I remember when I was a kid, when I had to go home from kindergarten, it was my dad who stopped by after work and rode the Coyote to take me home, and I would sit on top of the gas tank, on the field road, facing the wind and breathing in the smell of flowers and grass unique to the countryside.
It felt like my dad was nicer to me than my brother, and whatever I wanted, he would buy it for me every other day.
One time I wanted something that was too expensive and my dad even got into a huge fight with my mom over it. Often when I’d get yelled at or even hit by my mom, I’d run off and ask my dad to be the savior, and then all would be well.
But after all, the father is a man and the daughter is a woman, and that may still make a difference.
I remember when I was in the third grade of elementary school, I was still in my dad’s bed before I went to sleep, and he didn’t carry me to my bed until I fell asleep, and I was still pestering my dad at that time. Once Dad accompanied me to do my homework, and after finishing it, I wanted to find him to play chess with me (at that time, I had just gotten addicted to chess), but my mom came to call him to take a bath, so I was very capricious and insisted that he had to play with me only once, and I promised to play with him only once, but I was tricky, and after I finished, I still wanted him to play with me, and this time, he said he wouldn’t do anything about it.
Then I followed him to the bathroom door and that’s when I realized my mom was already in there. He kept saying he wanted to take a shower, so I said then I wanted to take a shower too. He said how can boys and girls take a shower together, and I have the impression that I was really pulling hard on Dad, but he looked like he was really pissed off and shook me off hard.
As soon as he went in and closed the door, I began to cry, very sadly, as if I had suffered a great deal, and thought to myself, “Boys and girls can’t wash together, but why can Dad and Mom wash together?
Knocking and kicking and crying because I was really mad at that time. Usually dad is so nice to me why this time it was like this, think it’s because he hates me? I cried all the time. I cried until they finished washing up and I was still crying.
After that time, I started to hate my mom a little bit. It always seemed like I wasn’t as important to my dad as my mom was, and I’d always intentionally fall asleep in their bed with my dad in my arms, but every time I woke up in the morning I woke up in my own bed!
In retrospect, I think I was jealous of my mom at the time, and what dad and mom did together, I always wanted to do with dad as well, as if there was a rivalry with my mom. Ever since that shower incident, I pestered Dad every time he wanted a shower, wishing I could do the same with Mom. Of course it was for the law to get what he wanted, but stubborn as I was I wouldn’t let it go and kept crying outside the door and getting scolded by my mom for it, but in my mind I always thought my dad would help me and would go along with it.
Then one night when my mom was out of town, I was still pestering my dad, and shortly after he went into the bathroom and I was about to start making a scene again, the door suddenly opened, and I was shocked and then I broke down in tears and ran and hugged my dad right away because I was sure that he would go along with me. That was the first time I got a good look at my dad’s naked body, and I was a little shocked. There was a lot of hair down there, and it was dark and thick, so I just stared at him quietly.
After this time, he was more willing to let me shower with him, but sometimes he would and sometimes he wouldn’t, and then I found out that he was willing to let me in as long as my mom wasn’t there, because then my mom would go to the plaza in front of the temple in the evening to dance with her neighbors at the Tufeng dance, and would be gone for a while in the evening, and I used to take showers with my dad and I started to help him with his soap, and I’d even go so far as to touch him on that and on his balls.
What I remember is that the first time I touched him, he started to get an erection (of course, I didn’t know it was an erection at that time, I just thought it was very new and fun), so every time I took a shower I would play with him, and I loved to play with him until he got an erection, and he would quietly let me play with him. Until one time, I was playing with my dad’s dick, making it hard and erect, when the bathroom door was opened, and my mom was standing in the doorway. I didn’t know the seriousness of the situation, I only knew that my dad immediately pushed my hand away, and my mom’s expression changed from flat to twisted, and then she carried me out of the room. Then the door closed very hard, leaving me outside the door, my parents were arguing inside, I was a little afraid, because the noise was very fierce, I ran back to my room, in the room can still hear the bathroom quarrel, and then I fell asleep in a daze. The next day after my father seemed to me on the cold a lot, and I seem to be scared, although I do not know why, but that night mom and dad quarreled very fierce I also seem to understand a little bit of the reason, so slowly my father is more distant.
Later on, when I went to junior high school and slowly understand the men and women, I suddenly realized the seriousness of that night, but I can not forget the appearance of my father’s erect penis, just, after many years, would like to try to remember but the impression is blurred, and even sometimes think of that look diy.
I actually knew in my mind that he was Dad, when I knew that kind of move as an hour was serious, and at the same time it would be sexual, because I thought I could do a lot of things with Dad, but it was the sex that was just not okay (the mom and dad argument that night still lingers in my mind).
At the same time, because of sex, it was impossible for me to possess Dad, even if I had loved him since I was a child, and thoughts like that were slowly taking shape in my mind during my middle and high school years.
When I graduated from high school, I didn’t get into college, I told my dad I wanted to go to Japan to study, and he said yes without a second word, and I hugged him happily while he reacted a bit strangely… maybe mom was right next to me?
To Japan, a person away from the countryside backscene is very hard, good in Japanese very hard to learn, always get used to it, but after all, food with the said, are not from childhood to take things for granted, every time in the cold winter in that northern country, outside the biting north wind and the snowy night, will always think of the childhood that warm and familiar and sweet memories.
During the winter vacation of the third year, I couldn’t go back to Taiwan to celebrate the New Year because of my schoolwork, and Dad flew to Japan to see me, and I took him around to play in those few days, which felt like when I was a child, but the roles were swapped, and I was really happy, because for one thing, when Dad came to see me, he could temporarily relieve the sadness of homesickness, and for another, when my mom wasn’t around, it felt like there was no more stigma against Dad and I, and we could walk around without any inhibitions on our arms. I can walk around with my dad on my arm without any constraints.
On the second night, we came to a hot spring resort, came to Japan to play of course we have to wash a hot spring, I will find a very high class hotel, please dad first wash, I can not help but think back to the childhood bathing together, I do not know if dad has remembered it, but I would like to revisit the old dream, and now is a good time. But, but, but, but, but, I’m not that gender-neutral little girl anymore, I’m a developed woman, I’m his daughter…
Finally, I went to knock on the door, it opened, and that kind smile appeared again.
“What? Want to shower with me again?”
I nodded, suddenly, it was as if I was back to the feeling of being a child… but the difference between men and women always lingers, I was not as generous as when I was a child, and Dad covered up, so we turned our backs to each other, and for a split second time time seemed to freeze, and I turned my head over to look at his back.
“Dad…can I rub your back?”
He turned his head over with a coy smile, “Yeah!”
Rubbing his back we began to have a conversation, I had the urge to show Dad my mature torso, maybe I couldn’t replace my mom when I was a kid just because I didn’t have boobs or curves back then, I just couldn’t open my mouth, and with a sudden thought, I lay down on Dad’s back, my boobs pressed against his back.
“Dad! Will you carry me up?”
“Whoa! How am I supposed to carry you when you’ve grown so big?!”
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he still tried to stand up with his back to me, his hand wrapped around back and held my thighs, slowly moving up to my ass, then his fingers touched my anus and pussy lips, I was shocked and came down right away. My dad turned around and came face to face with me, after our eyes met, we looked at each other’s bodies, dad still had a lot of hair, but it wasn’t as big as I remembered it from when I was a kid, I started to play with his penis and balls like when I was a kid, and he still watched quietly as I did it, and slowly he shivered and reached out and touched my boobs, touched my pubic hairs and the inside of it…
Then he got an erection and we had sex, it was my first time…it hurt, my dad was shocked, and afterwards he blamed himself for the first time he saw my dad cry. And I don’t regret it…because I’m so grateful that he took care of me so much when I was a kid…my whole life, just one life, can’t be never…and in my memories, the one that existed the longest when I was a kid was him accompanying me…and when I grow up with my age, the new memories can’t ever squeeze the memories of when I was a kid out of the way because that’s the time that I miss the most.