My cousin is actually my aunt’s daughter, which is my cousin. She is only a few months younger than me. But since our two families are especially close, I am the only son in the family and my cousin is the only daughter in my aunt’s family. And my mom especially wants a daughter, so basically my family treats my cousin as the daughter of the family, and my cousin often comes to stay at my house.
I remember when I was a kid, my favorite thing to do was to sleep with my cousin. It’s strange to be that young and not sleep with mom and dad, but like to sleep with my cousin instead. What’s even stranger is that my cousin liked to sleep with me too.
I will also often hold my cousin’s hand to tell my mom: when I grow up I want my cousin to be my wife, I want to be with my cousin. At this time, my cousin was smiling sweetly. Mom would always laugh and say to us, “Okay, okay. When you grow up, I’ll let you marry your cousin as your wife. This silly child ……
At that time my greatest wish was to grow up quickly, although I didn’t know exactly what the concept of growing up was, but I knew that I would be able to marry my cousin as a wife.
My increasingly blurred relationship with my cousin
Slowly, we really grew up. I should say that our family’s pedigree was pretty good, and by the time I went to high school, I had grown into a reasonably handsome boy, while my cousin had become even more of a recognized beauty.
And at this time I had just understood some things between men and women. Looking at my increasingly beautiful cousin, I began to have some very strange feelings, feelings that even I myself was not clear.
In high school, my cousin and I were in the same school and different classes. When friends around me began to discuss which beauty in school is more beautiful, which buddy has broken the virginity of the time, but I am still in the soccer field and the blue court sweating and struggling, or holding a golden novel to entertain themselves. In fact, my condition is not bad, and is the main striker of the school soccer team, in the school is also considered to be more famous characters, I also received a girl’s love letter, but I always think that finding a girlfriend is not as good as playing soccer.
My cousin is obviously much more mature than me, maybe girls usually mature earlier than boys! At that time, my cousin was recognized as the school flower, coupled with my aunt’s family conditions are relatively good, so there are many people like, crush. Bold boys also sent love letters and flowers. There are a few times also made a big fuss, the school are alarmed. This time I always feel a little strange in my heart, in my eyes, other female students simply can not compare to soccer. But the cousin is different, she is like a piece of meat in my heart, I am very afraid of others to steal her.
A few times I have asked my cousin, so many boys like you, you do not like, cousin always look at me with wide eyes, and then very seriously said: those I do not like, pretend romantic, and send love letters and flowers, vulgar! I like the kind of sunshine, have a sense of humor sports boy, can let me have fun and have a sense of security. I said: you are reading too many novels! There’s no such thing! Cousin said: aren’t you? Haha …… cousin although it is a casual talk, I am a little strange feeling.
This feeling stayed with me throughout my three years of high school.
When I went to college, I really understood what it meant to be free. I also “thrived” under the influence of my friends around me. At this time soccer is no longer important to me, the important thing is the woman. In the dormitory every day broadcasting the porn accelerated the growth of everyone.
Almost not long after enrollment, the dormitory brothers have their own “fuck buddy” and the late maturity of the girl I see blush, not to mention to chase the girl. I’ve always been alone.
In the dormitory brothers help, I by virtue of shy and coy plus a little handsome, actually impressed a body general appearance general family situation or general girl. She took the initiative to call me, and asked me to go to the street, the dormitory brothers are happy for me, said I can finally get rid of this last virgin.
In order not to sweep the brothers Xing, I still and the girl alone out on a few dates, nothing more than shopping, watching movies, dinner and so on, a deep understanding of the girl more and more feel that she is too vulgar and too common, the heart always can not help but to take her and cousin comparison, the more than the more uninterested. Think: can not sell their feelings for sex ah!
Finally one night after study hall, asked the girl out and made it clear to her. The girl was very sad and cried, saying that I was the first boy she ever liked, and it was the first time in my life that I had ever made a girl cry for me. I didn’t know what to do. I had to tell her that in fact I have always had a very favorite girl, so I can’t accept you, I’m sorry.
I know the one I’m talking about is the cousin.
I have to admit, I’m in love with my cousin!
When I got back to the dorm, I was in such a messed up mood. Started missing my cousin like crazy myself!
I realized that it had been more than two months since I had contacted my cousin, and this was the first time since I grew up that I hadn’t been in contact with my cousin for so long. I found the phone number of my cousin’s dormitory and called her. Until I heard my cousin’s familiar voice, my mood immediately calmed down. My cousin and I lost our temper and asked me why I hadn’t contacted her for so long.
I said, “Didn’t you not look for me either?
Cousin said: you …… fool, lazy to say you!
I said, “Fine, fine! From now on, a phone call every 2 days, a letter every week, are you satisfied?
The cousin then cheered up and said, That’s more like it!
Just because a phone call with my cousin can make me feel better. I know I can’t be fooling myself anymore. I was definitely in love with my cousin, but I knew that such feelings were fruitless. Besides, the cousin nevertheless treats herself as a brother. The complexity of one’s own feelings is simply no way to say it clearly with words. A true heavenly battle.
The same night and dormitory buddies watched a few a movie, high male caustic and Meng let me carry out his life no.1 time sy. sexual fantasy object is cousin. The first time I felt that kind of volcanic eruption type of pleasure, and then attacked is a deep self-reproach. I am simply worse than a beast! How could I think of doing that kind of thing with my cousin……
It’s so hard to finally get to almost winter vacation, and I’m practically counting the days. Counting the days until my cousin came back. On the day my cousin came home, I ran to the train station early in the morning to wait for her. When I saw my cousin. I realized that my cousin had become more beautiful and mature in the past six months. The body is also more plump than in high school.
My cousin was so happy to see me that she jumped right into my arms. I was so excited! I guess a lot of people would have mistaken us as a couple at that time.
In fact, many times I am a little fuzzy and cousin’s relationship, I can feel her feelings for me is also a little ambiguous, but I do not dare to be sure, coupled with their own really do not dare to break through the shackles of this secular society. This relationship has been buried deep in my heart. Sometimes good things in the heart is enough. I think so.
My cousin said she likes me.
I went to Changsha to play until the 51st holiday of that year. See cousin, we are very happy, cousin accompanied me to play in Changsha, in a time to cross the street, I unintentionally hold cousin’s hand, feel cousin’s hand and soft and slippery, as if no bones, they are a little reluctant to let go, I also see cousin blush ……
The result 51 that day both of us are more awkward day, to the evening to send the cousin back to the dormitory, to the dormitory door, the cousin suddenly called my name. She is called my name, not called my brother, I just feel strange, I saw my cousin jumped into my arms, tightly reported me, and then quickly said: I like you. Then ran back to the dormitory like flying.
I was in what can only be described as shock, happiness, and ambivalence. I didn’t sleep for a night. I didn’t know how I should face my cousin tomorrow.
I understood the meaning of my cousin’s words, that she called me by my name instead of my brother, and if I didn’t understand it in that way, I was a pig. But I hesitated, I didn’t dare to accept such love. Again, I admired my cousin’s courage, how she dared to say it.
After tossing and turning in this way all night without closing my eyes, I finally decided that it would be better to wait until I saw my cousin. The next day I delayed until very late in the evening before I made up my mind to go and see my cousin. The girl in the same dormitory said she had gone out, and then handed me a thick letter, and then said to me: she wrote all night, and even cried. I know her so long have not seen her like this, she must be very love you, you have to cherish ah!
I kind of froze and just nodded stupidly, then took the letter back to the house to read it, opened the envelope and counted the whole twelve papers, densely written.
It’s almost all about me and my cousin, the first time I fought for her! The first time I fought for her, the gifts I gave her! There are a lot of things I wouldn’t remember if I hadn’t seen this letter, but my cousin remembers every single one of them clearly. Cousin said that she had only liked one boy almost ever since she learned how to love, and that was me. She asked me if I had noticed that every year on Valentine’s Day, birthdays, and almost every other important day, she must have spent it with me. And I never noticed. After reading my cousin’s letter to me, I began to feel my heart bleeding and my eyes wet. I thought I was the only one who had been suffering the most, but it turned out that my cousin was suffering 100 times more than I was and had been suffering for three whole years before me.
After reading the letter I started frantically calling. I called my cousin’s cell phone, the dormitory phone. But the cell phone was always off, and the dormitory said she never came back. I was like a drug addict. I couldn’t sit or stand. There is no place in my body that is comfortable. Finally, I decided to go to her dormitory and wait for her! She has to come back to bed!
After waiting for more than five hours downstairs in her dormitory, it was almost eleven o’clock at night before I saw my cousin walking slowly back alone.
I almost rushed to her: my cousin was startled by the sudden appearance of me, and then without saying anything, tears came down her eyes. When I saw my cousin cry my heart felt as hard as if I had been stabbed with a knife. I knew that if I didn’t make a stand, my cousin would feel even worse. I hugged her! Holding her tightly in my arms.
Cousin cried and said: I am so afraid, afraid that you will say that I am shameless, I dare not open the cell phone, dare not go back to the dormitory. Afraid that you say you don’t like me.
I said, “Idiot! I’ve liked you for a long time. I’ve liked you since I was a kid. I’ve always liked you. I said I’d marry you! Have you forgotten?
By this time the cousin had cried like a tearful man.
I slowly pushed my cousin away and looked at her with tears on her face! I finally found the courage to gently kiss the tears off her face. My cousin shook in my arms, looked at me with wide eyes, and then slowly closed them.
There were very few people on the road by this time. I thought it’s like this anyway. Let’s just die! So I closed my eyes and kissed them too.
It was definitely my first kiss, and my cousin’s as well; neither of us had much experience and could only learn from what we saw in the movies, with no technical components to speak of. But it was the most perfect kiss of my life. I truly understand why someone would say that a kiss is sweet, because I really thought it was, and it was sweet, sweet, sweet.
My cousin said to me very gently plus with affectionate silence: you’re awake!
I’ve never seen my cousin speak to me so gently before, it was definitely the tone of a girlfriend to her boyfriend, and it was definitely different from the tone my cousin used to use with her brother. It seemed that my cousin had already completed this mental transformation. I was a bit dumbfounded for a moment, because I had never thought that a girl as beautiful as my cousin would become my girlfriend, just like a dream.
My cousin laughed when she saw me gawking and gave me a kiss on the cheek: what’s wrong with gawking! Idiot.
I felt so happy and silly and said, “You’re beautiful.
Cousin says: You just realized that!
At this time I have long been a little bit unable to hold their own, the cousin around over to kiss, this time and last night’s absolutely different, because I am a little fierce, not as gentle as last night, the more kisses on the more I feel the body has changed, the cousin may also feel, would like to push away from me, but I’m like a madman, the cousin which is so strong, not long after the cousin himself is a little short of breath, chest also kept rising and falling! The face has long been red, eyes also began to be a little bit confused, we both have lost their sanity.
Due to nervousness, although I was a bit clumsy, but finally managed to take off her clothes, I here no longer call her my cousin, because at that moment, I when she was the favorite woman in my life, no longer my cousin. I grew so big I still saw a woman’s body for the first time, I even blood vessels are bursting, she just desperately take the blanket to cover their bodies, for a moment I was a little at a loss. I didn’t know what to do, and went through all the porn I had seen in my head. She was really pretty, with white skin and a great body. We just hugged each other haphazardly and didn’t know what to do next.
I was an unapologetic virgin, with no experience at all, and could never find the right direction, always wandering out. After an hour and a half of tossing and turning, I didn’t finish that kind of thing with her in the end. I felt like it was God’s will, at that moment, I suddenly had no interest in sex. Stopped all the action, and then quietly lying aside, she saw me like this, softly asked me: what’s wrong?
I replied with a very uninspired, Cousin! It’s incest for us to be like this!
Then I never spoke again, nor did I want to. I knew that there were many cousin marriages in Chinese history, but society was different now. Even though I knew that us loving each other didn’t hurt anyone else, it was socially unacceptable. It’s fruitless for us. I didn’t know if I was right or not, and at that moment, I decided to give up.
Cousin also did not speak again, we just lie so quietly for a long time, finally cousin cried, but very firm to me, I do not know whether we are incest, but no matter what, I do not regret.
Cousin words let me very touched, I’m not do not love her, just really their own psychological that knot really can not be unraveled, and finally I said to her: we can try to get together, but do not let the people who know us know, and, we do not want to do this again.
It’s not that I’m sexually impotent or that I don’t want to have sex with my cousin, it’s just that I think if we hadn’t done it, at least there’d still be room to turn back, or at least maintain my cousin’s innocence.
My cousin, of course, was happy to see that I had agreed to be with her, and readily agreed to my request.
Our parents found out about our intimacy.
The next few days were the happiest days of my life! With my cousin, we could hold hands every day like other couples, go shopping, take pictures of our headshots, and even take her in our arms and sit on our laps while riding the bus because there was only one seat available. We were like a couple of lovers in love, and frankly, we both enjoyed it. My cousin introduced me as her boyfriend of course. And her friends were happy for her, saying that she had finally found someone she liked. At this time my cousin and I would look at each other and smile.
Happy time always passes very quickly, 51 of the long vacation will soon be almost finished, since and cousin said clearly every day and cousin together, in addition to sleep, not I do not want to but I really do not have a grasp of and cousin to sleep together will not have an accident.
Back to school after a few days feel like sleepwalking, on what have little interest, only know think in Changsha a few days and nights and cousin phone, tell the pain of love. Dormitory brothers say I’m like a different person, I told them that I’m in love, and show them their own and the cousin photographed the big head sticker, brothers look at it all say I have to serve, how to chase such a beautiful girlfriend. I can only lie to them that is my high school classmate, at that time my heart is actually very difficult, I began to think that I and my cousin’s feelings are not allowed to see the light, our happiness only exists between the two of us.
The real pain has actually just begun! It was hard to wait until summer vacation when my cousin came back and stayed at my house. But we could both feel the pain of not being able to see the light. In front of my parents, we have to pretend that nothing is wrong and maintain the relationship of brother and sister. When my parents went to work, we could vent our strong love. We are both young people, and so in love, coupled with the summer wear less, many times are making out so much that I can not hold myself. But the key time I can still keep a little awake, I rushed into the bathroom to rinse cold water, and then their own sy, see me like this, several times cousin said to me: if endure so hard to not endure, I really do not return to regret.
I smiled at her and said, “Silly, I’m fine. I’m not with you for that kind of thing either.
I admit that my cousin is braver than me, and every time I wanted to retreat, it was my cousin’s persistence and determination that touched me. In fact, this relationship has also been the cousin in careful maintenance.
Cousin’s wallet is and I took a picture of the big head sticker, is a cousin kissed my photo, I and cousin said: do not put so intimate photo, if accidentally by mom and dad to see it is not good.
But my cousin said: if they see it, we’ll explain it to them, we haven’t done anything bad, what’s there to be afraid of.
At this time I always don’t know how I should answer. I myself don’t know if we are wrong or not, and if my parents and aunt and they know about it how will they treat this?
People like to do very extreme things at this time of the year, and I was very much hoping for a miracle for myself and my cousin. So I was hoping to find some evidence that would prove that my cousin and I were not related by blood.
But the effort was obviously futile; my blood relation to my cousin was as ironclad as a fact.
Once I asked my mom: a friend of mine is in love with his cousin, they are in pain and don’t know what to do. Do you think they will come to fruition?
Mom didn’t even think about it and said, “Of course not! It’s a state regulation. Close relatives can’t get married. What kind of friend are you? Go and persuade him. You are still young and have little contact with people, so it’s easy to do the wrong thing! It’s too late for regrets!
His words gave me a feeling of despair, and I wanted to end this fruitless relationship with my cousin before my parents knew about it, so that it wouldn’t hurt the adults. But as soon as I faced my cousin I couldn’t say anything. I really love her and she loves me. But why is it that we are not able to be together anymore?
And so my relationship with my cousin dragged on until our last winter break when we were about to graduate from college. We could both feel each other’s pain. My cousin insisted on talking to the adults, but I didn’t dare.
After all, paper can’t hold fire, and my parents finally sensed something. They talked to us, and although they didn’t make it too clear, we already knew exactly what they meant – they were against it, firmly against it. Although I had been mentally prepared for it, when that moment really came, I felt like even my heart had stopped beating. My cousin cried a lot and stopped talking to my parents’ aunt and uncle. The family had one of the most painful New Years ever. I know it was not only us who were sad, but also our parents.
Looking at my parents who are so old and still worrying about us teared up. I really feel ashamed of them, I can’t cause a family to suffer because of the happiness of the two of us. After thinking about it for several days, I talked to my parents and aunt, and I completely decided to separate from my cousin. In fact, my parents and aunt they didn’t scold us very harshly from the beginning to the end, they just reasoned with us, and they were all very happy to see that I had figured it out.
I looked for my cousin, told her my decision, my cousin did not say anything, did not cry, just looked at me dead. I know she must hate me, hate in the most critical time I did not stand on her side, I told her we can only be brother and sister in the future, the previous things we forget it! In order to make my cousin completely die, I burned our photos in front of her, the gifts she gave me. And the 12-page letter she wrote to me. The whole process cousin did not cry, but I can feel her heart has been broken, in fact, perhaps she does not know my heart has not been beating since then.
Brother, the groom was supposed to be you.
After that, my cousin stopped talking to me. I know she hates me, maybe time will heal her wounds. After graduating from college, my cousin returned home to work. I did not want to meet awkwardly, I came to Guangzhou to work alone. A come is two years, two years I did not go home once, even on New Year’s Day, people are a family reunion time, I am also a person alone.
After I came to Guangzhou, I started to look for a girlfriend, but I was just looking for a substitute for my cousin. I had 7 girlfriends in 2 years, but none of them lasted more than 3 months. More often than not, I found them because they had a little bit of my cousin in them.
This year on New Year’s Eve! Calling home, my mom told me that my cousin had found a boyfriend, a high school classmate of ours. I didn’t know whether to be happy or sad to hear this news.
A few days before I posted this thread, I met my cousin online, and it was the first time we’d chatted like this since we’d been apart for two years, and it felt so familiar and strange.
Cousin asked me how I was doing, I said okay. After a long time cousin to reply to me, I know cousin of the complex feelings, just like me, that time I typed every word is so difficult, the heart has a thousand words want to say to cousin, but a word can not say.
She said: I’m with xx.
I said, “I know, my mom told me
She said: we might get married next year, will you come back?
I felt my heart bleed, and after a long time I could type a few words: not sure, if I’m free!
Then there was a long wait and my cousin didn’t get back to me.
After a long time I saw my cousin’s qq avatar finally wiggle, I clicked on it and then saw a few words that left me in tears – “It was supposed to be you as the groom”
There is a secret that perhaps my cousin will never know for the rest of her life! Before I burned the letter she gave me, I had copied it word for word, and would keep him for the rest of my life.