Personally, I have a penchant for peeping into girls’ secret places, imagining all sorts of things, and enjoying the pleasure of not being able to see or eat them. The following is a list of some of the deeds as a youthful period of some memories and repentance it!
My earliest voyeur was my neighbor’s sister. She was in high school at the time, and I liked to go to her house all the time. When summer came, she would come home and lie down to watch TV, often without realizing it, her snow-white panties would be exposed from her school skirt, making me, who was in the midst of puberty, gush with blood every time I looked at the white light coming out of her skirt. (I’m a good boy, and I don’t have much money to buy A-books, so peeping into girls’ panties has become my fantasy and a conduit for my lust). But all I could see was that she was always wearing white schoolgirl panties…
There is a young woman upstairs who loves to visit my house. She was about thirty years old, with a clean-cut face and a good figure, but she was skinny and a bit bony. Her child was in the first grade of elementary school. Once she came to my house again and sat in the living room chatting with my mother while I was in the living room doing my homework. I was doing my homework in the living room when I accidentally dropped my eraser on the floor and it bounced a few times and fell under the sofa. I got down to look for it, and found that the opening of the young woman’s jeans skirt was facing me. I carefully avoided my mother’s and her gaze, moved my viewpoint, pretending to look for something, and finally caught a glimpse of the bottom of her skirt… The white panties held by her thighs seemed to be difficult to hide the plump protrusion. …. That erotic bulge!!!…. Unfortunately, the slit in her foot came back together in a flash. I can’t stay under the table, so I pretended to have a toothache, went to the room and took a mirror, sat on the sofa and pretended to look at my teeth, adjusted the angle and used the mirror to capture the young woman’s unintentional exposure of the spring light from the bottom of her skirt …. When she got up to say goodbye, I seemed to see the upper part of her panties hollowed out ….
Junior high school is always fun, horny and gutless. Because I went to a private middle school, the junior high and high school departments were combined. I used to hide at the foot of the stairs at the end of the morning assembly and peek at the little glimpses of the older sisters’ skirts as they walked up the stairs. …. Most of the high school girls still like to wear student type white girl panties, I think one is the purity of the expression, and the second is afraid to be seen by those of us, afraid of wearing too sexy will make us nosebleed it …. :p …. In the shoes surface hide mirror that set also played, the impression that there is an art teacher just from the art college graduated to teach us, people look very beautiful, always love to wear dresses …. The most important thing to remember is that the most dignified way of dressing is the one that we like to target. From the reflection in the mirror, you can see her rounded buttocks, wrapped in pink panties. Unfortunately, we could only get down from the back, so we couldn’t see the front part of her colorful panties. There was also a female history teacher who had just graduated from the teacher’s college and was also quite good looking. Probably just teaching inexperienced, students ask her questions always bent over, revealing flesh-colored bra bra also do not know …. The history of our class questioning especially active, sound and color. In summer, she likes to wear sleeveless dresses, exposing her beautiful arms, her armpit hair is very dark and dense, and in class I always fantasize about whether her hair is as dark and shiny as her armpit hair, really evil teenager ah, but when she raised her hand to write the board, exposing her armpit hair did cause great sensory stimulation to the teenage me. The English teacher was a beautiful woman, soon to be married, we always loved to wait for her in the corridor, and then by the reflection of the mirror to steal the secrets of her long skirt, and then in the class she was going to class on the blackboard to write white, pink, or blue ….
One summer nap at home, the young woman came again. It turned out that she had asked her mother to buy some vegetables and was coming to pick them up. She was wearing a red dress, knee-length. I thought to myself, “I don’t think there’s much to see, so I went back to sleep. When I woke up, I went to the kitchen to open the refrigerator to get a drink of water and found that my mother had already left. The young woman was squatting on the floor, organizing her vegetables. As I got closer, I realized that she had lifted up her skirt to make it easier for her to squat. For the sake of some kind of evil intention, I approached her, and she had a chat, but out of the corner of my eye, I was hoping that she unintentionally open and close the thighs of the international exposed under the skirt of the spring light ….. God did not disappoint the painstaking people, she is probably focused on the work and forget the squatting posture of the elegant, in a burst of up to three minutes, I examined in detail the color of her panties, the form, and the quality of the material …. She was wearing pink low-rise panties with no lace trim. They were modest, not fancy at all. The material was cotton, and I could see the front seam of her panties, which I imagined to be her secret jungle and deep valley! Unfortunately, I didn’t see any pubic hair peeking out from the side of the panties …. As my heart was racing and my dick was on fire, she suddenly looked up, probably because she saw me looking at her, and then she closed her legs and pulled her skirt up. I smiled at her and left to go to the restroom. …. Of course, this time the toilet on the particularly long …. :p
Time flies, I have passed the somewhat evil but not very evil period of junior high school, and got into a high school with a not very high promotion rate, but close to home. I still lived at home, occasionally reading pornographic novels and smoking cigarettes. I am a little short, and full of pimples, when the students are busy to put the horse stays in class, there is no women’s interest in me can only be on time to do a good boy, and occasionally hide in the quilt jerking off, fantasizing about me peeling off the woman under the skirt of the small piece of cloth, to find out the mystery of the black forest ….. The days are so monotonous and repetitive ….. Next door sister has gone to college, pay more attention to grooming, so it is rare to see her spring light leaked. The young woman upstairs is also relatively rare, but occasionally I can still set some traps, peep her under skirt scenery. I wrote down the time, place, color and style in my diary.
Otherwise only once when I went to the park to hang out, I saw a young girl who was concentrating on her painting, because she was sitting on the ground, and accidentally exposed the under skirt. I approached to have a look …. It was a white girl’s panty, but there were some patterns on it, and when I looked at it, it was a very cute cartoon character, like a little girl’s panty! I wish I was the little elf on the panties, licking her girlish fragrance ….. Another time when I went to buy shoes, when I lowered my head to try on shoes, I caught a glimpse of the panties of a woman sitting opposite me who was also trying on shoes. She was about twenty-five-six years old, wearing a light green one-piece dress, and I saw her legs open and close for the purpose of trying on shoes, revealing a bit of a light green hue (I think it’s probably because the light shines through the green dress and onto the white panties, right?) I could see that her legs were open for the shoe fitting, revealing a somewhat light greenish tint (I think it was probably because the light was shining through the green skirt and onto the white panties! In this short five seconds, I saw her privacy that is not easy to see! When I was about to go out after buying the shoes, I saw another girl in a narrow skirt standing and sitting down to try on the shoes, and my eyes met with the opening of her narrow skirt, a pair of cut-out, flesh-colored panties! But because she was still wearing pantyhose, and because there was not enough light inside her skirt, I could only catch a glimpse of her. I found that the shoe store is really a good place to peep, in the future if you can’t get into college, you can go to the shoe store as a little brother good, hehehe …. The following is a list of the most important things that you can do to make your life easier.
Apart from these marvels, the days were basically monotonous and boring ….. As Barbuse says: Un jour, tout ce qui est triste finira (One day, sad things will come to an end.) This lasted until my beautiful cousin went to college, lived in my house, and graduated ….. A six-year long period of time made my life blossom; during this period of struggle between reason and morality and lust, I was not only satisfied with my voyeuristic pleasure and indulged in the lust of my cousin’s youthful body, but also explored for the first time a woman’s subtle inner self and the world of lust, and saw the taste of the sea of sex and love …. . But that is a story for another time …..
——————————————————————————–
II. First Encounter with Cousin
Da sind keine Flecken nur Wunden.Ach! und nur Wunden.
– Heinrich Heine
That’s not a stain, just a scar. Ah! What a scar.
I came home from school one day, and as soon as I walked in the door, I saw a wonderful young woman smiling at me. The face was vaguely similar ….. It turned out to be my cousin: as.
When I was a kid, I used to pester her. She was two years older than me and had the look of a big sister. Since she was an only child and I was an only son, and our families lived close to each other, we often played together. We played house together, she played the bride, I played the groom, and we had a carefree and happy childhood. She wasn’t a pretty girl, but she had good features and a nice body (when she grew up), and most importantly, she was a gentle girl with whom I would feel very comfortable, like a spring breeze. She never seemed to know when to lose her temper, probably because her family wasn’t rich, so she was always tolerant of people. When I was young, I liked to play pranks and make her angry, but the most she could do was to hide and cry. After the rain cleared, she played with me again 🙂 As a child, I used to tell her that when I grew up, I wanted to marry her as my bride, and she just laughed and laughed. She just laughed….! I always take the opportunity to fall into her arms, tickle her, let her beg for mercy. At that time the heart of a pure love for her, I think the component of respect is greater than the so-called love! I think she was more in love with me than respect, and I think she was also in love with me as a sister and brother! We moved our family north after attending junior high school, and news of my cousin was sporadic. All I knew was that she did very well and got into the Provincial Girls’ High School (while I managed to get into a lousy high school). The new environment is unfamiliar, curious, and adaptable. So that my hometown of her gradually faded, the memory is slowly fading, joking like a vow, as hours listening to fairy tales …. I’m not sure what I’m talking about, but I’m not sure what I’m talking about.
Her face now was similar to that of her childhood, except that her hair had grown longer and she had become thinner, making her clear face more slender. She was wearing an apricot-yellow dress with well-proportioned legs below her knees. She smiled at me, ah! This smile, when I first went to the north, in my midnight dreams, made me cry under the covers and it was hard to sleep. Now that I see her again, is it right? No! I had to talk to her in a very awkward way, making small talk. It turns out that she got into the University of T this year, and is going to study in the north. Auntie is a conservative countrywoman who doesn’t feel comfortable with her living outside, so she came to live in my house. I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to do that! It is really a great gospel ….. I had a chat with her. Obviously, the cost of studying hard is to make her put on the glasses, but also make her face added a Wen and beautiful, I fishing fishing chatter complained about Taipei, she is still a habit of maintaining a shallow smile ….. The words are very little, very love to smile ….. Just like a child!
Later, I pretended to be courteous (and actually excited) to help her organize her room and put on a show of being a wise at-home husband. When she turned around to organize her luggage, I carefully looked at her back …. . The same image is still there, but it’s gotten prettier, taller, and her figure is well-proportioned, wrapped in a well-fitting dress. As has fallen into a beautiful college girl, and I am still a face full of pimples, nothing to do, the future of the bad high school students, a comparison, I can not help but some self-image.
I then helped her organize in Ru’s room and made small talk about the farewell scene. She’s been working hard for the past few years, so she’s always been at the top of the school. I’ve been busy with ….. Now that she was a student at a national university, she was about to embark on a colorful life as a freshman, while I seemed to be a maggot rolling around in the mud, and I couldn’t help but feel a little frustrated. As we chatted and tidied up, after I finished the mattress, I turned around and found my cousin standing on the table, pawing at her feet and stuffing her unused luggage into the attic space. A pair of legs waved in front of me, provoking my restraint. The frustration of a moment ago was suddenly swept away …. by this beautiful scene. The hem of her skirt rose a bit because of her pawed feet, and when she pushed forward, the skirt at the back lifted up a bit, exposing the thighs above her knees ….. I looked at her beautiful legs and couldn’t hold back …. any longer. What’s inside the skirt? An evil thought came to my mind, and I gulped, realizing that my mouth was very dry. My cousin is still busy organizing her clothes, so she probably won’t notice what I’m doing, right?
So I pretended to lower my head to organize the clutter under the table and slowly moved my eyes to the bottom of her skirt ….. Cousin sister like a sheep with her head down and self-consciously eating grass, not knowing that the hungry wolf has already been eyeing her …. with a vengeance. I moved my gaze closer ….. A youthful body of flesh was gradually displayed in front of me …..
I saw a rounded ass, wrapped in tiny white panties, because she was still wearing pantyhose, so the panties were wrapped inside the pantyhose, and there were some wrinkles near her buttocks, not very flattering. According to my years of voyeuristic experience, the material of the panties she was wearing should be a nylon blend, as cotton panties seem to be thicker and have a better fit. Since the stockings she was wearing were completely transparent from the waist up, I could clearly see the color and texture …. of the panties. But the good news is that the table came down after putting something on. But she didn’t have the slightest idea what I had just done, she just saw me blushing a little bit (and her heart beating), so she asked me: a lot of stuff yo! You’re tired too, so you can clean it up tomorrow! I smiled at her with a little guilty conscience, and thought to myself, “I’ll see if I’ve made the right observation tonight.
After watching TV at night, I have always been the earliest to take a bath but uncharacteristically late to wash, urged by my mother, I impatiently back: people want to watch TV! I told my cousin to wash first! My cousin smiled at me and went to the back of the room. She smiled at me and went to the back of the room. I didn’t take a shower until she was done. While we were all watching TV in the living room, I went to the back balcony and found an extra set of women’s underwear where I usually hang my underwear, and they were still wet! It was swishing in the wind like an open blip …. flower. I carefully removed it and secretly took it to the bathroom …..
This is the first time I look at a girl’s intimate baby so close. Pure white lace daytime bra, size 32A, white nylon blend panties, middle of the road student type, no exaggerated lace and lace, the front is not any special design. But he means something different to me, this is my cousin s close, wrapped around her evocative peaks and deep valleys ….. To the nose in front of a inhalation, as if the whisk can vaguely feel the cousin body unique, the girl’s fragrance body odor. The body odor mixed with soap and water stimulation, the head of the top of the standing. I wrapped my cousin’s panties around him, rubbing back and forth, and fantasizing about the youthful flesh underneath the underwear ….. A wave of dizziness rushed to my head and my drenching shot straight out ….. In the bathroom, there was nothing but thick, cold water vapor, accompanied by my heavy panting ….. I splashed a little bit of water to wash the tarnished remnants of me from her panties ….. There was a sense of liberation in my body, a feeling of weakness and lethargy …. after the eruption. Inside, however, there was an emptiness and self-loathing …..
After my cousin came, I became better behaved and came home on time, which Mom and Dad thought was a good peaceful change. I asked her questions about books, and when she answered them, I just stared at her, smiling foolishly and imagining all the things she had underneath her coat. …. Underwear form, color …. Youthful flesh ….. Not long after, every night fixed to go to the balcony to examine her close to become my daily class, the brain in addition to the Three People’s Principles of the country’s history and geography, but also stuffed with my cousin’s various kinds of underwear, white, flesh-colored, pink ….. Every day, I would masturbate to her, listening to her soft murmurs and silver bell-like laughter. …. And then masturbating to her intimate apparel in the shower became the expectation and hope of my daily life ….. The days were rose-colored …..
My cousin was kind of a country girl, so she dressed more conservatively. Even underwear is also so, her close to white and flesh-colored color scheme is mainly. All of them are the kind of girl type without lace edge, low-waisted moderate type of panties, there is a piece of pink, the top has embroidered a rose, probably considered the most flirty one; There is also a piece of red and green small flowers …. . The bras are all back-open type, there is a Wacoal strapless white type, there is a very gorgeous lace, but rarely see her wearing.
Since the first day to see the bottom of the cousin’s skirt, has been suffering no opportunity to see the spring light, only to her just changed down, washed close to see things, I look forward to the day, can see the cousin wearing these I have long been familiar with close to show in front of my eyes,….. I’m looking forward to it, and one day, the opportunity has come …..
——————————————————————————–
Three. I love my cousin.
The mind is free from all attachments, so there is no fear, no more upside-down dreams, and nirvana is achieved.
– the Heart Sutra
Tonight is a typical summer night in Taipei, hot and humid, with the occasional evening breeze blowing hot. Although we have air-conditioning at home, it is still hard to beat the power of the summer night, and with the help of the basin-type climate, it rumbles and rumbles, which makes us feel a bit sluggish. The family went to the top floor to cool off. Although it is hard to see stars in the sky of Taipei because of the serious light pollution, tonight, uncharacteristically, even the Milky Way was vaguely recognizable. It was as if we had returned to the summer nights we spent under the kadong tree hours ago.
The family is on the top floor of the tea, set up a dragon gate to, mom and dad chatting about our hours of past events, said the funny when I laughed, my cousin is coy with the smile. My mother jokingly asked: “If you go to college, you can have a boyfriend, like Xiao Xiong is still in high school, I won’t allow him to have a boyfriend!
Just dating to be careful, your mother entrusted you to me, I think you’ve grown up, should be for their own good thinking, mother said with a smile: not like Xiao Xiong as fidgety, always like a child who has not grown up, I tickled with the mother, cousin blushing smile: college homework is very busy ah! I don’t want to have a boyfriend so early,….. Hearing these words made me have a subtle feeling in my mind ….. In fact, Xiao Xiong has grown up in a certain aspect ah!
My cousin wore a blue denim skirt today and a beige shirt on top. According to my experience, denim skirt is one of the easiest skirts to wear. So I deliberately picked a seat across from her, catching the angle and then waiting for the fish to take the bait and the sheep to enter. My cousin had been sitting with her legs crossed, which is a very sore sitting position, and she had to change her legs often. Several times in the gap between her legs, I seemed to have caught a glimpse of something, but I was never sure. Finally when her legs got sore and she was sitting on a short stool again, she flattened her legs ….. She probably did not know that a seemingly loyal werewolf was waiting for this opportunity, hoping to capture a rare glimpse of her skirt …..
A shooting star! , a white light streaked across the sky and I caught it in the gap where my cousin was distracted from looking up and forgot to clench her legs! ….. A familiar pink light shot out from her skirt, it was the pink embroidered panties! ….. The pink and somewhat transparent texture of the cloth wrapped around the fat, seemingly bursting out of the protruding mystery zone ….. As if to let me see a little more clearly, she slightly moved her body so that the whole skirt opening was facing me, and I could have an unobstructed view of the boundless spring light underneath the skirt …. . I even saw the rose embroidered on the …. Ah ….. Rose rose I love you ….. I’m trying to memorize the combination of this red-hot ….. My brother was also squirming uncomfortably underneath me.
After enjoying the moon too late, everyone was busy bathing and going to bed when we came downstairs. In front of the bathroom, my mother said to my cousin, “You’ve been here for so long, but you should wash your own clothes, since we have a washing machine at home, don’t be too shy, just put them in the laundry. She nodded her head in embarrassment. I hid in my room, excited by this unexpected blessing. After my cousin had finished her bath, it was my turn to wash. I waited for everyone to go to bed and then sneaked out to the balcony to check the laundry blues. I searched for half a day how can not find, and then saw her shirt seems to be wrapped in what things, open a look, a heart almost jumped out …. It is her panties ….. The first thing I did was to get a good look at the pants, which were wrapped up in a ball and wrapped inside. I hurriedly brought to the bathroom to examine ….. It was the panties I had just seen, only it had now been faded from that beautiful flesh, and it was it, wrapped around my cousin’s most reverie-inducing and mysterious zone, that great mountain! I brought the panties up to my nose and took a deep breath, a strong cleansing smell of teenage body odor rushed into my head …. Wow!
This is the smell of my cousin’s place, and the strong odor of female hormones is so strong that my brother has already been erected ….. I examined the most mysterious body, it is completely different from the past peeping, after the washing of the intimate apparel …. . It is just taken off from the flesh, full of female flavor, attracting the primitive hormones of the opposite sex, there are still some yellow and white residue on the panties, I can not help but use the tip of my tongue to lick a little, a little sour and sweet taste, I think this is the taste of the cousin’s pussy, right! I also found a pubic hair, black and elastic, a little curly ….. This is the cousin’s body hair! ….. I excitedly sniffed and licked this piece of panty that wrapped around her mysterious area, and finally used it to rub against my brother until I ejaculated twice before I was done, once on that rose, and the other time on her bra, right cup ….. And then I showered, secretly put the underwear back in place, dragged my tired body back to bed.
The light in Ru’s room was still on, probably still working on her schoolwork. She did not know that her unintentional spring light stirred up a teenager’s stupid sex sea love mountain; she did not know that her cousin had just raped her mentally twice in the bathroom; she did not know that she was going to change her underwear tomorrow, perhaps there is still a particularly strong vitality of the spermatozoa survive, waiting to do the closest contact with the shutter of her uterus; she only knew that she had to hand in a report tomorrow ….. She didn’t know that in the next room she had entered the dream world of a teenager with whom she was playing the game of Witchcraft …..
I began to familiarize myself with her body odor and even her physiological cycle from the color and style of her panties, and I collected and examined her pubic hair like a hunter collects fur ….. I am more familiar with her inner self than I am with myself ….. I think I’m getting more and more perverted ….. Each day began with the anticipation of the evening, quietly masturbating as I looked at her, imagining the youthful flesh under her clothes ….. From the folds of her panties that came out from her crouch, I guessed their contents, colors, and shapes ….. Then at night to test the results, I have indulged in this game, the heart of a breath of morality and decency, with each time my brother shot out, is disappearing little by little; in my mind, she is no longer my cousin, but a body exudes youthful charm of a woman, a day and day and I went to the mountain of sex partner …. Spiritually.
As my cousin got older, she slowly became more fashionable in her attire, and the more she wore, the prettier she became, transforming herself from a country girl into a city girl. From my underwear analysis, I was the first to notice this change. She gradually wore high-waisted panties, lace ones, patterned ones, and the color went to green and small floral series ….. I was excited about a new pair of panties every time ….. Then one summer night in the fall, I noticed that she had changed into a pair of pink flesh-colored panties with lace and a V-shaped cut-out pattern on the front ….. A sexy pair of panties to be sure. The next day she came home from class, and as I had hoped, she wore that denim skirt today, presumably with the addition of pantyhose so she wouldn’t be afraid to wear them. But as soon as she got home, she took off her pantyhose and went to the living room in her slippers to watch Joy 100 Points. Only I know that underneath this skirt is her flesh, wrapped in a pair of blushing panties ….. Without the hindrance of pantyhose …. The colorful worms in my heart are stirring again. I sat diagonally across from her and realized that the opening of her skirt was facing the TV and was difficult to see from the side, so she spread her legs with impunity. How could I pass up such an opportunity? So I began to make kung fu tea, just in the fake pouring tea for her gap, generous examination of her under skirt scenery …..
Sure enough it was the sexy panties, a familiar pink light made me swoon, the difference was there was a black blur peeking through the cutout part …. Pubic hair! Her lower body was richly enriched inside the panties, and the entire pair seemed to take on a life of its own, sending me frequent sexual signals ….. The TV’s teasing caused her to emit a silvery laughter, her face slightly flushed, coquettishly smiling! Beautiful eyes! How I wanted to pounce on her, tear her shirt, rip off her bra, and remove her panties …. I would like to take a leap of faith and push my weapon into her womb and pump it over and over again for a couple of hundred times, pouring my holy water into her mysterious valley! I will nibble and play with her breasts, I will kiss her all over her body, I will rub my pubic hairs against hers, and sparks of life will spring up ….. I will make my dreams come true.
I’m gonna fuck her!
I’m gonna fuck her!
But that is impossible …. I don’t have the courage, I can’t completely and totally abandon all reason and benevolence and morality, just when the fire of desire burns my whole body red and is about to burn …. Suddenly, a strange but familiar voice rang in my heart, reproaching me word by word. My body was in a hot purgatory on one side and a cold cellar on the other. …. She is your sister! If you love her, you shouldn’t do anything that might hurt her! If you love her, you shouldn’t do anything that might hurt her! In this moment of heavenly war, I ran to take a cold shower!
If there is obsession and love, then I am sick, because all beings are sick, so I am sick.
– Vimalaya, the sacred text of Buddha
Under the lotus head, I told myself that I was just a harmless wolf, making myself satisfied …. by spying and masturbating on my prey. But it is absolutely harmless, if I step out of this step and do something to hurt others, then I will become a real wolf that everyone shouts to kill! Don’t, I don’t want to become like this, I still like to be a peeping tom that doesn’t harm others, doesn’t attack others, and picks up other people’s springtime as the sustenance of life, and if I really attacked her, then it would be against my principle, and for the consequences, I don’t think I can afford to bear them ….. But another voice in my heart faintly shouted :Do it! Fuck her! , she is just a woman, an object of intercourse, if I don’t do it now, I will regret it in the future! , I am not willing to do it! ….. Under the rush of cold water, the voice of reason finally temporarily overpowered the challenge of carnal desire, next time! , a voice of compromise rang out ….
But, at an opportunity not long afterward, the physical desires recoiled viciously ….. The pressure of the sea of sex and mountains of love came lining up ….. But that was an afterthought ….
——————————————————————————–
IV. Lust, Love Prison
Wenn manchmal dicke Tropfen auf Lockenhaupt fallen,so bleibe dennoch ruhig,es ist nicht der Regen welcher durch das Dach sickert. weine nicht und drucke mir nur schweigend die Hand.
– Heinrich Heine
Sometimes bean-sized drops fall on your curls, please remain still, it’s not rain leaking from the roof, please don’t cry but just silently hold my hand tightly.
That year, I took the Joint Entrance Examination for Junior College, and perhaps because of my cousin’s tutoring, a miracle, or even a miraculous gift from the Almighty, I was admitted to a private university. My parents were overjoyed and thought that it was my cousin’s work that brought about my great transformation; they bought me a motorcycle as a gift… Of course, my cousin brought about a change in my life, and for the first time, I began to think about the spirit of sex and love through lust-driven voyeurism; and from being a purely spectator, I played my first so-called love game in my life. Of course, for a person who had just graduated from high school and didn’t know how to take care of people and how to put my feelings in check, it was too heavy a game, both for me and for her. ……
Not long after the release of the school year, I went to a health activity – climbing the Daba Jianshan Mountain – with some of my best friends who used to masturbate at school (masturbating means hiding under the bridge or stairs to peep at the students…). We went to a health activity together – climbing Daba Jian Mountain. After going down the mountain, we went to Sun Moon Lake for a few days and met a bunch of girls. One of them, Xiaojie, was very cute, but not my favorite type. I was a bit flattered when she came up to me and pestered me all the time. Self-confessed not good-looking, no girls edge of me, but there are girls light step, so I a little restored to their own confidence. When I asked, it turned out that she appreciated my quiet and a little melancholy expression (God knows, that’s because I have nothing to say, full of glue, so I had to not speak, put on a melancholy look, people do not say that silence is gold?) I was so curious about the opposite sex, but I realized that she and I had both been admitted to the University of W. I was very curious about the opposite sex. With the curiosity of the opposite sex, coupled with the coaxing of the diehard friends, we were paired with her. I think it’s good that we’re in the same school, so it’s easy to do anything. No fish and shrimp is also good! At least there will be a companion in the future for the prom and so on!
The days passed in a few more days in the cheek to cheek. When it was time to go home, my companions were all reluctant to leave, but I had a sense of anticipation and hope. I was looking forward to seeing my cousin again. On the northbound train, Xiaojie leaned on my shoulder and fell asleep, the train rumbled on, getting closer and closer to home, and the anticipation in my heart grew stronger and stronger. …. What is my cousin doing now? …I’ll be able to get tired of it every day during the summer vacation…My mood is like a wanderer who has been away from home for many years and is looking forward to seeing the yellow ribbons tied to the trees on the road in his hometown.
Look down and scrutinize Jie, she is sleeping sweetly, a simple, youthful, lovely girl with the vivacity and confidence of our new generation of new people …. Does she know that sitting next to her is a wolf that doesn’t dare to devour people? Xiaojie frowned a little, seemed to dream of something, and also seemed to answer my question. If I recognized her for this, and did not think wildly, perhaps the days would be simple and happy, or at least would save me from the entanglements of lust …. But I refuse to stop here, a wandering heart, should not be so easy to stop and rest; my heart has a greater ambition, in the darkness to come, will be awakened stupid, with the adrenal gland thumping drums dance… I am a wolf, although I long for the warmth of people’s lamps, but I don’t want to have a home, I’d rather hide in the dark, as a high and proud wolf, the wolf can’t be collected! I would rather hide in the dark and be a proud wolf. …For Xiaojie, it was just a comma in my life, definitely not a full stop. In this regard, I have no sense of guilt at all, I and her, no commitment, together with just male and female love, and then come, not to go, who care? It is there, this year, what things are eternal? But it was my restless hand that took advantage of her sleep and ate some of her tofu. This is what I’ve earned… I thought so.
After exchanging phone addresses with Jie at the station, I rushed home with a sense of urgency. As soon as I entered the door, Mom and Dad were not there. Habitually, I ran to the balcony to do that long time not to do the rounds. Unexpectedly found the set of youthful accessories missing on the hanger. Hurriedly rummaged through the laundry blues and it wasn’t there either! Where did cousin go? Has she gone home? My heart felt as if it had been sprinkled with cold water. She stayed in the living room and moped. At that moment, my mother came back. Xiong, you’re back! Yes, I am! Why don’t you see your cousin? Xiao Ru? We got a call from home the day before yesterday. I heard her father was sick, so I rushed home. She’s quite a filial child! I’m relieved, I thought she moved away! Good home in! I chatted with mom, but I didn’t tell her about Jie. I don’t like to share my secrets with others. Besides, I haven’t done anything with Jie yet, so if I told her, I would have to talk about it again. After dinner, I went to bed with a headache.
Tossing and turning in bed, I snuck into my cousin’s room, whispered, opened the closet, pulled open the lower drawer, and took out all of her underwear, laying them on the bed. Like a military parade, I examined my cousin’s personal accessories one by one, like playing with a piece of antique collection; I was collecting them, in the depths of my heart, belonging to my cousin and me, a dark and ambiguous corner. Each piece of blasphemy is a story. Its color, form, smell, and even when I wore it, I can tell them all like a family treasure. Thinking back to all my love affairs with her, and the first time I saw my cousin wearing each and every one of them, I actually blushed and my heart beat red. I gently lie down, imagine as is lying beside me, very strange, the excitement and passion of the past has disappeared,……, boundless loneliness and self-pity and self-pity feeling attacked the heart. She knows that a teenager has fallen into her boundless whirlpool of lust? Tossing and turning difficult to sleep? Ah! Cousin! Xiao Ru!
I thought that my desire for my cousin was just a natural reaction to a youthful body, just like the women I had spied on in the past, I didn’t know their names, and my spying on them was probably just a piece of embarrassment to them, like a harmless rumor that would soon be gone with the wind; as soon as I had a girlfriend in the future or found a better target to vent to, I would be able to naturally shift my goalposts. But when I left home, I realized that my cousin had quietly occupied a corner of my heart without even realizing it. Through my reverie and voyeurism of my cousin’s flesh, my appreciation of her body, my playfulness and my masturbation, I seemed to have fallen into a kind of love that was hard to extricate myself from. It’s a strange feeling, isn’t it? From the purely physical sensual fascination and stimulation, I stole her intimate affairs and mastered most of her physiological secrets, but a kind of marvelous feelings are slowly breeding, because of the understanding of her physiology, I am becoming more and more like her man (although it’s my own judgment; or you can say it’s my masturbation), in addition to physical fantasies and desires, but in my heart, there is a greater desire for her, which is more than possessing her body; I even went so far as to say that I have fallen into a kind of love that I cannot get out of. I even started to want to explore her inner world and share her joys and sorrows. I wanted to stop spying on her and stealing the secrets of her youth like a thief, and I wanted to say to her, “Xiaoru, I love you”! It was hard to believe that I had developed such feelings for my cousin, who was two years older than me. Especially in her absence, facing all her intimate secrets, I had no sexual impulses and passions, but deep down, there was a hidden pity and pain; it was as if I saw the objects of a deceased person, and then suddenly thought that he was gone, and the pain of parting gnawed at me, and I couldn’t help but cry… The radio in the middle of the night kept on playing that song…will you still love me?
I decided to head south to Chiayi early the next morning to find her ……..
Thou lovest my heart, and I pity thy color, and for this reason, for a hundred thousand ages, I have been in bondage.
-Lama Sutra Volume 9
Getting off at the Chiayi Railway Station, I came back to my hometown after several years of absence… The familiar bronze statue of Wu Feng had been replaced by a Liberty Bell, and everything became bright and misty under the scorching sun that is unique to southern Taiwan, and my heart was filled with joy because I was going to look for my love. I was like a warrior full of confidence. The future might be rough and the enemy might be treacherous and cunning, but because I had found true love, I could fight for her regardless of anything. After clarifying my feelings, I suddenly felt very happy and mature. Maybe I was too young! I have always dreamed of a beautiful dream, thinking that the earth revolves for me… At that time, I was just enjoying what I thought was rightfully mine, and it was smooth sailing… This is probably what youthfulness is all about, but I didn’t know that I almost lost my money when I first bet on a game of chance… ….
Hopping on the bus to Lantan, I took my first step toward her ……
——————————————————————————–
V. Beautiful beginnings
Gather ye rose-buds while ye may.
Old Time is still a-flying.
And this same flower that smiles today.
Tomorrow will be dying.
– Robert Herrick
“Picking the roses, and they’re still alive.
The sun and the moon are in their prime, and the sun and the moon are in their prime.
This flower is burning brightly this evening.
What happens the next day? I’ll be a withered branch.
I wore a special suit today, hoping to dress a little more mature. I bought my companion and felt like I was going to propose marriage. When I got off at the stop sign, I couldn’t wait to walk fast…, finally! The big dog that my cousin’s family owns has started barking, and after being away for so long, Blackie, who chased me around and played with me in my childhood, doesn’t recognize me anymore. My aunt poked her head out, a smile on her face:Auntie!
Hung! Haven’t seen you for a long time, why don’t you come here?
Because I came to Chiayi to look for my classmates, I heard that my aunt’s husband was in poor health, so I turned around to take a look!
It’s nothing. It’s just old age, that’s what it is!
You and Ru are both the same, love the tension!
I also stopped by my hometown for a visit, it’s been a while since I’ve been back! The road has changed a lot!
My aunt greeted me courteously and asked me to come in and sit down.
Ah didn’t rush, it’s good to stay here for a few more days!
Yeah!
My aunt’s uncle also came forward, suffering from gout, the old disease they say.
Uncle, are you feeling better?
It was nothing! It’s all because your aunt was so nervous. She told Ru that she’d come here…
That’s Ixiao Shun!
I chatted with them and wondered why I hadn’t seen my cousin.
Ah…cousin isn’t here?
I’m going out with my friends.
A friend?
He said he was a classmate! I live in Minxiong, came to sit for a while in the morning, after lunch, Ah Ru said he wanted to go for a walk with him, Nai to now? Probably back soon!
OH…, a wave of jealousy flared up in my heart… Classmates!
Just after that, the cousin came back. Huh! Xiao Xiong! What are you doing here?
Turned back for a visit and stopped by to see my aunt and uncle, it’s been a while! (Actually, I’m just here to see you!)
Seeing her cousin’s radiant face, the jealousy she had just felt had been swept away.
Wow! In a suit! It looks so much older, my cousin joked. (Pretending to be older is for you too!!!) …….
As we talked, it was evening. Cousin went upstairs to help me make the bed, looking at her slender back, as well as the traces of her bra and panties on her back and hips when her body bent down, I had an impulse to hug her from behind. In the middle of my thoughts, my cousin turned around and smiled sweetly at me, “Why do you want to come and see my cousin?
I can’t see you when I get home and miss you! (Really ah!!!)
Wow! You even eat my sister’s tofu. I won’t take you out tomorrow!
…..
There was a sudden silence, and the two men got a little unnatural.
Sister, I want to take a bath . I’ll put the hot water on for you. (It’s like a wife to a husband!!!)
I straightened my clothes and went downstairs when my cousin came from the living room and said.
Your guest let you wash first! I’ve put the water on, Khun Luang!
Entering the bathroom I hurriedly scrubbed my body and took a moment to survey the terrain.
When I came out of the shower, my cousin was already waiting outside: go to bed early and we’ll take you to play tomorrow!
All right! …I pretended to go upstairs, and when I heard the sound of the bathroom running the bath water, I tiptoed downstairs again.
There was an air window under the door of my cousin’s bathroom. I couldn’t resist the temptation of peeking at my cousin’s bath… I approached the bathroom cautiously, like a wolf holding its breath as it approached its prey… The yellow light of the bathroom was coming out from the air window… I think my cousin should have started to undress by now… right? I slowly lowered my head… The light is spreading on my face…I have a devil’s face right now, don’t I? I could see my cousin’s slender thighs through the gap in the air window…and she started to undress. First, she unbuttoned the front button of her blouse and took off the whole thing, revealing the white openwork bra inside. Then she took off her sweatpants, and her rounded buttocks were encased in tiny, white panties with red flowers, and underneath were her long, slender legs. I gulped, fearing that I would miss this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to see my cousin’s most mysterious area. Cousin turned around, reached behind her back with both hands, undid the back clasp of her bra, and put it on the laundry blue nearby …. Cousin The whole of her white and flawless back was on display in front of me…why don’t you turn around? …My dick was already hard as iron…My cousin inserted her fingers in the side of her panties and slowly rolled them down along her thighs …. My dick had almost reached the breaking point ………..
At this time, suddenly heard my aunt and uncle’s cough! Frightened me trembling with fear, hurriedly ran upstairs with my feet in my mind, a heart fluttering and fluttering. Peek down to see, it came from his room…hey! God killed me!… I don’t have the courage to go downstairs and peep anymore, but I’ll have another chance tomorrow! I’ve never seen that underwear before, I think it’s a new one from home! I’m going to steal them and study them. ……
After another half an hour, after making sure that no one was downstairs, I sneaked downstairs again and went into the bathroom, rummaging through the laundry blue to find my cousin’s freshly changed intimate treasures… After half a day of rummaging, a set of youthful accessories were displayed in front of me, and I hurriedly sent them to my nose to sniff them, and it was that familiar smell, the body odor that had made my soul tingle, and that had caused my younger brother to be snotty and angry. I stuffed the pants into my pocket and sneaked upstairs. I took out my panties, which were Triumph size M white panties with a red floral pattern. I removed my pajama bottoms and panties, held them in front of my nose and sniffed them, licked my tongue at the secret juices that covered my cousin’s pussy, and thought about what I had just witnessed… A stream of thick juices erupted from my brother, and I had orgasmed with my cousin once and for all at her house. …. In imagination.
Go knock on your cousin’s door! , an evil thought was born.
If one day I get lost in the wind, bring me back to your arms.
Because I know you’re a worrywart.
So when I fly, I don’t fly too far.
– Chen Sheng. Kites
I sneaked downstairs again and approached my cousin’s room, turning the door handle lightly, surprisingly it was unlocked! I pushed the door and saw my cousin wearing a pink robe, kicking the quilt, with her stomach exposed. I pulled the quilt up and covered her up, but I didn’t expect to wake her up.
Xiao Xiong! Why aren’t you in bed? It’s so late!
I…can’t sleep.
What’s wrong? You’re not used to sleeping in a different bed?
I don’t know.
I looked at her face full of tiredness, and something in my heart couldn’t bear it, the lust I had just felt had mostly subsided.
Sister…
What is it?
Can I give you a kiss good night?
You’re such a big man and you’re still fooling around like that!
OK? OK!
I looked at her non-committal expression, under the reflection of the bedside lamp, together with the reddish look of just waking up, it was extraordinarily shy and attractive… I couldn’t help but put my mouth over. Cousin saw that I was playing for real, very embarrassed to tilt her head, my mouth kissed on her cheeks.
You can go to bed now! Bad boy, still loves to pamper himself when he grows up!
My cousin made a shy face, and I was amused at my own stupid appearance… Exiting my cousin’s room, the feeling of fulfillment and excitement in my heart was completely different from jerking off.
I actually chewed on the sheet and lost sleep all night until morning because of the joy …..
——————————————————————————–
VI. The song is over, but I can’t see the people. The river is green.
Give me that man. That is not passion’s slave, and I will wear him in my heart’s core, ay, in my heart of heart. As I do thee.
– Shakespeare, Hamlet III. ii. 68-71
Give me someone who is not a slave to passion, and I will hide him in the depths of my heart, truly, in the heart of my heart, as I treasure You.
The next day, I traveled with my cousin to Lan Tan, a place we used to visit when we were kids. The lake was dotted with sandbars, the waves were shining brightly, and occasional egrets flew by. The scenery was still the same as in the past, and it was as if time had come to a standstill and flowed backwards. Six-year-old me and my cousin walking together, her small hand holding my even smaller hand, I insisted on walking on the side of the road side of ….
Sister, you go inside, I’ll go outside.
No, it’s dangerous to walk outside in a car.
That’s why I have to go outside to protect my sister!
A touched expression appeared on her cousin’s face.
What will Xiong do when the car comes?
I can jump away! Hung knows kung fu. He’s not afraid of cars.
….. In the end it was the cousin who walked outside because she said she was the sister.
….
What are you thinking about? The sunlight on her face made her smile like a flower.
It’s nothing! I was just thinking about something when I was a kid!
You were the naughtiest when you were a kid, but you were also the most pampered to your sister.
Once I fell into a pond in order to pick water hyacinth, and was rescued, only to find out later that I had gone to pick it for me…
I also just said:Bougainvillea’s flowers are so pretty!
Who knows you ….
The cousin smiled a little, as if she, too, had returned to those days of sisterly love, simple and happy.
Yes, I would do anything for you…I thought I was just attracted to your mature female body, but now I realize that my feelings have been growing in my heart since I was very young and I didn’t even know it…The time and space barrier has made it dormant for a while…but with the reunion…I am crazy to explore your body! …I’m eager to get to know you, to relive what I’ve learned about you, to make up for missing out on your growth at the moment of separation. …. The first time I saw you, you were a little girl, but now you’re a grown woman! …. The sentiment catalyzed by lust has sprouted and spread again in the heart ….. And all the time gnawing at my heart. Until this short goodbye, only to realize that you in my mind is not just a member of the Peep List, but occupies a more important position …. I can’t even tell if I’m in love with you or lust? Or is it both?
I was strolling along the long embankment, the wind was blowing, and the water was rippling. You walk in front of me, the wind blew, will be your fit white shirt blown suit, your slender body vaguely visible … but now I am full of you, not the lust of the flesh on the masturbation; but a pain and thanks, a with me through childhood, in my youthful stirring to meet my sexual fantasies (although you do not know) …. For you …. How I hope this long dike will never end, and we will go on like this, forever and ever …….
Sis, I heard from Uncle that a boy came to see you yesterday! Was it a boyfriend?
Oh…not really! He’s a classmate of mine, also from Chiayi, and he went to Taipei in high school.
When I first came to U of T, I was still very vague about Taipei, and he was so eager to help me run around…
(If you had told me, I would have made it too!!!)
He’s nice and from the same town and takes care of me, (me too!!!)
A twinge of jealousy grew in me, the sweetness that had just been in my heart was slowly fading.
So you like him! , (I hope not!!!)
I don’t know! Anyway, we’re still on speaking terms…(！！！！)
A wave of heartache came over me like a million ants gnawing at my heart… (She’s got a boyfriend!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) ….
Hung, what about you? Do you have a girlfriend? Tell my sister oh…. Of course not!
…… I’ll smile a little bitterly, (you’re the only one in my heart!!!)
There is!
What’s your name? Can you tell me?
It’s called Chen Yunru! ,(really!!!) …Cousin stayed for a while …..
Haha…, don’t eat sister’s tofu, I’m serious with you, (it’s true!!!)
There is someone, but the time is not ripe yet, I’ll tell you later, (that’s you!!!)
OH…if not sister would like to introduce you!
m….. m
The jealousy in my heart is spreading fast, my heart has been burned by a wave of anger… I can’t hear what my cousin is saying anymore… the only thing in my heart is a series of questions:….
Why? Why! Why!
Behind all the splendor, there’s nothing left.
There’s nothingness behind the passion.
Life oscillates between attachment and enlightenment.
– somebody
I’ve gotten a little quieter over dinner. I’m usually used to being quiet anyway, so it’s hard for people to tell from the outside that a chemical change is going on inside me …….
I ate my fill, watched a little TV, took a shower and then hid in my room with the excuse of a headache. A wounded beast needs to find a place to heal! Cousin was talking on the phone, it was probably him, wasn’t it? Seeing my cousin talking happily, I felt a stabbing pain in my heart…why not me? …. I quickly walked upstairs, unlocked the door, and the tears I had been holding back all day flowed out …….
Lying in bed, tossing and turning, thinking about the shift in her mood, there was a hint of resignation in her heart, in addition to self-pity.
(Cousin is mine! No one can take her away)
(She loves me the most, she’s just afraid to tell me!!!)
(She’d give him up for me if I dared to confess to her!!!)
(If you can’t have her love …..)
A terrible thought is taking shape …. (I’ll possess her first, and then, everything will be fine!!!)
The rational self gradually retreats, the emotional self has long since disappeared without a trace; the beast in my heart gradually awakens and resurrects, tending to encourage me to make terrible actions …….
(At least get her flesh first …….)
(Weren’t you about to do it last time???)
(Not to mention she’s about to become someone else’s woman ….)
The sound of the water heater coming from downstairs seemed to entice me…ah the youthful flesh in that bathroom!
(Auntie they all go to bed early anyway)
(According to Ru’s personality, she wouldn’t dare to shout it out.)
My heart has been filled with carnal desire, love, morality, all cast to the back of my mind, all I think is how to get down …….
I step softly down the stairs, the light of the bathroom by the gas window, let me continue to finish yesterday’s greatness! I quietly lowered my head, the light spilled over my face, and in a fog of steam, a slender youthful flesh came into view ……
Cousin has removed all the constraints on her body, and a body like that of a Venusian goddess is revealed in front of my eyes…, ah! The beautiful body that I had longed for and dreamed of! … in the steam, hidden and visible …, white as snow, intoxicated by the hot water rinse face, there are a few drops of sweat, mixed with water droplets, reflecting the white and red skin color, bright and beautiful…. Next is the beautifully curved neck, shoulders… Along the cleavage and down are the high, pink breasts, drooling …. Ah! Those are my sister’s breasts… I’ve long been familiar with the way they look when they’re wrapped up in a variety of bras, but I never thought that they’d be so beautiful and firm when they’re free of their restraints, so if I could just suck on them, it would be so nice! …My hand had already reached into my pants to soothe my brother, who was a little teary from excitement…Along the beautifully curved abdomen, down to the slightly raised belly, and down to the dark, shiny black forest that guarded my sister’s most mysterious section of the womb…that was my sister’s private parts! …
Sisters between the forefinger gently touch her secret place, I vaguely see her pink moat, I feel the blood is flowing backward to the head, there is a kind of dizziness, as if the flesh in front of me is just a dream, but it is decidedly different …. I couldn’t help but feel the urge to release the millions of sperm inside me …. The hot water clatters and rushes, and she is so oblivious to the comfort of washing her body and the pleasure of touching her private parts that she probably can’t hear the whispered gasps of a wolf outside the door!
Cousin finished washing and proceeded to wipe off the drips all over her body with a washcloth. She reached over to the ledge and picked up some pink and white pants. She put them on one foot and then switched to the other, slowly pulling them up to cover the dark forest. But perhaps the material of these high-waisted panties was too thin, the black forest gradually released water droplets, seemingly unwilling to be covered, and slowly traced a dark blurred outline in the panties. Cousin straightened her hair, then turned around and took off her bra, put it on from the front, adjusted the straps, and fastened the back buckle on the back of both hands. At this moment, her peaks have been put into the pinkish-white cups, but it seems to be reluctant to do so, and it has made a beautiful arc out of the bra. ….. Then put on the pajamas, put on the pajama pants, exhaled, yikes! A door opened ….. A black shadow pressed over in a row ….
She probably didn’t have time to scream before I pushed her into the bathroom, I held her hard and pushed her against the wall as she stared at me with a wide-eyed, incredulous, shocked look in her eyes. I monkeyed around and put my mouth on her lips…and as if she suddenly thought of something… She violently turned her mouth away from me, causing me to miss, only kissing her cheek, her face turned from red to pale… She started to struggle… Xiao Xiong! You can’t be like this! She lowered her voice and begged bitterly, tears gradually welling up in her eyes. My left hand pressed down on her breasts, seemed to be able to still feel the firm softness under the bra; my right hand began to pull her pajama pants… Xiao Xiong! Don’t do it! I’m going to scream if I don’t do this again! At this point, I was more like a beast that just wanted to let off steam than me! My mouth kissed her face, and I mumbled something vague: “I like you, Ru! I am like you, such as! Give it to me! , both hands just wandered around on her body and tugged…Don’t! I beg you not to”, “woo! ……, bean tears finally flowed out ….
The cry was like a bolt of lightning that hit me in the head. I couldn’t help but let go of her, and in an instant, the lust that filled me suddenly dissipated… my heart was only filled with regret, remorse, and hurt… It was as if I had gone back to the time when I had done something wrong and made her angry and cry after hours ….. My cousin’s eyes were red as she sobbed, tears dripping down her face ….. I couldn’t help but kneel down…
Cousin!
Forgive me!
…Cousin to take care of the clothes, bypassing me, cover the face and out of the door …. And I, just kneeling in the bathroom, a long time can not help themselves, as if the soul has been dispersed in the air, numb, staring blankly at the wall out of focus, not long, tears rustling bottom flowed down …..
It’s only because all the dharmas are synthesized into this body
It is only the law that arises.
Extinction is only the extinction of the law
– Vimalaya Sutra. Questioning the Sickness Piece
The next day I said goodbye to my aunt, but I did not see my cousin, I heard that she went out early in the morning. Of course, from my aunt s normal look I know that my cousin did not tell her about last night s incident, to which I feel even more uneasy, helpless, I can only leave …. with remorse.
When I got to the platform, I was still fantasizing about whether my cousin would come to see me off. I searched the platform twice, and got on the train in a helpless and sad manner. …. Looking back on the past few days, the difference in mood between the time I came and the time I went is only a thousand times! …. The whistle blew, the train slowly glided, the scenery outside the window slowly accelerated backward, I touched the pocket, suddenly found that the cousin’s underwear… I cherish in the pocket to play, … feel a burst of acidity, as if there is something in the throat, and can not spit out.
….. Before pulling away from the platform, I took one more undying look at the station, …and noticed the figure of a woman, seemingly similar, looking out across the platform, but the light was so dim that I couldn’t see her face … It’s her, isn’t it! , I told myself…the platform came from Tsai Chin’s low voice…
…Love Me Again ~~~~~~
The corners of my eyes began to moisten and the tears finally flowed again ………….
——————————————————————————–
VII. Circulation
And among the dreams of the days that were.
I find my lost youth again.
And the strange and beautiful song.
– H. W. Longfellow
And when I return to that old dream.
I found my lost youth again.
That strange and beautiful song.
When I came back from my cousin’s house, I immediately went up to Successful Ridge. I tried to contact my cousin during the trip, but I couldn’t get in touch with her. I think she was avoiding me, right? It wasn’t long before I left home to go to Chenggongling, it was the first time I had traveled for so long since I was a child, my parents came to the station to see me off, my mom was red-eyed, I comforted her…but in my heart, I felt pain for my cousin’s absence (since I was a child, she has loved me the most, if only…she would have been there to see me off), and when I thought of my sadness, my eyes were a little moist. …..
On Success Ridge, is the monotonous training of recruits, every day monotonous repetition, the heart has no hope and trust, I tried to write to her, a day a letter, but she only to silence to answer me, did not reply … I gradually write letters as a diary, every day to her to confide in her my life, heart and ideas, but she still did not reply to the letter. My friends around me thought that I had made a hopeless girlfriend and advised me to give up; some of them introduced girls to me, but I just smiled and continued to write in my diary. This is the first time I can be so no desire, serious thoughts of a woman, purely spiritual, platonic. What I am looking forward to is just to return to the past kind of simple love, you say it is affection also, is love also can, as long as I can face her, listen to her murmur soft words, see her knitted brows smile, that’s enough! Really!!! That’s enough!
Night after night in my dreams, she comes into my dreams, but before I can call her name, she is gone again. The bitterness of longing and self-reproach gnawed at me, and every time I dreamed in the middle of the night, I was wet with tears. People are always in the loss, only to realize the preciousness of having, I regret that I have learned this lesson at such a great cost.
Coming down from Success Ridge and starting school, I became a freshman. At home, I met my cousin again. She looked vaguely like she used to, but there was less affection in her gaze with me, and I sensed that she was avoiding me. Several times when I was alone with her, I felt the urge to confess my love for her, but I was afraid of reopening the wounds that she might have solidified. I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t, and she just solved my embarrassment with her usual smile, which remained the same, but I knew that it would be difficult to go back to the relationship I had before …….. I felt that the fervor of my life was draining away little by little, and I became more and more silent…
I couldn’t bear to witness the withering away of affection, it was hurting me more and more with her, so I decided to leave-move out of the house, live in a school building, start my new life, and reorganize my feelings, if they could be organized, if there were any feelings left …… …
Why should we be surprised? You and I share the same fate.
The guitar’s dirge reminds me of the hateful fires I’ve become covered with. Why think of old feelings when they’ve never returned?
– Yip Chun Lun. A Man’s Lament
Entering the University of W, I began to live a typical freshman’s life – welcoming the new and sending off the old, picnics and barbecues, parties and dances, and under the colorful, busy, and new and curious days, I seemed to gradually forget my cousin’s silhouette. …. People are forgetful, aren’t they? Perhaps my infatuation with her is just a product of the transience of time and space, isn’t it?
I got in touch with Jie again, and she often came to see me, and as the days went by, I seemed to regard her as my girlfriend. This day after dinner, she came to me again, asking me to go to Yangmingshan to enjoy the night view. She was wearing a black T-shirt and a short blue skirt, which emphasized her small but shapely figure. When I came out of my place, she was standing next to my Coyote 125, smiling at me.
Get in the car!!! , I said coolly to her.
Jie sits tamely on her side, wrapping her arms around my waist, an aroma hits me, making my heart swirl a little. A brake, and I felt the touch of Jie’s soft breasts hitting me…
Ah!!!… This salute of youthful flesh ah!!!! …My heart swirled, my blood gradually accelerated, and the long-dormant beast in my heart stirred restlessly ……..
When we reached the hill, we found a spot with a good viewpoint overlooking Taipei. The glittering lights dazzled the sky full of stars, I deliberately found a place with good cover and sat down with Xiaojie. The wolf of the wilderness guards its prey and spies on the moment to strike.
My right hand slowly slid towards Xiaojie’s breasts, sliding down from the T-shirt neckline …. Touching the lace edge of her bra, I tested Jie’s reaction, and her body, like a boneless bottom, leaned tamely against my chest. I gathered my doubts and caution about her, and boldly explored the secrets of her flesh …….
By the light of the moon, I glimpsed her bra from the neckline…it was a gorgeous purple color…the lascivious color stimulated my senses, and I played with the lace on her bra with my fingers, and the stimulation of this tickling seemed to make her heart beat faster…my fingers took advantage of the situation and slid inside her from the upper edge and touched her soft and plump breasts…the soft touch stimulated me, making me slowly get excited. Her soft and moist breasts… This soft touch stimulated me, making me slowly get excited …. My finger touched the tip of her breast and I slowly tweaked it.
…ah!!! …Ru!!! …This is to be considered as your bimbo!!!!
Xiaojie closed her eyes tightly and her whole body shook slightly. My right hand restlessly played with her small peaks, her breathing became rapid, her body shook uneasily ….. I gently stroked my left hand along her thighs, sliding it step by step to the base of her thighs. …. At the base of her thighs, I touched a pair of silk panties, and I felt the lace of her panties, the cut-outs, and the mysterious garden within them …. I glanced down and saw that it was also a hot purple color …. The black part of the cut-outs, provocative, sends a message of war to my adrenaline… My fingers try to touch it, and the soft protrusion reflects a slight moistness… Before long… My fingers already feel the moistness seeping into the panty… …..
This is my first time to do caressing to the girl, my palms seeping sweat, heartbeat accelerated, dry mouth up… I learn the plot of the weekday A book, deeply afraid of a moment of roughness hurt her ….. My right hand lightly pinched her nipples, and my left hand gently slid in from the panties, and explored the most mysterious section of her palace. Fingers, is the soft pubic hair, with some slightly moist… Xiaojie closed his eyes, seems a little intoxicated by my bent; occasionally frowned, as if I hurt her… her breathing is more and more rapid… accompanied by my thick gasp… my fingers, probed into her mysterious gorge . Her mysterious canyon …… Ahhh!!!! … a strange touch from the fingertips, as electric current spread throughout my body, full of fire of desire burning hot … my breathing is more and more rapid … Xiaojie’s whole body involuntarily trembling … I feel a wetness Mil Mil from the canyon seeped out! …… My lower body was itching …….
Xiaojie opened her eyes, the moonlight reflected on her slightly powdered face, scarlet cheeks, springtime auburn eyes, fragrance like orchids of a woman’s breath… I can’t help but slowly lower my head… She looked at me with a smile, my mind went blank… I leaned my lips on her cherry mouth, she turned around and wrapped her arms around my neck. She turned around and wrapped her arms around my neck, our lips met and a sweet liquid came from her mouth. My hands stopped provoking and exploring her flesh, and hugged her hard …. The two of us kissed fervently and furiously…the two flesh closely intertwined and twisted…this is my first kiss ah!!!!
I can’t help but close my eyes tightly, completely enjoying the primitive desire of my body with my touch. The stimulation of my mouth and tongue, a wave as strong as a wave of impact on the brain, my senses dominate the domination of the whole body, the thoughts in my mind, just a blank …. The woman in front of me seems to be one with the woman deeply rooted in my memory…it’s her!!!! It’s her!!! …I couldn’t help but cry out
As!!!
Jie stopped like an electric shock, and quickly withdrew her lips, followed by a sharp pain from her right cheek, before I could fully realize, Jie had already stood up with a loud bang, gasping viciously, and I was shocked to see what had happened when I saw her reddened palms. She gritted her teeth, tears welling up in her eyes 🙂
I’m not your Ru!!!!
I’m Jade!!!
Jie, I …. , I attempted to plead my case, but found myself unable to find a reason.
You go to your Ru okay!!!! Two tears were traced down Jie’s face.
I… I… and I don’t know how to explain it …..
Xiaojie turned around and went down the hill, I looked at her back getting farther and farther away… but I didn’t know to get up and go after her… Even if I caught up, what would happen?! …I just sat in a daze, like a stone statue…my mind was blank, and I had no urge to cry, I only felt that my body seemed to be separated from my soul, and I was in a haunted state…I don’t know how long it took, but the bright moon was already covered by dark clouds. I got up in a daze, walked down the hill, straddled my Coyote 125, started the engine, and was in a daze, just like a walking corpse.
My girl! My song is not yet finished, but my strings are broken.
– Feng Zhi. Silkworm Horses
I raced down the hill, the wind blowing strongly in my face as I contemplated what had just happened, only to get a blank …. Dark clouds began to race by and before long, peas of rain fell…a sudden pang of acidity was felt in my chest…I am a sinner!!!! …Hurt a woman and then go to hurt another…I think about it, the rain is falling more and more…My eyes began to blur, can not distinguish between tears and rain…I let the rain soaked all over the body, such as to accept the punishment; but also seems to be able to use this to wash away the sins that I have committed offense. …. Two points of light in the distance grew larger and larger, blinding me…my blurry eyes couldn’t distinguish the light…were they messengers coming to guide me? ………
——————————————————————————–
VIII. Looking back at the past
Music, when soft voices die.
Vibrates in the memory-
Odours, when sweet violets sicken.
Live within the sense they quicken……
And so they thoughts, when thou art gone.
Love itself shall slumber on.
– P.B. Shelley
After the soft voices are silenced, the music will swell in memory.
Sweet violets wilted Dazzling floral scents in sensitive olfactory senses ….
In the same way, when you’re gone, your thoughts will rest in the land of love.
The point of light is getting bigger and bigger, my eyes get disoriented, and after a moment of blinding dizziness, two déjà vu figures walk toward me …. One is cousin Ru;the other is Jie.
I was probably dreaming!!!! …I saw them walking towards me with smiles on their faces…my cousin had her usual light smile, while Jie had a different kind of smile with a different flavor. I looked at them and saw that they were both naked, as if I were seeing two perfectly sculpted goddesses… That kind of beauty is not carnal, but belongs to something other than the mortal world, something that you can marvel at and salute. …. If you’ve seen Michelangelo’s Madonna holding Jesus, you can probably imagine what I saw. It was a kind of beauty that one did not dare to look directly at, and one had the feeling that to look directly at them would be blasphemy, and my heart was so empty that I did not have any desire, but only a little bit of bewilderment. …..
Cousin smiled at me and her cherry lips parted.
Do you like me; or my flesh? …
I opened my mouth to answer, and Jade spoke up.
Do you like me in the flesh, or do you like me?
I began to fall into a deep doubt, to my cousin, perhaps by the physical attraction, inspired by the long latent feelings, turned to her infatuation, undoubtedly, I like her, but, is it desire or love, what is more important!
And to Jie, her flesh also attracted me, with her, it is very easy and comfortable, without much moral burden. But do I love her?
I can’t answer…just dumbfounded…
Cousin gradually narrowed her smile, a moment of silence, slowly turned away. I hurriedly shouted.
Cousin!
As!!!
Cousin looked back at me, tears glistened in her eyes, she was weeping, she looked sad, that was the way she had looked at me that night!!! My heart ached…that look I deplore and will never forget!!!! …. I shouted.
Sis!!! I love you! , the cousin did not answer and walked farther and farther away.
On the side of the small jie open wide marvelous eyes, vibration for a moment, and a little puzzled look at me, a long time, a long time, two quotes of tears flowed out. I was a little unbearable, want to say something to her, but she also turned away, slowly walk away, I actually also some heartache…
Jie!!!
Don’t go!!!
Xiaojie turned back to see her crystal eye sockets, glittering with tears, I seem to return to the scene just when she slapped me, the look is exactly the same: anger, doubt, sadness, deplorable, and a trace of reluctance … This look called me hurt and blame myself, I continue to call her name, but she, like her cousin, more and more far away ….
As!!!
Jie!!!
Don’t you go!!!
The cone of hurt made me hot tears, I just shouted and screamed, but I didn’t have the courage to go after them, if it’s just her, who am I going to chase? I couldn’t help but fall to my knees, holding my knees in pain, tears rustling to the ground …. Suddenly two elongated silhouettes slowly projected onto the ground, they’re back!!!? …I happily, with tears in my eyes looked up …….
In a flash, it was as if I had received an electric shock and my whole body was shaken ….. The flesh of the two goddesses remained the same, but the head was replaced with a male face…
That’s my face!!!!
In the city of Muro, Evangelist Dharma suddenly looked at his face in a mirror in the morning and loved the head in the mirror.
– Buddhist sutra: Sutra on the level of the forehead
I slowly regained consciousness in a blur of disorientation and pain… (Wake up! I’m awake!) … (Thank God!!!) …(A few more days of observation and I’ll be discharged!) …(Finally, I’m awake!) …soft sobbing, noisy children, adults talking, pulleys, dripping monitors …. Then there was the smell of medicine, mold, and all sorts of strange and mixed smells… And finally the familiar, faintly girlish scent…it’s her!!!!
I opened my aching eyes with difficulty, a pair of beautiful eyes blinking in front of me, long eyelashes, watery eyes…it was my soulful …. Cousin, as !!! …………
I can’t hide the joy in my heart, want to scream, but found that I can’t scream, because my mouth is dry, my whole body is sore, fixed attention to look, arms and legs are cast. I subconsciously move my legs, in exchange for a sharp pain …. Ah!!! …What’s wrong with me!!!?
Xiong, you’ve been in an accident!!!
You don’t even know that, do you?!
He went down a slope with the car. Luckily, you popped out.
What about the car falling underneath and being totaled!!!!
It’s your life!!! It’s also the blessings of the ancestors…Mother said slowly with tears in her eyes…
I’ve been in a coma all day and I don’t know if I’ll wake up?
Mom was worried sick…glad you’re awake!
Ru has been here with you too!
Why are you riding so fast at this late hour?! Father scolded.
It’s okay! We’ll read about him when we get out of the hospital! Cousin, who’s been playing the game for a while now…
……….
What they said afterward I couldn’t hear clearly in a daze…my mind was a bit puzzled and seemed a bit happy thinking:(She’s back!!!!! She’s back!!!)
I’m a playful, free-spirited kite who worries you every day.
How to get back to you if you’re lost in the wind one day.
A playful and free kite Every game in the sky
Will you come back for me if one day the thread is torn?
If one day I get lost in the wind, bring me back to your arms.
– Chen Sheng. Kites
Cousin she had just finished her exams at school and had more time, and mom and dad had to go to work, so she volunteered to stay and watch me. I smiled and stared at her blankly as she lowered her head in embarrassment.
You’re scaring everyone to death!!!!
If you don’t wake up, Auntie, they’re going to fall apart!!!!
She put away her laughter and lectured me with a bit of a scolding tone. I just smiled at the corners of my mouth for a long, long time before I finally spoke up: .
You’re still back!!!
What? What’s back? I’ve been here watching our young master!
Did you fall on your ass?
I just smiled…enjoying the peace and warmth after this rain ….
Why are you just laughing? Have you really become an idiot? My cousin made fun of me…
older female cousin via female line
?
I…
What?
I’m sorry!!!
……….
Cousin lowered her head and was silent, and after a while, said quietly.
Actually, I got your letter.
I don’t blame you either.
It’s just the thought that Little Xiong has grown up and is no longer the same little brother that he was back then.
Has his own world, feelings, with …..
desires
I didn’t blame you, in my mind I thought of you as a naughty, naughty, naughty, naughty, naughty, naughty, naughty, naughty, naughty, naughty, naughty, naughty, naughty prank you pulled when you were a kid, which made me angry and made me cry
Sister hopes it’s really just a prank by Xiao Xiong.
From now on…don’t do it again…
This way…it’s better for everyone…
After all, you’re the brother and I’m the sister!!!!
I looked at my cousin gratefully, a little happy and a little sad to accept the new relationship she had established…I swore in my heart that I would never do anything to hurt her again. ….. I will protect her and cherish her until death do us part… My cousin smiled like a flower, and I repeated my vow in my heart ……
It wasn’t long before I fell into lust with her again and ruined the vow with my own hands ………….