
I went to Giant Bean to read the article (Giant Bean is Yuan Yuan, right?). I found that it is cool, but you guys are too strict and not lively enough, after all, it’s an entertaining thing, why don’t you lighten up a little bit? Therefore, there is the following article, everyone will watch first.
Journey to the West Nonsense (1)
(In the Waterfall Cave on Mount Huaguo)
Old Monkey: “Sun Monkey, I say you play in the daytime and surf the internet at night, all day long you don’t have a career. Come on, you’re a 20-something year old monkey, why don’t you have any sense of career?”
Sun Monkey: “Hey, old monkey, I let you be the steward of the Mountain of Flowers and Fruits because you are older, why are you so motherly to control me?”
Old Monkey: “What? Shouldn’t you care anymore? I’m teaching you a lesson because you have no father or mother. I don’t care about you. You can wash your own underwear from now on.”
Sun Monkey: “Okay, okay, I’m convinced, but I don’t have a weapon, how can I go out and wander the world?”
Old Monkey: “I’ve heard that there are a lot of sacred weapons in Heaven, why don’t you… Hey, I haven’t finished yet, why are you leaving?”
(Heaven)
Sun Monkey: “Shit! That old monkey is always whining, like a fly, buzzing… no, like a swarm of flies, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, buzzing… Ah! No, why am I lost?”
(At this point, Sun Monkey came to the creek one day.)
Sun Monkey: “Why does it look like there are people in front of us? Let’s go and take a look.”
Sun Monkey: “Auntie, what are you doing here naked? Are you sick? Why are your hands twisting around?”
Kwun Yum: “Are you an idiot? How did you learn about physical hygiene in junior high school? I’m in the middle of it, don’t bother me, uh… oh…”
Sun Monkey: “I’m ashamed to say that when I was a child, the level of education in my area was very poor, and Project Hope hadn’t yet spread to… I wanted to ask where the Heavenly Court’s armory was…”
Kuan Yin: “How can I tell someone something so secret? Unless… you force me!”
Monkey: “You think I don’t dare?”
(The Sun Monkey had just held in a bellyful of sulkiness, and at this time the Monkey’s nature was so great that he ruthlessly kicked twice at Guanyin’s breasts.)
Kuan Yin: “It’s so good, I want more…”
Sun Monkey: “You’re so fucking cheap? Well, when I get a good weapon, I’ll bring you back to the Mountain of Flowers and Fruits, hang you up and give you a good beating, and let all the monkeys in the mountain rape you, how about it?”
Kuan Yin: “Buddha-monkey sex, it’s so creative, it’s unbearable to think about… but I’m not done with it yet…”
Sun Monkey: “I… understand.” (After saying this, he transformed into 72 doppelgangers, and together they attacked Kuan Yin) Guanyin: “Ah… don’t bite my nipples, do you have a fetish for mothers… it hurts, it feels good… down there too… why are you pulling out my hair… Monkey is so naughty…”
(An hour later, two tired bodies of flesh lay by the river.)
Reader: “What, that’s it? We were expecting ‘in-depth sexual descriptions’!”
gamexy: “Sorry about that! Everyone. I’m a slow typist, and I feel that the sexual descriptions of all the famous authors are pretty much the same, it’s the imagery that counts, so if you don’t find it enjoyable, go read some Japanese SM novels!”
Reader: “$%~! @”
Guanyin: “Today’s luck was so good that I accidentally ate a boy’s chicken, and what’s even more rare is that he was so mighty… my body is melting into that monkey’s hair.”
Sun Monkey: “Fairy Sister, just now I was so comfortable, I couldn’t help but pee on you.”
Kuan Yin: “Call me Kuan Yin… Monkey Brother, I’ve actually peed myself, and no one has ever made me climax within an hour before!”
Sun Monkey: “By the way, Sister Guanyin, you haven’t told me where to find the weapon?”
Guanyin: “The Dragon Palace in the East Sea has the most treasures, last time I bought my vibrator, enema and hemp rope from them. That old Dragon King is so stingy, he refused to give 20% discount, and I am still a VIP member!”
Sun Monkey: “I’m asking about weapons!”
Goddess of Mercy: “There are weapons too, lots of smuggled goods, M16s, AK47s… but I heard that the best one is the Golden Hoop Stick, a treasure of the sea, which can be big or small, thick or thin, long or short, and I’d like to use it as a vibrator, but it’s a pity that it’s so deep in the sea that I can’t pull it out.”
Sun Monkey: “Understood, I’ll go and borrow that branch of the Golden Hoop to give my sister a good time.”
(East China Sea Dragon Palace)
Sun Monkey: “What kind of place is this? It’s so magnificent.”
Shrimp Soldier A: “Country bumpkin, this is the East China Sea Dragon Palace, the renovation alone cost several hundred million dollars, more advanced than Bill Gates’ villa.”
Sun Monkey: “Then I’m on the right track, I’d like to buy some equipment from the old Dragon King.”
Shrimp soldier B: “Come on, look at your body rags, this notice is clearly written: ‘not fully clothed, thank you to enter’, want to buy equipment, stalls have a lot of cheap goods.”
Sun Monkey: “Aaahhhh, how dare you look down on Monkey?” (He uses his Monkeyish Fist, knocks out the guards, and dashes into the Dragon Palace.)
Sun Monkey: “Why does this place smell like wine? Huh, this moaning sound, could it be Sister Guanyin?”
The Dragon King: “Three circles on the left, three circles on the right, shake the bird, shake the waist, let’s do exercises… 1234, 2234…”
Monkey: “Come on, you’re singing like that, show some professionalism, okay?”
The Dragon King: “I learned this from MTV for a long time, and the little witch is my idol.”
Sun Monkey: “Can you take care of so many naked women by yourself?”
Dragon King: “In fact, each of my women are only inserted once, the reason why the wine pool and meat forest this kind of row, mainly for sexual excitement.”
Sun Monkey: “As a national flood relief government officials, actually so big corruption, Cheng Kejie sentenced to death you do not know?”
The Dragon King: “Don’t be ridiculous, but I have my own reasons for doing this…”
Monkey: “Oh?”
Dragon King: “I heard that there will be more than 1 billion people on earth who will be known as the ‘Dragon Race’… As the Dragon King, I should make a contribution…”
Sun Monkey: “I test ~ ~ you really can make up, no, I have to find a superior to sue you.”
The Dragon King: “Wait… This little brother, I see that you are so handsome and graceful, and what’s more, with your golden body hair, you are so sexy that I have decided, in consideration of your genes, that you should do this job for me. Although it will be a bit hard, I think you won’t refuse?”
Sun Monkey: “So… it seems that you are really thinking about the people, so I should be obliged to share the burden as well.”
(The Sun Monkey again used the art of splitting, and two to three monkeys climbed on the body of each courtesan, and for a time there was a great sound of spring in the Dragon Palace.)
Monkey: “This pussy is so tight… this breast is so smooth… this one has so much water… all these sensations together are really so… (please create your own echo) so good!”
(N years later, it was scientifically proven that humans evolved from apes.)
King of Dragons: “I’m having a great time too… By the way, what is it that you want to see me about, little brother?”
Sun Monkey: “Actually, I heard that you are smuggling arms here, so I came to see if there are any suitable ones.”
Dragon King: “So you’re a business friend, well, I have all kinds of high quality equipment here, for example, take a look at this… golden armor, with 20% bonus to offense and defense, the fastest recovery time, and good protection against magical attacks… and then take a look at this round-moon scimitar… and…”
Sun Monkey: “I’ll take all of these, but I’ve also heard that there is a golden rod, why don’t you show it to me?”
The Dragon King: “You mean the ‘Sea Fixing Needle’, don’t you? It’s right there. If you like it, take it away. (Want to pull it out? It would take 18,000 pounds of strength, save it!”
Sun Monkey: “Hey… I’ve finally pulled it out. I don’t know why, but ever since I changed from a young monkey to a male monkey today, I’ve been feeling full of strength.”
The Dragon King: “…”
Sun Monkey: “Thanks, I’ll go first, 886!”
Dragon King: “Wait, you haven’t paid yet? I’ll tell you what… I’ll give you a 20% discount… or else a 30% discount is negotiable… You don’t want 60% discount, do you? You want 50% off, don’t you? Isn’t that too shady? 40%? I’d rather give you …”
Monkey: “That’s what you said. Sister Guanyin, I’m coming…”
Afterword: Huffing and puffing… Finally, I’ve finished the first one, and the reason why I’m writing this kind of colorful (?) article is that I hope there will be more styles. The reason for writing this kind of pornography is that I hope there will be more styles of pornography, and if I can form a funny school from now on, then I’ll be the first to do so! Ah! Ha ha ha ha!
Also: someone is welcome to write the sequel for me.
Journey to the West Nonsense (2)
Audience: “How come there are so many Star’s dialogues in your post? Can you please give me a reason? Please!”
Gamexy: “I was thinking… why don’t you give me a reason why it won’t work?”
Audience: “Do you need it?”
Gamexy: “Don’t you need it?”
Audience: “Do you need it?”
Gamexy: “Don’t you need it?”
Audience: “Shit!”
Gamexy: “Actually, I’m just asking for advice, just going through the motions, why are you so serious? Do you… need it?”
(Kannon Residence, Heavenly Palace)
Guanyin: “Monkey-brother, you’re finally back. Do you know… do you know… I’ve waited so long that I’ve lost my flower?”
Sun Monkey: “Good boy, look what I brought back for you.”
Goddess of Mercy: “The Golden Cudgel! There are grains of sand on both ends. Let’s try it out… Oh? Is this the legendary Golden Band Stick? It’s really something else, isn’t it? It’s so ordinary on the outside that it could be sold in a Seven-Eleven if you put it on the shelves But when you stick it in, every pore of your body will emit the scent of a virgin, and you’ll be in a state of total oblivion! It can really be called ‘Ruyi’! It’s called the ‘Golden Hoop Rod of Ruyi’!”
Monkey: “Seeing that you’re so impulsive, I’ll go along with you… I’m coming…”
Guanyin: “Come on, who’s afraid?”
(”Three weeks later…)
Monkey: “It’s so boring, I have to go back to the Mountain of Flowers and Fruits…”
Guanyin: “Don’t… Do you know what clang clang clang is?”
Monkey: “What bells and whistles?”
Guanyin: “Clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang! On-ly you- can penetrate my pussy! Only you know that I love to be abused, that’s Only you!”
Monkey: “Ai…”
Goddess of Mercy: “On-lyou-! With the Golden Band of Will, you do the abuse, I’ll enjoy the orgasm, mumble mumble Amitabha Buddha!”
Monkey: “I really can’t, I tell you…”
Kannon: “On-On-“
Sun Monkey: “On your mom’s head! You’re done! (kicks Guanyin off) I’ve already told you I’m in trouble, and you’re still On-On-On! I don’t care if I can stand it or not, I’ll stab you to death if you don’t stop!”
Guanyin: (hanging from the chandelier) “Go ahead and stab me to death, I just love it when you’re such a drag.”
Monkey Sun: “Actually… there’s no point in going back to the Mountain of Flowers and Fruits. Now that I haven’t succeeded in establishing myself, the monkeys will laugh at me… It’s such a failure to think about it…”
Kuan Yin: “Stay here, I’ll feed you…”
Sun Monkey: “You’re just going to raise it? Wouldn’t that make me lose face? After all, I’m a male too!”
Guanyin: “Then you will stay in Heaven as an official, which is also a promising career.”
Sun Monkey: “That makes sense… I’ll go to the Jade Emperor.”
(Outside the Southern Heavenly Gate)
The Heavenly Soldier: “This place is closed to visitors.”
Sun Monkey: “Che! Again? …”
(Sun Monkey uses Monkey Fist again and enters the Great Hall.)
Jade Emperor: “What are you looking at? I’m just rinsing this little sister’s mouth.”
Monkey: “Uncle’s toothbrush is really exquisite… it’s really designed for children… the bristles are still messy… how many days has it been since it was sterilized? Oh? You can squeeze out so much toothpaste in one go, and it seems to have a fruity flavor…”
Jade Emperor: “Are you the new mistress of Goddess of Mercy?”
Sun Monkey: “You can see that?”
Jade Emperor: “In fact, just now, Guanyin has already called me, on account of my previous love with her, this request is still easy to do. Someone come! Tell Old Man Venus to come to the temple…”
Venus: “No need, I’ve been peeking under your desk.”
Jade Emperor: “Venus, are there any vacancies in the Heavenly Court recently?”
Venus: “So? It seems that only the head of the stables has recently died, leaving a vacancy.”
Jade Emperor: “How did he die? Is it so easy for an immortal to die?”
Venus: “He mistakenly drank the stallion’s aphrodisiac ‘Horse B essence’ as ‘Cream of Wheat’, and as a result, he fucked 18 mares in a row, and in the end, he died of sperm exhaustion, and all of his gods were destroyed.”
Jade Emperor: “This is a magnificent story… Then let Monkey Sun become the head of the stable and be named ‘Horse Pestilence’.”
Postscript: It’s so hard to write! Besides, I have to work again, so I don’t have time. I wonder if any of you humorists have the guts to continue?
Heh heh… Are you scared? Are you so scared that you’re laughing? You can write if you want to. You don’t have to inform me.
Journey to the West Nonsense (3)
(Sun Monkey came to the Heavenly Palace stables after he became the Butterfly Horse Plague.)
Pilma: “What’s that thing in front of you? Why is it wearing such an exaggerated cloth?”
Woman: “You mean me? I’ve come all the way here to greet you, my lord, I work in the stables, and I’m known as the beautiful Ma Daisuke, that’s me.”
Pilgrim: “Well, if your eyes were as big as your nostrils are now, and your nostrils were as big as your eyes are now, maybe it would be better.”
Sister Ma: “So profound… My admiration for His Excellency is like a continuous stream of lustful water, and like a flood of springtime love that is out of control.”
Pilgrim: “I threw up, vomited… Even so, you don’t have to be so excited that you keep wiping your eyes, do you?”
Sister Ma: “I’m not wiping my tears, I’m picking my nose; this isn’t tears either, it’s my saliva.”
Pilma: “Vom…”
Sister Ma: “Sir, are you okay?”
Pilma: “Don’t come near me, I’ll get used to vomiting…”
(The Pilgrims go to the Tianhe pasture to herd their horses.)
Pilma: “Finally, I can leave that monster, Ma Daisy, and come out for a breath of fresh air. I can’t imagine that the sky is so blue, the water is so clear, and the grass is so green…”
Ma Da Sister: “My Lord, this is not the way to ride a horse, you should sit on the horse’s back not on the horse’s head, and you should hold the whip in your hand instead of grasping the horse’s tail.”
The Pilgrim: “Why are you following me again? Your appearance can easily frighten the horse… Ah, help, the horse is really frightened.”
(Pilma Plague is thrown into the heavenly river and is seen by Chang’e, who is washing her feet by the river, and can’t help but laugh.) Pilma Plague: “Why? Why is there such a beauty? Is it because of destiny, or is it because you are so sentimental? This is my first love… hazy but deeply engraved, innocent but romantic; I left quietly, just as I came quietly, waving my sleeves without taking a cloud with me… Are these moving lines a tribute to this beauty? I can already feel that something is about to erupt from the tip of my little low di, oh! This is terrible. My new underwear…”
“Miss, how old are you? What’s your circumference? What’s your mother’s name?”
Chang’e: “Is this how you usually pick up girls?”
Pilgrim: “Wrong, very wrong, how can anyone else compare to you? In my eyes, other women are nothing but a piece of shit.”
Chang’e: “Cheh! Idiot…”
Pilgrim: “You are smiling again, your smile is so moving, even the way you rub your feet is so charming.”
(Chang’e leaves in a hurry and the scene is watched by Kwun Yum, who worries that the Pilgrims like ladies, so she immediately changes into a traditional female figure and comes to the Pilgrims.)
Guanyin: “Monkey brother, long time no see, have you missed me?”
Pilgrim: “So it’s you, Kwun Yum!”
Guanyin: “In the past, when she was good with someone, she called them ‘sweetie’; now that she has a new love, she calls them ‘sister’.”
Pilma: “Why did you put your clothes on? Do you realize that you have no character at all with your clothes on?”
Guanyin: “Is that so?”
Pilma Plague: “Alas, you’re not young, and you don’t have the looks, so if you don’t want to be an SM girl, do you want to be a Little Swallow?”
Kuan Yin: “I’ve thought about it…”
Pilma: “Save it! Change your image and get on with your promising career as an SM girl!”
Guanyin: “I know, I’ll keep trying!”
The Pilma Plague: “What doesn’t look like Liu Hui Fang!”
Guanyin: “What a failure! So Monkey Boy still likes the slutty side of me!” (Throws the clothes back on the floor.)
The Pilgrim Plague: “It’s a bit light, but it’s finally restored a bit of style!”
Kuan Yin: “Sir, I want to…”
Pilgrim’s Plague: “Roger… I’m coming!”
(Another hour later)
Guanyin: “So annoying… When you were doing it with me, you were thinking of someone else, wasn’t it the same Chang’e who was by the river today?”
Pilma Plague: “If you help me pick her up, I’ll reward you well~”
Guanyin: “Want to chase Chang’e? Unless you can be the Great Sage of Qi Tian.”
The Pilgrims: “What kidneys? Do you want me to take care of my kidneys?”
Afterword: Finally wrote another one, a while ago the computer suffered a devastating blow, all the information was lost, if any of you still save the “Journey to the West” 1 and 2 (seems impossible?), please send it to me. If anyone still has copies of Journey to the West 1 and 2 (seems impossible?), please send them to me. If anyone still has Journey to the West 1 and 2 (seems possible?), please send them to me. Hey, if I keep writing, I’m really going to die!
Journey to the West, a Nonsensical Episode (4, Minor Ending)
I told you that before you watch my Journey to the West, you have to watch Master Xing’s movie N times before you can do it… Something is wrong, isn’t it? The two paragraphs that seem to be repeated are two of the three paragraphs in “Tong Pak Fu Po Chau Heung” in which the wife and maid of the Wah Fu House praised the drums after listening to them. Of course, intentionally separate these two paragraphs is my fault, but you can not accuse me of no creativity, so that people’s little liver is still “not pass”!
The jump yet!
At this point in time, I can’t hide it any longer… In fact, Monkey Sun is not the real Monkey Sun, he is Supreme Treasure + Wei-Shou-Bou + Tong Pak-Fu + 007… Kwun-Yin is not the real Kwun-Yin either, she is in fact Princess Iron Fan + White Essence + Princess Chien-Ning… And as for Chang’e, we all can see that she is…!
Finish up when you’re done. He understands, don’t you?
Guanyin: (doing reminiscence) “in a long, long time ago, Chang’e stole the medicine, came to the heavenly palace, because of her extraordinary appearance, became the object of the immortals chase, a time the heavenly palace fishy winds and vinegar rain, make a mess.”
Pilgrim’s plague: “I understand… but what does this have to do with kidneys?”
Guanyin: “In order to let the people die, Chang’e herself announced that she would marry whoever could defeat the immortals and become the Great Sage of Qi Tian.”
Pilma Plague: “Then why doesn’t the Jade Emperor take this position?”
Guanyin: “The Queen Mother is so strict, how could he dare? (grumbling) In fact, before you came,…”
Pilgrim: “Oh, so what was the result of the fight?”
Goddess of Mercy: “No results, no one dares to offend the anger of the crowd, once the heavenly canopy marshal molested Chang’e with wine, the result was relegated to earth as a pig.”
Pilgrim’s Plague: “It’s really tragic… but no one can stop me from pursuing my ideal, which is Chang’e~~”
Goddess of Mercy: “Oh, I can’t bear to see my monkey brother die… Well, then, for the sake of love, you come with me.”
(Inside the Peach Garden)
Guanyin: “Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the place where you feel strange yet familiar. Please see, these first three hundred peach trees blossom and bear fruit once every three hundred years, and eating them can be aphrodisiac.”
The Pilgrims: “That good?”
Guanyin: “The 300 peach trees in the center of this area blossom and bear fruit once every 600 years, and can be eaten for aphrodisiacs.”
Pilma: “Strong again?”
Goddess of Mercy: “Monkey brother does not know, this ‘strong’ is not the other ‘strong’, the other ‘strong’ can only increase the duration of time, this ‘strong’ can increase the hardness and size of a large increase in the splendor of its breathtaking to see! This ‘strong’ can increase the hardness and size of the substantial increase in the splendor of its momentum to see the breathtaking!”
The Pilgrims: “So?”
Guanyin: “Yes, and the last 300 peach trees blossom and bear fruit once every 900 years…”
Pilgrim: “Shit! If I eat this, I’ll be invincible.”
Goddess of Mercy: “Not only that, it’s simply a transformed jade tree Lingfeng mighty eight-face exquisite world invincible gun ~ ~ God YEAH!”
The Pilgrim: “Yeh your old mother, I’ll take care of it here.”
Guanyin: “Then I’ll go first, you must be careful, and don’t say that I brought it if you are caught by others.”
The Pilgrims: “Shit! But these 900 peach trees are so attractive, let me try one first!”
(Another hour… huh?) Why did I say again?)
The Pilgrims: “No, I can’t, my lower body is about to explode, I’d better go back to the Goddess of Mercy… hmm? Who are those MMs?”
The Great Fairy: “We are the famous Seven Fairies!”
Pilgrim Plague: “So that’s how it is! So you’re trespassing now. Have you brought the protection money?”
Fairy: “What are you protecting? We have been ordered by our old man to pick peaches in preparation for the Peach Banquet next Saturday!”
The Pilgrims: “Oh? Is it true?”
Fairy: “Of course it’s true! We’ve invited a lot of leaders!”
Pilma: “Oh? Who’s there?”
“Elvis, Madonna, Levinsky, Mafka…”
The second fairy: “There are also a lot of runners.”
The three fairies: “That’s right! There’s also Yuan Yuan’s webmaster and the administrators of each channel!”
Pilgrim’s Plague: “It’s really good, I wonder if there’s any of me?”
Five Fairies: “Shit! What do you think? How are you going to make it to the big game with your hairy face?”
Sixth Fairy: “Yeah, even though you have a lot of hair, it’s not sexy at all, I don’t know what your parents did! Your hair is a failure, your hair is split, and you smell like you haven’t washed your panties in a long time!”
The Pilgrims: “Oh, Shit, I’m going to count to three! You’re in for a treat!”
Fairy: “What for?”
Pilgrim: “One! Four! Six! Twelve! Five! Eighty-seven! Oh, My God!”
The second fairy: “What’s wrong with you?”
Pilgrim: “Shit! I forgot to ask Bodhi to teach me how to count!”
The Four Fairies: “What are you doing?”
Sixth Fairy: “Yeah! Be direct and man up!”
Pilgrim: “STOP!… Everyone, please look!” (He took off his pants and stood in front of the fairies.) All the fairies: “Ah!” (All the fairies were dumbstruck.)
Pilgrim: “It was you who forced me to do the best move… to separate… to separate… to separate… to separate… to separate…”
(Still an hour has passed)
Pilgrim: (humming a ditty) “There are seven little bitches in the Heavenly Palace, and the Great Sage of Qi Tian is screwing all seven of them.”
(Hereinafter “Pilma” is renamed “Daesung”.)
The Great Sage: “Huh? Isn’t this the McDonald’s Heavenly Palace branch – Toutiao Palace? I’ve heard that this is where Lord Taishang makes pills. I want it too!” (Push the door and enter the palace.)
The Great Sage: “So the elixir is blue? Oh! It’s so good! My head? Ah, uh, uh, uh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh…”
Da Sheng: “Shit! What elixir? Ecstasy!”
(By now, the fairies had woken up and came together to report to the Jade Emperor.) Big Fairy: “Daddy!”
Jade Emperor: “Huh? It’s you little bitches again! Who’s the lucky guy again?”
The second fairy: “Shit! You’re talking about us like that in front of all these people? Don’t you know it’s going to be hard for us to meet people in the future?”
Jade Emperor: “Still shy? It’s not like I haven’t fucked you before… You can leave now. Can’t you see that your mom and I are busy? Come back in half an hour.”
Queen Mother: “Half an hour? Can you do it?”
Jade Emperor: “You don’t believe me? Come again!”
Big Fairy: “Stop it! The monkey has already eaten the peach!”
Queen Mother: “How dare you! How dare you come here to play?”
Jade Emperor: “Yes! Li Tian Wang, it’s your turn to appear!”
Dawn: “Me?”
(Crowd of little girls cheering.)
Jade Emperor: “I’m sorry, it’s not Heavenly King Lai, it’s Heavenly King Li!”
Dawn: “Oh! That’s right, I’m just here to make a cameo for the ratings, so let’s go!”
Li Tian Wang: “Is it finally my turn? Lead 10,000 soldiers to catch the monkey!”
Jade Emperor (whispering): “Shit! What a joke! If this wins, I’ll eat the Temple of Heaven…”
Li Tianwang: “Reporting to the Jade Emperor! I have returned home victorious!”
Jade Emperor: “Liar again! Who has ever seen a man returning from a great victory without his lower half on?”
Li Tianwang: “Oh? I didn’t pay attention to that, but it’s not my fault, is it? Those art soldiers only sang and danced when they arrived at the Mountain of Flowers and Fruits, making those monkeys think that they were the Heart to Heart Art Troupe coming to give a condolence performance, making me lose face!”
Supreme Lord: “It seems I’m the only one who can do it…”
Jade Emperor: “You?”
The Supreme Lord: “Yes, I am the Supreme Lord, the legendary invincible, invincible, killer of men, killer of Buddhas… Eh-yo! Who is it? Whose underpants!”
Jade Emperor: “Mine!”
Queen Mother: “Shit! It’s clearly mine.”
Jade Emperor: “Just go!”
(A column of incense has passed)
Supreme Lord Lao: “The demon monkey has been brought here!”
Jade Emperor: “Shit! I can’t believe you’re still good!”
Supreme Lord Lao: “In fact, there is nothing, I counted on him to steal my magic pill – ecstasy, and now it is just time to get addicted again!”
Jade Emperor: “Oh, I see! So, we would like to advise the children who are watching our program not to get involved in drugs. What are you going to do with this monkey?”
The Supreme Lord Laojun: “He has eaten the Immortal Pill and the Peach, the ordinary criminal law cannot touch him, why not let him go to my alchemy furnace to refine it!”
Jade Emperor: “As you wish.”
(in the alchemy furnace)
The Great Sage: “Let me out first!”
Supreme Lord Lao: “Just don’t!”
The Great Sage: “Then light the fire!”
Taishang Laojun: “You think I don’t dare?”
The Great Sage: “Come on!”
Supreme Lord Lao: “Child, light the fire!”
Child: “But, Lord…”
Supreme Lord Lao: “But who the hell are you? Hurry up!”
Boy: “Yes!”
┅┅
The Supreme Lord: “Monkey, you’re hot, aren’t you?”
And you?”
The Supreme Lord: “Me? Oh no, I put you in the stove and forgot to go out myself… Child!
Hurry up and turn on the furnace! …”
(Of course, from the furnace to run out of the Great Sage has been refined into a set of steel, iron bones, eyes of fire. Scientists later concluded that this was due to the metal elements in the monkey’s body forming oxides at high temperatures, and the carbon elements in his eyes turning into quartz. (It took only half an incense stick to destroy the Temple of the Spirit…) The Jade Emperor: “Go and invite Lord Buddha…” (Do you remember this?) This is a classic scene from CCTV’s Journey to the West.)
Kṛṣṇa: “Monkey, you’re really good?”
The Great Sage: “Why do you say that? I should be the Great Sage!”
Rulai: “Good! Let’s make an agreement, as long as you can flip out of my hand, I will promise you three conditions!”
Great Sage: “Shit! That’s a line from Dragon Ball! Then I’m not afraid! I’ll fly…”
┅┅
The Great Sage: “Huh? What a big one! Could it be the little bottom of heaven and earth? Okay, let me make a boo boo first!
I’m so happy..! By the way, there’s something else to write, in case the old monk doesn’t recognize it! ‘The Great Sage has come here to shush’! Finish it!”
┅┅
The Great Sage: “Old Monk! I’ve just seen the little Diddy of Heaven and Earth!”
Kṛṣṇa: “What a coincidence, I also saw your little bottom-di!”
Daisuke: “!!!?”
Kṛṣṇa: “I hate people booing on my hand, go to hell!”
(In the twinkling of an eye, the Great Sage had been crushed under a huge mountain, and Rulai, fearing that he would come out again, put a seal on the mountain, “Photographs are prohibited here, offenders will be fined.”)
Afterword: As you can see, the monkey has been duly punished, and the whole story comes to an end. What, you want more? Well, wait another 500 years…
Most of this is a quote from another post called KIZI (kaiko), thanks! (He doesn’t know it yet, haha!)