Monica’s Autobiography (I) First Taste of the Forbidden Fruit (1)

I. A catalyst for trap mastery

After entering middle school, I moved into a student apartment. It was definitely a new life for me.

In terms of my personality, this life couldn’t be better. From now on, I can have many, many friends, including boyfriends and girlfriends. I believe that in this kind of environment, the kind of shadow that Bernard and Marcia brought to me might gradually diminish, I believe that.

The trouble was that David was no good. Taking it into school was definitely out of the question; school is not a place for pets. The only way was to stay at my place and have the maid do it for me. If I follow Dr. Kasumlo’s advice, this is the best way…

But I had decided not to punish him, I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t put Davy and my long friendship at risk. Besides, I was a little uneasy when I thought of David’s starvation and thinness, and what if he were to run into his mistress, the White Wolf, again? How would he have the energy to make love?

The first evening before I left, I took David for a walk. When I got to Rudolph’s door, I couldn’t help but stop and look into his home for a while. I even prayed to God in my heart that a miracle would happen and that Rudolph would suddenly appear in front of the house. Of course the miracle certainly didn’t happen, God doesn’t care about a little girl named Monica. As I stood there, David sat right next to me and didn’t move a muscle. It had grown up here, and it was surely impossible for it to forget anything about the place. However, it didn’t express the slightest urge to go in and take a look, and honestly stayed with me, which really touched me.

When I got back from my walk, I started moping again and didn’t get to sleep until after 2 a.m. the next morning.

Fortunately, after living in the school apartment, I was attracted to a new kind of life, and all that moping was lessened, and my spirits cheered up.

The Sunday after I had spent two weeks at school, I was about to go back to see Davey when the thing that made my heart skip a beat finally happened. I was walking to the entrance of the school when all of a sudden, Davy came scurrying from a distance, jumping and barking around me, I was amazed, what’s wrong with Davy today? I took a look in the direction David ran from, and immediately couldn’t take a step. Who was standing there? Wasn’t that Rudolph? He was walking towards me.

I was dumbfounded for a moment, dazed, unable to speak or laugh, knowing only to stand still and stare him dead in the face, not moving a muscle. Rudolph approached me, and without saying a word, simply cupped my head in his devilish hands, leaned down and kissed my forehead, then took my hand in his and led me away from the door of Beverly Hills High School.

“Miss me? Monica?”

My mind was a mess, and I was surprised that I didn’t respond to his question at all.

“Monica, it seems that you’ve missed me to death, haven’t you?”

It was then that I looked up and took him seriously, and yes, it was him, it was Rudolph!

I woke up in a dream and couldn’t stop wailing and jumping into Rudolph’s arms.

Why did you come back? Why don’t you just not come back? You drove me crazy and then you flew away, leaving me here alone to savor the pain of longing, you’re a bad boy!

I shouted and cursed in my mind, but not a word could come out of my mouth, only the tears could not stop flowing.

He stopped asking me and started kissing the tears on my face little by little, like he did that time, until I stopped crying and shedding tears.

Once Rudolph had kissed the tears on my cheeks dry, there was nothing but happiness on my girlish face. I had completely forgotten everything for a month, soaked in every cell of my body by the honey of reunion after separation, and I no longer mentally blamed him for leaving me behind, but only leaned my body tightly against his arm.

I asked him, “Where are we going? Rudolph?”

I certainly wanted to go back to the place where we had taken our walk and have him bring me to oblivion again with that devil’s hand. Rudolph said, “Monica, do we need a cup of coffee or a glass of whiskey first?”

“Well, have a whiskey, it’s time to show some celebration for our reunion.”

“More importantly, there’s something I have to tell you while I sip my whiskey. It seems more interesting to talk about it while doing so, I think.”

What could be going on? I looked at Rudolph to see something in his sculpted face, but I saw nothing at all; it was still the face of a sculpted man.

All the time Rudolph was talking to me over a glass of whiskey, I couldn’t guess what it was about. What Rudolph was saying was about David.

Rudolph said, “Monica, my dear, I would like to discuss something with you, please do grant my request.”

“Say, what is it? Only what I can do, I will promise you.” I said, but my head was pounding in my heart like a rabbit in my pocket.

“Here’s the thing, Monica,” said Rudolph, “I brought back a wolfhound from Chicago, a Germanic purebred wolfhound no less than David. She is a female dog, and her name is Angela. Unfortunately, she happens to be in heat and no one can touch her, and she bares her teeth at anyone who does. I’d like to talk to you about lending David to groom Angela for a while. This would save him from the disaster of not having a sexual partner, and it would also give him the opportunity to be a mom for a while, and maybe produce a litter of amusing little Germanic purebred wolfhounds for me. Monica, I’d like Angela to marry today if you’re willing, and I’ll go ahead and bring Davy to your place just because I’m so worried about Angela that one more minute will cause her one more minute of pain. Monica, Davy belongs to you, so of course it’s up to you to decide.”

I didn’t realize it was that way! I looked over at David, who was crouching at my feet, and found him looking up at me as if he had understood Rudolph’s words and was pleading with me to let him go, as if he knew he was about to have a fling.

“Monica, look, David is asking for you too.” Without missing a beat, Rudolph added.

I don’t think I’m going to stop David from doing something good. I am reminded of a Chinese proverb: “Plant more flowers, plant fewer thorns.

That means, as I understand it, more fulfillment of other people’s good deeds. If David was so lucky, why wouldn’t I fulfill it? What’s more, I was fretting about its situation, and I had been worried that the servants would not be able to do their duty to it. I didn’t reply to Rudolph in a timely manner, and that was because of other thoughts. Damn you Rudolph, if you know so kindly for Angela’s sake, why don’t you think for me, why are you always so slow to me?

Of course, at that time I didn’t know that it was a trap, a trap for Rudolph to lead me to his embrace step by step. Therefore, I only knew that I was jealous with the two wolfhounds, and when I later realized that it was a trap set by Rudolph, and then went back to think about that time, I no longer had that inexplicable feeling of jealousy.

I was only secretly amazed and impressed and scared that Rudolph was so sophisticated, and I wondered what it would be like if all the sex partners I ran into in the future were like him.

After I broke up with Rudolph, I told Dr. Cassandro about my dealings with Rudolph, and Dr. Cassandro made an exhaustive analysis of why Rudolph had to go to such lengths to elude and devise a trap during the whole process of his dealings with me.

He believes that Rudolph wanted to do this for at least a couple of reasons.

Firstly, he could not be unaware of the fragility of the mind of a young girl like me, who had only just suffered a family split. A little inattention would lead him to a wall, and he would not succeed in his plot. And he wanted me so badly to fulfill his intention of obtaining a complete Marcia. Rudolf had great hopes of using his own brush to sketch a nude sketched image of Marcia from childhood to adulthood-no, even to old age. According to himself, it would be a treasure unrivaled by all the works he had produced in his life. The portion after Marcia’s acquaintance with him could be easily painted by Rudolph; the most difficult to obtain was the portion before Marcia’s time, on which I was patterned. As soon as I became his mistress, his purpose was accomplished. And to get me, for a comparatively long time, of course, one cannot take the easy way. He was well aware of the fact that the easiest thing to get is the easiest thing to lose.

Secondly, Rudolph was very knowledgeable about women, and he knew what kind of women to deal with in what way. In order to satisfy my vanity, he complimented me more beautiful than Marcia, and then instilled in me a woman’s beauty is reflected in the idea of breasts, luring me to find a way to make the breasts to increase the size of the hand massage, and then purposely get a wolfhound back to let me go to see David and how it is to have sex, and so on. After how many pads, he still did not ask me to make love. I see Rudolph at least achieved two purposes, one is a multi-angle multi-level lure me to have sex with him interest, like a person who wants to eat a dish repeatedly many times he said how the dish is delicious, should be eaten how to taste, as well as to eat when should pay attention to what, greatly encouraging people want to eat the dish’s appetite, and then let the waiter will be served out of the dish. On the other hand, Rudolph was also sexually pleasured to the fullest in the process. Sex is more than just intercourse, and sometimes touching with the hand may be more sexually satisfying than intercourse.

Thirdly, he can use this kind of sex to make me have a sense of mystery about sex, and thus I will have a sense of admiration for him, thinking that he is a master in making love, and I will be happy to have sex with him.

I had been broken up with Rudolph for some time when Dr. Cassanello revealed to me, layer by layer, all of my sexual encounters with him. After hearing the doctor’s analysis, I was thoroughly convinced. In spite of everything I had learned about Rudolf, I did not loathe him, and I found those moments with him to be extremely tender and pleasurable. As I said earlier, in the later sex life I borrowed a lot of his sexual skills with other people have made love, which can not be said to be my and Rudolf Shaw a sexual partnership of valuable gains. In other words, Rudolph was the most indispensable link in the chain of my psychosexual growth.

Rudolph was so happy that he brought up his glass and clinked it with mine, saying, “Monica, darling, on behalf of Angela and David, I thank you for making this possible.” When he said that, it made me feel like Jennifer Flowers was the only one who had ever done anything for the Clintons. I felt the same way that Jennifer Flowers felt when she heard Clinton report that Hillary was pregnant and that he was going to be a father after she had aborted Clinton’s baby, even though Rudolph’s joy was not the same as Clinton’s joy.

When I came out of the store, I was still in a not-so-happy mood, not having gotten over my jealousy of the two dogs. I knew I couldn’t leave Rudolph for a while, but I said, “Then let David go back with you, don’t hold him up as a groom. David, goodbye!” I pretended to leave. When Rudolph saw this, he hastened to stop me with both hands and said, “Monica, how can you leave? Don’t you want to congratulate Angela and David on their wedding? Without Monica to participate in the wedding is certainly not a bit of fun, Monica!” Regardless of what Rudolph thought in his heart, the anxious look on his face gave me some comfort; he couldn’t let me go after all.

“Well, for the sake of Angela and David, I’m willing to attend their wedding.” Rudolph took my hand very nicely and said quietly, “Monica, did I leave you out in the cold? Darling.” I wrapped my arms around his waist and said in annoyance, “You just realized that?”

“I know, my Monica is jealous of Angela and David!”

“Yes, I am a jealous woman, beware!”

Rudolph was so amused by my comment that he took me in his arms and said as he walked away that he was going to buy me a vinegar jar specifically.

We just walked down the street, bickering and arguing like nobody’s business, until we got into his car in the parking lot.

In my dealings with him, there were not many times of such extreme joy. Most of the time, it was either immersed in wordless bliss or full-on lovemaking, and there weren’t many times when it was easy. As far as I can remember, this was probably the only time. So I was particularly impressed. I also distinctly remember that it was at that point that he took me in his arms, and instead of kissing me, simply stared straight at me, and then strutted off to the parking lot.

I was extremely wanting to let the kiss, I even stretched out his mouth to show him, but he just pretended not to understand. I do not understand how his self-control is so strong, so refused to easily have a slight indulgence of their own emotions, and later, I had many times on this issue to him questioned, he always said: “I can not be too indulgent, you are too lovely, I am afraid that because of my indulgence to hurt you so as to lose you.” At the beginning, I also for his this kind of statement has had many times I do not know how many times touched, of course, that is before the breakup.

II. Taste of the forbidden fruit

Rudolph didn’t drive the car to his house, but to his studio.

This is a bungalow that includes a drawing room, a rest room, a swimming pool, a bathroom, and a large grassy area behind the house, which looks as if it has only been decorated, and everything is new. I felt very strange, I had been to his original studio, it was in his house, how come he had a new studio? Rudolph told me that this was his newly purchased property, which was acquired with the money from the auction of his works in Chicago.

“How was it? It’s okay, right? From now on, it’s going to be a world for the two of us, you know? Honey!”

Rudolph spoke the truth, and during the time I had been associating with him, at least, I had never found another person enter this one house. In order to keep me and him undisturbed, he did not even employ a servant, and when something had to be done, he hired a bellboy.

Most of the many stories I have had with him since have taken place in this one house, including the wedding for Angela and David.

After Dr. Cassandro’s insightful analysis of my dealings with Rodolfo, I thought that this house was probably a key part of Rodolfo’s careful planning. Before he bought and decorated the house, he must have thought about what he was going to do with a little girl named Monica in the house. I carefully recalled everything we had done in this house, and almost everything I had done was in accordance with his operations, and I had never once taken the initiative–no, I can only say that he had never allowed me to take the initiative. In this way, my later inference that he had thought of everything when he purchased the house was certainly more accurate. It is also another indication of the precision  of Dr. Cassandro’s analysis that Rudolf had indeed gone to great lengths to get me-no, to have me in order to complete his chronological sketch of Marcia from childhood to old age in the form of a sketch.

What exactly was Rudolph’s intention in wanting to paint a set of sketches for Marcia in the manner of a chronicle is something that I have never been able to figure out. According to his own words and those of others, he wanted to create a miracle, a miracle in the history of painting. Taking a real person as a model, from childhood to old age, he drew some sketches every year, and they were nude sketches, showing the changes of a woman’s form. Theoretically speaking, Rudolf’s idea could not be said not to be a bold artistic conception, and if it could be accomplished, it would certainly be a marvelous miracle. Artists always have some quirks. Is this Rudolph’s quirky ringworm? It would certainly be a miracle in the history of painting if he did realize his goal. But it is certainly a heavenly conundrum. One of the difficulties is that when the painter had this vision and was able to practice it, he probably would not have been very young, and the subject to be represented would have been at least 20 years younger than the artist. How many years does the artist have to live to paint her whole life? If he or she dies while the object of expression is still alive, then his or her conception will be an empty phrase. In addition to this problem, there is another problem, that is, how can the object of expression work with it for the rest of its life? Can you find a person in the world who will be your model and let you draw nude sketches for the rest of your life from the time you were a child? From this point of view, Rudolph’s vision is undoubtedly a pie in the sky.

Rudolph’s masterstroke was his ability to create the impossible. He first found a Marcia, a woman with a great desire for self-expression, who was willing to go along with it, and I think she must have had it in her head that the Young Woman of Beverly Hills, which Rudolph had modeled after her, would not be very much in her honor, and would open up a desirable way for her to make friends with the upper classes, and that she might be more interested in the fact that in a hundred or a thousand years’ time when people would come to study Rudolph’s Rudolph’s works of art a hundred or a thousand years from now? Wouldn’t she be famous for ages to come? It can be said that Rudolph chose Marcia, and it can also be said that Marcia chose Rudolph, and both sides achieved their own purposes.

From this point of view, Rudolph and Marcia were joining forces to do something that would be extremely beneficial to future generations, and should not be laughed at or opposed. And it is evident that Rudolph was indeed wise beyond his years, and it is entirely possible that he could have finished the sketches of Marcia’s later years, judging by his age. But for the part of Marcia’s teenage years, Rudolph took the method of replacing me to finish it, which could not be said not to be the most ideal and the most realistic method. Because I and Marcia teenage look so similar to that does not go out of shape, simply to the point of falsehood, take a step back, because I and Marcia is a pair of mothers and daughters, from the physiological point of view or from the artistic point of view, is undoubtedly the best choice.

I thought about it afterward, and it probably wasn’t Rudolph’s idea to fix his eyes on me in the first place. Most likely, when he and Marcia were already working well together, he thus thought away from the idea of showing Marcia’s whole life, and then thought of replacing Marcia’s teenage years with mine, a speculation that I thought was very reliable and plausible, and if that was the case, there was still the possibility that Rudolph chose me with Marcia’s consent, or at least knowledge.

Is that really possible? Would Marcia really do such a thing?

I don’t dare take this speculation any further. But there was no need for me to take this speculation to a deeper level; I was not pursuing the question of what factors had led me to have sex with a man at the age of fourteen, and I had no aversion to having sex with a man, so there was really no need to take it to a deeper level. Whether Marcia knew it or not, agreed or disagreed with it, my coming together with Rudolph should also have been first and foremost a desire on my part, at a time when I had been in great need of a man coming into my life. If not Rudolph, there was certainly a man by any other name who had come together with me and become a sexual partner, no doubt about it.

Then again, maybe it wouldn’t necessarily be a good thing if there really wasn’t a Rudolph. Would I have had such a rich sex life? What’s the point of living in the world without rich sex?

Where else could you have had such an intoxicating time with Billy Clinton? Clinton? Is it even possible to have a soul-crushing sexual encounter as a teenager? There is probably no one in the world who can replace the “I” in life with the conventional “I” that people want, and some people are saying that I should not have an affair with Clinton because that would jeopardize the political life of the president of the United States and even the interests of the country. The interests of the country are jeopardized. But I wouldn’t be Monica if I were replaced with that person. At the same time, I am not going to whitewash myself and hide things about myself that are unappealing to some people in order to appeal to their tastes. And I’m not going to live to tell the truth that isn’t the truth at all in order to whitewash the truth that’s been dressed up in rumors, even though there are plenty of people who would be happy with that.

That’s all I can tell the readers of this autobiography of mine, that I am who I am, and I am the same Monica who has never been sexually faithful. Whether it was with someone of Clinton’s prominence or with Rudolph with his artistic eccentricities or with my highly sexually undesirable Nepal. Cork, I can only evaluate them in terms of my sexuality, and never in any other way, and that is the attitude I practiced, and that is the principle on which this autobiography was written.

In other words, I shouldn’t have any regrets about this Monica, it’s all good, it’s to my liking. This is me, Monica Lewinsky! Monica Lewinsky!

I’m writing now about the first time I walked into Rudolph’s newly purchased spot in the studio.

The door opened and closed automatically, as soon as Rudolph’s car arrived, and closed again as soon as the car entered the yard. When Rudolph went to the parking lot, I stood on the lawn and surveyed Rudolph’s new house. The house was a little distance away from Beverly Hills, situated next to a small, nameless lake, and surrounded by very few tall buildings, thus making it seem very open.

There was no doubt that Rudolf had chosen it carefully. There were very few interruptions, and it was certainly an extremely ideal place, both for painting and for making love. Such a place must have felt good to me, a 14-year-old girl.

I don’t know if it was because he was happy to be a bridegroom or because he was interested in the place, but David showed a lot of joy, looking and smelling and jumping around from time to time. But there was no sign of the bride, Angela, coming out to meet us. Had she been temporarily placed elsewhere by Rudolph? That’s quite possible, he probably wanted to surprise David and Angela as well. Rudolph’s always been methodical. He doesn’t miss a beat.

“Where’s the bride? Rudolph!”

“Monica, don’t worry, I’ll have the bride out to meet the groom soon. This is Angela and David’s wedding, Monica. A wedding has to be a wedding, you can’t rush it.”

“Well then, just hurry up, David can be a little anxious.”

“No, you’re wrong, it’s the bride who should be the most anxious on her wedding night, the groom has to entertain that class of eye-candy and obnoxious friends and can’t go into the bridal chamber yet.”

“I think it’s the groom who’s the most anxious, look at David!”

“Monica, I think it’s you who’s anxious, isn’t it?”

Rudolph teased and talked to me while he got out of the house baths and towels and such, and said that before going into the wedding our bridegroom must be washed and cleaned up, or the bride would resent it. He told me to lead Davy over and join him in bathing Davy.

Davey was also very obedient and didn’t move a muscle to let Rudolph and I do our work for him. We rinsed Davy off with warm water, then rubbed him with body lotion, then brushed him gently from head to toe with a brush, then wiped him down with a piece of dry towel, and combed all the fur with a small wooden comb. In this way, Davy was prettier and more divine than ever.

“Well? How’s our groom? Attractive enough?”

“Is it attractive? Monica, are you right?”

I reached out and gave Rudolph a smack and said, “You’re bad! You’re bad!” “Yes, I’m bad, I’m bad.” Rudolph said, grabbing me, “Monica, honey, let’s be bad before David becomes a groom, okay?”

Said these words, Rudolph eyes like fire like electricity staring at me, I have long been soft and a little bit of energy, I think, today Rudolph may want to let me really taste the taste of lovemaking, I said in my heart: come on, Rudolph, come on, I’ve long been wanting to, you hurry up a little bit!

Rudolph picked me up without a second thought and walked into that one lounge room. He placed me on the couch and sat down before grabbing my shoulders, then he dropped to both knees right in front of me. I didn’t know what he was going to do and I didn’t want to care what he was going to do, I was completely paralyzed as if I had been, even my mind seemed to have stopped moving. Rudolph began to move, he unbuttoned my shirt one by one and then removed my bra. At this point, I had some clarity again. I knew that my entire chest would be completely exposed to Rudolph. What else would he be doing at this point?

It’s time to take my skirt off, isn’t it? After I’ve become completely naked, it’s time for him to remove everything that’s covering him, right? And then what? Finish making love for the first time right here on the couch? I thought as I waited for Rudolph’s next step.

Who knows, Rudolph is not at all as I thought, he didn’t harass my lower body again, to my skirt, he didn’t even touch it. He just stared at my two breasts, like a greedy kitten staring at two small fish, thinking about how to eat, and I also looked at him to see what he was going to do next. It took at least ten minutes of staring at my breasts before Rudolph reared his hands up and grabbed one breast with one hand, causing me to immediately feel electrocuted again.

He carried me into the lounge and laid me down on the sofa, undressed me so that all my breasts were exposed, and when he grabbed one of them with one hand, I immediately felt an electric shock. Then, as he had done on the walk, he pinched the nipple between his forefinger and thumb and gently rotated it back and forth, while the palm of his hand and three other fingers simultaneously applied pressure to the rest of the breast. Whereas that time he had only one hand to work with, this time he was stroking and massaging both of my breasts with both hands at the same time, and the effect and sensation was, of course, far more exciting.

His kind of immobile caresses, make me like back to the baby a few times lying in the cradle to listen to the lullabies like a trickle of water, I have a little dizzy and want to sleep. Perhaps I knew too little about men to know what kind of mentality men have towards women, and whether they have a consistent appreciation of every part of a woman’s body. After I had sex with more men, I realized that it wasn’t just Rudolph who was in love with my breasts. It was almost all men that were interested in my breasts. Before any sex, the men harassed my breasts, and although the approach differed from one to the other, the love of breasts seemed to me to be similar. I don’t know if other women experience this, but, anyway, I have a deep appreciation for it. I found that almost as long as the man, once I rubbed shoulders with me, will let me feel their eyes are to my breasts a few glances, the eyes definitely have a very strong penetrating power.

Thus, breasts became my proud capital. I’ve even had many such experiences with men for whom I’d be willing to pay, and just letting him touch my breasts almost always peaches the other man’s lust.

As a result, I have become extremely experienced in how to utilize this capital of mine in my relationships with men.

At the same time, I often feel a sense of pity or contempt for women who don’t have full, firm breasts.

I remember when Ms. Wiley accused Clinton of sexually tickling her, he was so dismissive: “I wouldn’t like a woman with small breasts, I thought, that’s a tragedy for a woman.” Whenever this happens, I naturally think of Rudolph. He was the one who told me that breasts are the beauty of a woman, and he was the one who gave me a lot of help in the normal development of my breasts. For this reason alone, even though Rudolph and I have since broken up, I always think of him. I even believe that someday, if he and I still run into each other, I will still be able to make love to him whenever he needs it, even if he is very old, and I will lie beside him to give him a kind of fulfillment in his soul.

I knew that Rudolph was going to work magic with his magic hands like he did on that walk.

The wonderful feeling made me gradually close my eyes. At that time, I was again like lying on a white cloud, floating around in the sky, or like sitting in a small boat, letting the swirling water gently lapping.

In short, it’s not crazy, it’s not a turnover, it’s not a storm, it’s a gentleness like water.

Suddenly, I felt the addition of Rudolph’s entire head. He buried his face between my breasts, and with both hands he squeezed my breasts toward the center so that they were pressed against his cheeks. His hands were still moving as they had been earlier, and his mouth joined in the action. At first, he just sucked on my cleavage, but then his tongue, probably unable to resist, began to lick back and forth in the cleavage in conjunction with his mouth’s sucking, as if trying to reach into the flesh from there. Rudolph on my breasts of this harassment, all of a sudden disrupted just as gentle as water, such as the waves suddenly rise, the boat thrown on the tip of the wave and thrown down to the bottom. I began to have a kind of love can not help, a kind of body can not help. I was thinking that the storm was about to break and turn over.

Perhaps not letting me have half a chance to catch my breath, Rudolph’s hands abandoned the fondling of his breasts and unfolded his arms to hold me tightly to him. Then he turned his head and took one of my breasts in his mouth and sucked on it from light to heavy, slow to fast. My body was completely out of my body, and his almost frantic sucking made me feel like my body was about to be sucked dry and that nothing belonged to me anymore.

I don’t know how many times I had orgasms in the madness that ensued during sex. I think that orgasm is probably as indescribable and almost as crazy as anyone’s experience. This is certainly not my experience alone, but should be experienced by all those who have been seriously committed to love, both men and women.

Rudolph had done nothing more to me than work on my breasts in his lounge, and what I got was nothing less than the orgasm that comes from penetration of a prick during sex.

III. Special weddings

After entering college, I was on a trip to the Amazon with my new sex partner Sylvester B. I still masturbated while traveling on the Amazon with my new partner, Sylvester Jeffrey. Theoretically, it is highly implausible to masturbate while traveling with a lover, unless that person is mentally ill. I, on the other hand, was not mentally ill, but I did masturbate once. The reason for this was simply that Geoffrey was no longer in a position to make love to me, he was no longer able to do so, as our continuous and extremely physically demanding floating-on-the-water lovemaking style of intercourse during the day in the wilderness had rendered him incapable of doing so at night any longer. I, on the other hand, was so provoked by the uninhibited lovemaking of the young and old Lovers in the cabins on either side of me that I just couldn’t hold back and had to masturbate to quell that commotion.

I recall this one incident because I have already written in my autobiography about the event when Rudolph was going to marry two wolfhounds, David and Angela. The sexual advances I received on that occasion were nothing less than the one on the Amazon, but my lack of opportunity and knowledge to relieve myself by masturbation at that time made me simply not want to live. Now I’m turning the page again, purely out of a need to illustrate my psychosexual growth, otherwise I would have avoided that page and not made the kind of memories that give me pangs when I think about them.

By that time, I had been made to die by Rudolph’s sucking on my breasts and was lying on the couch resting after a stormy night. I remember falling asleep, but in my sleep I was still thrilled by Rudolph’s caressing of my breasts. As Rudolph wrapped his arms around me and sucked like mad, I held Rudolph’s head with my hands like a man overboard, refusing to let go of anything, trying to offset the dizziness and trembling from his sucking.

When I awoke, I found Rudolph sitting beside me. However, instead of continuing his assault on me, he just sat there silently, his eyes full of affection staring at the peaks of my breasts for a moment, only to lose no time in supporting me when I tried to sit up after waking up.

I certainly remembered what I had just seen and instinctively looked at my own breasts. I was fully clothed, it must have been Rudolph, I thought. He probably knew what I was looking at my own breasts for, so he said, “Monica, dear, you weren’t freaked out by my craziness just now, were you?”

It was then that he sat closer and put a hand on my shoulder. His greeting and expression were extremely genuine, as if he was still worried about what I had just done.

“Was my demeanor just now scary?” Rudolph asked me, “Of course, I was worried that you wouldn’t be able to wake up because I scared you.” Rudolph seemed to have a little bit of heart palpitations left, “You don’t know, Monica, I can’t think about that. I’m sorry I was so rude. If anything happens, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life, really.”

I was so touched by his true feelings that I said, “No, Rudolph! Rudolph, you don’t know how happy I was! Really, Rudolf, when you sucked on my breasts, do you know how I felt? It was as if my whole body did not exist, were sucked into your mouth, I thought, I and Rudolf into one, become a person, I will never be alone, and then, I do not know anything.”

Rudolf said, “Of course, we won’t be separated, look, aren’t we sitting together?”

“When did you stop? Rudolph? Why didn’t you kiss longer? Don’t you realize how needy I am?”

I was about to say “how much I need your penetration” but I held my tongue. Since he was so worried about kissing my breasts, I thought I’d better not say anything, so he wouldn’t have to worry about it again.

I used to have this reflection when I recalled this incident later. I thought I had learned from it that sex, for a woman, is never initiated, and that I had thought about my sex life with other people, probably in the same way. What is the reason for this? Are women always passive participants in sex? I have thought about it, and for several men I have been active in expressing a desire for sex, which is to say, I have at least thought about being active. In the course of my relationship with Rudolph, I took the initiative to express my sexual desires to him on several occasions. However, it seems that he did not follow my wishes to the next step, but rather followed his own designed steps in everything he did with me.

Several of my female friends who also have a love for sex seem to think similarly. However, their conclusions on the issue fall into another misconception. They believe that women’s passivity in sex is dictated by women’s biological characteristics. Their reasoning is that if a man doesn’t want to have sex with you, it can’t be up to a woman to use her vagina to lasso a man’s penis, can it? Even if you let you have your way, but the man because a little also have no intention of having sex with you, no little sex instinctive impulse, penis never hard, women and what can be done? What can a woman do? She might as well find a sex substitute. When they said that, I was almost speechless. I couldn’t refute it, I couldn’t find a reason to refute it.

If this is the case, then only love has the potential to open the door of initiative to a woman, while sex can only ever give a woman the position of passive participation. Is that fair? In other words, for a woman, you can take the initiative to find a lover, but you can’t take the initiative to become a sexual partner.

In this way, a woman may have a rich emotional life, but is unlikely to have a rich sexual enjoyment, whereas a man is the benefactor of a woman’s sexuality.

It’s sad to come to this conclusion because I’m a woman too.

The Bible says that after God made man, he took a rib from man and made woman.

Thus, half of a man is a woman, and the other half is honor, status, money, politics, and other kinds of fame and fortune. And a woman’s whole being is a man, and her whole mind is on him, on love. It was the same with President Clinton of the United States, who did not forget his president while he was making love to a woman. The same is true of Rudolph, who has chased after so many women, but his paintings are just as numerous. Did their careers win them women, or did women fuel his career? It’s probably a proposition of whether the egg or the chicken came first.

What I mean is that as a woman, there is no need to argue whether the egg or the chicken comes first, and as a society, there is no need to argue whether women are eggs or chickens. If we have to argue whether women are eggs or chickens, I think there must be something wrong with this society. Perhaps there is something wrong with the United States, or else, why do they keep on catching the President having sex with women one by one?

Is the federal court grand jury a sex-life-identifying body? Is it possible that the world economic crisis is less important than whether the president is having ejaculations with other women? Of course, that’s not what my autobiography is going to examine, and I don’t need to spend too much ink on the kind of thing that people who have nothing better to do with their lives go to.

It began to lick at Angela’s pussy. As I watched it tongue lick with such gusto, I was reminded of Rudolph moving his tongue over my breasts and licking my cleavage just a few moments ago. What a mesmerizing sensation that was! What would it feel like to lick a pussy with a tongue?

Angela probably felt extremely comfortable and stimulated by David’s tongue licking her pussy, and surprisingly spread her legs wide and her tail up, letting David kiss and lick to his heart’s content, and also chiming in with soft barks, as if she were moaning in pleasure like someone who had reached an orgasm.

I was afraid to look away. It wasn’t all shyness that was in my psyche at the time. Of course, shyness is also there, because after all, there is still sitting next to a silent Rudolph, and I do not know at all what is in his heart. David’s first sex performance, that is I was alone in the side to watch, no other people in, I want to see can rest assured boldly look, do not have to be afraid of other people see embarrassed. So, that time I was able to watch it very clearly and tastefully. This time I watched with my heart pounding and my face burning, I was afraid that Rudolph would see the secret in my heart that I actually wanted to see. There was another factor that kept me from looking, and that was that if I saw David climb on Angela’s back again and make love as he had done the last time, with bold and resolute penetration, I wouldn’t be able to stand it, I wouldn’t be able to hold back my desire to make love. So, what do I do? Ask Rudolph for sex? Would he agree?

Look at the way he looked just now, does he dare to make love to me? If he refuses to make love, won’t I be suffocated?

David didn’t care, he probably couldn’t hold it in any longer, and the moment Angela spread her hind legs and tail up, he extended his long flesh-colored cock and kept twitching, which was probably a sign that he wanted to penetrate. At this point, David no longer kissed Angela’s pussy, lifted his head up, raised his two front feet, and immediately rested on Angela’s back, and then clamped down hard on Angela’s waist. Maybe it was because it was overly excited, David was not as accurate this time as last time, it did not accurately aim at Angela’s pussy when it was thrusting into Angela, but rather at the place in the groin below Angela’s pussy, although David did not aim at the right place, it did not give up that action of pulling the penis out and thrusting it in again, as the muscles of the buttocks were relaxing and then contracting, so was the penis rubbing back and forth against Angela’s groin rubbing back and forth. At this point, Angela, presumably aroused by David’s groin rubbing but not seeing David penetrate, could hardly hold back, woofing to express her dissatisfaction. David didn’t do too well, and kept rubbing Angela’s groin over and over again, somewhat regardless of his partner’s needs.

I couldn’t help but let out a soft cry: “Oops”, meaning that I was anxious about Angela’s lack of penetration, but also a kind of reminder to David. I did not expect this call to Rudolph heard, he hurriedly turned his head over, asked me: “What’s wrong Monica?”

I hurriedly lowered my head and said, “It’s nothing, maybe a grain of sand was blown into my eye or something, but it’s fine now.”

The reason I added the phrase “but it’s all right now” was because I was afraid that Rudolph would blow his eyes out for me at this time, and interfere with my ability to watch how David corrected his mistake; I was already completely captivated by David and Angela’s lovemaking, and I had an uncontrollable urge in my heart. At a time like this, I couldn’t have cared less about Rudolph’s presence, and I wasn’t going to give up watching this naked display of lovemaking. What about Rudolph? Was he as desperate to watch as I was? I squinted over toward Rudolph and realized that he too was watching with great fascination. His hand actually had a very odd movement, his fingers clenched into a fist then unclenched then clenched into a fist then unclenched, over and over again performing that one movement. What did that mean? Later I discovered the pattern of his fist squeezing and unclenching motions as he did so with David on Angela’s back and his penis going in and out. I dared to conclude that it was Rudolph cheering Davey on. It had to be, I thought. In that case, Rudolph was more into it and more serious than I was. Had he been induced to have a sex drive too?

Afterwards – no, after my first sexual intercourse with Rodolfo, Rodolfo said that he wanted to penetrate me so much that his penis was already erect and he couldn’t help but ejaculate. So he couldn’t help but move his hand as well. I said that I wanted to be penetrated as well, but I tried to force myself not to show it. And, that desire for penetration peaked with David’s bold and determined thrust of his penis into Angela’s pussy.

In fact, Angela was more experienced in sex than David. I even wondered later if Rudolph had consciously gotten a very experienced Angela to show me the ropes. Rudolph said there was no such thing, that it was just Angela being clinical. I was very impressed with Angela’s performance, at least it was a good one, and it didn’t seem to be so passive, it was very active in the process of making love. This gives me a very good inspiration when I have sex with men in the future. That is to say, once into the specific operation of lovemaking, women can take the initiative to dominate or mobilize men in accordance with their own wishes to carry out the action.

Angela did just that and did it beautifully. When David performed poorly and did not penetrate Angela’s vagina accurately, Angela, apart from a couple of soft grunts to indicate her dissatisfaction, immediately afterwards took the initiative and went to meet David, making an incorporation of David’s penis. At that time, it was the time when my sex drive was at its peak, so there was also a feeling of great admiration for Angela’s initiative, and after having that feeling, the sex drive became even more powerful.

Angela’s experience has also taught me that female-initiated incorporation of the male is, of course, a prerequisite: the male’s penis must be erect.

I was in a total state of sexual stupor as David was pistoning Angela at a fast pace.

It was impossible for me to maintain the so-called reserve of a young girl, I needed to penetrate, whether it tasted good, bad, blissful or painful, I was all over it. I fell into Rudolf’s arms in passing, trembling all over. Rudolph, of course, understood what was going through my mind, and he gave me a prompt response, as he wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly to him.

I was so paralyzed that I had no air, I could only lie crookedly on Rudolph’s thighs and lower abdomen, when I felt something hard against that part of Rudolph’s body where my face was pressed against it, and my heart brightened up, that spot was where Rudolph’s penis was! Oh my God, he has an erection already, how wonderful that we finally thought of coming together! Is it true?

Over there, David had accomplished its great feat. It stopped moving and pressed its head against Angela’s back in what must have been, I thought, a brief moment of post-orgasmic enjoyment.

What about us?

From time to time, Rudolph’s cock transmitted its restlessness through his pants to my face. It made me feel a kind of undulating wave of shock. Rudolph must have reached a point where he couldn’t stand it, or how else could he. So was I. The baby I craved was right under my face, separated only by a layer of cloth. How wonderful it would be if I unzipped his pants and his baby was directly on my face! I wanted that so much, but I still didn’t have that much guts, and I really hated Rudolph, why didn’t I unzip them myself?

When I went into the White House with Clinton later, we had oral sex a number of times, and those were when Clinton took the initiative and unzipped himself and let his prick stick out, and I just catered to it. But Rudolph didn’t do that, he sat so straight up even though he had an erection, even though his arms were wrapped tightly around me.

I couldn’t afford to miss another opportunity, like the last walk, to the point of regretting it many times later. I figured I had to give him at least a little bit of information that I wanted him. Without further thought, I ventured to kiss Rudolph’s occasional twitching baby with my lips through his pants. I figured that even though it was through his pants, there was no way he wouldn’t feel my kisses.

Sure enough, Rudolph started talking to me. He said, “Monica, you want it badly, don’t you?”

I didn’t answer, but I nodded affirmatively.

“I want it bad too, Monica!”

I remained silent, but once again nodded affirmatively.

Rudolph then lifted my hips and sat me between his thighs. His already very hard prick was also in the position of my pussy. Like the wave-like impact felt on my face earlier, it was now my pussy that was directly on top of the wave-like impact.

Rudolph rested his head on the base of my neck and asked me into my ear, “Monica, let’s just get started, shall we? Darling, I can’t hold on much longer.”

I couldn’t hold out any longer and said, “Rudolph, start, right here, I can’t hold out any longer either!”

Actually, I didn’t realize what Rudolf meant by “just start”. I thought that “starting like this” meant having sex right there on the grass. But as Rudolph went on, I realized that what he meant by “starting like this” was to have sex with me sitting on his lap. Maybe Rudolph wanted to make my first time feel special and fresh, and he thought of having sex like this? It was something I hadn’t seen even in the video footage of Bronwyn and Bernard having sex, was it Rudolph’s idea?

After such a first time, we have had many more, but I still have trouble remembering the first time.

I asked Rudolf many times why he did that. He explained it to me this way, he said: “I want to make love that way, out of a variety of ideas. Make love, no, sexual intercourse is probably no more than so two basic posture, one is the front penetration, the other is the back penetration, the other this kind of that posture is only a variation of these two postures. The back insertion of these two postures is the most primitive and instinctive way of sexual intercourse for animals.

I want you to climax and have sexual pleasure in a very relaxed way. I’m afraid that the first time I give you will make you so nervous that you’ll have bad consequences, such as too much pain or being too nervous to have sex again… and so on. That’s why I had to make your first time easy and memorable. You should know that apart from my love for you, I also had my own selfishness in thinking that I couldn’t just have you once, but that I wanted to be with you and make love to you forever. I would go crazy, Monica, if you didn’t want to make love to me again because it didn’t feel good the first time.”

I believed Rudolph in this because I had felt his need for me. The fact that he was able to tell me about his selfishness touched me even more, and made me even more willing to be with him without even a minute’s separation. Moreover, the first time he gave me was truly wonderful, to the point that I am excited to think about it now.”

What an intoxicating insertion that was!

After I agreed that Rudolph would start like that, Rudolph did. The first thing he did was to undo his pants and pick me up with one arm while he pulled his own pants down with the other. I was a little surprised that he took off his pants that way, I thought he would want me to sit down and do it again. I didn’t realize that it was supposed to be a little difficult for him to take off his pants and still not let me leave his body. Once his pants were off and I was sitting on his flesh, my feeling for that hardang guy of his was more immediate and eager to get it, so I guess the next step would be to peel off my skirt and panties? That way, we’d be having a more direct conversation.

I don’t know how other women feel when they have physical intercourse with a man for the first time, but I didn’t seem to have a deep impression at the time. Theoretically speaking, the first time a man and a woman have physical – I say physical certainly does not mean shaking hands and so on, but refers to the skin contact before sexual intercourse one by one intercourse, should have a very deep impression. Because that is not just a collision of flesh and flesh, but more importantly a collision of souls and souls. Then why did I not leave a deeper impression? Later I also seriously thought about it, may be two reasons.

One reason was that, after all, Rudolph and I had had a momentary contact between hands and breasts before that; another reason was that I had already been in a state of extreme sexual excitement while watching David and Angela make love, and the feelings generated by that instantaneous contact between flesh and flesh were masked by the sexual excitement that had preceded it. After the event, when I was alone and savoring it, my impression of that moment was clear and vivid, and very tantalizing.

I remember very clearly that the very moment Rudolf removed my panties with his hand, Rudolf’s penis was also pressed against my genitals, with its glans above my labia. There was no doubt that the giddiness I felt immediately intensified, wanting nothing more than for him to thrust faster. However, Rudolph didn’t go any deeper, but kept his cock motionless against my labia. The fact that he didn’t continue to penetrate me didn’t mean that he wasn’t tempting me sexually, and he wasted no time in moving his hands from my vestibule to my breasts, quickly grabbing them. While his hands were flirting with the breasts, he poked his head out from behind my neck again, asking me to twist my head back as well, and then opened his mouth and sucked all of my lips into his mouth.

Later, Rudolph, not without pride, told me that it was a total strike. And I was unquestionably subdued by his full out assault, unable to help myself. His tongue was exploring the secrets of my mouth, sucking hard on the juices in my mouth cavity, his hands were harassing me in my middle region, and from time to time he was radiating waves of electric current through my two nipples all over my body, which never failed to make me numb and dizzy and delirious.

In my pussy, the hard penis, though not pushing in deeper, was occasionally rushing… rushing and palming my labia. Eventually, my labia opened up, and the glans that pushed against them bounced right on my clitoris, maximizing my sexual desire. I could no longer control myself, not knowing what to say or what not to say, and repeatedly moaning and almost pleading, “Rudolph, darling, go in a little more, a little more…”

Because of my moans and invocations, Rudolph relinquished his hold on my lips and breasts as he lifted my hips with both hands, along with my torso, up and down. With this up-and-down activity, and my cunt having a piston-like mojo with his hard cock up and down, my excitement grew. In the end, the pleasure was almost simultaneous with Rudolph’s, the walls of my vagina throbbing with his ejaculating penis, so harmoniously and in unison.

That was my first time, the first time I’ve ever carved my heart out.

IV. Spring in life

I was in an extraordinarily good mood after that poignant first time with Rudolph.

My relationship with my classmates is probably the best I’ve gotten along since I entered school as a child.

We had long passed the strange stage when we first entered the school, and had already known more about each other, such as who liked or disliked to chat together, whether we liked to drink Coca-Cola or preferred to have a glass of whisky at the party, etc. I was certainly an active member of the group. I was, of course, the active one in the middle; wherever there was laughter and loud talking, there I was sure to be, and my desire to confide was fulfilled and played out. At first, we are still only satisfied with those who give us a class teacher comment, later, we chat gradually wide up, began to our class of male students to talk about the long and short up, say who who looks handsome, who is the zoo of the bear, say what have.

The boy who was unanimously recognized by our group of girls as being particularly handsome was a student named Percy Corker, who was most admired for his slightly blue eyes. Cork, especially with his slightly blue eyes, was the most admired. Two of the girls immediately said they wanted to hook up with him, and to be honest, if I hadn’t had Rudolph at the time, I would have joined the competition. Little did I know that Percy would end up belonging to me and having sex with me.

After things turned out the way they did, the group of girls unanimously adopted an isolation policy, leaving me with only boy friends and alone among the girls. This was one of the reasons that led to my eventual transfer from Beverly Hills High School to Bel Air High School. Of course, I wasn’t afraid of the jealousy of that group of girls; I still had a sense of pride in their jealousy. But instead of being pleasant, Percy ended up giving me lifelong regrets and a sense of sexual dread that I hadn’t anticipated. To be clear, Percy was a sexual imbecile. This result was a cold shower on my pride. Of course, this was later, and at first I was still extremely happy; after all, Luang Sai was the object of all our girls’ pursuit, and how could I not be happy when I was allowed to get my hands on him?

The pleasantness of the mood in which I had just had sex with Rudolph was not only so with my classmates, but Bernard and Bronwyn Dow came to see me, and I had no more repugnance, and had a pleasant dinner with them. They had returned to Los Alamos from a trip to the Amazon, and came to see me the day after they returned. They were concerned that I might not always fit in when I first entered the school.

Bronwyn was surprised to see me in such a good mood. She asked me, “Monica, you’re not in love, are you?” You look like this, can only fall in love with the little girl only have, Bronwen said: “If that’s the case, I have to teach you how to use the contraceptive pills and take the pill to be able to!”

“Bronwyn, I’ve known how to use those things for a long time, and if I’d waited until you came to preach, I’d only have gotten pregnant with a little baby!”

I certainly couldn’t let her see what was going on, and my joke made Bernard laugh too.

Whether Bernard saw my intention or not, I certainly did not know. But I wasn’t at all afraid that he would know, and the relationship with Rudolph, that was my personal business, not theirs. What if I were to live with him openly as long as I wished? What I was worried about was Marcia, if she knew, she might be in a bit of trouble. Because Rudolf has a different kind of relationship with her, it is impossible for an older woman to not be jealous of a woman who is younger than her and more beautiful than her. Though we are mother and daughter, competition for mating rights will always be an irreconcilable and sharp conflict between the same sex. Of course, I am not afraid of her to compete with her, I am confident that I can overwhelm her in any aspect.

I was afraid that letting her know would affect me emotionally. After she and Bernard had given me so many mental burdens, I already had a great deal of resentment and dissatisfaction towards them, and it was only with the amorous affair with Rudolph that I was able to relax mentally and gradually become pleasant and cheerful. If Marcia had intervened, there would have been a renewed feeling of oppression and gloom at the head of my mind.

As the three of us, Bernard and Bronwyn, and I were having dinner together, Bronwyn talked again about the question she had asked on the phone that had made me so overly upset and resentful. Bronwyn appeared to be still basking in the boundless excitement of her trip to the Amazon.

Of course, in listening to Bronwen excited about the Amazon trip, I just have a strong desire to go to the Amazon River, did not expect me to be more profound than Bronwen’s experience, and, at that time, I must be a little bit not quite right, so that Bernard saw it. Bernard said to Bronwyn, “Bronwyn, don’t talk about your wave feelings, Monica won’t be able to sleep tonight if you keep feeling it.”

“Yes? Monica!” Bronwyn recoiled with excitement, “If that’s the case, I should be happy for Monica.”

Bronwyn was such a person that she never treated me as a friend when it came to me, so she even dared to show me the video footage of her sex with Bernard.

After this dinner together, I had a special anticipation and longing in my heart for the Amazon River, and it seemed that for some time there was always an empty bitterness in my heart. In the days that followed, whenever I had a little time to spare, I would sit by myself, dumbfounded and lost in thought. Finally, I had to turn to Rudolph. I called him and told him that I wanted to see him very much, and that I wanted to be together as much as I was that day. Rudolf said, “Come on, Monica! I want to show you David and Angela’s masterpiece, and of course, ours!”

What was new about Rudolph that was going to surprise me? Every time he did it, it was almost new to me, the feel of his magic hands on my breasts, the amazement of his backstabbing lovemaking, which time didn’t it make me feel happy and surprised at the same time? And this time? What would it be?

I got a little impatient and asked, “Rudolph, my dear, what kind of a surprise will you give me this time? I tell you, I’ve just heard Bronwyn tell me about her mesmerizing lovemaking with Bernard, and I’ll be sorry if you don’t give me more than what she said, Rudolph.”

“Really? Can you tell me about it so I can get excited too?”

I ate and laughed, and said, “Rudolph, listen, but after you know, you have to surprise me tonight as well, okay?” Of course, he said yes, just hope that I said quickly.

Seeing that I had teased him enough, I said, “Bronwyn and Bernard hired a small boat on the Amazon River. A small boat in a big river, of course, will be rocked by the water…”

Then before I could finish, Rudolf screamed and said, “And then, they started… making love… on the boat!”

“Rudolph, you’re so smart!”

“The boat is bobbing on the water, the people are bobbing on the boat, and when it’s bobbing like that, something’s wrong.”

“What went wrong?” I was really confused too, talking as if he was talking down to me and asking him what went wrong instead.

Rudolph laughed and said, “What went wrong, that’s for Monica to ask, only she knows!”

“Yes, yes, I’ll tell you, Bronwyn told me, the boat was rippled by the waves swaying from side to side, the people who make love without their own movements also have the dynamic of swaying from side to side, both men and women’s skin rubbing, especially after penetration of the man’s penis and the woman’s vaginal walls of the palm of the hand, but also has a kind of indescribable flavor. Bronwyn called this kind of lovemaking Amazonian lovemaking!”

“Wow! What a flavor!”

“Well? Did you give me one tonight that tasted better or worse than this one?”

Rudolph said, “That’s for my Monica to conclude, how dare I say? I can only say one thing, try to make love with them on the same level!”

Listening to him, my heart had long since left Beverly Hills High School and gone to that studio of Rudolph’s.

Just as I was eagerly waiting for Rudolph to pick me up, one of the two girls who had vowed to win Luang Sai over approached me and asked me to accompany her to join Luang Sai on a skating trip.

I was surprised and said, “Wow, you want me to go skating with you guys? You’re kidding, right?”

“No joke Monica, it was Percy who said that he would go if you went and he wouldn’t join me if you didn’t. Monica, go, just do me a favor, okay?”

I don’t know why Luangshi must be like this, but I naturally had to be slack in my mind, the person who was chasing him so hard asked him to go ice skating, and he actually asked me to be his chaperone, isn’t it a bit exciting in between? Maybe that Percy had something in mind for me, could I not be pleased? If I didn’t have Rudolph, I’d surely be willing to go and have fun. But there was no way I was going to leave my soul-crushing lovemaking with Rudolph to go ice-skating. But, not wanting to miss the chance to flirt with her, I said, “Aren’t you afraid I’ll snatch Luangshi up?”

“No, you won’t, I don’t think you’re that kind of person.”

She actually thinks I’m not that kind of person! Isn’t that a big joke? As long as I’m interested, I want to not only flirt with him but have sex with him. Of course, I didn’t say those words to her. By this time, the time for the meeting with Rudolph in front of the school had come and gone, and I couldn’t joke about it anymore, so I told her that I had a date tonight and it was a date that couldn’t be delayed, and I was sorry. After that, I had to say goodbye to her and walk away.

The feeling that I suspected Percy meant something to me was actually pretty accurate.

Later, Percy told me that the boys, like the girls, had made many detailed comments about the girls at that time, and that they thought that I should be first among all the girls, and that I was not only pretty, but more importantly, exceptionally sexy. I was, of course, extremely pleased that Percy had said this to me. However, I was a little less convinced, and I was worried that Percy had said it on purpose to impress me. So I asked Lucy directly, “Sexy? Do you know what sexy is?”

Percy was surprised, and the God of that service told me that he was surprised at my contempt. He said, “Monica, is that what you think of us? Several of us have made love to women, you know. The one you call a bear in the zoo has made love to three women, one of whom is his sister-in-law, a woman of forty. Monica, don’t think you girls are the only ones who mature sexually early, we get it too.”

Seeing him talking so well as if he knew everything, I said, “So tell me, you guys say I’m not only pretty but also sexy, what’s sexy?”

“Seeing you makes me want to make love to you!”

Geez, look at what he said! However, it wasn’t that I suspected him of telling a lie, it was that I was surprised at the kind of demeanor he had, which must have meant that he thought I hadn’t seen the world.

“It’s not like you’ve had sex. Have you ever had sex?”

The blow was so well aimed that Percy just lowered his head.

At a later date, I had regrets about my remark. Percy’s repeated inability to get into character with me later in sex and leaving me with unspeakable pain I suspected had something to do with my remark.

It’s quite possible that this one comment cast a shadow on his psyche, and as soon as he had a positive conversation with me about sex, this kind of shadow ran out as a reverence for his sexual fears.

I met up with Rudolph in front of the school, and after getting into his Mercedes, I told him the tidbit about the girl who asked me to accompany her on a date, and Rudolph straightened up and said, “So I shouldn’t have interrupted you and that Luangshi from having a love affair on the ice rink, it must have been a very exciting and refreshing feeling.”

I said, “Rudolph, aren’t you a little jealous?”

“No, absolutely not! I just think it’s a really fun thing to do, and I’m sure if you step in, that girl will be done for!”

“I’m not that confident.”

“Why don’t I drive you to try? They must not have left yet, just in time.”

“Don’t you try to sidetrack me, Rudolph! I’m not going to let you off the hook tonight, okay? I’ve been waiting to see how you’d surprise me!”

Rudolph, probably tickled by what I was saying, took the wheel with one hand and swept me over with the other, which had plunged into my vest and grabbed my breasts. By the time the car entered the yard, I had let him fondle me to the point where I didn’t have any energy left in me.

Rudolph didn’t even head for the parking garage, and as soon as the car stopped, he carried me out of the car and into the living room together. Of course, we must have had a long kiss that lasted until both of us were satisfied.

“Okay, Monica, close your eyes for a moment and let me do a trick for you!”

I knew that Rudolph was going to surprise me and obediently closed my eyes.

When I opened my eyes again, I was indeed stunned. This Rudolph, he had surprised me like this!

What he showed me was a videotape, a videotape edited with various images of me having sex with Rudolph and David having sex with Angela.

“Honey, let’s just relive the last beautiful dream, shall we?”

Rudolph’s display of unusual as well as painstaking effort in making love to a woman could probably be considered another prime example. He went to all that trouble of setting up the camcorder and then editing and compositing it, just to show it to me and stimulate my libido so that I would be more than happy to have sex with him. In fact, by the time I saw the end, I could already feel my pussy was a wet mess. I returned and tightened my arms around Rudolph’s neck and whispered into his ear, “Come on, one, point, give it to me!”

Rudolph was also sexually aroused to the max, his cock was straight up against my ass, giving me the feeling that it was already trying to penetrate the flesh, Rudolph stood up with me in his arms, I thought he was going to put me on the bed in the lounge but he was already out of the lounge with me in his arms in the direction of the swimming room. I looked up excitedly at the turquoise, mirror-like water of the pool, and I noticed a large life preserver floating in the pool. What fresh content was Rudolph going to add to our lovemaking by employing the life ring in the water? Would it be a life ring instead of a boat, so that I could first taste what Bronwyn said about Amazonian lovemaking in the pool?

He undressed me as he walked, and after he had undressed me to nothing, he freed his hands to undress himself as well, and by the time he approached the pool, they were both naked. Then, Rudolph hugged me and started walking towards the water. It was then that Rudolph spoke, “Monica, I’m going to give you a taste of Amazonian lovemaking!”

“Long live Rudolph!”

I cried out, then held Rudolph’s head, kissed his mouth for a long time and refused to relax. A moment later, we released our mouths and Rudolph said to me, “Monica, today, it’s up to you.”

“What do you mean? Doubt I’m sexually inept?”

“No, Monica, let me explain something to you, don’t you want a taste of Amazonian lovemaking?

After I took your call, I prepared a life preserver. When we make love, I lay on top of the life preserver and then you lay your body on top of mine. My task, responsible for making the lifebuoy not leave our bodies. Your task, responsible for our penetration do not loose away, but also do piston movement, so that we are always in sexual exuberance.

How’s it going? Are you confident? This time, my dear, for it to work, you’ll have to be on your best behavior, so I don’t get to be like a cat who sees a fish but can’t taste it!”

Rudolph gave a technical description of this lovemaking. It’s the kind of description that probably only he could say. It was also Rudolph’s instinct, no one else’s. I have had so many sex partners, I have not found the second can be in a long time to inhibit the sexual impulse in the midst of so sensible arrangement of everything, which undoubtedly shows that Rudolf is a rational type of sex. From the rationale, sex is originally a matter of sexual arousal, sexual desire impulse of the statement can be very easy to show that sexual desire is the easiest to break through the fence of reason. Rudolph, however, is different, he has such a skill that he can rationally and calmly deal with every detail of lovemaking to make it more personalized and fresh.

“Okay, Rudolph, here we go! I’ll make you happy!”

Rudolph started to move, falling back on the life preserver, his shoulders, hips and both hands controlling the four points of the life preserver equally. As the lifebuoy cushioned his hips, his firm, thick cock towered above the water like ~ a flagpole. It was tantalizing, and I couldn’t stop myself from leaning down and cupping his cock in both hands, rubbing it back and forth, and then putting it in my mouth. I took in just the glans of it and then swirled my tongue back and forth over the glans. Rudolph obviously couldn’t take it anymore, and his body began to sway from side to side, his mouth softly screaming my name.

“Monica, Monica, come up here, come on top of me.”

I had to let go of his cock and then climb up Rudolph’s body. Being in the water, climbing up his body was hard to master. The slightest inattention would have tipped Rudolph, who was lying on a life preserver, off. The first time I didn’t succeed and Rudolph fell into the water instead.

Rudolph reclined on the life preserver and encouraged me by saying, “Monica, don’t worry, you’ll be able to make it, and I’m sure I’ll meet you at the end!”

Apparently Rudolph’s encouragement had instilled confidence in me, and I resumed my sprint. This time I learned my lesson from the previous time, I no longer fell my whole body to Rudolph’s body lying on his back, but slowly leaned over to him, then grabbed one of his shoulders with one hand, trying to make his body not to lose balance because of my leaning up, and when I started to lean up, it was just when my breasts were in contact with his lower body, and his hard penis was right in my cleavage. I felt like something was pounding my heart, and my whole body felt like it was being jerked, without any energy. After a while, Rudolph woke up as if from a long sleep, took a long breath and said, “Monica, you know what? I really want to die like this!”

He had already felt me out, and I couldn’t hold back any longer, climbing on top of him impatiently. In that instant, I felt unspeakably full, a pestle stabbing hard into me, the two bodies using it as a fulcrum in a frenzied upheaval.

Our cooperation was an absolute success, as the waves of bobbing accelerated the clawing of the penis against the vagina, and a forgettable orgasm was rewarded to us at the same time.

According to Rudolph that’s what it feels like to be able to die together.

The success of this lovemaking had given me complete self-confidence in my ability to make love. I thought of Percy who had bragged so loudly in front of me about how many of them boys had already had sex, and if he was still bragging in front of me, I would teach him well how to float on water for sex and tell him that from the point of view of sexual technique, lying on the bed for sex was only at the elementary school level, and floating on top of the water for sex was at the doctoral level, which wasn’t even the same level. This kind of water sex, I in nearly three years with Rudolph in his relationship, at least in his swimming pool for more than ten times, and every time to carry out a harvest.

V. Controversy over the private lives of celebrities

At the same time that I was dating Rudolph, there was another event that had an impact on me that cannot be underestimated, and that was the big debate that almost one-third of the boys and girls in our school got involved in about whether or not the then world-famous singer Whitney Houston should have sex with men, and I was one of the most active participants in it. I was the most active voice in the debate over whether or not Whitney Houston should have sex with men.

I’m a big fan of the singer Whitney Houston. I had a passionate crush on Whitney Houston, the black pop starlet known as “The Queen”. She is exactly 10 years older than me and was born on August 9, 1963 in Newark, New Jersey.

Her mother, Cissy Houston, is a nationally known gospel singer. Houston was a nationally known gospel singer. Under the strict training of her family, Whitney’s voice was high, clear and passionate. Whitney’s first solo performance was in February 1978, when she sang the song “Train to Georgia” She was 15 years old at the time, and sang the song in her mother Cissy’s concert as the main character, and was successful. 1980, in New York City, was discovered by a fashion photographer, and became a model. 1982, joined the Arista Records Company, and became a signed singer. .

In 1985, he released his first solo album, which sold 13 million copies worldwide, making it the most successful solo debut of all time. l992, he co-starred with Hollywood actor Kevin Costner in the film “Bow Wow”, which grossed more than $400 million at the global box office, and the film’s soundtrack album sold 26 million copies. Cosner co-starred in the film “to protect the misty”, the global box office revenue of more than $400 million, the film soundtrack album out of a total of 26 million, the theme song “I will always love you” is to create a record in the front of the history of You. l992, July 18, Whitney and the United States of America rap music “bad boy” Bobby Brown married. Whitney married Bobby Brown.

It was 1987 when Whitney was on the rise, causing us fans to fight and debate over the “Queen”. According to the New York Daily News, Whitney was worth more than $44 million. That’s a pretty good situation for a young singer who was 24 years old and had released only two albums. On the list of Hollywood’s richest stars, only Steven Spielberg ($50 million) is on the list. Spielberg ($50 million), Madonna ($47 million) rank ahead of her, and Whitney even beat out Michael Jackson. Whitney even beat out Michael Jackson.

The funny thing about this argument was that Percy and I were the headliners of each side. Because of Percy, the two girls who both wanted to take Percy into their arms each pulled a large group of people to support Percy, especially the girl who had asked me to accompany her to go ice skating with Percy and was the most active and staunch supporter of Percy. Of course, she had the worst end, and was the first to go out in the open fight for Percy.

The Percy gang’s viewpoint supports the kind of newspaper modeling of Whitney as a public image. They agreed that Whitney would not have fallen in love so early, that all the newspaper stories about Whitney falling in love were false, and that they were the work of tabloid florists. Their reasoning was the many explanations that Whitney herself had given about the affair.

During an argument, Percy asked me emotionally, “Monica, don’t you ever read newspapers and magazines? Whitney never denied being in love. Didn’t you hear Whitney explain in a TV interview that she was one of the richest and most beautiful women in America and had never been on a date on a weekend night? Here’s what she said: ‘I’ve felt in love, but I’ve pulled out of it because I know everything about people who are in love and how they react, and I just don’t want to get caught up in it and not end up in that situation. Monica, after hearing these notes from Whitney, you don’t know how to feel?”

Of course I wouldn’t let his momentum overwhelm me, I smiled and asked Percy rhetorically, “What I want to know is, with so many tabloids throwing out Whitney’s private affairs one by one, if one of them isn’t true, is our superstar reluctant to talk about her private life? And or is it true?”

“No, Whitney is already in a position like Princess Diana, Elizabeth. Taylor and others on the same level, those tabloids are just making up so many trips to make money.” But I already have tons of real information about Whitney with men at my fingertips, just throw out a little bit of anything and they should be dumbfounded.

All of these are my cannonballs when it comes to arguing with Percy. Percy was so overwhelmed by my shells that he came up with another argument against me. He said, “Whitney doesn’t just belong to herself now, she belongs to a whole generation of young Americans, and she’s already a role model for us. Even if there is a grain of truth in the tabloids, Whitney doesn’t deserve that.”

I rejected all of his arguments and said, “Whitney can belong to other people, but she belongs to herself above all! Percy, you’re talking about a child’s craving. Do we know what’s on her mind and what she wants to do? When she wishes to have sex, we say Whitney you can’t have sex, you have to hold back, we have to model ourselves after you yet. Is that merciful?” As I said this, I turned the tables and said, “Whitney is indeed our pride and joy, she conquered the world with her singing voice. But to love Whitney is not just to defend the false Whitney protected by the halo of public opinion, but to love the real Whitney, a Whitney with her own love.”

My rebuttal to Percy’s statement worked surprisingly well. Several students who had been in favor of Percy immediately turned to my side, and I couldn’t quite understand why I could play so well.

After the debate, I excitedly called Rudolph to tell him about my success. Rudolph said, “I know what the reason is, want to hear me tell you?”

“Of course I want to hear it, just tell me!”

Rudolph said, “You are speaking of yourself, and that is why you can be so witty, so full of emotion, and strike a chord.”

Rudolph may have a point too, I feel from the bottom of my heart that what’s wrong with Whitney having a few men over? Those tabloid flamboyant reporters are just looking for something to do. If it were me, I’d probably have a lot more men around. However, when I thought about it years later, I wasn’t too happy about it. At least, the perception of Whitney was more one-sided then. For example, why was Whitney dead set on not admitting she was in a relationship? From that point of view, Whitney was inferior to me. If I were her, I would openly say: “How many men I have, this is my personal business, you care so much why? If you’re interested in me, go for it! If I fancy you, you’ll get your share.”

Of course, this is, after all, how many years later, and if the Whitney thing had happened now, maybe I wouldn’t have gone to the debate. At the time, I was mesmerized by her and was determined to fight for her as a way to take out my frustrations on those individual reporters who were reporting on the lace news. It was while I was enamored with Whitney that Percy began to court me.

He was actually a Whitney fan, and was hooked on Whitney much earlier than I was. At his home, he had Whitney albums for a long time. When he learned that I was learning Whitney songs like crazy, he made it a point to give me the Whitney album in his house, and of course I accepted his gift without hesitation and made an intentional dazzle to the girls who were once about to launch an attack on Percy.

On that particular weekend, Percy said he had gotten two tickets to a concert with Whitney appearing and asked me if I would like to go and hear Whitney sing, which of course I liked very much, but what was I to do when I belonged to Rudolph every weekend?

Percy could see my hesitation and said, “It doesn’t matter, if you don’t have time, just don’t go, Monica.”

I said, “No. No! No. This is such a great opportunity, of course I’d love to go, but I…”

Percy had already seen my conflict and said, “Monica, is it an early date? That’s it then, you can have both tickets.”

“How can this work? Aren’t you not going to be able to go?” I was touched by Percy’s words, but I couldn’t say anything. Although my mouth felt sorry for Percy, but in my heart I was thinking that it would be the best.

Percy didn’t wait for me to say anything else as he grabbed my hand and placed two concert tickets in it, “Monica, if you get another chance in the future, will you go with me to one of the concerts?”

“No problem, I’ll be happy to go, not to listen to music, but to go ice skating with you, okay?”

“Well then, I’ll be waiting!”

With that said, Percy walked away. It wasn’t until he was out of the crowd that I turned around and headed out the school gates, thinking that I would have to accompany Percy on a play date just once.

But who would have thought that Rudolph would have flatly refused to go to the concert and instead just dragged me to have sex in his drawing room.

VI. Girls who are good at being in the limelight

As I have said many times, I am a girl with an extremely strong personality and stubborn character. What I decided to do, even if there is a big risk I will take the risk to do. In the later and Rudolf last sex, I very clear to Rudolf pointed out, I said: “Rudolf, I know you want to have a longer period of time I, because you want to through me to finally complete your set of sketches. But it is no longer possible for you, I must leave you. You made a fatal mistake, that is, you overlooked the fact that Monica is definitely a girl with an extremely strong personality and a stubborn character. You should never have prevented me from becoming obsessed with Whitney, from realizing my desire to perform on stage once when I was 15. I may have realized halfway through that I wasn’t cut out for singing and didn’t want to do it, but it had to be because I thought about not doing it, not because someone else told me I couldn’t do it and I didn’t want to do it. That’s the only reason I’m breaking up with you, even though your lovemaking is very much on my mind.”

I spent several weekends after this with Percy. Rudolph, of course, called me I don’t know how many times and came to see me in person at Beverly Hills High School. I didn’t go with him, and I told him in no uncertain terms that I needed to rethink our relationship. After all, he was a veteran of love affairs, and instead of becoming angry, he acted like a polite gentleman and said, “I’m willing to wait for you to come back to me, even if it’s for a long time. At the same time, if it is because of my reasons for you to go away, I hope you can give me a chance to get back.”

To be honest, Rudolph’s words touched me, and I almost jumped into his arms at that moment, but I restrained myself.

I didn’t realize that Percy was so invested in me, that he’d been going behind my back looking for opportunities for me to perform on stage.

Finally, one day he excitedly told me if I would like to transfer to Bel Air High School, where there was a school choir, and if the choir thought it was a rare singing talent, it would be no problem to transfer there. He said that he had already asked around and that the teacher who ran the choir would be happy to let me audition first, and if that was okay, then I could consider transferring to the school.

“Monica, haven’t you always dreamed of that day? Go ahead and try singing once, you’ll make it.”

Of course I would have loved to audition, but I had never been on stage before and I was a bit timid. I asked Percy, “Can I do it? Percy?”

“OK! You can definitely do it!” I always feel like I’m listening to Whitney when I hear you sing, I really do, my hunches are always accurate, Monica, go and audition, it’s a chance, maybe there won’t be another one, I’ll feel sorry for you if you lose this one, I’m sorry for you. It was especially his words, “This is a chance, and there may not be another,” that hit me the hardest, and yes, it was definitely not in Moony’s character to let a chance slip by. I thought, “I have to go to the audition, even if I can’t”.

Auditioning for the Bel Air Middle School choir was towards the end of my year at Beverly Hills High School.

I also knew in the back of my mind that if this one worked out, I would no longer be a student at Beverly Hills High School for the next school year, but a performer in the Bell High School choir, and that should be exciting.

That day, I wore a light blue water soldier’s uniform with a white coat coupling. This had to do with the songs I chose to sing. I had about three or four songs that Whitney loved to sing. Among them were the gospel standard, “Guide Me, Great Jehovah,” which Whitney sang in the choir of New Hope Baptist Church in Newark, New Jersey, in 1975, and “Midnight Train to Georgia,” which Whitney sang for the first time on stage when she was 15 years old.

It was the day of choir practice at Bel Air High School, and all the student actor sections came, as did the choir director and teacher. Maybe all of them knew there was a. A girl named Monica was coming to audition, and when they saw me, they all whispered quietly, I think they must have been talking about me.

I started to sing, and even though I was still a little stiff, my self-confidence was growing little by little.

I tried to mimic Whitney singing to all my potential.

At that moment, the concert hall erupted in applause. I knew that I was recognized.

After my first year of middle school, I completed the transfer paperwork to attend Bel Air High School and I was no longer a student at Beverly Hills High School. That vacation in between, I spent most of my time hanging out with Percy. We hadn’t gotten into having sex yet, but we had ventured out to hug and kiss wherever we could.

In the meantime, I’d told Percy everything that had happened between Rudolph and me, including making love together, and I’d rendered Rudolph’s lovemaking to such a degree that Percy had stared in disbelief.

After transferring to another school I had settled into a completely different life, and apart from spending almost every day with Percy, or occasionally having sex with Rudolph one weekend, the rest of my time and energy was entirely devoted to the choir. Though I had come to feel that I wasn’t quite cut out to be a singer as I spent more time in the choir, I threw myself into it as much as I ever had, and ended up at Bel Air High School for the holidays after my third year of high school. By then, I was already a 17-year-old girl. Due to my rapid growth, I was already a mature girl in the eyes of the public, especially with my firm, perky breasts, which were already a great source of fantasies for men.

What part makes me happy, only the relationship with Rudolph has always had that hate-it-or-love-it feeling. I always thought it was time for me to get closure with him, since I already had Percy on the side. It was during the holidays of the third school year that I finally had my final dinner with Rudolph, which was also a weekend night.

By then, the moon had risen so high that the grass outside his drawing room seemed to be smeared with silver, glistening with crystal light. I began to undo everything on me above the silver, and then stripped Rudolf naked as well. I thought that I might have to host this last supper, and I was quite right in guessing that Rudolph hadn’t done anything voluntarily to me even after I had stripped him naked. Well, I’ll host the Last Supper. I was no longer a 14 year old girl, I was 17 years old, I had a lot of experience in sex, and I thought I would be able to host a very special Last Supper.

I thought about it and said, “Honey, why don’t we lay down?”

Rudolph responded by lying down of his own accord, on his back. Rudolph’s skin glowed in the moonlight, accentuating his somewhat obese but still toned physique. His cock was already in play, straightening and shrugging upward in the moonlight.

Without further hesitation, I immediately leaned down to the ground and took his penis, which was teasing me, in my mouth. I supported my hands and feet on the ground like doing push-ups, and then moved my body in circles on the ground with my mouth on the penis as the center point, supported by my feet and hands. Rudolph was quickly getting aroused, his penis was already unstoppable and was quivering from time to time. I held on, spinning in circles one by one. I thought, I must give Rudolph a completely new kind of satisfaction.

Rudolph could no longer remain silent as I turned until my pussy was directly above the position of Rudolph’s head. He reached out with two large, strong hands and took my hips and pressed them down so that my pussy closed with his mouth. My circular motion was finally interrupted by Rudolph.

Rudolph quickly pushed his tongue into the man and began to stir it around inside.

My libidinal urges, which had just been somewhat suppressed due to the strong physical exercise, were rapidly swelling up again at this time, quickly rippling throughout my body. I was also unable to control my mouth, letting it suck frantically on Rudolph’s penis. Rudolph must have been unable to control himself as well, as he tentatively fell to one side, trying to roll over on top of my body. I also twisted my body to one side to match his flip. When I got to the bottom, I realized Rudolph’s intention, he didn’t want to put himself on top, but to join me, and while their mouths were engaged in oral sex, their bodies flipped together on the grass.

It’s certainly a difficult and very tempting maneuver. But, I wanted to try it too. So, the two bodies twisted together until both were completely exhausted.

As to when that orgasm and pleasure was obtained, it’s anyone’s guess.

That was our last supper, and it was a very happy ending to my sexual partnership with Rudolph.

VII. A hopeless breakup

With restarting my nearly three-year-long sexual partnership with Rudolph for good was my greatest comfort.

Because, on the one hand, I no longer want to continue with Rudolph, on the other hand, I do not want to destroy Rudolph in sex left me a good memory. So much so that after so many years after the breakup, I also had sex with other men I do not know how many times, Rudolph has never been forgotten by me.

However, going further with Percy after breaking up with Rudolph spelled disaster for me. I don’t even want to talk about it much in retrospect. It was only the need for my autobiography that compelled me to go through the recycling bin for material that had been thrown away for some years.

It was the story of the fifth night after the last supper with Rudolph, in the famous Elysian Park in Los Angeles. This park, next to the Los Angeles River, is often the scene of thrilling love stories, of which ours is but one of the most insignificant.

But, for us not, and especially for me, it was a very significant event. Because that one event had an extremely profound effect on my sexual psyche.

A young girl in a very strong sexual desire in adolescence, in addition to personal career considerations, is undoubtedly an unstoppable sexual desire, which is an instinctive sexual impulse. Although human beings have rational and social attributes of the side, in a certain environment to be able to restrain themselves, in most of the time, or subconsciously, will always be strong expression of their own sexual longing, only some people will be this kind of performance to cover up the past. Because man is also an animal, a higher kind of animal. Therefore, in the human body, it is impossible not to have the animal side. If one suppresses one’s normal sexual needs, it will produce unimaginable consequences. I was in such a state, and I was once again tormented by my sexual longing.

I had to take the initiative myself to do that. With Percy, hints or prompts no longer seemed to work, one had to be direct and have a conversation with him about sex.

It was the vacation after I graduated from high school, and soon I would be entering college, and a new era was captivating me with a charm I had never known before. I thought, I can’t just enter an era like that, it’s a brand new era, of course it should have a brand new start.

For the sake of this conversation, I initiated a plan for us to spend a nice vacation together in Long Beach, where we could swim together and even make love on the beach, it was surely a perfect place for lovers to go, and I was even very excited about what I had come up with. There were only two people on the beach at night, and everything that was going to happen there was known only to the stars in the sky.

When I told Percy about the plan, he looked very happy and seemed a little hesitant.

I can understand his feelings, we go to Long Beach together such a travel plan, and, again, I proposed, this plan will have what kind of details, or part of the yet to be proposed to him, he is completely aware of, unless he is not a normal man at all. The fact that he was excited should have indicated that he was normal, but he was very hesitant, probably, I think, because he had not yet experienced a woman. It seemed a bit unbelievable and ridiculous that an eighteen year old man would have never experienced a woman yet. But ludicrous things are not completely impossible to happen, and such things can even give a special kind of excitement.

Although Percy agreed to go to Long Beach with me, it wasn’t immediate, and he indicated that he had some things to do on this vacation, not the least of which was to audition for a job in Hollywood. I have to admit, Percy Coker does have the potential to be a movie star. I have to admit that Percy Coker does have the potential to become a movie star, and he has been moving in that direction, and it is his biggest dream to become a Hollywood gold star.

Things dragged on until near the end of the vacation, when the initial anticipation turned into a sense of loss, and I pretty much decided that my travel plans for the vacation were out the window, and, going into college, I figured it would be the last thing I’d want to talk about to anyone.

Just then, Percy suddenly called me and indicated that he was currently finished with all his work and that we could leave for Long Beach tomorrow.

For Percy, all the preparations for his new life had been made, and at this moment, of course, he could drop all the burden of thought and have a good time. But I was different, the whole vacation, I was looking forward to this date, almost nothing to do, Santa Monica College’s notice of anthropology has long been served, but I even did not even seriously look at a glance, let alone mental and action in any preparation. I had thought that if Percy’s travel plans were doomed, I would settle down in the middle of the week and deal seriously with the matter of enrollment. Unexpectedly, Percy’s phone call came at that moment.

When I received Percy’s call, I wasn’t in the best of moods because I felt that he was a bit of a big egotist who did everything his own way, with no regard for the realities of others. At that time, a layer of doubt rose in my mind, I am not sure if he is the kind of man who is completely self-centered, the kind of people who always want to be the main character in their lives, other people appear around them, always only possible to be a supporting role, you can never find equal and sincere treatment. No American woman would want to be surrounded by such a man, but in fact, such a man really exists.

Despite my great hesitation, I agreed.

The next day the weather was very good, when I met with Percy on the pier, he looked L to be really handsome, probably because of the turn around in Hollywood, the whole person looked a kind of big star faction, appearing to be very shapely, I felt that there are countless female gazes around me gazing at him. Those gazes were just a little bit abhorrent, as if they wanted to weave a net and catch Percy in it.

Fortunately, Percy seemed oblivious to the stares, his eyes only on me.

After he had seen me, he stretched out his arms, and I think I was indeed so enamored of the splendor of the man at that moment, that I actually flung myself somewhat involuntarily into his arms, whereupon he threw his arms around me tightly, and handed me his lips, which I met with great excitement. It was, after all, the kiss I had been waiting for, and, unlike Rudolph, who was almost an old man, Percy was as young as a tiger that had just come out of its mother’s arms, and his vitality, like a superb magnetic field, affected me deeply. I thought, with such a man, surely will be more wonderful fun than Rudolph kind of old man. Rudolf, after all, belonged to a world gone by, and he could only be a mentor in my life, just a navigator. Just as your own parents taught you to use a knife and fork, but the vast majority of your life’s opportunities to use a knife and fork will be with your husband. It was Percy who belonged to a world equal to mine, and I was, after all, the kind of person who needed to live in my own world, not always in someone else’s.

I greeted Percy’s kiss with a sense of urgency. But I couldn’t hide my disappointment, and I still don’t understand if Percy was too unskilled in this area, or if he simply didn’t care how a woman felt at this point in her life.

He merely pressed his lips against mine, refusing to even open his own. On the other hand, probably due to the dryness that was starting to appear on the beach, his lips didn’t seem moist at all and therefore didn’t have that soft texture.

It was undoubtedly a very dry kiss, a perfunctory one.

Maybe, he was a little shy because he saw that there were a lot of people around him? I thought to myself. For the kind of person who has never experienced such a thing, when doing such a thing, there is usually a feeling of being a thief, this kind of moment is both exciting and frightening at the same time, this is something that I can understand. When I was with Rudolph, wasn’t it the same kind of scared, fearful and loving mood?

When I checked into my room in Long Beach, I purposely stood by his side without saying a word.

I knew how he felt at that moment, he would have liked to register for only one room and hoped that I would understand what he meant and give him my support. I certainly had no objection to that, we had come here together, and, as I had initiated the plan, I had certainly considered what could happen during the course of the entire tour. In other words, in my mind, I had already accepted everything that could happen at the factory, such as the fact that we would have crazy sex. Since I was even prepared to have sex, I certainly did not care whether I would stay in the same room or not, and I thought that all American men, would understand the result that this matter would lead to.

If Percy had understood this, he would not have hesitated to register a room, or to ask my advice. But instead of doing that, he seemed preoccupied and looked at me again and again.

I’m absolutely certain that that gaze of his was not one of affection or one that wasn’t ablaze with the fires of lust, and I found his gaze at that moment very difficult to comprehend.

Now, when I look back on my feelings at that time, I feel that there was certainly a hint of unhappiness in my mind, and that that hint of unhappiness had an extremely important impact on what happened between us later on. When I analyze my feelings afterwards, I think that the unhappiness was due to several assumptions. For one thing, I felt that he was an unassertive man, and that he was expecting me to make decisions, such as for me to propose sharing a room, and that such a determination would cause me to have thoughts that were extremely incongruous with the atmosphere at the time. I felt that he was a man without the ability to think independently, and he seemed to have no idea how to take the initiative in things. Secondly, I felt that if he was not a man without initiative, then he must have very reluctantly agreed to this travel plan, or at least it showed that he was full of contradictions in his mind, as shown at this moment. If he is very ambivalent about traveling with me, then it shows that his acceptance of me is very reluctant. If that’s the case, is there any need for us to go ahead with the tour? I have a lot of things waiting for me to do at home, do I need to waste too much time for an unpleasant tour?

I wanted to tell him that I was actually ready to go back, at the same time, I was a little reluctant, after all, this was a traveling plan that I had planned and looked forward to for a long time, could it turn out to be abandoned just like that? If that was the case, wouldn’t this vacation of mine be too pale and boring?

Every previous vacation, I would have gone out on a trip with Marcia or Bernard, but this vacation, it was in anticipation of Percy that I turned them down. If I had known it was going to turn out like this, why should I have looked forward to this in the first place? I should have dangled it to his taste. If he had been as anxious as I was, or even as frantic because of the unfulfillment of some plan, I think it would have turned out differently.

Percy was hoping that I would take the initiative, but I had made up my mind that I would tell him that I actually wanted to be in the same room with him very much, no matter what. I know I’m a very active person, but that’s if the other person seems to be very active too, attracted by an interplay of forces, so to speak, as I was with Clinton later on, and I could never have shown the slightest bit of initiative if he hadn’t been teasing me with that kind of fiery gaze.

The situation at hand was such that Percy opened his mouth and waited for a piece of pie to fall out of the sky, and I wasn’t going to be that stupid to throw myself at it. I purposely pretended not to notice the look on his face, instead casting my eyes out to the beach, making him think I couldn’t wait to go surfing for good.

Finally, he had to make the decision to register two adjoining rooms.

Knowing this decision of his, I simply wanted to throw him into the sea. By then, I had begun to wonder if this trip would really be what I was expecting.

For the rest of that day, I kept myself locked in my room and didn’t even leave the door. I was angry, of course, and, secretly, I had made up my mind that Percy must come over and beg me and say all the nice things he could to me before I would consider whether to go along with him or not. Before to-morrow morning, if he did not manage to undo everything, I thought that the first thing I would do after daylight would be to go back to Los Alamos.

Apparently Percy realized the seriousness of the problem, and he kept calling me, one minute hoping to go out for a drink, the next saying he wanted to go to the beach. Whatever he said, I refused it; I am not that easy to talk to, and, what he was doing was just too big or too belittling for me not to make a gesture.

As a result, he did walk into my room after dark.

I wanted to say to him, “I thought you’d never walk in here.”

Of course, I wouldn’t say anything like that, I hadn’t eaten anything for ten hours and I was starving at the moment, and what was even more uncomfortable was that my belly was filled with anger, and I was definitely not in the mood to say anything, even if it was to express anger, until I had gotten rid of those harmful substances.

Because I wanted him to walk into my room, I didn’t close the door to my room at all, and when I heard it slam, I knew immediately that he had walked in. It’s a good thing he wasn’t too stupid, if he hadn’t pushed my door open in a few more hours, I was going to have to get up and lock that door behind me, then he’d never get another chance like that in his life.

Knowing that he had walked in, I was still very angry, but after all, there was less anger building up in my chest, and I knew that if he would speak to me gently and then apologize to me properly, I would forgive him and possibly even give him the little bit of initiative that he was hoping for. I had always identified him as the type of man who was completely inexperienced, and it was my responsibility to guide such a man.

He walked over to my bed and said a few words to me, and by the sound of it, those words were kind of gentle and had a caring quality to them.

After all, I had been angry for more than ten hours, so of course, I would not completely forgive him just because of a few words, therefore, I still lay on the bed and did not move a muscle, simply ignoring him. He should have known that I wasn’t asleep, because I hadn’t eaten anything for more than ten hours, how could I sleep on an empty stomach? Not to mention that ten minutes earlier, he had even called me on the phone, in which I had thrown a tantrum at him.

After a few words, when he saw that I didn’t react, he very boldly bent down and hugged me. And lay down on my bed.

That, and I can understand that he’s the type of man who doesn’t have much experience and probably doesn’t have much in the way of coaxing a woman, and if he lacks the ability to make up for it in words, he makes up for it with his actions, and that’s not a no-no, actions speak louder than words.

What I definitely didn’t expect, however, was for him to place just a couple of small kisses on the tips of my lips before moving to my breasts and taking my nipples in his mouth, sucking on them vigorously.

This guy’s skills are really worth improving, he seems not to understand that some actions, when grasped well, will add endless wonderful to the next lovemaking, while if not grasped properly, will increase the feeling of pain, thus affecting the mood, and further will affect the quality of lovemaking. The force he used was so great that it caused me pain.

At that time, I was very worried, because my mood had not yet completely changed, coupled with his “caress” is too coarse, unable to mobilize my passion, if he is not clear about this point, want to have further action, then, will certainly cause me to resent. I prayed in my heart, hoping that he would be more gentle, more patient, like those who are masters of lovemaking, able to grasp the rhythm of a woman’s body.

Rudolph gave me the experience that the process of making love is like a wonderful symphony, and the man is the great and passionate conductor, and the woman’s mood is along with the swing of his baton, and the ups and downs. I hope that Percy is just that kind of conductor, he can master the overture very well, in the shortest possible time, will mobilize the woman’s passion.

However, Percy, who was not only not a great conductor, but not even an average drummer, could not hold a rhythm at all.

I had absolutely no idea when he had stripped himself and me, and it wasn’t until he pushed his genitals against the opening of my vagina that I felt he was too eager and realized that he had extremely quickly skipped all the preliminaries and was ready to get straight to the point.

Now I can calmly describe the process because I have a very clear understanding of the whole process of the wonderful sensations that lovemaking can give, and it is definitely not a textbook understanding. What we can get from a textbook is always abstract and can never be directly applied in practice. My understanding was taught to me by the actions of some men who came after me, and then, secretly, I did some summarizing before I really understood what women needed.

At that time, I was not able to understand this, I just thought that the time when a man thrusts his penis in is an extremely wonderful time, and the pleasure it produces when it pumps in a woman’s vagina is millions of times more intense than any caress. So, I was also somewhat hoping for his penetration, and I hoped that he would make up for his lack of skill with even more intense movements, causing me to quickly reach a new psychological stage.

However, both he and I seemed to have too simple and superficial an understanding of sex, and we simply didn’t realize that making love, like anything else, had to be done gradually and that the steps were very important.

I could feel his penetration, but I couldn’t feel the wonderful sensation that this penetration brought to me, I even felt an extremely strong pain. That is definitely not an ordinary pain, but like a knife stabbed from there, the vagina around the general feeling of tearing, no, not just tearing, not just the ordinary knife’s stabbing, that is more like a sharp and was burned red knife, the blade of the knife piercing the skin as well as the high temperature of the knife body of the burned, so that kind of pain has never been as strong as ever.

All my knowledge told me that the pain a woman feels during her first time is caused by the man piercing the woman’s hymen with their penis. So when I had my first time with Rudolph, I was fully prepared. At that time, although there is a kind of pain, but with Rudolph’s penis gently pumping, that kind of pain will slowly weaken, and finally replaced by a strong sense of pleasure, until we finished the whole process of making love, I just felt that kind of pain again, at that time, Rudolph will gently pacify me, told me to try to quietly lie down for a while, because all the first time of the woman will have the same feeling, and that that wouldn’t affect the experience of sex in the future.

But this time the tingling was ten times more intense. What the hell is going on here? Rudolph clearly told me that after the first time, I usually don’t get that feeling again, unless I meet a man with an oversized penis, which would make the already ruptured hymen’s shattered opening widen even more, and therefore cause a certain amount of pain, but it wouldn’t be any more intense than the first time.

This was the first time I touched Percy’s penis, and I felt it directly with my vagina, which after all is not as powerful as my hands, so I couldn’t tell if his penis was huge or not. But even if he was much bigger than Rudolph, it shouldn’t have caused pain that was several times stronger! Had my body developed a disease at some point?

Lesions may cause intense pain, which I am aware of.

If the pain is caused by his oversized genitals, the pain will gradually diminish with the constant friction of the penis against the vaginal walls, and eventually, I may no longer feel that pain. If the pain is caused by a lesion, it will be very difficult for the pain to go away, and it will stay with the whole process.

I was secretly expecting the pain to go away in my mind and at the same time endured it with maximum willpower. I couldn’t feel the changes that had occurred in other areas at that point, and it wasn’t until after he had finished ejaculating and withdrawn from inside me that I realized that I was completely drenched in sweat.

Percy was pounding away at me like a mad bull, and for that matter, he was indeed much stronger than Rudolph, and the power that Percy possessed made me suspect that the force of his kind of charge would have shaken this entire building down, and made me suspect that I might have been torn to shreds by the force of his power.

When I had made love to Rudolph in the past, there had been moments when he had unleashed his power all over me, but I could always feel that he was actually doing all he could, and I could also feel that he was panting like a cow because of this rapid ramming. The sensation of the rapid ramming of my body increasing the friction of my penis was wonderful, and the pleasure it gave me, was much more intense. So, I would rather have that kind of intense power.

In fact, Percy possessed that power, even a thousand times more than Rudolph. However, instead of pleasure, that power brought me even more multiplied pain. As his power increased, so did my pain.

Jesus, what the hell is going on here? The pain hasn’t diminished, it’s increased.

In that case, am I really having a physiologic lesion? Is it possible that I have already lost my physiological functions before my life has even begun? Does that mean I will never be able to enjoy sex again? Will I become a woman who has lost her ability to have sex? If that’s the case, what’s the meaning of my life? A new life would definitely not be a novel experience for me anymore, but a suffering.

Fortunately, Percy was short-lived, unlike Rudolph, who could play a million tricks, constantly changing positions and giving me a variety of experiences. Percy was just the opposite, and after he pumped with that mountain of power, he let out a yelp and began to erupt.

His cock gave a few final twitches inside me and then pulled out. Just at the last moment it left my body, I felt that intense pain again, it was an even greater sensation than before, and I couldn’t help but yelp. I thought that his penis had withdrawn and that my pain might be lessened. In fact, it wasn’t. It seemed like fire was burning in my vagina, and the pain was long-lasting and intense.

“Honey, feeling okay?” Percy asked from beside me. There seemed to be a hint of timidity in his voice, as if he was terrified that I would give him the exact opposite answer.

Where was I in the mood to answer him? To ease the pain I had to inhale vigorously, the air making a very sharp sound as it flowed into my mouth.

He heard it, of course, and therefore knew how I was feeling at the moment.

“I’m sorry, honey.” He said, “I know mine is bigger than others, so, it tends to happen, and next time, it won’t happen again.”

He whispered a lot of things in my ear, hoping I would believe him.

In this regard, I was after all inexperienced, I had only experienced Rudolph’s penetration, and he had not told me what kind of situations I might encounter in my future experiences. Although my first experience with Percy had given me a sense of fear, I was psychologically unwilling to accept the fact that I had developed a physical disease, and I preferred to believe Percy’s claim that it was all due to the size of his penis.

If that was the case, our next time would be a wonderful feeling unlike any we had ever had before, and I was sure that it would surpass all that Rudolph had ever given me.

“I’m sorry, I want to be alone.” I told him.

I do need to be quiet for a while, I have to think about a lot of things, or rather, I would like to confirm whether I have actually developed a lesion.

I couldn’t deny that that night was the most frightening one for me. Two thoughts kept alternating in my mind, and if I analyzed them calmly, I could find hundreds of reasons to prove that the tingling sensation wasn’t caused by Percy’s oversized prick at all. If that possibility was denied, there could only be one result, and that was that my physiology was diseased. However, I could equally find hundreds of reasons why that was not the case at all, and that the painful sensation was definitely caused by an oversized penis. I could even feel the pressure and tightness of the oversized penis in my vagina. Yes, I felt like my vagina was so big when Rudolph’s penis was inserted that it swam around inside, but Percy gave me an absolutely different feeling, even when he jerked around, there was a lesser degree of dexterity because of that resistance.

Tomorrow, I should try again, and I think that if the pain is no longer there then, or if it’s slightly less painful than this time, then that will tell you all you need to know.

VIII. Painful experiences

However, very unluckily, the next day I found out I had my period.

When a woman has her period, it is an extremely painful event, but I have never felt its pain to be so unbearable, for me, this period is not only the discomfort caused by the physical changes, but more importantly, I desperately need to have another one with Percy as a way of proving that my own physiology is intact as before.

Now, it is difficult for me to describe in words what I felt mentally at that time; all I can recall is that I was so emotionally drained that I had never been so distressed and upset, not even at the time of Bernard and Marcia’s divorce. I looked forward to the drying up of the blood that was constantly flowing out of my body, but at the same time I was terrified that when it dried up, our new experience would bring me even more pain, and that I would no longer have any reason to be there, and that all the facts could only point to one fact: that I was physically sick, and that I was therefore a woman who could not possibly enjoy herself or give pleasure to anyone else.

It’s a really questionable thing whether a woman who has lost her sexuality still has strictly human qualities.

That morning, I had realized that my period was over, but I didn’t tell Percy about it because I was worried that I would face another failure. I also knew that I was too psychologically burdened, which would never have a good effect on what was to come. Therefore, I suggested to Percy that it would be best for us to go to sea. I thought, wouldn’t it be wonderful if we rented a boat and drifted in the middle of the ocean, with just the two of us on the surface, which would be very romantic, and we would just bare ourselves in the midst of the blue sky and the ocean, letting the blue sky and the ocean bear witness to the process of our sexual intercourse? This kind of good mood will have a good effect on the pleasure we are going to generate as well as the psychological burden.

Percy said he was thinking about that too, so we rented a yacht and headed for the center of the sea.

I have to admit that it was the best mood I had been in for a few days, and the weather cooperated that day; there didn’t seem to be even a hint of wind on the sea, nor was there a blazing sun, so I can truly say that it was breezy and very pleasant. Such an environment, such a climate, makes my heart full of tide. There were several times when I could not help but tell Percy that we could do it again. However, the fear in my heart made me back out at the last minute.

After lunch, I suggested to Percy that we go down to the ocean for a swim.

Percy looked at me rather surprised and asked, “Aren’t you on your period?”

I told him, “I just found out that thing is finished.”

As soon as he picked me up, he said happily, “That’s wonderful.”

My emotions were heightened even more by this action of his, and I thought that as long as I was in this mood, it meant that I was going to be okay, and that what was to follow must be very wonderful.

We changed into our swimsuits and then threw down two life preservers and went down into the ocean one after the other.

I have to admit that I had a thought about our first failure, and I thought that it might have something to do with his power type, and that the pain that I was experiencing might have been caused by the fact that he was using too much power, so I had offered to go swimming in the sea prior to that, and I was actually trying to use the exercise to sap some of his power. After his strength is consumed, whether it is thrusting or jerking, it may be much gentler.

But after we went into the sea, both he and I had a thought in our minds that we wanted to try again, a thought that even made us less interested in swimming. After about ten minutes, he got closer and closer to me, and finally got into the same life preserver with me.

The buoyancy of a life preserver is, after all, too limited to carry the weight of two people, so we had to screw the two life preservers together, and our bodies, burrowing out of the sea from the hollow circle of the two life preservers, hugged each other tightly.

Percy reached one of his hands into the ocean water and I felt him stripping off my bikini.

“What are you doing?” I asked. I had to admit that at this point I was both pleasantly surprised and filled with dread at the same time; I was looking forward to the experience and at the same time dreading another failure.

“I’ve waited too long, I’m going to fuck you.” He said.

Due to the buoyancy of the sea water, it was not very easy for us to control our bodies, so there was a great deal of difficulty in penetration. At least, it was impossible to get the kind of ferocious strength that he had when he first thrust in. We struggled for quite a while before he finally thrust in.

There was a bit of pain initially, but not as strong as the first time.

It’s great that he’s penetrated and I’m not feeling it as strongly as I should, which means he’s right and my problem isn’t physical, it’s an adjustment issue.

After completing the penetration, he began to move.

But, God, stop it, the tingling sensation was unusually strong whenever he moved.

“No, Percy.” I screamed in some desperation, “No, I can’t take it anymore.”

I don’t know if he mistakenly thought that I would be too happy to stand it, or if he simply didn’t care about my feelings, but he moved even more vigorously, the resistance of the water didn’t seem to affect him at all, and he moved his body as violently as he had the first time, the sea making huge waves around us.

With each thrust he made, I felt more intense pain and thus screamed again and again. I’m not sure if this screaming spurred him on even more, and his movements surprisingly became more and more intense.

I could feel him experiencing great pleasure at this point, while I was in agony.

Physical pain can sometimes be nothing more than pain to a person, it’s only that psychological pain that is the most unbearable. The surprise he gave me at the time of penetration didn’t last long, and then I was struck down by an even greater pain. I realized that something was really wrong with me, and this time the pain was much more intense than the previous one.

Percy finished his final stroke to my loud screams, he probably gave too much physically, and after he ejaculated, his whole body went as if he was paralyzed, his body pressed against the life preserver, and except for a loud gasp of air to prove that he was still alive, you would have simply thought that he was on the verge of ;death. At that point, I was also motionless, as I was struck down by great pain and fear.

I felt like I was never whole again, that I was a walking corpse.

I’m not sure exactly how many women have ever had an experience like that, and I know that those two experiences hit me really hard. I thought, can a person without a gender be considered a person?

The desire for sex can stimulate the potential of a person’s body, and it is precisely because of this potential that people desperately struggle. On the contrary, I feel that I no longer have the ability to have sex, then there is a kind of all-natural feeling, I feel that everything, I no longer have a meaning, even if the life is good, that is also not related to me. I like the feeling of having money, and I also like the feeling of having power, but now, what meaning do those feelings still have to me? Even if I had all that, I would still be nothing more than a walking corpse, and I would no longer have any money to enjoy any of the good things in life.

The day after this time, I had a third with Percy.

It was on the beach at night. Percy had been trying to convince me that the pain I had experienced the first time was due to my discomfort with his sex, and the second time was due to being in the ocean water, and of course the reasons of not being too comfortable yet as well as my vaginal contractions being too tight after my period. In the end, I was convinced by him, and I think that there was truth in his words, and it was because of the two main reasons of not being used to it as well as being too tight that he was giving me a feeling of being torn apart when he was pumping, which was reinforced by the salt in the sea water.

Now, we can eliminate both of these factors for a third time, and this time, it will be very harmonious. At least that’s what he expected, while I couldn’t quite remove the fear of it from my mind. I was too worried about failing the third time, and if this time still ended in failure, then I would have to recognize the fact that I had truly lost my womanhood.

I no longer want to recount in detail how I felt the third time, the feelings were just too painful Afterward, I’ve been thinking a lot about the week’s experiences, especially since entering college. What puzzled me was that all three times were arguably perfect for sex. The first time, with a man who had never had that kind of relationship before, an experience which, in theory, should have been extremely arousing; the second time in salt water, albeit with a man who had had that kind of experience before, but in a way that had never been experimented with before, and the arousal that could be induced by that kind of approach was likewise incomparable; and the second time, in a very romantic situation on a beach at night, which was exactly what I had been hoping for, I suppose. what I had always hoped for.

But the result was three failures: the most suitable person at the most suitable time and place for lovemaking… the experience was excruciatingly painful… Doesn’t that tell you something?

So, for a long time after entering college, the psychological pain was so great that I felt completely disempowered and lost the most valuable kind of ability in my life.

At that time, it never occurred to me that those three failures might be significantly related to Percy, I just thought that it was all due to my own physical reasons. Later, when Professor Cort counseled me, he told me that it was not my fault at all, but that Percy had caused it. Colt said, Percy belongs to the kind of man who is very confident, but lacks knowledge, and my knowledge in this regard at that time was also very shallow, thinking that a man’s penetration will bring myself intense pleasure. In fact, he said, a woman’s vagina is so contractile that it can accommodate not only any type of phallus, but even something larger. However, there is a prerequisite for this, and that is adequate lubrication or expansion.

The absence of this prerequisite is when the woman’s vagina is contracted to its minimum, a time when the insertion of a small finger, not to mention a penis, would be extremely painful. The process of lubricating and dilating a woman’s vagina is a flirtation process.

Colt further said that it would have been impossible for even hard penetration to have caused me that much pain if it had, but that while subjectively I thought that the time, the place, and the people I was dealing with were perfect for that sort of thing, it wasn’t actually the case.

The first time between Percy and I was in a hotel, when I had been angry with him and in a very low mood, a mood that caused vaginal contractions, and penetration without him being fully flirted with certainly caused me pain. If he had been an experienced master, and had inserted with a lighter motion and a less forceful next thrust, then the pain would have disappeared. In fact, he thrust extremely hard, thus increasing my pain and causing my pussy muscles to contract even further. Any thrusting action at this point could only lead to more pain.

As for the reason for the second time, our own analysis was actually right, it was caused by the salt in the sea water and the pain of not getting full expansion of the vagina during the friction, of course it had nothing to do with the size of his penis. By the third time, I was so psychologically stressed and the fear of failure had taken over my consciousness so strongly that at that point in time, it was simply impossible to mobilize my emotions any longer.

Cort said, about sexual diseases, in fact, from two aspects, one is physical, the other is psychological, and psychological diseases, and there are many kinds of triggers, one of the most important is the initial process of sexual intercourse to their own extremely strong psychological burden, and finally produced a strong sense of rejection, he said that it is very fortunate that I have only three times between Percy and me, and if more, and failed to timely psychological counseling, then it is likely to lead to sexual frigidity, then, to be treated will be very troublesome. He said it was very fortunate that there were only three times between Percy and me, but if there were more, and if we failed to have psychological counseling in time, it would probably lead to sexual frigidity, and by then it would be very troublesome to treat it.

Of course, these are all things that happened later on, after I entered university. In the week before I entered college and the first month after I entered college, I was simply miserable and desperate, and I felt that my path was getting narrower and narrower, and that there was no hope ahead of me.

It really didn’t occur to me that I would end my teenage years and then enter adolescence with such a painful experience.

Shortly after returning from Long Beach, I walked into Santa Monica College with such heartache. Of course, after I left Long Beach and set foot in Los Angeles, I broke up with Percy Coker. I broke up with Percy Coker.

After that, he did get into Hollywood as expected and is rising from that magical land. I think he must have met a lot of women with a lot of experience in Hollywood, and I wonder if those women will make him mature?