I replied with eight words: lol, when, I’ll go.
I admire myself for being so blasé. Once skin to skin, down to today become another person’s bride. I can be so calm.
In fact, the breakup has a year, but not as decisive as some dry people. For example, delete cell phone number, delete QQ number, delete MSN, delete blah blah blah. I did not delete.
Because, about her number, I memorized all of it, rotten to the core. In the brain left tattoos. Deleted for nothing, just fooling myself.
She texted me back again with one word: yes.
That day, it was Friday.
I lit a cigarette, 520, with a heart behind the butt. Had two days to smoke one, and then glue the butt into a big chicken heart to give her. But I did not expect to fall into the habit of smoking women’s cigarettes.
I made a call to Gonzo.
I said, “Hey, Gonzo, you want to go out to the bar and get your groove on?”
He said, “free Oh, **** Road, Miss Falcon to be too beautiful Oh, a few hundred on the line, the room he has, but also to save money.”
I laughed and scolded him and hung up.
Without realizing it, the cigarette burned his fingers, burned out, and went out.
I fiddled with my cell phone, thinking of how to send some taunting words to irritate her, the woman who had once sworn to marry me, the woman who had once said she would run away with me even if I killed someone.
I edited a text message: cocoa, did you have sex with that man? Did you also tell her you were a virgin, and then tell him you rode off on a bicycle? Or, did you get a hymen? It doesn’t cost much to get one of those these days.
I struggled with the text message for a long time before I finally hit send.
I sent it but then regretted it, the cancel button was pressed too late and the message reply had already been received.
The phone vibrated quickly and she returned my four words: he doesn’t care.
My hand shook, she, already, knew I was irritating her. She already knew! And yet she texted me back so calmly. I could even guess her tone of voice, not a wave, but with a sense of pride and defensiveness.
She no longer loves me.
It’s only because she doesn’t love me anymore that she can be so calm.
Only if she didn’t love me anymore could she carry that kind of favoritism and belief – in that man.
Maybe, at this time, she had just finished having sex with that man. Or maybe she’s about to go to the guy’s house.
I opened QQ, nodded at her gray avatar and typed five words: don’t marry him. After typing, I realized her QQ signature: to get married, happy, husband, I love you.
My heart fluttered.
Another two cigarettes, quietly looking at the computer screen, quietly looking at her signature, but the finger never fell on the “enter” up.
I decided to retaliate.
I changed my signature to: lying women are like JY containers.
She came online. I stared at her avatar, expecting her to say something, even if we had a big fight and said something offensive.
But two hours she did not say a word to me, only in the last QQ message “next Saturday, 6:00 pm, BD Hotel, directly to the line.” Then her avatar turned gray.
The wedding I decided I was going to go to, I was going to see what kind of a face that man had, I was going to see her.
It’s been a year since we broke up. I had fantasized about what it would be like when we met again, such as in front of a hotel, in the subway, at KFC, KTV, McDonald’s, etc., etc., etc., etc. I even designed the dialogues when we met again. However, I never expected to see her again at her wedding, so what should I say and how should I design this dialog?
Coco’s tone when texting, when QQing is so strong, so hard, like a vicious old woman, where is the half of the previous tenderness?
In fact, even if all she had to do was say something blessed to me, something that made me think she still cared about me that little bit. I wouldn’t even hate her so much right now.
It may not be right to say that I hate it, but I’m not quite sure what my current state of mind is. Is it resignation? Is it unwillingness? Or is it unwillingness, loneliness, emptiness? Or maybe I’m just crazy. I don’t know.
I had a dream last night. I forget what it was about. Roughly I remember I went to get revenge.
They say that if you don’t wake up and think about a dream for 20 seconds, you’ll soon forget it.
In the dream maybe I took a knife and stabbed that couple of dogs to death? Maybe throw a picture of us in that man’s face? Or maybe go on a drunken rampage myself?
You call this revenge? I don’t know.
But then I remembered her words, “He doesn’t care,” and a cold chill ran through my body. All my evil thoughts went out the window.
She trusts a man so much! That tone of voice I imagined was never used on me.
It turns out I can’t let go of her. I suddenly came to my senses.
Now, I want to talk about me and Coco.
I and can be in the * online acquaintance, * network is a good thing, different from QQ, it is to real name registration login, you want to look for handsome, looking for beautiful women, find a chat friend, go there, yes, better than QQ, better than MSN. But there is no what the same city forum of the bad, the probability of the appearance of the siren is also much smaller.
Like most lonely men and women, between one match and the next, we share a common loneliness and a common boredom.
That year, I was 23, she was 20. I was a senior and she was a freshman.
Oh, yeah, it was a summer.
So I asked her to go swimming.
I think the pool is the most revealing place to see a woman’s body, whether it’s some mess painted on her face or where she’s hiding grease on her body. You, through and through, have to be exposed in the pool.
My original plan was that if this cocoa was a dinosaur, OK, no more contact since then after the swim, or vice versa, a good contact connection.
Coco was tall, 177, almost flush with me, and if she wore heels she’d be taller than me for sure. She had a good figure, with a pair of straight legs. She was wearing a cute little dress with hot pants and no makeup on her face, a tight combination of sexiness and innocence. I decided on the spot that I’d like to get in touch and connect in the future.
I purposely wore a tank top that day, and plaid shorts that showed off my toned muscle tone. I practice fitness.
With women, some look at the looks, some look at the boobs, some look at the ass, some look at the overall proportions. I, on the other hand, like to look at legs.
Obviously, Coco had that attraction for me, legs that were not only beautiful but long.
Of course, God could not give the advantage uniquely to a woman, Coco is average-looking, just have a small tiger teeth, smile a little Li Xiaolu flavor.
Had a nice swim and chat and treated her to Northwest Wolf.
That night, I couldn’t suppress my fluttering heart and sent a text message to Coco: Be my girlfriend.
She replied back quickly: if you want to have fun forget it.
I replied back: of course not.
She replied back: good.
It’s a little bit amazing to me how everything just fell into place. Because I was prepared for a long battle.
To be honest, I didn’t take it seriously. I liked her beauty, her height, her long legs. What did she like about me? I don’t know. Anyway, I fell in love again, and I use the word “again” because I’ve been in a number of relationships before this one. As for her, why did she say yes so quickly? Maybe she just had a failed relationship? Maybe she needed a bed partner, but not like that. Or maybe she was enamored with my rippling muscles?
Whatever, the point isn’t the process, it’s the result, and the result is that I’m in love, simple as that. Maybe it’s inappropriate to call it a relationship. Because I wasn’t trying to pamper and protect and understand her. I was just enamored with her body, her long legs. I just needed a woman I could bring to my friends without dropping the ball, and she fit the bill.
The romance started off with a hot fight. Mostly so.
She texted me that she had a boyfriend and went to Australia. To put it nicely, it was a peaceful breakup, but to put it harshly, it was a dumping of her.
She said she was hurt very deeply.
I texted that I would be good to you, to the best of my ability.
In fact, at that time, I wasn’t in love with her, good feelings yes, fondness, but no love.
I wanted to sleep with her. That’s all.
The second time we met, at night, we kissed. In the small garden in front of her building.
She told me about her first time, her first kiss. Her tongue was raw and her teeth would bite me. I believed it.
There was no other movement in my hands, just a slight embrace of her. Even I was surprised. Her snow-white skin, long thighs, such a strong sensory stimulation, I really can not help it, but very strange, my hands are surprisingly honest lightly embracing her, like an unpracticed little boy * child.
Her eyes were clear, not staged and fawning.
I’m a little curious now, curious as to why she agreed to be my girlfriend and why she could give me her first kiss without a care in the world the second time we met.
I didn’t ask. I couldn’t ask. How? Should I ask her, uh, Coco, why did you kiss me? What does that make her? A slut? A kisser?
She said she had to be home at 10:00, as Cinderella did, and that she had to be back by then or her mother would scold and look for it.
I laughed, she was a good girl.
I’ll take her home.
Before she went upstairs, she shook her hand at me and smiled sweetly, so innocently.
In that moment, my heart was moved. I’m not a love-at-first-sight kind of guy, I don’t look at her to see how pretty she is or how well-built she is, and then I’m mesmerized by her grace and fall madly in love with her at the same time. It’s a plot from a third-rate soap opera. And I, for one, will not.
I think love has nothing to do with beauty and figure and long legs, it is a feeling, an affection. And this kind of feeling affection must be built up through long contact.
It takes time to make love. I don’t believe in love at first sight.
She smiled that smile, and it made me feel a little guilty. For what reason, I’m not quite sure myself.
She has a good family education, she is pretty, considerate, and most importantly, does not have the kind of dusty flavor that most 80s and 90s have. Such a good girl, even and I fell in love in name only? And my original intention is to satisfy my hormones, is to put her long legs up to my neck. That’s all.
I’m mean.
Coco, she, is not a barmaid!!!! She’s not the kind of barmaid who hangs out in bars, goes in and out of hotels, and wanders among men!
I made a sudden decision. I’ve decided to put my heart and soul into this relationship, for whatever reason. Self-examination, getting laid, whatever. Anyway, I decided to treat her well, to treat her as a real girlfriend, not as a tool for lust.
At 2am that night, I messaged her: I will be good to you, to the best of my ability.
Same text message as the night before. But I have shifted.
It’s not that I don’t want to sleep with her, frankly, I do, a lot. But, she was my girlfriend, not just a bed partner. I’m starting to get a little bit of a sense of responsibility for her, and with responsibility comes the idea that you can’t just go to bed. You can go to a bar, or even get laid, if it’s just to get the lust out of your system, and that doesn’t have to be a responsibility.
Since I decided to run my business with my heart, I can’t do that, I can think about it, but I can’t, at least not now. That’s my principle.
I’m actually not that noble, and when we get to know each other a little better and she agrees, I’m going to eat her up like a wolf.
Taking a couple puffs of my cigarette, I held my phone and messaged with her, laughing out loud at the thought of how raw she was when she kissed.
There is no man in the world who doesn’t want his woman to be a virgin, and there is no man who doesn’t want a woman’s first time handed to him, including kisses.
Some men might say, “I don’t care.
Then remember that caring and hoping are two different things. Just because you don’t care doesn’t mean you don’t hope.
It’s like a test where you don’t care if you get a 0, but would like to get a good grade. Even if it’s a small fantasy.
It’s like beauty, you don’t care how you look, but you will want to look good, even if the praise of others is a lie.
Because of this. Her raw performance raised my vanity several notches.
That night, she and I texted late into the night.
I confided in her, I told her don’t look at me dressed like a man, but I actually have no money and my family doesn’t have much money.
In my past relationships, I would state my family’s condition. I will not rush big money, exempt from fat, swollen face punch fat thing, children do, when I was young I also did, no fun, people and money two empty. Since it is a man and woman friends, about the family conditions to say clearly very good. So as not to make each other unhappy. I don’t agree with the saying that the door is right for the family, but this is the reality of the objective existence.
She said it’s okay, it’s okay to be motivated. You can earn it if you don’t have the money, but you can’t earn it if you’re a good person.
How dare she call me a nice guy? I started to just want to get her into bed, just like that! You call that being nice?
I was surprised, and guilty.
After a long time, I asked her why. Why did you call me a good person.
She messaged back: You are sincere and honest. Since we are boyfriend and girlfriend, we should not hide anything.
It dawned on me.
It suddenly occurred to me that she was only 20 years old, just a freshman.
Wasn’t I clean when I was her age?
I lit another cigarette and texted: go to sleep, it’s late. Ann~ She replied: uhm. Ann~.
I slept well that night.
Some things must be remembered, and memories of how to forget. The old days are funny to think about.
A long life? It’s just a dead end.
When I woke up that night, I looked at my watch and it was 8:30am. If it wasn’t an all-nighter, I was usually up at this hour.
After I got up, I changed my QQ signature, which was originally signed: Single, your name is Ningxiaobu. Now it reads: I have a girlfriend.
I am not ugly, if the percentage system, I can play between 75-85, I am still a little self-conscious, from “handsome” this word is still a little distance. As for the body, I am very confident, practicing fitness for many years, the block said big, said small, but not small, the line is also a clear outline.
There are two main reasons why I’m saying all this and getting a new signature. The first is because there was a little girl at school who was chasing me, and I didn’t take her up on it. The reason? It’s no different from a common man, she’s not my type, in other words, she’s not good looking. In other words, she wasn’t good looking. She didn’t have long legs either. Secondly, I wanted my friends to ask me something, and then when I asked for a picture of Coco, I could have the audacity to show her picture and make my damn brothers envious. Vanity.
My ex-girlfriend, talked about three years, the relationship is very good, almost to the point of talking about marriage, but I can not help people’s parents do not see me. Her family is in good condition, and she emphasizes the importance of the right family. In other words, it is too much for my family is not much money, so a beautiful girl married to me might as well do a rich man’s second wife, food and clothing, but also to subsidize the family. Marrying me, not only can’t make her subsidize her family’s expenses, but sometimes she has to subsidize her family’s expenses.
A good match? I understand. I proposed to break up. Brothers said I was stupid, said that if you marry that girl, less struggle for ten years exaggerated words, that can also be less struggle for five, six years. I think they’re the ones who are stupid. Can you marry her? I can’t marry her. Her parents mean to express very clearly, I am not a fool, I and her, no chance, impossible. She is not the kind of person who dares to do anything for love, in front of the reality, who have to bow down. Forced why bitter? I’m not sure if you’re a good person or not.
I remember that I was blunt and manly when I said I was breaking up, as if I was the one who turned people down, not their parents who couldn’t see me.
What I texted to say, just three words: break up.
She texted back, also three words: sorry.
Shortly afterward, I heard from a friend of hers that she had gone to study in some country or other.
Fast knife cuts through the mess, people say that in ancient times when the hitman beheads people, the faster the knife goes down, the shorter the time that the person receiving the knife will be in pain.
I was quick with this knife, but I was, pain! It hurt like hell.
After that, I paralyzed myself with drunkenness, hanging out in bars and stopping at hotels. If you have a mixer, you can mix, know one after another with a lady’s coat of the she-wolf. They are either lonely and bored, or they are young and strong and full of spirit, and they need that. The bar, just for fun, I can say to the bar girl with the oath of alliance, can be in bed to win the Pan An, Sei Lao Ai. But I still hurt, but I can only indulge myself in this way, so as to forget.
Bar girls are not all “Miss”, among them there are students, OL, all kinds of people. And I, and their relationship is limited to the bed only, do not do other ideas.
Some bar girls would contact me, sometimes not for that, but just to have dinner as friends and talk about marginal things. There are things in life that you can’t say to your friends, or even to people you know, and strangers become the best people to talk to. Sometimes they talk, sometimes I talk. I’m happy to do that.
They said all kinds of shit, like what dorm room had a problem with her, or which teacher was a sex fiend. Another example is when someone says that some guest is perverted and off the beaten path. Or like how someone said that her boss was homophobic and constantly harassed her and she didn’t want to lose her job.
They seem to trust me so much, when in fact we made it clear to each other a long time ago that we would not ask each other anything and would not intrude on each other’s lives.
That’s good. Stay together if you need to, and separate if you don’t. We don’t interfere with each other, we don’t even know each other’s names, we just use English names instead, and the English names are all made up. Like me, sometimes called JACK, sometimes called SKY, or BLUE, YELLOW, and other colorful words.
I have only one QQ since the beginning, and I use it from the beginning to now, two suns. All the people I know are on it, including the bar girls.
So, I changed my QQ signature. Of course, firstly for vanity, and secondly, to give that little *girls* and bar girls at school a signal to not contact each other anymore.
The crowd was particularly gossipy about me, as if they were keen on spying on Hilton, Ajoke and the like. I signed up in the morning, and within a few moments someone sent a letter to say hello.
“You ass seller, finally got a regular ‘mate’?” The first to write was Hairy. Hairy had long, thick hair on his legs hence the name Hairy. He’s one of the two best brothers I’ve ever played with, along with Gonzo.
Hairy couldn’t hide the lechery in her tone when she said the word ‘mate’, she was so close to putting an X in front of it.
“Your father is the only one who sells ass, I fell in love, the bar completely abandoned, buddy I lost my way, decided to do well. In the future to satisfy the bar girl’s historical burden, please continue to carry, brother knows you bitter, some day brother to get you two bottles of Viagra to go.” I laughed and cursed.
Fluffy seemed to jump up and down with excitement at the sound of his voice.
“Are you a good human being? You’ve wrecked countless women you’ve gotten calluses there and you still say you’re a human being? You should be arrested and studied! You are a mobile XXX.”
When it comes to my two brothers, it’s another long story. Gangzi was my classmate in college. I met Mao Mao in a bar. The process of getting to know Mao Mao is also quite legendary.
The other day, Gangzi and I came to play, Gangzi fancy a girl, ink half a day did not fix. Mao Mao did not know where to kill, robbed the original selection of the “dishes”, the Gangzi angry, want to do, but no reason, the woman can not see you, is that you are not capable, which can be blamed on others? Moreover, I’m afraid that Mao Mao is not a person to play, and I may lose out if I start to fight. So just stimulate me, said I gave him to report this “dish” hate, he would like how how. I did not say anything, to him than a middle finger.
I took advantage of my drink and went to Mao Mao’s side. MaoMao is holding a heavily made-up “dish” twisting around. This girl is very kind, I should have had contact.
Sure enough, the chick winked and threw a wink at me, so there was this sight of Hairy dancing with his arm tightly around the girl while I KISSed the girl behind him.
Mao Mao angry, naturally, less dry fight. There were three of them who came to play with Mao Mao, two of them, Gangzi and me.
After cleaning them up, naturally we all went to the station. Although I and Gangzi won the victory, but also bruised, Gangzi head was opened by the bottle, but my left eye swollen like an egg, the doctor said almost blind. Mao Mao side although lost the battle, but the injury is not serious, and is the first hand, the police mean to let him fine how much how much money, private forget it, their own solution.
I woke up early, after all, their identity is still a student, make a scene who face is not good. I threw with the cigarettes to hairy a few of them, pointed to the left eye, said, shit, which sells ass kicking, the foot is really TM heavy.
Mao Mao is also a man of nature, and took a thousand dollars and gave it directly to Gangzi and me, “You guys don’t punch too hard.”
I gave it a straight no. What kind of person screws someone’s woman, gets into a fight, and then lets them take the money?
In the end, it ended with the three of us, Mao Mao, inviting Gangzi and me to dinner. Since then, Mao Mao has been in my life.
I, Gangzi, and Mao Mao, have since called ourselves the Three Musketeers, the Invincible Three Bastards.
The second person to ask me was Gonzo.
Gangzi is not on the line, probably heard Mao Mao said, hurriedly hung up a phone call to me. The words are quite earnest.
“Brother, I heard you’ve been bagged by a rich woman? Tell me, what’s going on? How much do you get paid in January?”
“Die away, Gonzo, seriously with you, I’m in love. Not the bar girl type, a very innocent girl, 20 years old, in college.” I said in all seriousness.
“Then you’ll have to sneak to the bar from now on.”
“I’ve decided not to go to bars from now on, Gonzo. Man, I’m telling you, guys going to bars is like a dog going through a trash can, and man, I don’t want to be going through trash cans anymore.”
“You s**t-selling son of a bitch, you’ll still be going through the trash when you’re starving.” Gundam cursed.
Gangzi and I as uneducated, my father is engaged in engineering, specific do not know what, similar to the contractor. The family has two money, their own car, out of a very generous, go out to play all the goods to buy a single, who grabbed with him, he also with who anxious. People are very straightforward.
We share the same odor, so naturally, things come together. Soon we became good friends. Going out to the bar always drove his car over to pick me up, and then act together. This guy’s mouth is very stinky, like to spray people, say some offensive words, in the school is better, in the outside less hands. And I, although not militant, but eat people’s mouth short, he got into trouble, I always come out and he shouldered.
Gangzi and I chatted a bit more about irrelevant topics, knowing that I was for real, and finally gave up the idea of persuading me to change my ways.
The third one, who asked me what was going on was the little girl* who had a crush on me in college.
I told her, really, it’s not to avoid you, you’re a good girl, but too young age, and due to the personality aspect, I don’t think we’d get along, I’m sure you can find one that suits you better than me.
Although I said it hypocritically, it was sincere. She asked me about my current girlfriend. I had to continue the story, she is one year older than me, has been working, we love each other clouds. Finally avoided her.
The fourth, one of the barmaids, if I remember correctly, was supposed to be an OL, why “supposed to”? Don’t forget what I said earlier, we never asked about each other’s lives, and of course, careers. But you can guess from the small talk.
“Sky, got a girlfriend?”
“Well, there you have it.”
The cold tone is very different from the past, she is also interested, QQ avatar darkened. No longer entangled.
After that, there are a few other people who don’t like me, such as Q me, or telephone me. I told them all the truth, I’m a sentimental prodigal son finally found a safe harbor.
Coco didn’t get up until after 12 and called me and asked why I didn’t call her I said, I was afraid I would wake you up.
I asked Coco for her QQ number, and she slowly reported a string of numbers to me, as if she was still awake.
Coco’s QQ name KEKE, is Chinese for pinyin, and not like nowadays little girl * like, up what the moonlit night ah, left hand holding the right hand ah, sad leaf ah, or strange symbols composed of the name. The simplicity of it surprised me. And her avatar level, surprisingly only poor three small stars, compared to my two suns, really not worth mentioning.
She told me that she QQ let stolen, apply for lost, do not know what the reason for not to get back, she re-engaged in a, so the level is relatively low, even the QQ space is not open.
I asked her out to hang out and she said she wasn’t feeling well and it was so hot she wanted to stay home and just talk to me.
It dawned on me that she was on her period.
We turned on the video.
I try to tease Coco as much as I can with my humor to keep her full of smiles, I love to see her smile, she’s adorable with a little tiger tooth on the left side of her smile against her lip.
“A rooster plus a hen in five words?”
“I don’t know. Say it, come on. Do you hear me, say it.” Coco waved her two little fists openly and gesticulated fiercely at me.
“Stupid, two chickens.”
“A rooster plus a hen in seven words? Can’t guess it, can you? It’s still two chickens, stupid.”
Coco giggled.
“Coco, can you do me a favor?” I said seriously.
Coco immediately stopped laughing at my sudden seriousness and asked a little nervously “What favor?”
“Can you help me find a way out?”
“What road?”
“The way to your heart.”
Coco blushed a big red. Giggling a bit more. “You old meathead, can’t eat you.”
Why don’t we go to a hotel for a while? She said to me, texting on.
We’ve only known each other for a month, and it’s as sweet as honey.
But it’s too soon. I think it’s too soon. If it’s a bar girl, don’t say you’ve known her for a month, even if you’ve been together for a few minutes, we’ll go to a hotel if you want to.
But, Coco, she’s not. She’s my girlfriend.
I don’t consider myself noble, never have.
I want to have sex with her. It’s been that way since the beginning.
I would have thought that I was the one making the request, and I even found a million reasons for it.
Like, I found a really good movie. Why don’t we go to a hotel and lie down and watch it? Or maybe, go take a break. Or, put on a bashful, pensive expression and tell her that she’s in a bad mood and wants to find a place where no one is alone to talk.
But I didn’t say that. She’s my girlfriend, not a barmaid, let alone a cathartic object.
She is a seductive girl who makes me horny. She’s also an innocent girl, an innocence that restrains my wolf heart.
I couldn’t understand why she would make such a request. I’m certainly not so conceited as to think that I’m the kind of man in the world that a woman would be as willing as a nymphomaniac at the first sight.
I understand that women have needs, I get it, and even that desire is sometimes stronger than men. But I never expected her to be so blunt. I didn’t even understand what was going on in her head.
The cell phone was actually slightly sweat stained as it was cupped in my hand.
I care about her, she’s my girlfriend, so I get nervous and I think a lot.
With so much speculation, it’s better to ask directly.
Why? I asked.
She replied back: my parents fought, I’m in a bad mood, I want to be quiet with you.
I let out a breath and let go of the fact that it was so. Turns out I’d been guessing at what she meant by my own interpretation, asshole to the core.
She’s a bright girl and thought she must have something important to say to me.
I stopped a car and rushed over, and she was waiting for me at the entrance to the neighborhood. It was summer, and she showed off a pair of bare thighs that made my eyes water and teased my nerves.
I’ve booked a room at MOTEL 168. She said.
I was shocked and asked, How did you know the number there.
She knocked me on the head. Stupid, call 114 to check the bey.
It dawned on me, and I let go, but there was an inexplicable feeling that was strange. But soon the feeling was washed away by her white thighs.
For some reason, I drifted off like an innocent virgin.
My thoughts go left and right. Left: Fuck her. Right: whatever it takes, it must be endured.
My heart was beating fast, Coco wasn’t one of those schoolboys who didn’t know what it was like to be a man or a woman. Could she be implying that I could?
I looked at her thighs. She looked out the window.
Her face was expressionless, thinking about something. The eyes were clear, not like she was ready to offer herself to me.
My arousal died down. She, didn’t move. She didn’t want to.
I suddenly felt scared. Scared that if I couldn’t control myself and did that, she would blame me and leave me.
After falling in love with her, in a month, didn’t go to a bar again, didn’t have sex with another woman. For the old me, it was unbelievable. And now, I can only endure it. But, I’m afraid I can’t help it.
I went to a hotel with a beautiful woman, it was summer, and she was wearing hot pants and a tank top. If it were you, would you be able to do nothing? Would you? Well, you’re either a saint or you’re Sima Qian.
My current stoic situation was like watching Ultraman for the first time in the eyes of Gangzi and Mao Mao. They even thought for a while that I had contracted AIDS, or that I had overdrawn my energy in the past, and now had to sue for old age and recuperation.
In fact, I wanted to do that very much, I just kept refraining.
I think I’m in love with her, and it has nothing to do with sexual desire. Otherwise I wouldn’t have refrained.
MOTEL168.
Confronted with her, I finally couldn’t hold back and gave in to my hormones. I gnawed on her roughly, ripped off my clothes roughly, and fell on top of her like a dog.
She looked up at the ceiling with both eyes, her hands clenching the sheets and shaking a little.
I noticed her eyes, indefinable flavor. But never moving, never sexual.
She realized I was looking at her and met me with one empty eye.
I was creeped out. I was really creeped out by the strange look in her eyes, and I couldn’t even think of a word to describe that look. It’s that hollow, sad and mocking kind of meanness, and those three words still don’t describe a single thing about that look in her eyes.
It was as if water had been poured over my head. All the dryness was annihilated.
I stopped and was lucky I hadn’t taken that step, otherwise, I knew, she probably would never forgive me for the rest of her life?
I got up and took a cold shower.
Then look at her quietly and say, I’m sorry.
She caressed my face lightly with her hand, the cold warmth of her hand made me tremble with fear. It’s okay, women, aren’t they just for men to spoil?
The tone in which she said this was not mournful, not hateful, but bland, like a monk or nun in a temple reciting some scripture.
She looked at me like she was looking at air. Muted, worldly, calm.
I couldn’t get a word out, and was stunned for a long time. The fire of desire had long since disappeared. I was just cold.
She silently dressed and tossed the ripped bra into the trash can, “Let’s go.”
Take a cab to take her home.
She said bye-bye as she went upstairs, her face expressionless as if she were speaking to a stranger.
Goodbye has three meanings. One is reunion after goodbye, one is reunion after goodbye, and one is never to be seen again.
I’m afraid it was the last one. But I didn’t go up to her and pull her back, because I didn’t know what to say. Also, I was afraid of her eyes, I couldn’t stand those empty and cold and icy eyes.
I was trying to say something, but couldn’t open my mouth. I could only watch her go up the stairs as a sensor light flickered on and off.
On the way back thoughts swung left and right and rose and fell, thoughts were cluttered.
She sends a text and I open it quickly.
Honey, I have a stomachache.
I let out a long, thankful breath, and it turned out she was still with me. Hadn’t left me.
It’s only been a month and I’m already in so deep.
Honey, have some milk. It’s good for your stomach. I’ll text back.
Yes, I love her, at this point, for sure. Although, it’s only been a month.
Oh, yes, I have fallen in.
Whatever for, because of her beautiful thighs, her tall figure? Because she timidly called me husband? Because of her first kiss? I don’t know. Whatever. Right now, all I know is that I love her. I love this lovely woman with a tall figure.
I’m not a hairy young man. I’ve had many conversations. Done it many times.
But with her, I couldn’t bear it. It was her first time. She was a virgin.
Just because I didn’t put up with it doesn’t mean I put up with it, but I never made or hinted at another excessive request, I didn’t dare.
I’m afraid of her. First, I’m afraid she’ll leave me. Secondly, I’m afraid of the look in her eyes, and even thinking about that day makes me shudder.
If Gangzi and Mao Mao were around me, they would have squinted and then shouted, “Yuanbao ah Yuanbao, you didn’t open Yuanbao when you had the chance to open it, impotence fell off?
In the six months I’ve been dating Coco, I haven’t introduced her to my brothers. The reason is, she and I both have to study, and we can’t even kiss and live in a two-person world when we take a nap on Saturday and Sunday. How can we have the time to let uninvolved people interrupt our life as a couple? Moreover, I am afraid that those two idiots, Mao Mao and Gang Zi, will bring out those past affairs of mine. Therefore, my group of friends and brothers have only heard of this mysterious woman, but not her.
However, I will always find an opportunity to formally introduce Coco to them. Looking far into the future, I would put my arm around Coco’s waist and proudly announce, “Here, my wife. At this point, they would be envious and jealous – I’m sure. And I, for one, love the feeling of being envied.
After being with her, no longer go to the bar “to tease dishes”, a few brothers began to doubt whether I have the male spirit of the year again.
After being with her, it was customary to stand on her right side because she had a bad left ear and couldn’t hear well.
After being with her, there was less contact with the brothers.
Her mantra is: okay. Oh, that way. Good class. Whatever. I’m full, don’t eat.
And sometimes, petulantly, husband, your saliva is so salty.
Isn’t she cute?
She would tease me to the point of arousal, but always kneed me there when it mattered, smiling shallowly and saying, no oh, not until after marriage.
Every night I would light a cigarette and think about how happy I would feel – all of this. Happiness came so quickly that it mesmerized me. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt like this.
February 14th, Valentine’s Day.
Despite having had 5 or 6 girlfriends, I never bought flowers, because I didn’t think it was necessary, it was just formalism. Even in the face of the woman who has been talking for three years and is far away from home, I have never sent flowers.
But this time, I decided to buy it. As cheesy as I thought it was, I was willing to change for her.
I asked her: Honey, what kind of flowers do you want for Valentine’s Day, I’ll give them to you.
She replied: full of stars.
As for flowers, I have no concept of what a blue siren whore or an ice and fire rose is, and I’ve never been exposed to them at all. People like me only know about ice and fire and old man’s wheelbarrow.
Called a few female friends of the phone, asked to find what flowers are full of stars. But did not think, after half a day, that thing is matched in the delicate flowers next to the embellishment, to say it is a weed is not too much, the price is even cheaper will not be more than 20 bucks.
I called her and asked her why she wanted that grass.
She replied: how rustic to send flowers, the street is full of flowers, I take full of stars is different, unique.
I was suddenly moved. She was saving me money.
After we met, I dragged her to the flower store.
Honey, pick a bunch.
How can you drag your girlfriend to a flower store to pick out flowers like that? Idiot!
With a smile in her eyes, she poked me in the forehead. Then leaned down and looked at the colorful flowers that filled the room.
Finally, she took a bunch of grass-like things dotted with little white flowers and said to the owner that she wanted this.
The owner whored himself out to me and asked, Do you want it wrapped up?
I said: to.
The owner said: pay up, thirty dollars.
The other couple next to me sniffed and looked me up and down with a look that embarrassed me.
I dutifully paid the owner, groundless.
But she jumped up and down with joy, riding the packaging gear, a moment to see this flower, a moment to touch that flower.
She loved flowers, she loved that damn blue siren whore, she loved those blood red roses.
How many times I wanted to open my mouth and ask the owner to get roses instead, the most expensive ones, but never did.
Coco smiled daintily at me with her beak after receiving the flowers. It was as if she didn’t care at all, not about the blue demonic chicken in the hands of the woman next to her.
I pulled Coco out of the flower store at a quick pace.
Coco left hand holding flowers, her right hand carries her pre-bought big cake, all the way to the tea room with joyful and jumping, took me to the tea room, as if no one else unwrapped the cake, inserted six candles. Light it.
The cake reads, AK, I love you – your darling Coco.
“O husband, do you know why there are six candles?” Coco held her chin in her hands and blinked at me.
I shook my head, my heart moved in an unusual way.
“Silly, celebrating six months of our relationship.” Cocoa tapped her hand on my head, extremely unsatisfied with my answer.
I couldn’t speak, the softest part of my heart was zapped.
I put an arm around her.
We kissed with abandon. It was as if we were the only ones left in the world.
It wasn’t until the waitress came over and said, no candles allowed in here. Only then did we separate from each other and gasp for air.
Sometimes, touched in an instant, just for you a look, an action. I will try my best to do anything for you and Coco has been in love for more than half a year, the sweetness and happiness paralyzed my conscious mind.
During this period, Mao Mao gave me a few phone calls, said some days did not get together, a few brothers are quite think of me, miss us when * three swordsmen to break into the world, raise the gun to show bitch feat. Also jokingly asked me if there is anything I want to smoke at school, but they are not convenient to do it, said they recently itchy hands, want to find someone to practice.
I laughed and cursed through it and said I’ve been busy working on my dissertation lately, and I’ve got some busy days ahead of me in my last semester. I said I’d show him a chick in a few days.
He said yes.
Mao Mao this guy seems to always be very free, three days in two days in the nightlife, I now do not know what this guy is doing work, his time and energy seems to be able to consume without regard to squander. Every time I ask him to do which line of work, he always hehehe smiled lewdly, perfunctory past. After a few times, I will not ask, lazy to ask.
This also has a few bar girl came to the phone, to the effect that for that matter, or said a long time no chat, together with a meal and so on, let me politely refused, and implied that the future do not call me again. I have been out of the jianghu not swordsman for many years, those who help people, help the poor and needy, for the people’s service, I have entrusted the same teacher brother Maomao and Gangzi inheritance, and carry forward, what needs to be able to find them. Even I reported their phone number.
I don’t look down on bar girls. But we are by no means good friends, good partners or anything like that. We are just a trading relationship, just like the unscrupulous businessman chasing profits. The difference is that what we are chasing is excitement and what we are relieving is loneliness.
I love Coco, and I don’t want to make any mistakes that could lead to trouble later on. So, in the future, it’s better to have less contact with them.
I bought a 520 (cigarette) on a whim.
Smoked it all in two days. Even though they are women’s cigarettes and very light, smoking all of one in two days still screams out to me that I want to throw up.
I’m going to put together a big heart with the butt of my finished cigarette and give it to her.
Dormitory was I made more pandemonium, winter, our dormitory but had to open the windows and doors to dissipate the smell of smoke. Gangzi and I a dormitory, and the other two relationship is also okay. They and Gangzi agreed that I was out of my mind to accomplish this childish feat. They had offered to help me smoke and then leave the butt of the cigarette with me. Or maybe just break off the body and leave the butt alone, and put together something similar. I refused.
In the past, when I heard people doing blah blah blah for some bullshit love, I would scoff and spit out two words, childish! And now when they say I’m sick in the head, I laugh and say to them, “You know what, asshole? Love, do you understand? Quite a bit of Q flavor.
When I gave Coco a large chicken heart made from 520 cigarette butts, she was touched.
She looked at me and said, “Oh, hubby is so silly. There was a moving gleam in her eyes.
For her, I think it’s worth it, but I know I’m not doing nearly enough. Without material security, she can’t be happy. I’m not like Gangzi. His family is rich and he can spoil it as much as he wants. If his house is an Audi, then my house is a bicycle. If his family has a TV set, then my family has a radio.
The woman who traveled to another country the previous time had taught me a lesson – the door was right!
In fact, very often, I think love is not reciprocal. When the difference between the two sides of the family background is too big, love will become ulterior motives. Like the list of money, in fact, there is no, both sides are sincere love, but the conditions are too big a difference, it will eventually be difficult to escape the mouth of a long time. Or as I, Lingzi (my previous girlfriend’s name) does not have a solid family background that makes me unattainable, but still broke up.
Love exists, but is resistant to reality.
Times have moved on, but bicycles will never outrun Audi Benzes, and radios don’t create ratings.
Coco’s family was well off, but I never dared to ask. Still, I knew from just a few words that her family had a car, her family hired a nanny, and her family lived in a busy area of the city center.
I didn’t want her to think I was looking at her family’s conditions to please her and accommodate her. So, I never bothered to ask about her family’s conditions. For example, what kind of car does your family drive? How many square meters is your house? And so on.
I’m being careful to preserve the relationship.
Coco also didn’t ask about my family unless I volunteered to talk about it.
In my senior year of college, I was rewarded with a love that I seemed to cherish extraordinarily. I even decided to put in hard work right after graduation and try to make money to provide good conditions for her.
Coco is just over 20 and is only a freshman. I’m already 23. So I have time, I have time to work on it.
Sometimes, before going to bed at night, I would fantasize with joy that three years later, when she graduated, I would have solid material conditions, and then get married, and then for the rest of my life. Whenever I tell my thoughts to Gangzi, he will laugh endlessly, saying that I probably didn’t get the nourishment of love in my previous life, and when I see love in this life, I will be like a male dog in love. Then he taught me a lesson, roughly meaning that women are not a good thing, are all vain, want me to play even if, never fall into it.
Actually, I agree with Gonzo. The women I’ve come in contact with and the things I’ve heard prove it without fail.
Yes, I agree. Women are vain. If they weren’t vain, why would Reiko leave me for a foreign country?
But I was still trapped, caught in Coco’s carefully crafted web of love. I couldn’t pull myself out.
“Honey, I don’t have class on Fridays now, so I’ll pick you up at your school later.”
“No, don’t.” Her voice was a little high pitched, but quickly turned to laughter. How bad it was to be seen.
“What’s wrong with that?” My heart froze.
“No la, think about it, I wear high heels at school, you’re so short, and yeah, there’s a fat woman in my class who keeps badmouthing me and I don’t want anyone to say it” Coco winked and looked at me.
I laughed bitterly.
Coco was afraid that people would criticize him.
She saw that I wasn’t speaking and shook my arm, “Come on come on, you can come if you want to, what can I do about it?”
“Who’s coming, I’m not free on Friday.” I laughed and joked, but was disappointed.
Better not go. If she doesn’t want to, I won’t go.
Sometimes I really think, am I spoiling her too much? I can’t help it, I love her and I’m willing to spoil her like this, willingly.
“Right, wife, a brother of mine has a birthday on Saturday, invited a full house, on Nanjing Road, I’ll take you there, and introduce two buddies to you.”
“Saturday, huh? I’ve got something on Saturday, I’m going to see my back.”
Coco has a bad back, an old problem, a herniated disc or something, and every time she walks for more than a short distance, her back throbs intermittently.
“Can’t it be another day?” I asked.
“The doctors have appointments for next time, right?”
“Fine.” I said sullenly.
“Don’t be depressed la, as compensation I’ll kiss you down good class.” Coco looked around the room and darted a little bit at the corner of my mouth.
I’m full of joy.
She’s, like, so cute.
As I write this, I can’t help but pull out a 520 and light it.
Yet I never told her that 520 means I love you.
We had sex after all.
It started with a kiss. It was all natural, you and me.
She didn’t look at me with cold eyes again, because she didn’t open her eyes at all, and everything proceeded with them tightly closed, as if she were a puppet, at my mercy.
She frowned slightly, her eyelashes fluttering, and I interpreted this as shyness and pain. This, I thought, was a reaction unique to virgins.
I have no experience with virgins.
But she didn’t have her hands clawing and clawing at my back as described in the novel, she didn’t! She just pulled tightly on the sheets. Clenched her fingers red.
Afterward. No red.
I have a slight knot in my stomach, but no harm done. I know women get these accidents in a lot of situations, like sports for example.
Coco opened her eyes, pale and seemingly physically overwhelmed.
She stiffened slightly as she saw what I was looking for, and her lips twitched as she tried to say something that didn’t come out.
A tear that struggled to drip from his eye.
Coco turned her head, bit her lip tightly, and stopped looking at me.
I was mortified beyond belief. I admit, I minded. Because I loved her, and it’s loving someone that makes you wish for more.
I hugged her tightly, unable to speak.
Inside I was cursing myself, calling myself an asshole. Aren’t lovers supposed to trust each other?
Don’t I believe her? I do. But if I believe, why would I care about Falling Red. Why should I care so much about those damn things!
Take a step back, even if she’s not a virgin, even if she’s slept with someone else, she’s lied, she’s cheated on me, but so what? I don’t love her because of all that? Even if she lied to me, it’s because she loves me, she cares about me. The past is the past. What I love is this girl curled up in my arms right now. It has nothing to do with the past.
For a moment I was lost in thought and just held her close.
She cried, from a single tear at the beginning, to biting her lip and sobbing, to finally crying out. Hoarsely.
She let me hold her, let me kiss her forehead, but didn’t hug me back.
She was curled up like a wounded kitten, naked.
The crying finally stopped and she closed her eyes and refused to open them, letting me sweet talk her, she ignored me and just closed her eyes, tightly.
After a long time, finally, she slowly opened her eyes, looked at me, and smiled once. It was stiff.
“AK, you have to remember that I, Coco, first man was you. You have to remember that!!!”
When Coco said it, it wasn’t a pout or a rebuke. It was just a declarative sentence, like she was telling a fact that had nothing to do with her ho.
She then added, “I don’t have any redness, I don’t know, maybe it’s because I used to ride a bicycle.” Maybe she had been crying too long, her voice was a little hoarse.
When she finished, she looked at me, her eyes like a knife, plunging into my heart.
She didn’t save me any face and told me straight out in words that she knew I cared about the red mark.
At this point, it would be too hypocritical and pretentious for me to have any explanation.
I wrapped my arms around her tighter and whispered I love you in her ear.
Her rigid body finally softened and she wrapped her arms back around me, her nails digging hard into my flesh.
I fought through the pain, not daring to resist.
Slowly, a smile began to appear in her eyes.
It’s weird, the smirk, it gives me the creeps.
Creepy? Yeah, it’s creepy.
I felt that way for the second time.
Shall we break up?
The day after we had sex, the first year and twelve days of knowing each other, she said to me.
I am amazed.
How can there be such a woman? If it were you, would you give your first time to a man and then break up the next day? I’m sure anyone, anyone would categorically not.
The more time he spent with Coco, the more his inner thoughts grew and the more scared he became.
I’ve never been so afraid that a woman would leave me, and having sex with her was one of my tools.
Although we had only been together for a little over a year, I was madly in love with her. I’m trying to lock her up with her first time, with such an outdated tactic that I can’t even call it clever. To bind such a woman whom I love so much.
It’s only been a year since I sank so low.
Love isn’t measured in units of time, is it?
I love her with all my heart. She loves me too, maybe not as much as I do, but she loves me and I feel it. Besides, if she didn’t love me, would she give me her first time?
I was her first man, and no sane person would ever break up the next day, ever!
I’m guessing, guessing what the hell happened to her.
She’s sick? Like in a third-rate Korean drama, with some kind of blah blah blah cancer? Is that why she’s leaving me?
What’s changed in her family? Is that why? All sorts of speculation, I’ve asked, and she says, no.
After I interfered again and again, she gave me the reason: I disrespected her. She also said that she and I didn’t get along in character, blah blah blah. The tone was flat, calm with a hint of boredom, no impulsiveness, no anger, just impatience.
I said I’d change.
She said forget it, no need, I don’t like you anymore, what do you have to do to stop pestering me?
The words have been said to this point. In fact, I’d like to just cut it off, and then pile on some more harsh words and never contact her again. But I can’t. I’m worried about her. I always wondered what happened to a woman to be so fickle.
I can’t imagine.
So I couldn’t resist sending another message: I’ll be waiting for you downstairs at your house.
She did not return.
I waited all night and sat on the cold concrete floor – sat all night.
For the first few hours, I self-soothed. Fantasizing about her rushing down the stairs, throwing her arms around me, and then us kissing passionately.
After that, time slowly lengthened and I grew numb.
I did not send her another message. She already knew I was downstairs and if she was interested she would come down.
From four in the afternoon, I sat there until five the next morning.
I went to the bathroom five times during that.
I smoked 4 packs of cigarettes in the middle of it.
There were a number of times when I wanted to rush upstairs to her house, but I didn’t. Don’t ask me why, I can’t tell you, I don’t know.
I chuffed a cigarette hard, she no longer loved me. I’m sure of it.
If she had any love for me at all, she wouldn’t have let me sit here and wait all night.
I stiffened as I walked out of the cell door and the security guard smiled at me respectfully, revealing rows of burnt teeth in an indescribably odd smile, perhaps laughing at my woeful condition.
I escaped the neighborhood and hurried to hail a car.
I’m going home. I’m going home to bed.
Since then, I have no contact with Coco. Even though my cell phone, QQ, and MSN have not been deleted, I have no contact with her anymore.
I didn’t care to find out what was going on.
Some may say I should have insisted, I should have fucking waited all night for three, four, six, seven days.
Someone said I should rush to her house and pull her out and ask her what’s going on.
All of this, I didn’t do.
I’m a weakling when it comes to relationships.
I longed to see her, but I was afraid to see her.
If I see her, I’m afraid she’ll drive my feelings ho-hum to death. And now this – it was good. I, at least, can wait in peace, with a hint of fantasy.
When I came back, I was very sick.
We met over the summer and broke up over the summer.
Oh, no, I don’t have a summer vacation anymore. I graduated.
While others were busy looking for a job, I was all over the place, cooped up in my house all day, not going out, nestled in my bed. Like a dying old dog.
I know I can’t go on like this. But I can’t help it, I miss her, I love her, my mind is full of her. But when I think of her words, “How can you stop pestering me”, my heart is like a knife. Finally, hold back, did not contact her.
I always thought I was mature, at least after breaking up with Reiko (my previous girlfriend, the one who went abroad). I think I’ve matured, and I’m no longer overly ambitious for love.
I was invincible in the face of the bar girls, smug, thinking I was a veteran, a much more sophisticated man than my peers.
But now, what am I like this? Self-destruction?
Mao Mao and Gangzi came to see me a few times, said I was like this, not because of love for her, but because from a veteran of the love field, fell to be dumped by a junior three years younger freshman girl, the contrast is too much, said that my self-esteem can not accept it all of a sudden, so will be like this. Then they threatened to take me down in style, regaining the prestige of the Musketeers’ Three Stooges back then.
I refused.
Right now, I just want to lie in bed and do nothing.
I finally realized something. Love has nothing to do with maturity. In front of her, my so-called maturity was all messed up.
I had a hard time when Reiko left, but by no means was I disheveled to what I am now. I just used excessive nightlife to forget my feelings for her.
And breaking up with Coco, I couldn’t forget with the same indulgent, drunken state I used to be in. All I wanted to do was lie down, eat when I needed to eat, and pee when I needed to pee.
That’s all I want.
I don’t know how many days of disheveled waiting began to turn into despair.
There have been a number of times when I couldn’t hold back my thoughts and wanted to call her. But what can I do if I can’t hold back. To humiliate myself once again?
This thin-skinned woman, she, how is she now.
I smoked hard until I was sick.
The TV was on, and I kept changing the channel before slamming the remote against the wall.
The picture is fixed.
Television introduced the scenery of Hainan, the host of the host of the deep emotionally telling all kinds of stories, legends of the End of the World. And said that is the lovers should not go to the place. Hear that, my eyes have been, climbed up, open the computer, the Internet, check the ticket.
That night, I took the 2,000 yuan I borrowed from Gangzi and followed a tour group, flying straight to Sanya.
I don’t know if this is working for me, I don’t know if going to that end of the world is really going to make me forget.
But I’d like to believe it.
I chose that place as closure, closure for everything that had happened to me and her.
I’m going to bury this inexplicable love there.
Maybe it’s self-deception, but I can only resign myself to the fact that, at the very least, I can get away from this cocoa-scented city for a while.
I had a great time on a five-day trip to Hainan, diving, swimming, and going to the botanical gardens. Taste betel nut, coconut all kinds of fruit. Hainan’s “little sister” is very enthusiastic, seems to have been accustomed to a large number of tourists with a hypocritical smile to entertain.
The famous End of the World is actually two rocks, one tall and the other small, which are so far apart that it means there is a difference between them.
I defied the guide and climbed to the top of the “cape”, screaming words that I didn’t even understand. The sea breeze was soothing.
It’s easy to go up, but hard to go down. When I went down, I came up to the place where I landed, but now it all seems to be lost.
So, I was not careful, from the “cape” fell, thanks to my quick hands, coupled with the soft sand and the guide to help, but fortunately no major injuries, just slightly twisted the ankle.
The tour guide couldn’t help but count me out.
I patted him on the shoulder, “Man, that was worth the fall. Thanks.”
When I was ready to go back, I took a flight from Hai Meilan airport, and I brought a lot of local specialties, such as tea, coffee, etc. I only took two photos, one at the “end of the world” and one at the “cape”. I only took two photos, one at the “end of the world” and one at the “cape”.
I have to say that the toilets at Hai My Lan airport were particularly dirty and not at all in contrast to the local scenery.
I asked the guide to take another photo of me in front of this filthy toilet, signifying that I’m leaving the past, that damn love, all in the toilet in Haimilan.
When I go back, I’ll do it all over again.
Before boarding the plane, Gonzo called me.
“AK, mother fucker, I seem to be in love too!”
“Fuck you, get the fuck out of here, you animals only know how to mate, what do you know about a relationship, you don’t want to do this, dude is coming back today, you’re picking me up, I’m going to make a comeback today at MUSE (a bar).”
By this point, I had decided that I should never believe in love again In fact, there are times when grief stems not from the event itself, but from self-righteousness.
I was self-righteous enough to think that Coco was deeply in love with me; I was self-righteous enough to think that after holding her first time, she would do whatever she wanted for me; I was even self-righteous enough to believe in love.
1 These, all wrong.
That day, Gangzi and Maomao came to pick me up together.
Gonzo drove Mao and I to the MUSE, but he didn’t go himself.
He said there was something going on at home.
This guy is not a lying material, plus with him for many years brother, which is not to know, he seems to be good people have a date.
He drove the car yelling and singing something about moving forward, moving forward, some old song from some eight lifetimes ago, all the way to the end of the line in a crooked manner.
That night, I was drunk. I vaguely remember that Mao Mao bastard carried me to the hotel and helped me get a room.
When I woke up, I realized there was a woman next to me. Lifting his life, he saw that his clothes were still on, although they were in disarray.
I sighed, it is again Mao Mao did good, this guy specializes in doing some drunken women, and then dragged to the hotel inside the hook. Of course, these women are not good, who will not be able to hold on and be drunk? Who would not go home at 1:00 or 2:00 and hang out at the bar?
According to my old habit, I would make up for the work I didn’t finish last night in the morning. But now, I’m not in the mood.
Maybe it’s been a year of being conditioned by Coco to be at peace with herself?
How easy was it to throw it all away, everything about her? I sighed, got dressed and walked out.
When I got home, I typed up a resume and started looking for a job. I had to live, I had to pay back the money, and I still owed Gonzo 2,000 bucks!
Gonzo’s treats are one thing, the money I owe him is another, and the two should not be confused.
I was bumping around with my resume and I realized that I was a little late to the job hunt at this point.
After looking at four or five companies with no luck, they didn’t give a shit about a guy like me with a belly full of straw.
And life never stops. A buddy recommended me to interview for a gym instructor to be a personal trainer. I went, so at least I could get my muscle strips out to bluff people.
The woman who interviewed me was a woman in her 30’s, dressed in a sports outfit, with a well maintained body, only her face reflected some of the marks of age.
She appears to teach YOGA. Rumor has it that she’s the manager of the personal training department here.
She sized me up for a while, chatted for a while, was basically satisfied with me, shook my hand, and told me to come over to work the next day, for a trial period of one month, with a base salary of 1200, plus a commission for bringing in private lessons.
Later I realized that everyone here called her NANA sister, is a dead husband’s ruthless character. Treating those who can not meet the target of the private tutors, never merciful, even with a scolding.
I, on the other hand, have never been yelled at by her since I started work. Because I have the best track record in the personal training department and I’m still well liked.
I almost never took a week off, just selling private lessons – taking private lessons – selling again – taking again, and so on and so forth. Sometimes in a day, taking 10 hours of private lessons, I knew I was escaping and forgetting something in such a not-so-smart way.
The result of doing this so that I get a “desperate three wolves” metaphor, and at this time, my monthly base salary with commission, the basic monthly income of about 8000, a little less than 4000, a little better than 10000.
The first paycheck I got was 5,000 dollars, which is absolutely rare among the newcomers, and even Nana, a strict person, was impressed by me.
I invited Gangzi and Mao Mao and other Yigan brothers to dinner, returned Gangzi’s 2,000 dollars, and in the evening I chartered a card table at a nightclub for the crowd’s entertainment. I, on the other hand, returned home early.
Somehow that guy Gangzi didn’t stay at the club, but instead drove me back home.
“AK, I’m in love.” Gonzo smacked himself a cigarette and flung one to me, China.
“Got it, you fucking said it last time.” Put the Chinese aside, touch out 520 light. “What’s the matter, brother, playing for real?”
“Well, she’s very nice and treats me well if it’s possible, she’ll be married in the next few months.”
Gouko’s words irritated me.
I patted him on the shoulder and was going to say something about love not being trustworthy and not tying yourself down too soon.
But the words came to my lips, but I couldn’t say them.
“So, Gonzo, you’re serious about her?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Gangzi, make the best of it, there aren’t many good women left, don’t think too much if you think she’s good. If you get married, buddy will be your best man. But tell your wife to find me a prettier bridesmaid, her legs must be longer, hehe.” I joked.
I could tell he really loved that woman.
Gangzi and I talked for a while longer, he’s matured quite a bit, and the gangly demeanor of the past seems to have tightened up a lot.
After Gonzo left, I sat alone on the couch in a daze, the 520 around my mouth taking on a bitter taste.
Coco, is she okay?
A year went by without me realizing it, and I was still selling my coaching like crazy.
I seem to be starting to forget, but, just seem.
In the beginning of some days, there are a number of times, I want to dial that number, ask a, Coco, how are you; there are a number of times, I edited my own touched to death of the text message, want to send to her; there are a number of times, I want to the eternal gray QQ avatar, to say something.
But I was never like that.
Think of her or love her, I will not contact her again! Otherwise, all that will come in return is embarrassment.
I, that’s Xu Xian, thinking about the snake demon, but still with my hand plucking the Buddha beads muttering, don’t think, don’t think.
It seems, ah, the trip to Hainan didn’t make me completely invite my heart to her.
Love is something that, like a stubborn child, the more you repress it, the more it rebels.
But I had no choice but to seal it away. If I let it, it will run rampant in my heart.
That beautiful and hurtful love, that lovely and cruel woman. You, just stay put, please don’t wander off.
A lot has happened in this year.
Gonzo originally said he was going to get married, but then he didn’t.
I asked him why, he did not say. He just asked me to go with him to the bar, to go with him to “tease”, to go with him to buy drunkenness with money.
How similar we both are. Falling in love with a woman and having no results.
I didn’t ask him anything more, it just added to the sadness.
Hairy is still the same bitch, the difference is that during the period of this bastard went to the United States of America, came back with some cigars, and a few strange shirts to me and Gangzi, and then bragged about the red-light district there, said that the women’s work there how to how good, how much fancy, and said that it is also him to go to the United States, replaced by me and Gangzi would have been sucked into the shriveled brother.
I spent every day in a hectic schedule and my performance rocketed, finally being promoted to Personal Training Manager and Sister Nana rising to Store Manager.
NANA is not difficult to get along with, cold face and warm heart. Sometimes, when we got off work together, she would drive me back in her car, on the way.
We have risen from the rawness of the beginning to the point where we have nothing to talk about.
She told me privately that she was 35 years old. She said this a little self-deprecating. I can see that she was a golden flower in her day, and even now, many of the older men in the gym will still look at her with their eyes on her breasts, and even some of the younger boys will squint and look at her secretly.
Her killing power was still there, and she had more of a mature woman’s charm than a young girl. This kind of charm, more tantalizing.
Sister Nana’s husband died in a car accident 5 years ago, taking their 3 year old child and her love. It cost 300,000 dollars. 300,000 dollars? 300,000? That’s not as much as Gonzo’s car. Life is so cheap. She’s been alone ever since.
I asked Sister Nana why she wasn’t looking for another one, it shouldn’t be hard with her qualifications.
She replied to me that her love had gone, and that she was not short of money or gold, and that she was alone, and could get by, and was used to it.
I was gloomy, Nana-san’s experience made me sympathize. So I unconsciously told her about me and Reiko, and Coco.
Sister NANA laughed after hearing this and said to me, “AK ah, a woman’s mind you don’t guess it, you can’t even guess it.”
“Oh, I stopped guessing a long time ago, just as a memory. And me, being alone, I can get by, and seem to be used to it.”
We both looked at each other and then laughed.
It’s a wonderful feeling when men and women have confidants, which we do.
Previously, I firmly believed that there is absolutely no purity between men and women. But I seem to have this so-called friendship with Sister Nana.
We cared for each other, told each other sorrows, joys, etc. etc. that we had never told anyone else. Unlike love, we like each other and even joke about meat and potatoes. But we don’t make love.
We’ve all been in love. Her love died with her husband. My love, too, died with Coco’s departure.
I like this relationship with Sister Nana, this feeling. There are some things that I would say to her in detail. But I won’t say anything to Kongzi and Mao Mao.
Is this what it means to be a friend? Maybe.
A man-woman relationship without lust, without love. In this way, it’s good.
Throughout the year, my life fell into a fixed pattern. I was exhausted from my busy schedule, and the money I received did not now bring an ounce of fulfillment beyond the joy of the first few months.
But, that’s life.