Let me start by introducing myself. I am a middle-aged woman and my husband works for an electronics company.
About three years ago I stumbled upon the fact that my husband has a masochistic streak, or masochism, when it comes to his sexuality. And we had been married for almost twenty years when we discovered this actual thing.
It was entirely by chance that I came across a box of miscellaneous clothing at home that my husband had stashed away, all of them with men’s masochistic content, and interspersed with fantasies written by my husband of him serving me as my servant and depicting me being intimate with other men while punishing him for forbidding him to make love to me.
My first reaction at the time was one of disgust; but I did not speak to him; then I calmed down a little and thought the matter over. What disgusted me most was that I had loved him and lived with him for so many years without realizing that he was such a person; I thought I knew all about him. And I was angry that he had portrayed my infidelity in his writing; frankly I am a jealous woman, and I could not bear to know that he was with another woman; and he fancied that I was intimate with another man, and how could he have fancied that I was intimate with another man, if he had loved me?
But I felt better thinking that after all, in his fantasy he loved me and wanted me to be happy no matter how weird it was. I didn’t say anything or let him notice for a few weeks, and I thought I’d just let him sneak around and keep his fantasies. But I couldn’t make peace with the fact that I was worried that his weird fantasies would grow beyond my control, after all, I no longer had complete knowledge of my husband. Then, almost unconsciously, one night I told him I had a headache and asked him to do the dishes and clean the kitchen and put an apron on him, and I said that I would often ask him to do more work in the future.
And I have started to imagine what kind of man I would sleep with if I had the chance. My husband and I make more intentional comments about good looking men when we’re out.
Eventually I told him about it a couple of weeks later, and this time it was his turn to be upset. I reassured him that I didn’t care about his “hobby”, and I voiced my unease and asked him if he wanted to continue to fantasize about it or if he wanted to somehow live it out in real life.
We decided to try a bit of reality and at first he just did more chores and had to wear an apron while working (then he only wore an apron while working :)) ))
And he started to do things like brush my hair and give me massages and pedicures. I gradually became the active partner in bed, and our rules were that he wasn’t allowed to orgasm during sex, and that he could only use his hands on weekends for a week-long romp on his own. These rules were his idea and I didn’t care.
We find these things satisfying for both of us; I’d certainly like him to do more chores, and what woman wouldn’t want to be able to relax in the evening, watching TV or the newspaper, while her man gives her a foot massage?
And we found that the more active I was in bed, the more I demanded my own fulfillment and pleasure, and the more I ignored his normal fulfillment, the more fulfilled and happy we both became. I also found that the less I allowed him to be satisfied, the more he did his best to fulfill my personal needs.
Our hobby has evolved over the years, we are constantly trying new things, and we make it a principle that we do what we do to please both.
An important change for us was that at home he dressed more like a servant, which at first I didn’t quite get used to, but then I grew accustomed to it and was happy to have a real servant.
Another change was that I started having other boyfriends. This phase came step by step, at first I was just more flirtatious and flirty with other men, then I realized that I had someone in my sights and at the same time my husband was completely insightful and supportive of the development of our relationship. Now I’ve got two other boyfriends that I date on a regular basis. They are both younger than me, one in his thirties and one a college student. With the other men I’m still a jealous type of woman who won’t allow them to have sex with other women.))
As for being with my husband, we hardly have sex anymore. He is still only allowed to use his hands every Saturday. He is not allowed to hold my body and only allows his mouth to satisfy me, lick my feet or sometimes lick me clean after I go to the bathroom.
Many of our readers may think we’ve gone a little overboard because being faithful to your spouse is basic in a marriage, and I don’t know why we’re like that, but it’s a reality. Not only is it a reality, but the process of my husband and I getting ready before my appointments is our “intimate” time. He helps me shower and dress up, comb my hair and paint my nails; it’s exciting and intimate. He plans my evenings with my lover with me, and when I get home we talk more, he waits for me to undress and makes my bed. He always loves to hear the intimate details of my evening and I enjoy sharing them with him.
I have yet to bring my lover home to be intimate with another man in front of my husband, it will take time and it’s not safe because we don’t have this secret out in the open yet. I’m happy to write this on the internet now; because I’ve been hoping someone would listen to me, thank you!