said he was busy with his official duties, so he had less and less time to come home and live.
I didn’t suspect anything, but felt proud of him. Sometimes I go to see my mom. She’s all alone now. It’s sad. Thinking about it now, my breakup with Zhijian was so easy. I know that many women have had the same experience as me. That time, Zhijian told me that he had to go on a business trip for half a month, and I was going to go to Mom’s place to stay with her for a few days.
I went home that morning to pick up my clothes, and ran into a scene I never dreamed of: right there on our king-size bed, Zhijian and a naked woman were cuddling without even realizing I was there. The house was a mess, and their clothes were thrown all over the floor. I was like a thunderbolt, my mind was a mess, and tears flowed down my face. How could I have never imagined that this day would come, Zhijian said not long ago that he wanted to marry me, I even thought that I should have a child for him after we got married, this is really a great irony, I was stupidly fooled!
Then I calmed down a bit, and when I woke them up, I realized that the woman was my best friend Lu Wen. Lu Wen calmly put on her clothes and left, Zhi Jian was a bit shocked at first, but then he just said, “Why did you come back?” Then he just said, “Why did you come back?” and lay down again, lighting up a cigarette.
To be honest, I really didn’t know what to do at that time. I waited for Chi-Kin’s explanation. Chi-Khen really did explain to me, saying so many things that I can’t even remember, something like he didn’t want to hide it from me any longer, that he and Lu Wen had been having a relationship for a long time, that Lu Wen had chased after him, and that he was just playing along, and that there was also another woman he knew… He said a lot, and was very emotional, smoking cigarette after cigarette… He said a lot and was very emotional, smoking cigarette after cigarette. My heart and my tears seemed empty. I wasn’t surprised by all this, except that I didn’t know what I’d do without Zhijian. I was a weak woman, and I barely had the confidence to face life on my own.
However, we still broke up, and I still remember Zhijian’s last words: “You need a better man to take care of you, and I’m not that kind of man.” What would have happened if I had said yes to Chi-Kin when he first mentioned marriage? Life can’t be hypothetical, but I don’t think it was my fault, it really wasn’t.
Tian Xiaoshen grabbed another cigarette.
I asked her if she often smoke. She gently breathed out and said, although now living in such a large house, but empty except for the nanny there is no one, the old Feng seldom go home, when you are annoyed, you smoke a few cigarettes. With or without cigarettes, life is the same.
Her slightly sad tone somewhat affected my emotions. I didn’t know whether to express sadness or sympathy for her, but could only gesture for her to continue on.
For more than two years after I left Chiken, I lived with Mom. Although I sometimes recalled that period of life as a couple, I didn’t have any regrets, I was still me, and I realized that I wasn’t as weak as I thought I was.
At that time, I would like to find a companion for my old mom, I know I will leave her eventually, I am still young, I am most worried about my mom’s life.
Later, I realized that my mother divorced the second man because he was a sexual deviant, and probably he was not willing to leave, but my mother was very determined. When I heard my mom tell me this, I really didn’t know what to feel, that shameful man left me with a lifelong trauma, and even my mom was hurt. If I had known this, maybe I would have killed him, I really would have killed him.
But mom did not promise me to find a companion for her, she only hoped that I would have a man earlier and live a good life. How can I tell my mom about the bitterness in my heart? I am no longer interested in men, or at least I don’t believe there is true love in the world.
At that time, there were also many men who courted me. Especially the unit of a new college student, tall, talk funny, open personality, people and beautiful, like a hybrid. He had a lot of thoughts about me, so that the whole company knew about it. Friends also said that he is good, good family conditions, strongly encourage me to marry him.
It would be a lie to say that I wasn’t moved at all, after all, I’m a woman, almost thirty years old.
After a while, we started to have a back and forth. I didn’t let him towel me, I want mine to be a man who treats me sincerely, I believe that apart from sex, there should be love between a man and a woman, not the same love as parents. Maybe you will laugh at my naivety, I do have some naivety, even if Zhijian left me, I still believe that he really loved me, just that we do not have the destiny of husband and wife.
By the way, his name was Zheng Bo. If that hadn’t happened, I really wouldn’t have had a bad impression of him, and maybe I would have actually married him. That incident was really unexpected, and I didn’t have to explain it to Zheng Bo afterward.
That time we were going to Huairou for a week-end and stayed at one of his relatives’ house for the night.
That day I really feel too excited and relaxed, so many years have been staying in the city, with Chi-Jian after his main outside my main inside, Chi-Jian has been treating me as a quiet, not good at moving the girl, has always called me a real good wife and mother. But he does not know, as long as there are conditions, I am a good playful woman, I especially yearn for the countryside kind of peace, freedom, fresh air, and simple rural people.
You know, Chi-Ken’s old home is in the country, but it’s so far away, he’s never been back.
Zheng Bo seems to be a big-hearted person, but in fact, his heart is still quite fine, he knows how to please me. That day he and I had a crazy time, we even chased our bare feet in the creek, and Zheng Bo even took the opportunity to kiss me. The water in the creek was very shallow, just below the ankles. Cicadas chirped, birds sang, and the early fall sun shone through the trees near the stream. At that time, in that kind of environment, there were just the two of us in heaven and earth, as if we could just live like that for a thousand years and ten thousand years, I hadn’t been in such a good, unable to describe in words mood for many years. Zheng Bo chose that time to grab me and kiss me, I really couldn’t and couldn’t resist, we kissed for a long time, the sky was spinning, those hands of his had unlocked my blouse at some point, and when his lips were groping for my breasts like a child’s, I had been completely crushed. Mind you, it had been over a year since Zhijian and I broke up, and I had my first man’s caress, and I felt like a complete woman at that moment.
However, when Zheng Bo held me and put me on the flat ground on the shore, I suddenly came to my senses. After all, women are different from men, and I was worried about being scarfed to see. Although it was the countryside, but it is also a tourist area, every weekends to go to the city a lot of people. Zheng Bo good disappointed expression, but stubborn but I, he quickly coaxed me happy again.
That night we are very tired, in the countryside to sleep I am very uncomfortable, but somehow once in bed my eyelids can not stand, a moment to sleep. In the middle of the night, I had a hazy feeling that I had a dream, I saw a man standing outside the door of the room, he was so silent staring at me for a long time. Then he apparitionally walked over to my bed and reached out to touch my body. I wanted to scream, but I couldn’t, I wanted to struggle, but I was weak.
Suddenly, I struggled hard, but really woke up, I saw a man beside me, naked, rubbing my breasts hard. At that time I saw in my eyes was a few years ago in the summer that old man lying on my body scene, I was horrible, I can not help but raise his foot stomped out. With a scream, the man asked violently tumbled to the ground. I completely woke up, I saw Zheng Bo only wearing a trouser fork on the ground painfully tired curved body. Oh my god it was him! How can I not believe that a seemingly healthy and cheerful man would do such a sneaky thing, and I clearly remembered that I closed the door before going to sleep.
At that moment a few of Zheng Bo’s relatives came in and helped him out. Whether they looked at me with surprise, anger or confusion, I couldn’t say.
After that night I was sitting until dawn, I was afraid in my heart. The good thing is that Zheng Bo’s injury is not a major obstacle I heard is stirrups to his lower body. After that we broke up, really like a dream. At this time to think about it, it seems that Zheng Bo this person did not appear in my life. I have to admit, he is not a bad person, now married, his wife is a TV station, the two are very loving.
But on the other hand, Zheng Bo also harmed me, he is in my not yet healed wounds sprinkled with salt. I really don’t know if it’s fate or what. At that time, I was a little afraid of men again, why do they hurt women one by one justifiably, including Zhao Zhijian. Oh, right, I’m not talking about this has nothing to do with the trial marriage.
Looking at Tian Xiaoqin’s still calm expression, I shook my head.
At that moment, the phone in her bedroom rang, she smiled at me and got up to answer it. I have to admit, from this angle, her bedroom looks extremely moody, although if the large space seems a bit cold; her sideways posture of answering the phone can be completely described as churlish. But this feeling comes from two reasons, one is that she is very good at dressing herself, and the other is that I have never paid any attention to her before, or even heard her say a few words.
Tian Xiaoqin walked over with a little smile on her face. The phone call was from Old Feng, he is now over in Hainan, and he calls me twice a day.
Old Feng is my current fiancé I just said where, in fact, although I have never counted Zheng Bo as a man I have had, but I do plan to marry him, my mother also top like him, he not only coaxed me, and even my mother also coaxed him to be very happy. Mom also said that I should marry Zheng Bo as soon as possible, when she has grandchildren, she will not be lonely. At that time, I also thought about it, having grandchildren is very important to my mom. Unfortunately, because of that one incident, who could blame her? Old Feng’s real name is Feng Jianguo, with a square face, angular and clean, a very affectionate man. He’s over fifty this year. Oh, fifty-three.
His background is quite complicated. He is from the Northeast and was not even twenty years old when he joined the Party. Old Feng came to Beijing the year I was born, he often said that human life is a mystery, how could he not expect this life there will be a Beijing girl waiting for him, and in his transfer to Beijing when he began to wait. He has had a lot of hard times, but the official luck is not bad, if not for the Cultural Revolution that period of persecution is too deep, he may still be a high official today. But I don’t like to hear him talk about this, I still think he is quite good now.
After the Cultural Revolution, he was rehabilitated and transferred to the steel factory as the director of the factory office. Coincidentally, the year that Feng really went to sea was the year that my father died in a car accident. Old Feng said, he is on behalf of my father as much as love me, Dad died, he began to go to sea for me to earn money. Although this is a man’s sweet words, but the old Feng to me is really love, I often think, if I can’t do with him as husband and wife, I do his goddaughter he will also agree.
Old Feng’s ex-wife is a good woman, a generation in the heart and soul to follow him, leaving him a pair of children, died in 90 years, is a disease. After the death of his ex-wife, Lao Feng married once, said to be a graduate student, the appearance of quite beautiful, somehow later ran away with someone else, but also took a large amount of money Lao Feng. This time the old Feng hit can not be small, he is older, business and busy, he is really good for that person, in addition to business matters are dependent on her, but also to his father and mother a set of houses. But the result, the woman did not say a word on the go, only to the old Feng left a letter, said some hypocritical words of comfort, to the effect that she is very grateful to the old Feng, but she fell in love with someone else, someone else also loves her. I really don’t understand what’s going on with people nowadays, life is better than before, but every home is not like a home, a mess. I think of me and Lao Feng is the same, his son is the same age as me, why did I agree to follow Lao Feng in the first place?
Old Feng and I was introduced by someone else to meet, that person is Dad’s former colleagues, Mom entrusted her, I did not expect her to really take it seriously. This matter I have been kept in the dark, the old Feng have seen my photos, but also to the home and mom talked twice, I do not know. Mom is not an open-minded person, she was opposed to the beginning, but somehow Lao Feng with her light words, but also invited her to go to Lao Feng’s home to sit for a time, mom was moved. The introducer also tried to encourage her, mom finally agreed to let me and Lao Feng meet. To be honest, I had already made up my mind to be celibate for the rest of my life, and I seemed to be completely disappointed in men. Anyway, I didn’t expect that the first time I met Old Feng, I agreed to be with him. I still can’t figure out what happened.
It should be said that the old Feng with us is not an era of people, this is not from his age. He is honest, stable, kind and calm, almost all the advantages of the previous generation, the key is that he knows how to love people, his son and daughter respect him, I fell in love with the old Feng, it is said that his son and daughter examined me before he made the final decision. Their family together, I have no so-called psychological barriers, of course, at first still feel awkward.
As for why we haven’t gotten married yet, this is the result of a joint discussion between Old Feng and me. He trusts and dotes on me, but after our last experience, he thinks it would be beneficial for us to get to know each other like this for a few years; and most crucially, he says he’s afraid of condemning me, and that I’m so young that I deserve a better man. But I’ve never had that mindset, really, I think old Feng is perfect for me, I just think that for someone with my experience and his, getting married isn’t the most important thing.
I need to be considerate, caring. But what can marriage mean? Besides, I didn’t even come for Old Feng’s millions, I just felt tired and my heart needed a haven.
My mom could never understand about our relationship like this, and she even went to Old Feng about it. But Lao Feng listened to me, my mom can’t be strong enough to take me, she loves me too much and can’t do anything about it.
Old Feng never lets me interfere in his business, he has connections all over the country and is a man of his word, so it’s been smooth sailing for years. Money is not something he pursues. He has earned enough money for us to live a long and prosperous life. He was born bitter life can not be idle, bitter life, to let him stay all day, must be suffocated out of the disease.
I really don’t care in this area, and I’m not willing to carry him. People say that women in their thirties are the most passionate about sex, but I do not. Lao Feng’s body was originally very outstanding, but the Cultural Revolution has been devastated, more than 50 years old, do that thing sometimes not be able to do. He was always worried that I would be dissatisfied, but I thought it was enough. If we do not come once in a long time, he will occasionally impulsive like a young man, want me to be quite excited, touch me when my whole body is trembling. He knew how to love and care for me, and never acted in a frightening way like I did with Zhao Zhijian, which made me so satisfied.
I don t know if it is because my heart is too old to feel like this. Tian Xiaoqin suddenly stopped, the surroundings were so quiet, so quiet that there was a hint of embarrassment. In fact, I didn’t have a trace of evil thoughts in my heart at this time, but somehow I didn’t dare to look her squarely in the eyes. I believe that her heart is just as clear as a mirror, but she certainly has not been as forthright as tonight, in this environment to a man to confide in his heart, I’m sure. It occurred to me that I could go now, and that her story should end. I looked up at her and said, “Thank you for what you’ve told me, let’s stop here.” She nodded silently, her long, silky shoulder length hair falling down and covering half of her eyes. Then she stood up, ready to walk me to the door.
Really, this is the first time I’ve ever (and my girlfriend too) told my story to a member of the opposite sex. Maybe it’s not as poignant and moving and wonderful as you might think. But that’s me, and I told you I was ordinary, so ordinary that I ended up following an old man twenty years older than me, right?
There’s one more thing to tell you. Old Feng and I are going to get married, the wedding date is at the end of the year. As for what will happen in the future, I’ve never thought about it, really never.
Now I find it most foolish for a woman to deliberately design her future. Why? I can’t really say. In fact, I feel so happy tonight, for the first time someone has listened so completely and attentively to a story about me, it’s as if a burden has been lifted from me. Really.
Be sure to come and wish us well then, surely oh. See you soon.
Trial Marriage (II)
Interviewing Xiao Jun was very serendipitous, and unlike other people, he didn’t even need me to ask questions, he just poured out all his stories in a torrent. Of course, I cut out some irrelevant episodes when I was organizing his story, he told too much.
I was ready to relax for a while. I went to western Hunan for the first time, and the mountains, water, sky and land there were so special that it was hard for me to imagine the old days when the place was full of swords and bloodshed. Some of my friends describe the barrenness of western Hunan as “poor mountains”, which I can’t agree with at all. On the contrary, I think the landscape here is so marvelous that it carries a sense of vicissitudes of history.
Xiao Jun came to the hotel with a large group of men and women. When my friend introduced me to him and explained my intentions, he acted very friendly, with some surprise in his eyes. In order to tell the convenience, I invited him to my hotel room, Xiao Jun very quickly agreed, said “not play today”, his gang immediately dispersed. Before leaving one of the tall, willow eyebrow pretty eyes girl up embraced him a kiss, and asked Xiao Jun she was at home waiting for him.
I noticed that the group of young men and women were lavishly dressed and were leaving in their own sedans, and I could only make out that one of them was a German BMW. To be honest, in this kind of small place to see this kind of scene, I somewhat doubt their own eyes. Xiao Jun very casually handed to a “big China”, I refused him, I am used to smoking four dollars a box of Hilton, strong enough.
Xiao Jun is not tall, about 1.75 meters tall, but his eyebrows are clear, small flat head, a pair of eyes with a little bit of cunning and sharp eyes set in the white square face, a typical southerner. From his well-dressed and every move, almost at a glance can be seen that he lives a superior and successful career, but he told the story, still greatly out of my imagination.
I have many friends, all kinds of friends, including journalists. However, you are the first big reporter from Beijing. I have no special favorite things in my life, only women can not be less, friends can not be less, like you have knowledge, culture, reputation of friends, I especially worship.
You’ve come to the right person to hear about trial marriages, and without being modest he says, I’m an expert on trial marriages. However, you don’t think that all the women in my life are the object of trial marriage. People, who have not had seven feelings and six desires, I do not deny that many women with me, but I moved the heart of just three or four, they are good girls, women in the woman.
I had a pretty rough time as a kid, actually. I wasn’t even nine years old when my father was fired from his position as governor in ’68. It was said that my father’s grandfather had been a bandit in western Hunan, the second king of the mountain stronghold. This was not a small matter at that time, and my family was implicated, I. My mother and father were sent to the countryside. My mother and father were all sent down to the countryside, where they stayed on a remote farm for ten years. In my memory, it seems that my stomach was hungry all day long, and I ate everything when I was hungry. Once I ate some kind of wild fruit, similar to a pear, which was bitter and astringent, and I ended up vomiting at night, even vomiting out the bile. Every time my father remembers those things, he feels sorry for me and for my mother. I don’t know how to say it. I don’t blame him for those things. At that time, he had to study all day long, fight against the government, and work all the time, so he was exhausted. How could he care about us? At that time, all I could think of was that when I grew up, I had to work hard, get rich, eat all the delicious food, and let my mother and father live a good life. And now the good times are here, and I don’t have to use anything to eat, drink and be merry, and it’s like a fucking dream, and it’s so easy to come by! Sorry, you must not be used to my swearing, I can’t hold it in, I’m used to it.
But it wasn’t hunger that impressed me most about those hard times, it was the death of my mother, who was fucked to death!
I’ll never forget that scene. That day, my father went to a meeting in the brigade to be criticized, and came back very late. When my mother was carried back to the farm, she was already dying, a few pieces of rags covered her body, and nothing could stop her. At that time, she was small, and it was not particularly painful, but the atmosphere was miserable, and many of the women who came to see my mother shed tears. My mother was a beauty when she was young, that day I saw her body for the first time, despite the hard times, but my mother is still very plump, I used to suckle the breasts, round and round; her white skin is covered with scars, so people can not bear to see. But when I looked at my mom, I couldn’t tell you what I felt, but at the time I thought, “What is a woman anyway? At that time, I even blushed, and now I realize that I began to think about women then, I was only 14 years old, and I began to think about women. When my father came back, my mother was already dead. He didn’t cry, but only had a sad face. I think my father was numb at that time. In those days, there was no place to redress the wrongs, not to mention that he was the descendant of a big bandit, a guy everyone hated. I can’t remember the process of burying my mother, I only remember that there were very few people there, a small pit, a few broken boards. Father almost collapsed in those days, he thought of suicide, but could not bear to leave me this is what I learned later.
The first time I lost semen was when I was 14 years old, not long after my mother died. I remember I had a dream, my body was light, flying everywhere, flying to a bush, in front of a naked woman, I could not see.
Then I woke up wet underneath. From then on I started paying attention to girls, a strange, indefinable feeling of longing. I didn’t realize that the very next year, a girl would really take up with me. I had a chess set, which was a rarity in the countryside, and none of them knew how to play. I began to teach some children to play chess, everyone was very interested, and more and more people learned from me. One of them, a girl named Xuemei, also learned from me. She was three years older than I was, and she was very smart and loved to play chess. At first, she learned with her brother, then her brother went to school, and she came every day as usual. Maybe it is destined it, I and she is so good on, I and her first time in bed is not yet 16 years old. People say that sex this thing is born, I especially believe this, or how no one to teach, we will be that thing. But that may be the most exciting thing is the first time in my life, especially nervous, especially excited, as if almost exploded, she is also shaking, blushing like a ripe persimmon. That time in fact did not engage in a long time I let go, after she said her lower body hurts, wow, at that time I was very satisfied, because I am a man. But she, a face of tears, twitching non-stop, so that I was at a loss.
Since then we have been doing that a lot, all in secret. Xuemei seems to like me, rely on me, but she is not because I am a city dweller, at that time the rural people look down on us father and son, she said she is in love with me! It’s fucking funny now. Where is love in China now? Bullshit!
But then again, if I’ve seen a few good women in my life, Xuemei counts as one. She is pure, like the head of the horse as attractive; she also has a characteristic is kind, then she took care of us father and son really a lot, food, use, she has a way to help us. And she was very smart, rare rural girl’s smart, at that time I also thought, if this life to marry her as a wife, I’m sure I will be happy for life. But it blew over later, and was destined to blow over.
“So, how did you get back to town?” I felt that he was telling too much of a rambling story and had to remind him in this way. Xiao Jun didn’t answer me right away, but instead clipped a metal cigarette case and a delicate silver lighter from his suit pocket, popped open the case, and handed me a cigarette. “I smoke this.” I gestured to my own cigarette. “Oh, forgot.” He shrugged and lit his own cigarette, inhaling deeply before collapsing into the couch on his ass.
In fact, my return to the city doomed my breakup with Xuemei. Our affair was discovered long before that, because her belly was enlarged by me. This is a big deal, if other people know, will have to implicate her family. Her father was the production leader, I don’t know how to get rid of the baby for her. Later, we also had a relationship, but we were much more careful with that, we used some local contraceptive methods, and it really worked. I went back to the city when the Cultural Revolution ended a few years, Xuemei’s family also wanted to marry her to me. But then it didn’t work out, because I had another woman.
People often say a phrase: not die, there will be a blessing. This sentence is used in my father’s body is very appropriate, he returned to the city after the official luck is better than before, is now the mayor of our city, but I am now everything has not relied on him, all rely on my own to break out. At that time I was twenty years old, young and energetic, have been to Shanghai, broke through the Shenzhen, and finally returned here to do business. You know, in the 1980s, you couldn’t do business without success. People gave me face and gave me the green light to do anything once they heard my father’s name. I suffered from the Cultural Revolution, did not read a lot of books, but the business does not need those profound things, up and down the relationship, my head is not bad, so simple and easy to mix to such a child today. Now I opened a pawnshop, an auto parts company, a bowling alley, raised more than ten brothers, are very sweet. To say that this day, it’s not bad at all. To be honest, you just give me a mayor, governor when, I really do not see (not including you reporters, you do not care).
My second woman called Zhang Yan, Liaoning people, is in Shenzhen to recognize. I know a lot of women in Shenzhen, and I’ve slept with a lot of them, but only Zhang Yan has been with me for the longest time, and I’ve thought about marrying her. She is really a good girl, plump, sexy, a little like my mom.
At first, I noticed Zhang Yan because of sympathy. I’m still a sympathetic man. Zhang Yan is divorced, what is the name of her first man, anyway, is her college classmate, both love to write something, yes, is the love of literature.
In school for a long time to get it done, graduated and got married, Zhang Yan thought this life has been settled, happy. But not long after, her husband as a high school teacher because of the rape of female students into the prison, that guy really is not a person, Zhang Yan disillusioned, divorced and resigned to Shenzhen to break into the world, on the towel on me.
In fact, I met Zhang Yan quite by chance, at that time she was working as a lady in a casino, newcomers, there are many rules she does not understand. The day just a few young people went to dinner, a happy embrace over her to touch. To be honest, Zhang Yan is the kind of seemingly beautiful flow, in fact, quite love, quite dedicated woman, she could not imagine “Shenzhen so black, dare to molest girls in public. Zhang Yan anxious, picked up a cup of beer thrown into the face of the other. The guys were annoyed, she was beaten all over the body, but also in public to pick her clothes. At that time, I happened to go to dinner, and I saw that all of them were my friend’s little brothers. At that time, I saw Zhang Yan’s tearful eyes, the same as when I went back to the city Xuemei sent me away poor, some can not bear to hurt her, so I called those brothers. Those young people who dare not give face, at that time I was in Bao’an County is loud “hot hand”, their big brother also have to give me seven points of face.
Later, I often go to that casino to eat, dance, and Zhang Yan made a mess of familiar, she is also particularly good to me, as a result, we live together. Zhang Yan with me for more than four years, is the longest time, but also the best and most outstanding woman. She used to be a college student, the rules of life people, I did not expect to follow me after we also quite compatible, that life can be described as crazy. I like sexy women, like temperament, know how to live the kind. In the beginning, we in the casino box, in a friend’s house, crazy sex, crazy enjoyment. Later I simply brought her to my home and didn’t let her do anything anymore. Zhang Yan said one thing, Xiao brother, I followed you, this life is worth dying. I don’t let her talk about this, bad luck, people should enjoy themselves when they are alive, death is an old age thing.
At that time, we were no different from being married, except that we didn’t want children. What I do Zhang Yan never care, the family all rely on her and the nanny. Sometimes I also take her out, all kinds of occasions she can cope with, and to me obediently, as a man, that feeling is the most satisfied, wife like a flower, temperament, and is a college student, you will feel that this life is not in vain. It can be said that at that time all my friends did not have a not envy, not jealous of me, those years my career is also particularly smooth.
Zhang Yan asked me many times about getting married, but I told her clearly that I would not consider getting married before I was forty. How tiring it is to get married, to have children, to raise children I have no patience. But I don’t dislike her either. If she stays with me and we’re still good, I’ll consider getting married and letting her raise kids for me while I work on my career. In fact, Zhang Yan is not eager to marry me, she has been hurt by her first husband, she hopes to find a peaceful and happy home forever, but I can not meet her requirements, I really can not do.
Of course, I have had many women in Shenzhen, but they are not as good as Zhang Yan, I play just, did not move the heart. Zhang Yan at first also jealous, but also with me played a few fights, quarrel. Later, she did not make a fuss, she took me no way, only begged me not to leave her, outside the woman do not let her know.
When I came back to the city in ’88 Zhang Yan also came and really wanted to marry me then. But I still didn’t want to get married. Then she somehow hooked up with a musician, and when I found out about it, I had my brothers beat the guy half to death, and Zhang Yan ended up running off with the old guy and going to Beijing. It wasn’t long before Zhang Yan called and asked me to understand her behavior. Of course I will understand her, at that time I was angry that the old man actually dared to touch my woman, and then I figured out, as long as Zhang Yan is willing, she has the right to choose. Since I am not a suitable man for her, why should I stop her from pursuing a happy life? Really, I really think so.
Xiao Jun said here, his face showed a rare contemplative look, I don’t know whether he didn’t know how to go on? I don’t know if he doesn’t know how to go on, or if he’s just reminiscing about his past with Zhang Yan. According to experience, I should remind him at the right time. “You said that you are an ‘expert in trial marriages’, is that right?” I asked. Xiao Jun looked up and then let out a loud laugh. The laugh was so loud and penetrating that it instantly broke my mind still immersed in his story. I laughed along with him in a highly unnatural way. However, his laughter stopped, and he seemed to unfold his narrative again without a care in the world. When I first returned to Xiangxi, I was not used to it for a while, and my life was in disarray.
How to say, I kind of look down on this poor and backward place, and the Shenzhen side, compared to the distance between the toad and the swan. But there is no way, my company over there collapsed, but also owed hundreds of thousands of fucking debt. Zhang Yan is more adaptable to hard times than I am, but unfortunately she ran away with someone. Not long after she left for Beijing, I started to make a fortune, and it was smooth sailing. She didn’t have a good life, and now she’s in Beijing, and I hear it’s not going so well either.
In ’87 I opened a restaurant, a medium-sized one, and business was good. Somehow I wanted to start a family and have a good family life.
I believed in what I could do and didn’t worry about money despite the big plant. My only thought at the time was to find a woman I liked to live with. In the end I didn’t get there because I never really looked at a woman. To be honest, nowadays women are cheap, as long as you have money, you can go on at any time; there are also heavy love, but one by one, dull wood na, no interest in life, so I can’t even get up the spirit. This is my opinion, not necessarily right, you do not take offense.
Pim met her in a dance hall. Her surname was Wu and her name was Pim. She was an accountant and her husband was a junior high school teacher. During that time the two families fought and quarreled, so she went to the dance hall to drown her sorrows. She is not very pretty, is very personalized. Charming kind. I was attracted to her the first time I saw her. Oddly enough, my friends were against me seeing her at the time, and it wasn’t because she had a husband, they didn’t think she was good enough for me. That’s true, there were a few chicks in my restaurant who were no worse looking than her, but rather who I wanted with ease.
Perhaps another reason is that Pim rejected me at the beginning. I’ve had a lot of women in my life, but none of them rejected or even looked down on me like she did. I couldn’t stand it, and I was determined to get her.
I slowly fell in love with her in this perverse psychological way, and I realized that she was truly a very unique woman. Yes, at that point I could totally say I was in love with her, it was amazing!
What makes me most moved by Ping can be said to be her eyes, in popular terms, is pure, no, I should say it is deep, unfathomable, seductive, especially when she is sad, especially heartwarming. That night in the ballroom, I saw her mind at a glance, the sadness shown by her eyes, made me moved with compassion.
Really, I can’t tell you how I felt at that moment, I’ve never had such a strong feeling of being moved. But then again, that’s because she was different, and none of the women I played with had her taste.
That night I took the opportunity to ask her to go to the sky, she finally didn’t turn me down, and I fucked her on the way back from dropping her off.
She seemed to have had a little too much to drink that day, as soon as she got in the car she hugged me and said something under her breath that I didn’t hear, I was driving with one hand and holding her body with the other, and the limo almost had an accident. Halfway there I had to stop, I couldn’t take it anymore and tore her blouse to shreds as soon as I did. I bet she wanted to do that as much as she did at the time, her screams were just a little bit amazing.
What I didn’t expect was that Wu Xiaoping would follow me from that time onwards and often sneak out to have sex with me. We have also been to her home bed, the feeling is great, you think, she is someone’s wife, and in her and the man’s bed, the taste is naturally different. I made love to her with great devotion, her skin is very clean, but also top plump, I always like to think of my mom when she died, think, it will be more powerful. I don’t know if this is what others call perversion.
Wu Xiaoping later moved really, go home and husband divorce. The man is a coward, how not to agree to divorce. You know, Xiaoping’s child is almost 10 years old, she still has this kind of courage, which is really rare among women.
In fact, I also wanted to marry her at that time, when I was 30 years old, I think it is time to start a family, and Pim was exactly the woman I was looking for. Later she really divorced, it was my help. I took two brothers went to her house in the middle of the night, they watched the junior high school teacher in the outer room, I made love with Pim in the inner room, we came three times, screwed the dark, that night the man signed the divorce papers. At that time that man looked really some pity, who can stand this kind of insult? However, her son was not present at that time, which we had already discussed. Anyway, Pim got divorced that way and moved in with me.
We were going to get married at the end of the year, but it didn’t work out. Pim is a stubborn woman, and she forbids me to find another woman after she has been with me. And I know her, she’s a man of her word, she’ll do anything, and if she really dies in my house one day, I won’t be able to live in peace for the rest of my life. At first, I really didn’t expect her to care so much about me. At first, I was able to hold on because I was pretty good with her. But after a long time I can’t fucking help it, I need women, I need all kinds of women, I can’t possibly keep with her for the rest of my life. What’s the point of a man having a career and money if he doesn’t have a woman?
Besides, that’s just when Minnie showed up… the girl you saw down there.
Amin is in her early twenties, but her sexual experience is no worse than mine. Very few women in their twenties have as strong a sex drive as she does. By the way, she Chen Min, Amin is what she let me call her. She was my neighbor in the city when I was a kid, and I haven’t seen her since I went to the countryside. But in the end, God let us back together, I can’t imagine, she has developed into such a water spirit, such a warm and intelligent girl. Counting, I went to the countryside when she was only two or three years old, to be honest, Amin is God’s special woman left me, we are still together.
For this matter, Pim had a long time to mess with me, but after she met Amin, she never messed up again, and seemed to be a different person, meek as a lamb I have never seen a lamb. I really do not understand what magic Amin, she not only conquered me, also conquered Ping, it is really bizarre. Later, the three of us slept together, and the feeling, being an emperor is no better than this. I didn’t ask Amin what she talked to Pim, I wasn’t interested.
Then later, Ping suddenly left me, she did not leave half a word, gone. I heard with someone married and divorced, the specifics I’m not too clear, anyway, inexplicable, so far I still do not know why she left me, I have no regrets, women, are strange animals, why bother to figure them out, damn, and the old does not go the new does not come, the day as usual, the woman as usual.
Looking at Xiao Jun’s rather self-satisfied and possessive face, I did not have the slightest doubt about the authenticity of what he said, but I really could not bear to listen to him, and I am sure that he has many more stories about women and women with him.
“Now how are you guys doing you and Min.” I said. “Not much, same old.” Xiao Jun cooed succinctly. Then he took out his cell phone and dialed, and by the sound of his voice, it was about talking to Min, vulgar and ambiguous foul language. After the call, it looked like he meant to say goodbye.
Since you are a good person, I might as well tell you one thing: I am still serving my sentence! Believe it or not, I was sentenced to three years by those guys, and it’s almost over, but I’ve only been in Changsha prison for three months, so I didn’t suffer.
The charge was rape of a woman. In reality, the woman seduced me, and afterwards she asked me to give her half a million dollars. I’ll be damned, is half a million dollars something that can come out of the ground or fall from the sky? Besides, that woman has no taste at all, she didn’t take a piss and look at herself. If I admire a woman, not to mention half a million dollars, a million is also a piece of cake. As a result, the woman sued, but I never imagined that she was really capable, and I also admitted that I had lost.
When I came out, Amin and the boys came to meet me in person, five cars, a huge crowd. I heard that the girl was scared off, but I didn’t think about screwing her. Really, she looked a little bit like my mom, just a little bit.
Amin has never talked to me about getting married. She’s not the kind of woman who can settle down to raise a child, and she’s even more afraid of getting married than I am. We’re fine the way we are, we don’t interfere with each other. But according to her, she’s much more disciplined after me, and she’s following me to the death. I know she’s right, but she’s still in a relationship with a distant cousin of hers, and that guy is so lucky, how did he get into Min’s life, such an outstanding woman.
But her cousin is also a man, and he’s in the same league as me, and he’s no worse off than I am. Of course, if I decide to marry Minnie in the future, I’ll never allow them to get back together again, and I’m not the kind of man who does that casually.
Come to think of it, the best woman I’ve ever had is still Zhang Yan, after all, the time I was with her was more like married life, yes, only that time was like that. Now she may be good, and occasionally come to a phone call to inquire about my situation, but she never allowed me to interfere in her life again, I do not want that. By the way, comrade reporter, you are in Beijing, you can go to see her, on behalf of my condolences to her.
I admit that my life was worse before, I thought about it, and it’s about fucking time I was quieter, I can’t bring more pain to more women. In short, I’m going to be good and be a good person like you.