The reason why I have such a character, and my family also has a certain relationship, I was born in 70 years, my parents are engaged in technical origin of the engineers. Programmers, they taught me from childhood to do things in an organized manner, to have a plan. When things go wrong, analyze first, and then go to solve the problem. People should be kind and generous. Unfortunately, I only learned the way they do things, but did not learn their reasoning. It can also be said that my personality is somewhat paranoid.
In ’88, I was admitted to a university in Beijing, and in the following year, ’89, I was persuaded to leave the school because of my participation in the political turmoil in May and June, but at least it wasn’t recorded in my file.
In 1990, I went back to my alma mater high school to repeat the class, during the repeat period, I met my later wife – May. At that time, we just sat at the front and back tables, and did not have much interaction, the most conversation is that she often asked me some topics about college life.
The same year I was admitted to a university in Qingdao again, the second year of college, that is, 92 years of winter vacation, the Spring Festival to the teacher to pay tribute to the New Year, I met with Mei, only to learn that she only entered a local ordinary junior college.
After this encounter, we began to write to each other, a year later, Mei first graduated, through the parents of the relationship, she was assigned to a state-owned enterprises, second-tier units of the Labor Department, and then turn over a year, I also graduated, was directed to the home town, the work unit is the same state-owned enterprises, another second-tier units, very close to each other, but I am the grass-roots level first from the technician to start. This year Mei and I also determined a romantic relationship.
After a few years together, we got married in 98, and in 99 we had a daughter – Shuang Shuang. The days have been so uneventful until 05 years. After having a family, in addition to work, the rest of my time is spent at home. Because I have been thinking, this is my hands to build up a social unit, is my future the rest of my life with the place, to the old time to look back on life this is my proudest achievement.
During this period, there was little change in May’s job; I had joined the Party because of my outstanding work, and the Organization Section had already spoken to me several times with plans to move me up the ladder.
Both parents also retired home, Mei’s brother after college, in Jinan work and start a family. The main thing is that my brother resigned in 1998 to go into business, he registered capital needs 500,000, my parents took out all the savings to come up with 300,000, to forty percent of the shares. And with my brother explained that these shares are reserved for me in the future. (I can’t help it that my parents love their youngest son).
My brother with the school and work under the interpersonal relationship, a few years of time to make the company bigger, in my divorce, the company’s assets have been tens of millions of dollars. But I didn’t tell May about the shares. At that time, I thought it wasn’t an honorable thing to take money from my parents, and it would be a surprise when I actually inherited it in the future, so I didn’t say anything. But it was this decision that gave me the capital to retaliate.
My, not to say “our” good times came to an end in April ’05.
It was a Wednesday, and in the afternoon when I was about to go to work, my colleague Wu, who had won a few thousand dollars in the lottery, wanted to go out to dinner and sing to celebrate. I asked about the place, quite close to my parents’ home, so I called Mei, told her that tonight I go back to my parents’ home to stay, and see my daughter, (parents retired, has been to help bring up the child, the weekend only to pick up the home), she asked me when I go home, I said only tomorrow night back to the (state-owned enterprises, dual-income housing, to the women’s work unit, so our home is very near to her place of work, walking just (The state-owned dual-income housing is divided among the women’s work units, so our house is very close to her place of work, only a five- or six-minute walk away, and it’s farther away from my place, more than 20 minutes by motorcycle.)
After drinking wine in the evening, I feel very uncomfortable stomach, forced to play with everyone after returning to my parents’ home I fell head over heels on the bed, the result of the second half of the night began to hurt, I do not want to alarm my parents, gritted his teeth and endured until dawn.
After arriving at the unit, I felt even more pain, and had no choice but to take a leave of absence. What I didn’t expect was that this unexpected midway meeting home would be a major turning point in my life.
By the time I covered my stomach and struggled to move to the front door of my house, it was after nine a.m. I fumbled with my keys to open the door. Hmm. Why won’t it turn? Is it unlocked? Is May home?
That’s when May’s voice came from the house, “Who is it?”
“It’s me, open the door.” I was impatient because I had a stomach ache.
“Ah, wait a minute, I’m going to the bathroom!”
After about five or six minutes, just as I was about to slam the door again, it opened and May looked flustered, “Why are you back now? Not going to work?”
“I took a leave of absence for a stomach ache. Why aren’t you at work? What’s with the unlocked door?”
“I came back to get some things, I’m probably used to it, and I left the door unlocked by hand. Why don’t I take you to the hospital now.”
“No, I’ve got medicine for that. Just leave it and get down on the floor.”
I came into the bedroom to lie down, only to find the quilt still spread out messily on the bed, “Why aren’t the quilts folded?”
“Oh, I got up late this morning, so go ahead and go to the couch while I clean it up.”
“Never mind, I happen to be on my back for a while, when I get up.”
My stomach ached so much that I couldn’t think of anything else, I flopped head first onto the bed, and when I reached under the covers, I froze, no, how could the covers be hot?
Just as I was trying to make sense of it, a couple of shouts suddenly came from outside the window, “What are you doing? What are you doing up there?” Then I first heard a short cry of “ah” from the window, then a loud noise from downstairs, and finally the sound of a person’s moan of pain.
I got up from the bed in a flash, pulled open the curtains and windows, (I live on the second floor of my house, because it is a unit of self-built community, security conditions are good, it did not install security windows) poked his head out to look outside, only to see downstairs on the first floor of the courtyard, lying in an almost naked man, is holding a leg in the moaning, hmmm? No shoes, the flowers planted on the first floor were also smashed in a mess, next to a few pieces of clothing and shoes scattered. Looking outside the courtyard again, two or three old men with red hoops were looking up, and when they saw me poking my head out, they said to me loudly, “There was a guy just now, outside your window, with one foot on the sill, and two hands hanging from your air conditioner, and when we yelled, he fell off, was he a thief?”
I lowered my head again to take a closer look at which guy, hmmm, I know, I’ve seen it when I went to May’s unit to pull the New Year’s goods during the New Year’s Eve, one of the new section chiefs they transferred last year, last name forgotten.
I looked sideways at May, who was huddled beside me and looking down, and at that moment May looked at me as well, only to see her face pale and her eyes darting around, and all at once I understood.
My damn stomach hurt even more and I was already sweating so profusely that I couldn’t seem to even stand as I rushed downstairs and yelled, “Call the police.”
May hurriedly pulled on my shirt, “No, please don’t call the police.”
The stomach pains were no longer allowing me to think, and I threw myself headfirst onto the bed, curled into a ball, and with the last of my strength I said, “Get out!”
Listening to May opened the door and ran out, and then I seemed to fall into a coma, and in a daze I vaguely heard a lot of noise outside, the sound of an ambulance, and after a while someone shouted for me, and then someone else carried me ……
When I opened my eyes again, I found myself in the hospital room, Xiao Wu and Xiao Yang from the unit accompanied me at the side, seeing me wake up, Xiao Wu hurriedly helped me up, “I’m sorry, Han, I really shouldn’t have let you drink so much last night.”
“It’s nothing to do with you, it’s something I haven’t been able to get any rest from the other day. What brings you guys here? Why am I here?”
“It was my sister-in-law who called us, and when we got to your house, you were unconscious and scared us so much that we rushed to carry you to the health center.”
“Backpacking?” I asked while looking around.
“Yes, luckily it’s not far, you look for your sister-in-law, she said there was an emergency at the unit, and after you got your shot, she asked us to stay with you and left.”
I looked at my watch, it was already noon. Try, although the stomach still hurts, has been able to endure, and then see the bottle has finished, so I got up and out of bed, greeted Xiao Wu and Xiao Yang “Go, eat.”
“Han, no, we went out to eat backwards just now, the doctor said you can only eat fluids now, I brought you thin rice, eat it while it’s hot, here’s some more prescribed medicine.”
I slowly drank the diluted rice and felt much better, and after saying hello to the doctors, I let them take me home, and they dropped me off at the door and rushed off to work.
I opened the door and entered the house, no one was home, a note was left on the living room table, I picked it up, “Han Jun, you already know, right, I’ll go to my friend’s house for two days first, let’s all calm down. Mei.”
I sat down on the couch, calm, yes I need to be calm now, I’ve met something big that will change my life, I can’t panic, I tried to keep myself free of any emotions and then closed my eyes and started to think.
It’s become clear that I’ve suffered the last thing that every man wants to happen to him. What was the cause of the incident? I don’t know. It needs to be investigated.
Now that I know what’s going on, what do I do? Two choices. Live with it? Not endure? Well, I absolutely cannot tolerate it for whatever reason. That’s when I’m a man of principle.
Well, if you can’t stand it, you have to get a divorce. What do you need to take care of to get a divorce?
There should be two sides, I guess. People and possessions.
First think of the human aspect of it, the adulterer that aspect, wait for the investigation is completed in the decision. Family members, Mei’s family wait for her to come back to communicate with the end of the talk, their own families to do a good job of placating the work, the daughter must be ideas to stay.
As far as finances are concerned, I’ve always been in charge of the family’s finances, so I’m not worried. Let’s find out the reason first and then we’ll see about the attitude. What else is there? By the way, the impact, this has been a big deal, in less than two days, the unit will know, I think very important to face, I can put up with other people’s strange eyes continue to work? It seems to have to think of a way out. It is just that this is also for the future to clean up the adulterer to prepare, once you do it, you can not let yourself be bound, fortunately, I can go to my brother’s company.
So what needs to be done right now? Well, inform the parents, keep the daughter, and put away the money.
I opened my eyes and got up, calling my father first, “Dad, you go to the kindergarten right now and pick up Sharp Sharp and bring her home, don’t ever let May pick her up, cause I’ll talk about it when I get home in a little while.”
Called the unit again first asked for three days off, then opened the cabinet to the passbook, bills, documents packed up, into the bag, got up and went out, closed the door, I step down, down three steps of the stairs, the body can not help but stop, as if there is something in the heart of the loss, it seems that I have a very important thing pulling in the house, what is it?
Standing dumbfounded for a moment, I turned back and gently opened the door, starting from the foyer, the kitchen, the bathroom, the children’s bedroom, our bedroom, the balcony, the living room …… I wandered slowly through the house, my eyes scanning around, my hands caressing the furniture ……
Everything here is my hand little by little placed down, this is my heart and soul for several years, this is my spiritual support for several years, this is my soul harbor for several years, this is my life all, this is the place I want to wait for a lifetime …… I know it is about to be lost.
When my eyes finally rested on the family photo on the wall, my deliberately suppressed sadness finally could not hold back, tears soaked my eyes, I gazed longingly at the three smiling faces on it, through the tears smiles blurred and clear …….
Let’s make another choice, I said to myself, dignity or feelings? Give up or stay?
To make a choice, then I have to ask myself: can I get past this hurdle of inner shame? Is the happiness of giving up dignity still happiness? Can I still be in a relationship that has been salvaged? Will there be trust and sincerity between each other in the future? ……
I asked myself over and over again, but the answer to all the questions was no. It seems I have only one option left. There can be no more hesitation. Nor will there be any more hesitation.
I clenched my fists, since life has played a joke on me, I’ll let the joke be even bigger, I’ll make everyone involved experience the harshness of life in this joke.
I knew that the paranoid side of my personality had erupted, but I wasn’t going to restrain it. This time firmly walking out, I didn’t look back.
It’s sunny outside, but I can’t feel it, the only thing I can feel is the coalescence of gloom inside ……
When I arrived at my parents’ house, my father had already picked up his daughter, and both of the old men were anxious, and when they saw me walk calmly into the house, their tense looks relaxed only slightly.
Looking at the old people’s concerned looks, I really didn’t know how to speak and how to make them accept the truth.
Lead your daughter to the cabin and let her draw there by herself.
When I returned to the living room, the old men had all sat nervously on the sofa, with inquiring faces, but not daring to inquire, and could only look at me fixedly.
I took a deep breath and sat down in front of them.
“Dad, Mom, I’m getting a divorce.”
“Why? What conflict can’t be resolved? Is it something you’ve done to be an asshole?” My mother began to question me while my father stared at me closely.
I lowered my head and covered my face with my hands as I slowly told them about the morning’s events.
After I finished speaking, they didn’t say anything for half a day, they were all shocked, I knew it was hard for them to accept this fact, in their eyes, our family of three had always been very happy, and Mei was a good daughter-in-law. And the old people of both families are relatively traditional people, and the relationship is also extremely good, in their impression, this kind of bullshit will not happen in their families at all. When my brother went into business, their biggest worry was not losing money, but fearing that my brother would learn a bad lesson and affect the family. They didn’t expect my brother’s family to remain stable, but they were most relieved that my family had changed.
Only after a while did the mother carefully ask, “Is there some kind of misunderstanding here? Xiao Mei isn’t this kind of person, is she?”
I didn’t squeak, and my mother nudged my father, who fumbled for a cigarette and took two deep puffs. “Do her parents know?”
I shook my head, “I’m not sure, I don’t think I know yet, I didn’t go into it.”
My father sucked on his cigarette again in silence, pondered for a while, and stared at me again, “Is it still possible to turn back? Even if it’s for a good time?”
I understood that my father was asking for my attitude, and that if I had any idea of a reprieve, he would immediately go to May, to May’s parents, to help his son, to help his granddaughter keep the family together.
I returned his gaze with the same determination, “No way, I thought it over and over before I came. Cool I’ll definitely stay.”
My father saw the determination in my bloodshot eyes, as if he had drained the spirit at once, his face grayed out, inhaled a mouthful of cigarettes, and then coughed violently. I hurriedly got up to give him a pat on the back, mother busy to pour water.
After he coughed, he drank some water and leaned back on the sofa to rest with his eyes closed, I stood at the side with my head down, after a while, he opened his eyes, “Xiao Jun, you’re still sick, go lie down for a while, I’ll call your brother to come back, when he comes back, we’ll discuss it.”
Coming to my daughter’s hut, I hugged and kissed my daughter, then collapsed on the cot, smelling her milky scent, and with physical and mental exhaustion, I fell asleep. When my brother woke me up, my mother had already made dinner, and at the dinner table I saw that my sister-in-law and nephew were also there.
After dinner, my nephew took my daughter to a game and we sat around the living room.
When I retold the story once more, my mother and sister-in-law began to persuade me, while my father and brother sipped their tea and thought.
When my sister-in-law saw that she couldn’t persuade me, she went to pull my brother so that he could say something too.
Brother looked at his father and saw that he didn’t show any indication before he spoke, “Don’t even try to persuade me, I support Xiao Jun’s divorce.”
Sister-in-law was furious and stared hard at brother. Brother waved his hand at her, signaling for silence, and then continued, “I didn’t say that because Xiao Mei made a mistake and didn’t want to give her a chance, but because this woman’s heart simply isn’t in the family any more, and that’s why I’m in favor of Xiao Jun’s divorce.”
“How do you know her mind is not at home?” My sister-in-law asked rhetorically.
“So let me ask you, when her husband was sick, who did she attend to first? Where was she when her husband was in the hospital in a coma? Has there been a single phone call so far to check on her husband? Has there been a single phone call to check on her daughter?”
Everyone was silent, while my heart felt as if it had been stabbed twice more.
Brother asked me again, “What are you going to do, Xiao Jun?”
“Divorce, idea to stay cool, revenge, can’t make it easy for them, plus, no face to work, I want to come to your place.” I said word for word. “Good, I support you, no one can be at peace after insulting my family, and no one can build happiness on the pain of our family, and the company is half yours, you can come if you want. If I hadn’t seen that you had a future in your work, I would have dragged you here long ago.” Brother said indignantly, “Also, Xiao Jun, if you don’t want to work anymore, go to your brother’s place and help your brother share the burden as well.” Sister-in-law saw her brother’s words, also said with.
The mother hesitantly said, “Xiaobing, Xiaojun, you guys reconsider.”
Brother waved his hand, “Dad, mom, Xiaojun and I are both adults, we have a sense of propriety in what we do, let our generation’s affairs be resolved by ourselves, so don’t worry about it anymore. All of you take an early rest, let’s go back, Xiao Jun, come to the company in the morning, I’ll discuss with you specifically.”
Both parents sighed and stopped talking.
Well, by this point the issue of parental appeasement and retreat was resolved with the help of my brother. The rest is for me to let go and do it.
At night, I put my daughter to sleep, lying on the edge of the bed, gently stroking her head, my child, my little princess ah! Do you know your father’s grief? In the future, how can I compensate for your hurt?
My daughter quietly felt my touch. Finally she asked me in a small voice, “Daddy, why isn’t Mommy coming today when my great-uncle and aunt are here?”
I was speechless, well, since the hurt was bound to come, let’s wash it away with other emotions, even if it was a human tragedy, it wasn’t my fault, it really wasn’t my fault. But why do I feel torn apart, is it because I am ready to deprive my daughter of her innocent childlike nature?
“Mom won’t be coming in the future.”
“Why? Is it because Sharp is misbehaving?”
“No, Sharp is good because Mommy did something with the bad guys that hurt Daddy, and Sharp.”
“What is it? Is it bad?”
“It’s bad, very, very bad. So bad that Daddy can’t forgive her.”
“Then why did mom go and do it? Doesn’t she know she can’t do bad things?”
“She stays with bad people and becomes bad too, that’s why she does bad things, if we stay with mommy again we’ll become bad people too, cool want to be bad?”
“Cool don’t be bad, cool be good.”
“Then let’s not be with mom in the future. Okay? In the future, we’ll stay with Daddy, and Daddy will teach you to be a good person.”
“What about Sharp wanting mommy?”
“You treat her like she’s big and bad and hate her and you won’t miss her.”
What am I doing? What am I doing?
I’m depriving my daughter of her yearning for a mother’s love. I’m stifling her nature, I’m teaching her to loathe her own mother.
My tears came out in a frenzy.
My daughter saw my tears and was so scared that she cried too. Little hand wiped my tears, “Daddy don’t cry, daddy don’t cry, mommy hurt daddy, mommy is big bad, cool don’t want mommy, cool don’t want mommy, cool only want daddy.”
I pressed my daughter’s little hand to my face, “Baby, Daddy will always love you. You don’t have a mommy. Daddy will love you twice as much.”
“I love Daddy too, and I’m going to give him twice as much, no, many, many times as much love.”
“Baby, thank you, it’s just going to be the two of us from now on, we both need to be strong, will you learn to be strong?”
“Sharp has to learn to be strong, Daddy teaches Sharp.”
“Okay, Daddy will teach you now that being strong means having a smile on your face even though it’s hard on your heart, even if you still have tears in your eyes.” I said, trying to squeeze a smile on my face.
My daughter learned to smile too. On the two tearful smiling faces, one was confused, the other determined.
“Awww, that’s ugly.” I cackle at her with my hand, and my daughter’s giggles ease the pain I feel tonight.
My daughter was asleep and I was still gazing longingly at her little face.
My angel, perhaps you are the only sunshine in my life going forward, may your presence pull me back before I go completely mad. When I looked up, I realized that my mother was standing in the doorway, I don’t know how long she had been standing there, she looked at me slyly without saying anything, and after a while gestured for me to go out. I followed my mother to the living room, my father had gone back to bed, I don’t know if he can sleep tonight, thinking of this, I have another pang of sadness.
My mother looked at me for a moment longer before she spoke, “You’re teaching Sharp to hate, you’re teaching Sharp to hate her mother.”
“Yes, when that woman forgets her motherly responsibilities and does something that betrays her family, her motherly love for Sharp becomes hurtful to Sharp, and Sharp’s love and dependence on her becomes the source of Sharp’s hurt. I can only teach Sharp to use hate to protect herself from being hurt.”
I took a breather and continued, “Besides, in everyone’s growth, besides learning the positive things like love, gratitude, and strength, they must also learn the negative things like hate, jealousy, and compromise, only then can they become socially adapted, and I didn’t want her to go and learn it so early on, but what’s happening right now is forcing me to teach it to her right now or I’m going to lose her.”
My mother stared at me, “Xiao Jun, must you go for revenge like this? Don’t you think you’re too paranoid?”
I sneered, “Mom, how am I being bigoted? You have taught me the principles of being a human being since I was a child, and told me the bottom line of morality, and now that I adhere to and uphold these ideas, how is it that I have become a bigot? Could it be that if I give up the principles of being a human being, and go along with those rotten people, or lower the bottom line of morality, and identify with the ugliness of the world, then I’m not being bigoted?”
“I’m not telling you to go that way, just trying to say be forgiving.”
“I am a party member, that is, I don’t believe in Buddha or Jesus, so I don’t have a compassionate and forgiving heart, not to mention a spiteful demeanor; I am just a mortal, and I can’t be a saint. Therefore, when others treat me with good deeds, I return them with my conscience, and if they treat me with evil deeds, I return them with the same evil, and the one who wants to push me down the abyss, I will hold his legs and go down with him .”
My mother looked at me deeply and finally shook her head and walked away.
I turned off the lights, leaned back and sat on the sofa, staring blankly at the streetlights outside the window, loneliness enveloped me, so until dawn. Before I left the house, I explained to my parents again and again, let them leave Shuang Shuang at home, don’t go out first.
When I arrived at the office, my brother was already waiting for me in the office.
When I entered, my brother looked at me with a haggard face and asked with concern, “What’s wrong? Didn’t sleep all night? Do you need some rest?”
“It’s okay, can’t sleep.”
“You can’t be like this, you have to think about adjusting to it, there’s no such thing as a hurdle that can’t be passed, why don’t I take care of it? You stay at home with the child on the line, these years I’m peaceful, actually someone bullied to the head, I think they are forgetting that the lion is asleep, but also still a lion, woke up the same will bite.” .
My brother was the head of the gangsters here, according to his friends: in the road is also a statement heh. But as soon as he got married, he immediately became a good family man.
“Brother, thank you, but no, what to do, I already have a plan, I want to do it my way. After all, to a large extent, it’s a personal matter for me, just take care of something for me, and if I really can’t do it right, I’ll come back to you, okay?”
Brother thought for a moment, “Alright, do as you say, but you must remember that we are brothers who bleed the same blood, and I here will always have your back.”
Our parents taught us to love each other from a young age, and the concept of kinship has long been embedded in our marrow.
“I know, brother, and I really thank you. I came by today because there were a couple things I wanted you to take care of.”
“You say.”
“First, I’m definitely going to make a big deal out of this, Mom and Dad will be upset and sad if they’re still here, and Sharp will suffer.” “So what do you have in mind.”
“You think of arranging for them to go out on a trip, or if you can’t, let them go back home for a month.”
“Okay, I’ll arrange this, Qin Si (my brother’s friend) owns a travel company, just leave it to him, and try to let them go tomorrow. Come back when it’s over.”
“Also, Sharp is due to start school in September and I want her to go away to school.”
Brother thought carefully, “Your sister-in-law’s parents are in Shanghai, I also have a house there, let parents first take Sharp Sharp to go, the school I find someone to solve, in the next two years the company develops the business over there, you also go over there.”
“That’s fine, then I’ll go and get my resignation done in the next few days and come over. What do you think I can do?”
“Put up a VP’s name and follow me around to familiarize yourself with the business before I hand it over to you.”
“OK, first of all, I don’t have the energy to come to work in the near future, when the matter is dealt with and then precisely start, by the way, what is my salary?”
“The company has your half, and theoretically, you can use as much as you want without disrupting operations.”
“That’s not what I meant, my regular income concerns my program, I know so I can make arrangements. Consider me an outsider, how much should I be paid in this position?”
“Then let’s start with twenty thousand dollars a month, and then dividends at the end of the year, and you can always say if it’s not enough.”
“That’s it, give me the use of your car, I’m going to run some errands.”
My brother threw me the keys, “No rest, drive slow.”
The family is all set, and it’s time for me to get to the antecedents.
Drove to Mei’s work unit under the office building, parked the car, I slowly swing into the building, it is time to go to work, a busy scene, I looked around, and finally came to the lobby of the “open government” in front of the column.
I quickly found what I was looking for. So the bastard’s name is “Wang Peng”, and his job title? Section chief. Age? 64, that’s 41. That’s all the information I have.
I stepped out into the hall and leaned against a pillar in the doorway, smoking a cigarette, and after a while, I finally saw a familiar face.
“Hou.” I greeted from a young man who had just walked out of the office building. He was a coworker in one of May’s sections and had come to the house to pay his respects on New Year’s Day.
Xiao Hou turned his head to see that it was me, his face changed, looked around, and walked over quickly.
“Han, what are you doing here?”
“Got a minute? I’d like to ask you something.”
Hau looked around again, “How did you get here, Han?”
I pointed to my car, “Drive.”
“You drive the car to the back of the building first, wait for me in the car, I’ll come to you later.” Xiao Hou said and turned around to go into the building again.
I drove the car to the back of the office building, found a remote location to stop, and smoked a cigarette in the car. Ten or so minutes later, Xiao Hou pulled open the car door and sat in.
“Han, I know what you’re looking for from me, but after all, it’s my top boss, so I can’t help you much.” It seemed he knew all about it, and also this kind of thing sure spreads fast.
“Don’t you think too much, I just know a few things. It won’t be difficult for you.”
“Han, think about it, this kind of thing is too common nowadays, can’t live with it, just leave it, don’t be too impulsive, think about the kids. Besides, sister-in-law and he didn’t come on vacation today.”
“Just don’t worry, if I wasn’t calm, I would have rushed up with a knife by now, I’m just trying to understand what’s going on.” I patted Xiao Hou’s shoulder and handed him a cigarette in passing.
Xiao Hou took the cigarette, lit it and inhaled a few puffs, “Alright, I’ll tell you what I know, and I’ve long since grown tired of seeing that asshole, but turn around and don’t say it was me who said it.”
“No problem, I get that sort of thing, after all you have to work here.”
“It’s good that Han understands, I actually don’t know much about it, I heard about it yesterday afternoon, and I was thinking that something like this had happened after all.”
“So you’ve been aware of this for a while?”
“Not really, it’s just that they usually look a little off, but after all, there’s no real evidence, it’s just a guess, so I can’t spread it around.”
“What’s wrong?”
“After the old section chief retired last year, this Wang Peng was transferred from the head office to become the section chief, at that time there were rumors that he was sent down to us because he had committed a style problem, this person is not a good bird at a glance, all day colorful, often and female comrades to say something sweet, and sometimes move their hands and feet, there was a time when he had nothing to do to flirt with the next door social security section of the Wu Ying, was Wu Ying scolded ; a meal.”
“Then how did he and Mei get together?”
“I’m not sure, but I know that from the end of last year, first Wang Peng always ran to his sister-in-law’s office, and the two of them always talked and laughed, and then he always called his sister-in-law to his office, and the two of them often stayed in the house for most of the day, and then there were some people downstairs talking about it, and Wu Ying and I also advised my sister-in-law to keep a distance between him and my sister-in-law. But sister-in-law said she has a sense of proportion, let us do not think blindly.”
“Then how come you didn’t mention a province to me when you visited the house for New Year’s Eve?”
“Han, before New Year’s Eve they really didn’t have anything wrong with them except for the fact that when they were at work, they stayed together for a longer period of time, and I can’t use this kind of catch-all to affect your couple’s relationship, can I?”
“So when did it start to go wrong?”
“It’s just that after New Year’s, both of them often work their shifts and just say something’s come up and they’re both out, and both of them look out of place. That’s all I know.”
“Yes, thank you.”
“It’s nothing. I’ll go back then.”
Xiao Hou left, I smoked two cigarettes in the car again, brother came to the phone, “Xiaojun, Mom and Dad to travel to the thing I arranged, first to Hainan, tomorrow at noon on the plane, you go back to help pack a little.”
On the way home, I called my cousin who works in the head office, after the phone call, a pleasantries, I asked him directly: “Do you know a Wang Peng?”
“Wang Peng (peng)? With or without a bird?”
I was flabbergasted, “Bring what bird?”
Cousin smiled and explained, “We have two people here, one is called Wang Peng, friend’s peng, without bird, and one is called Wang Peng, roc’s peng, with bird, but transferred.”
“That’s the one who transferred, do some research on him for me, including his family, the more detailed the better.”
“Is something wrong?”
“Don’t ask, I’m useful.”
“Well, I’ll let you know when it’s done.”
In the afternoon, I went to my cousin’s place and got Wang Peng’s information.
Late at night, under the desk lamp, I was thinking of a plan to take revenge while recording it on paper, occasionally letting out a few smug, treacherous laughs. Suddenly my mother’s voice sounded behind me, “Xiao Jun, pay attention to adjusting your mindset, look at your current image, you look like a pervert.”
I turned around and saw the deep concern in my mother’s eyes.
Saturday, I sent off my parents and daughter, and in the afternoon I went to see my classmate who is a lawyer and asked some legal questions. In the evening, I wrote the “divorce agreement”. Then I slept.
I woke up on Sunday around noon, ate, and knew that my mind and spirit were ready to face and work through this marriage once and for all.
I called May’s number, “I think it’s time for us to work things out face to face, and go back to your own house tonight. I’ll make dinner and wait for you.”
“Also, the Army …….”
I immediately snapped the phone, not wanting to hear even a word, what to say, then say it face to face, I played with the recorder in my hand.
In the afternoon I did my grocery shopping and returned to my home, my temporary home. First, I slowly packed my things and put them in my suitcase. Only then did I start cooking and doing the dishes.
At half past five, I had just finished cooking a meal when May opened the door and came in, a few moments of haggardness visible despite her expressionless face.
“Wash your hands for dinner first.” I said conversationally.
Neither of us spoke during the meal, and the few times she tried to speak, I stopped her with a look.
After packing up after dinner, we sat down in the living room. After a while of silence, I spoke first.
“Why?”
“No reason.”
“I think we’re at the point where, no matter what happens later, what’s needed now is to lay things out in an open and honest way. It’ll be good for you and me.”
“I really don’t know what to say, to this day I don’t understand why things are like this? It’s like a dream.”
“Then I’ll ask and you answer. Is there anything I’m doing wrong, or not enough?”
“No, you’re fine, I’m the one who’s sorry.”
“So what’s your beef? With me? With family? With life?”
“Yes, after marriage every day a set life, every day to work and come home, two points and one line, not a little passion, bland and depressing people to go crazy. So many years down the line I’m really tired of it.”
“Why don’t you talk to me when you have all this bitterness?”
“Does it help to talk to you? Can you change anything?”
“Maybe I can’t change anything, but at the very least I can be a conduit for your bitterness. We can try to make some lifestyle changes, we can go and try to participate in some activities.”
“Maybe you’re right, and I’m the one who didn’t have the courage to go and change you.”
“Then you have the courage to hurt me?”
“I wasn’t thinking of hurting you.”
“You’ve already hurt, and you’re hurting our daughter while you do it.”
“I’m the one who’s sorry.”
I stood up in annoyance and took out my cigarette and smoked several puffs before calming my emotions down.
“So what are your plans?”
“It’s up to you, I’m fine with that.”
Looking at May’s disinterested expression, my anger finally got the best of me.
“Look at me? Do you look at me when you do such things? If you think you’re not passionate and happy in your married life with me, fine, then get a divorce. As long as you ask for it, I’ll never stick to you. We’ve known each other for so many years, don’t you know me? If you feel that you can not stick with me for life, want to give up, I will never resent you a little, but you would rather go to choose the way of betrayal and deception, which is I can not forgive in any case. Moreover, even if you find a decent person to cheat, I heart also feel a little better, but you see, you find what is a thing? Don’t you think it’s an insult to me? You can come home and do this while you’re at work. What will people say about you? Are you that horny? Do you even know shame? …… “I couldn’t help but growl out loud.
“Han Jun, you don’t have to be aggressive.” Mei seemed to be angered by my insults as well; “I apologized just now just because I hurt you, but I don’t think I did anything wrong. I’m not your subordinate, I have my own independent financial ability, I’m not surviving by relying on you, so I have my own independent personality, I have my own emotional space, and moreover, I have the power to go after my own feelings. So don’t put the hat of betrayal on my head again. You also do not see yourself too high, you feel that others are not as good as you, that is your personal thoughts, I do not feel that he is not as good as you, at least he makes me very happy. I don’t know shame and what’s wrong, this is my personal matter, others then say three or four, I’m not the same or my own ……”
“Do you still have the moral fiber to be a human being? Do you still have a sense of family responsibility? Do you have any affection for your family?” I questioned her.
“Don’t make yourself sound so noble, haven’t you done anything outside? You’ve done your part, I’ve done my part, I’ve done my part, and I’m not the only one who’s responsible for the failure of the family, am I? Speaking of affection, let me ask you then, are you so angry right now because you have affection for me, or is it because of your own dignity?”
“I don’t deny that I’ve been tempted on the outside, but my sense of duty has kept me from ever taking a step over the line because I know that once something is done, there’s no turning back to change it. I also don’t deny that there is an element of compromised dignity in lashing out now, but more than that, it’s the anger of impending loss of intimacy. I may be emotionally inept as a man, but can’t you feel what I’ve done to you and your daughter?”
“You can’t hold people to your moral standards, I’m an adult with my own morals, values, and beliefs in life.”
“Your morals, your values are wrong, can’t socially accepted ethics, family responsibilities, and the concept of marriage, constrain your behavior?”
“That’s right, I’m a sensual woman, morals, responsibilities, marriage, these can’t limit my mind, only the feelings that make my heart sing can sway my emotions and behavior ……”
Our quarrel is escalating, she has her theory of feelings, I have my principles of being a person, my first time to appreciate the sharp teeth of May, she in not a little bit of weakness and repentance …… Maybe this is exactly what I want.
Late at night, I’ve lost interest in arguing, and even if I win the debate, what’s the point?
Doesn’t she know she’s wrong? No, she knows, and anyone who lives in a normal environment knows it’s wrong.
She was arguing with me because she was just looking for a defense for her mistake, and I was arguing with her because I was just looking for a justification for future actions and building a mental defense that it was time to end it.
I put a stop to the argument, “Enough of this, since we are diametrically opposed in our mindsets, it’s just painful to live together any longer, now let’s talk about how we can separate so I can get on with my business.”
“I said it’s up to you. Suit yourself.”
“Okay, well, why don’t you read this first.” I handed her the Divorce Agreement I had written.
Then I leaned back against the couch, slowly puffing on my cigarette, quietly waiting for her shocked expression.
Because the agreement in the most important two: First, cool cool support and custody to me, Mei only at any time the right to visit, and do not have to pay alimony. Second, all the family’s property, including the house, deposits, securities, etc., all belong to Mei.
In other words I took my daughter and netted her out of the house. I’m not crazy, this is the beginning of my revenge, for me, May only betrayed me emotionally, financially she did not betray me. So financially I gave her double compensation so that emotionally I could have the peace of mind to double my revenge on her. For her to do such a thing, can she not feel guilty? It would certainly ease her guilt if she was allowed to go clean, so I must not make her feel better about it and make it twice as hard for her.
Besides, think about it, if you found out as a bystander that a woman who had cheated on her husband actually got all the property in the divorce, what would you think of that woman? And how would you look at this? Is not the first impression is: this woman is too shameless, made a mistake but also with the means to hijack the family property; of course, she may explain, this is my initiative to give her, but as long as I do not clarify, who will believe her, but will be even more contemptuous of her, so that in others, especially in the eyes of future daughters, she is the standard of a bad woman, a lifetime of do not want to turn, in addition, in the agreement, I also set other traps, the main purpose is to separate her and her daughter, the main purpose is to separate her and her daughter. The purpose is to separate her and her daughter’s feelings, ha, ha ……
Sure enough, May looked shocked after reading the agreement. “Why?”
“First, I don’t want my own daughter to follow you and learn to be a person who has no shame, I have to have custody of my daughter and raise her without dirty money that you don’t know how to get.
Secondly, I have a cleanliness fetish, and everything I’ve ever shared with you except for my daughter, which I find filthy, is left to you to do with as you wish.” I talk to answer her.
“Okay, I want it, and in the future, when my daughter is older, I’ll give it all back to her.” May’s face turned red at my words, and she finally gritted her teeth and said.
“No, in the future I’ll raise my daughter to be clean as well, so don’t gross us out with this filth.”
“My daughter will sympathize with me when she understands.”
“Okay, as long as you have that confidence, sign it if you don’t have a problem with it.”
After signing, I collected my share and placed the passbook, securities; and other belongings in front of May, “Take an inventory, I’ll be waiting for you at the Civil Affairs Bureau tomorrow, Monday, at 10:00 a.m. Don’t forget to pick up your papers.” Then I took out the tape recorder from under the cushion, got up and dragged out the suitcase from the bedroom, and stepped outside.
Walking to the door, he put on his shoes and took the key belonging to this house off his keychain and put it on the shoe rack.
Hands on the handle, and put down, turned to the sofa still sitting on the Mei finally said: “I think that since the two people married, then from this moment onwards the two people have to take up the responsibility of the marriage. To have an affair on the pretext that there is no affection between the two parties is actually a blasphemy of this responsibility.
I feel more that passion dies when two people get married, and that the foundation of the whole family should be responsibility, not passion! Using passion as an excuse to abandon responsibility is betrayal.
And I will never be forgiving of betrayal, nor will I spare those who desecrate my feelings, so in the future we will no longer be family or strangers, but only enemies, so be kind.”
After that, he opened the door and left in stride.
The next day, May and I went through the divorce process at the Civil Affairs Bureau. We were both calm during the process, just filling out the forms and signing them in silence. I was trying to restrain my emotions, she? I don’t know. ……
After walking out the front door, I said to Mei, “I’ll hold on to the account book for now, and I’ll send it to you in a few days after I move me and Sharp’s.”
“There’s no rush, when can I go see Sharp?”
“Anytime, but right now she’s in Hainan, so go if you want to see her, I can tell you the address, but go quickly, if you’re late, you might go somewhere else again.”
“Why did she go to Hainan? Why didn’t you tell me.”
“You can’t restrict a child’s grandparents from taking the child on a trip, can you? Talking to you? Who knew where you were cool at the time?”
“So when’s it coming back?”
“I don’t know, maybe play until September and then go straight to school in Shanghai.”
“It’s in the agreement that I have the right to visit the child at any time.”
“I don’t deny it, you can go whenever you want, I won’t limit it, as long as you don’t get tired.”
“I don’t agree with Sharp going to school in Shanghai.”
“I’m sorry, it’s also written in the agreement that I have the obligation and the right to give my child a better education. You don’t think the quality of education in Shanghai is worse than here, do you?”
“I see, you don’t want the baby to see me.”
“You’re right, do you deserve to be a mother?”
“You asshole.” May slapped me hard.
I rubbed my face, “Even though I already consider you a hater, my principle is not to hit women, so I’ll take this slap and I’ll return it to you in some other way, and I advise you not to increase my hate value anymore.”
After I said that I turned to leave, Mei cursed behind me, “Han Jun, you’re not human.”
I stood still, turned back and stared at Mei and said word for word, “Although I am vindictive and careful, but I know shame and responsibility, so I am still a person. You, on the other hand, are not, like you behind the back of your husband and daughter, and a married man to use the work time to the home cheating and meticulous bitch, worthy of being called a person?”
The people watching from the sidelines began to talk. May covered her face and fled.